Midnight Ride (21 page)

This argument had backfired. “Okay. Enough of this book stuff—”

“No, it’s a good analogy. You’re starting your life and you need a girl your age to share it with.”

Back to this again. He rubbed his temple with the hand that wasn’t holding the puppy. “I don’t want a girl my age, Janie. Believe me, I know. If I wanted one, I could have one. I’ve had plenty of them.”

“Exactly.” Her smile was small and sad.

He knew his mistake the moment he’d made it. Telling her how many girls he’d had was not the best choice for his defense. “That’s all in the past.”

“It’s not. Your past is part of you. You can have—you have had—any girl you want. You’re still that same man. It’s who you are.”

He bit back a curse. She’d said it sweetly, but it might be the worst insult he’d ever been dealt. Just because he’d played the game didn’t mean he was and always would be a player. “No. You’re wrong.”

She shook her head, a slow move that only pissed him off more.

It was likely she was past listening, but he wasn’t done talking.

“Listen to me, Janie. Yeah, I have women in my past. Going out was what I did when I was killing time and waiting for the right one to come along. So I’ve been around the block. That’s a good thing. It means I’m sure of what I want. I want you.”

He could see in her face she wasn’t giving in. He felt like tearing his hair out. Or maybe kissing her until she saw the truth in what he said, what he felt. Instead, he settled on asking, “Why don’t you believe me?”

Janie shrugged. He began to see that he could talk until he was blue in the face and she wouldn’t believe him, and he was at a loss as to how to change that.

“I’m gonna go.” It was either leave or shake some sense into her. Since he’d never laid a hand on a woman and never would, he chose to go.

She took a step forward, mouth open, and then stopped herself. Just the effort, that one move, told him she wasn’t completely happy about his leaving. At least not this way, with things so bad between them.

He hiked the puppy up a little higher against his chest and was rewarded with a big sloppy tongue kiss. “Good girl.”

Brushing a hand over the dog’s head, he shot one more glance at Janie before he turned for the door. He didn’t say good-bye, because this wasn’t. He’d be back, but only after she’d had some time to calm down, and to think.

He wasn’t cocky enough to think he was irresistible, but hell, they’d shared a lot together. She’d think about him after he left. He had to believe that or everything was lost, and he refused to accept that.

Chapter Thirty

The tears didn’t come until Tyler was out the door, but once he’d gotten into the truck, they started to flow.

Wiping her hand across her eyes, Janie thanked God that he had driven away and hadn’t seen her weep. He’d never know how hard letting him go, how hard watching him drive away, had been. She couldn’t have handled him seeing her cry or worse, comforting her. She would have folded. All resolve would have fled if he’d wrapped his arms around her or pressed his lips to her forehead the way she’d seen him drop a kiss to the puppy’s furry little head.

Why did he have to be so damn good? Good with dogs. Good with horses. Good with kids.... Good in the bedroom. And in the kitchen. And in the bed of his truck.

Tyler was also very good with women. Janie reminded herself of that before she jumped in her car and drove after him. She drew in and let out a shaky breath, uncertain what to do.

Taking an over-the-counter sleeping pill and knocking herself into oblivion where she could forget this whole horrible day was very tempting. She hadn’t done that since right after Tom had died. She hadn’t even been really tempted to do so until this very moment.

That realization seemed pretty momentous. How in the world could losing her husband drive her to the same actions as pushing Tyler out of her life?

She suspected she knew the answer. She’d started to fall in love with him.

Had she let herself, she would have turned her heart over to him, and no matter how good a man he was, she still believed he would have broken it eventually.

How would he have felt about her, about them, when she turned fifty and he was still in his thirties? Still handsome. Still the hot rodeo cowboy who attracted the ladies like flies to honey.

Even if Tyler truly believed he was fine with the age difference, and even if she chose to believe him, she wasn’t all right with it.

The fear of losing one more thing in her life that she cared about was nearly paralyzing. It had hit her hard today when he’d thrust that little dog at her, and she’d been overwhelmed by memories of watching her and of Tom’s old dog slowly fall into a sleep he’d never awaken from on the vet’s table.

Having to watch that, just weeks after watching her husband take his last breath, had numbed her to loving anything. A defense mechanism to keep her from crumbling completely. Tyler had reawakened that part of her she thought she’d put to bed forever.

Now she felt, and she hurt, and it sucked.

Maybe she had been living only half a life, inhabiting a world of dull gray until he’d brought back the vivid color to it. But with the vibrancy of really living, all the feelings, both good and bad, also returned.

The house phone rang. Janie glanced at the receiver in the cradle on the counter nearest the stove, half thinking it might be Tyler. Rene’s name and number came across the readout. She felt horrible doing it, but she didn’t answer. Instead she watched it ring, paranoid the whole time that Rene could somehow know she was there and not picking up. Almost afraid to breathe until, five rings in, the phone finally went silent.

The reprieve only lasted a few seconds before she heard her cell phone sound from where she’d tossed it on the counter when she’d gotten home. She didn’t have to look at the display to know it would be Rene. When the beep sounded for a voice mail, she walked over and hit the button to retrieve it, guilt riding her the whole time.

“I finally got home from that rodeo and got Khriste settled, so now it’s time for you to explain what the hell happened today. Call me!”

Janie hit the END button and put the phone down gently, to make sure she didn’t accidentally hit REDIAL and call back. Rene was a good friend, but the wound was too fresh and the tears too near the surface for Janie to repeat the events of today, even to her. She’d call back eventually. Until then, hiding and avoiding contact seemed like the best course of action.

and avoiding contact seemed like the best course of action.

The house was too quiet. She felt Tyler’s absence in the kitchen. Upstairs in the bedroom would be just as bad.

Janie found herself wandering to one of the few rooms that didn’t contain memories of Tyler—the bedroom she’d shared with Tom. The room where he’d taken his last breath.

She rarely went in there since moving to the bedroom upstairs. The room would make a good office, but she couldn’t bear to spend that much time in it, so she’d left it set up as a guest room. Not that she had any guests.

Funny that she gravitated there now. Even stranger that as she perched on the edge of the bed and ran her hand over the comforter, a sense of calm came over her.

She felt peace, as if the drama the rest of the house buzzed with couldn’t penetrate the walls of this room. She felt closer to Tom, or at least his memory here, than she did at his grave site. That cold piece of marble marking his resting place held no warmth, none of his spirit. This room though, did. Even without any personal items remaining in it.

Janie flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling, her head cradled in the new pillow she’d bought when she’d redecorated this as a guest room. There were cracks and chips marring the white above her. The whole room needed to be repainted. It hadn’t been done since shortly after she and Tom had gotten married. She didn’t have the energy to do it now, alone.

Rene had told her more than once that Tom wouldn’t have begrudged her moving on. That there was no reason for her not to. Still, it had seemed wrong to Janie, but here in this room where she felt Tom so strongly, she somehow knew. He wouldn’t want her to go it alone. She felt the weight of guilt lift from her shoulders, but that didn’t change things with Tyler.

She couldn’t think about him anymore, but she couldn’t
not
think about him. Sighing, she covered her eyes with her forearm and willed the thoughts to leave her in peace for just one night.

Amazingly, it seemed to work. Janie felt herself drifting, falling asleep in the one room in this house she’d ever had a good night’s rest in. She’d have to go upstairs eventually, but for now, she let herself relax, just for a little while.

The ringing of the house phone extension on the table next to her head startled her out of what felt like a deep sleep. Confused and in complete darkness, she slapped the bedside table until her hand knocked the receiver over. Cursing and still half asleep, she sat up and searched with two hands, scrambling to grab it before the call went to voice mail.

Hitting the button in the process, she finally got the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

“Aw, Janie. Jeez, you were asleep. I’m so sorry I woke you. It’s Rohn, by the way.”

His voice only confused her more. She’d been expecting Rene. A small part of her had been hoping for Tyler, though if she was going to stick to her guns and make a clean break with him, they shouldn’t be talking on the phone. But her widowed neighbor Rohn was probably the last person she’d thought would call.

She glanced at the clock across the room on the dresser. It was just past eight. Still a respectable time to call. “No, really. It’s fine. I dozed off without meaning to.” Logic began to take over. Maybe her stock had gotten into his fields. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, actually. Um, this might sound crazy, but do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow?”

“Um, sure.” Still disoriented, she didn’t know what else to say.

“Great. I thought we could go to the Italian place in town. I could cook here, but I can only make one thing decent and that’s steak on the grill, so I figured you’d rather go out.”

“Whatever you want is fine.”

“A’ight. We’ll go out, then. It’ll be nice for both of us to get out of the house. So around six okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Fine.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up at your house.”

“Okay.”

“Wonderful. I’ll see you then.”

“All right. ’Night.”

“Good night, Janie.” There was a smile in his voice, which only confused her more.

After she had hung up, she could finally take the time to think, which had seemed impossible during the call. She considered the strange twist of events.

What was that about? Janie struggled for an explanation. Surely it wasn’t a date. She hadn’t exactly been a friend, but she’d been at least friendly, neighborly, with his wife, just as Rohn had been with her husband. He probably just wanted to take her out as a thank-you for the pie. Or maybe he wanted to discuss buying her hay. . . .

The hay. She remembered she’d have to figure out the machines on her own to rake it and bale it herself. Or, a safer bet, give Rohn a discounted price to buy it if he sent Colton over to bale it for him.

She didn’t think she could take Tyler working at her place again, even for pay this time. To be as close as they had been and then have him be nothing but a hired hand would be torture.

Janie knew she should call Rene back. It might help to bounce the strange dinner invitation off her friend, but exhaustion won out. She crawled up the stairs and into bed. It could all wait until tomorrow.

Chapter Thirty-One

Morning came much too early after Tyler’s sleepless night. He probably shouldn’t blame it all on the puppy. After what had happened with Janie, it was doubtful he would have been able to sleep anyway. But the whining when he’d put her on a blanket on the floor next to the bed had lasted so long, he’d given in, picked her up, and let her sleep with him in bed.

Once she could curl up against his side, the puppy had slept, even snored, while he’d lain there with his mind spinning over what had happened and what he could do about it.

He’d woken early and slipped out of the house before he had to explain the dog to his parents, who’d luckily been out when he’d returned home. Immature, avoiding the conversation, maybe, but it was the best he could come up with right now until he figured some things out.

Maybe he could leave the dog at Rohn’s house at night if his parents really pitched a fit. He looked at her in the seat, happily watching the scenery pass. She wouldn’t be happy about that. Neither would he, truth be told.

He glanced over as he pulled into Rohn’s driveway and she wagged her tail, just because he’d looked her way. As miserable as he was about the situation with Janie, this little dog could still bring a smile to his face.

“You excited for your first day of work, girlie?”

She stood up in the seat, ears forward. This one would make a good cattle dog. She was so eager to please, she’d take commands well.

And dammit, he needed to name his little girl before she only responded to the nicknames he’d been calling her. Tyler slowed the truck to a stop. Colton’s and Justin’s vehicles were already there. He sighed and braced himself to deal with the guys and Rohn while bearing an unexpected, not to mention uninvited, puppy.

How did he get himself into such messed-up situations? Tyler wished he knew. Hell, he was basically a good guy. Why couldn’t he catch a break?

With a sigh he grabbed the pup and tucked her under his arm, mentally preparing to face Rohn. Tyler would grovel if he had to, to get the man to allow the dog on the ranch during working hours, and maybe longer, depending on his parents’ reaction later.

He glanced down at the little girl in his arms, feeling her heart thunder beneath the hand that held her. “Good thing you’re so damn cute. Let’s hope that’s enough to make Rohn fall in love with you.”

It hadn’t been enough for Janie, though. Pushing that depressing thought aside, Tyler strode to the kitchen door. “Morning, all.”

“Morning.” Only Colton answered as three sets of eyes focused on the little bundle of tail-wagging joy in Tyler’s arms.

He figured he needed a name and he needed one quick. The pup would seem more like an already established part of his life—one he couldn’t part with—if she had a name other than
girlie
. The image of Janie’s dresser and the old stoneware pitcher filled with white wildflowers hit him. “This is Daisy. She’s going to be working with us from now on. If it’s all right with boss man here, that is.”

Tyler tipped his head toward Rohn, laying the adorable little dog’s fate squarely on his shoulders. The older man’s brows rose. He no doubt knew Tyler’s plan. That he’d look like the bad guy to everyone if he refused to let the dog on the property.

“Where’d you get her?” Colton asked.

“The shelter. She’s a mutt, but they think she’s got some cattle dog in her.”

Rohn leveled a look at Tyler. “She fixed?”

“Yes, sir.” Tyler nodded, happy he had an answer that would satisfy Rohn. “The place I got her from won’t adopt out pups until they’re fixed and have all their shots. You can still see where her little belly was shaved from the operation.”

“A’ight.” Rohn sighed. “If she and Cooter can get along, she can hang around here.”

No problem there. Cooter was so old they’d long since lost track of his age. A bloodhound, he had no interest in herding cattle. His main goal was to wolf down his bowl of food as fast as possible so he could go back to sleep.

“Great.” Tyler grinned. “Thanks, boss.”

“You’re welcome. Now grab yourself some coffee so we can all get to work.”

“Yes, sir.” Tyler moved toward the coffee machine, but turned back to Rohn. “Here. Hold her for a sec while I grab a mug.” It couldn’t hurt to get his boss good and attached to the dog, just in case she ended up having to live here until Tyler could come up with a better plan.

Rohn frowned, but took the pup thrust at him. She stretched forward to lick his face and Tyler knew Rohn was a goner. The man shook his head even as his expression softened. “All righty. Enough of that.” He pulled her close to his chest and rubbed her ear with one hand.

Justin laughed. “She is pretty damn cute.”

“Yeah, she is,” Rohn agreed, even if his tone sounded as if he was reluctant to do so.

Mission accomplished. He knew the floppy-eared Daisy with her one blue eye and one brown eye and splattering of brown spots on her short white coat would charm even the hardest heart. Tyler turned toward the cabinet to hide his satisfied grin.

“So, Rohn, you think any more about asking out Janie Smithwick?” At Colton’s question, Tyler’s good mood fled.

He poured the steaming coffee and managed to get it all into the mug and not on the counter, but most of his attention was trained on Rohn’s answer.

“As a matter of fact. I have. We’re going out to dinner tonight.”

Tyler spun to stare at Rohn. “Tonight?”

“Yup. I’m taking her to the Italian place.”

“When did you call her?” Tyler realized he sounded a bit too interested. “I mean, it’s just kind of sudden, is all.”

“Last night.”

Last night, right after she had kicked him to the curb. What the hell? She hadn’t wasted any time. Janie had agreed to go out in public on a real date to a restaurant with Rohn. The one thing she’d refused again and again to do with Tyler even though he had asked, and he’d asked long before Rohn had.

Crap. What did this mean? He couldn’t think past the noise of his pulse pounding in his head.

Tyler glanced up and saw Justin watching him. Justin was the only one in the room who was aware of what had been going on with Janie. The only one who could even come close to suspecting how hard Rohn’s announcement would hit him.

“Good for you.” Colton was grinning ear to ear over the news. Seeing his glee increased the sudden bout of nausea roiling through Tyler’s gut. Colton shot Tyler a look. “See? I told you she’d say yes. And you, Justin, owe me twenty bucks.”

“You two bet on it?” Tyler turned to frown at them.

“Yup.” Justin glanced at him. “I never thought she’d say yes if he did ask.”

“Pfft. I knew she would. I should have put money on it with Tyler, too.”

That would have been a bet Tyler would have lost. Never in a million years would he have believed Janie would say yes. Not after he’d been in her bed, buried inside her. No more than he’d thought Rohn would ever get up the nerve to call.

He’d called, and she’d said yes. Jesus, he felt even sicker picturing her answering that phone and her agreeing to dinner out. He put his coffee mug on the counter, untouched, as the conversation went on around him.

“So glad I could provide such good fodder for your entertainment.” Rohn shook his head, but still smiled. Of course he was happy. He was taking Janie out tonight.

Tyler tried to slow his breaths, which were coming fast and short. He couldn’t stay here. He grabbed his mug and dumped the contents down the sink. “I’m gonna head out and get started.”

He nearly forgot the pup, still in Rohn’s lap, until she whined when he walked toward the door. He turned back and reached for her, feeling justified that she at least still preferred him to Rohn. Small consolation, that, but it was better than nothing. Right now, that was what it felt like he had after losing Janie. Nothing.

Though if he could lose her so easily, maybe he’d never really had her at all.

 

 

Tyler pushed through the door of his parents’ house to find his brother in the kitchen.

Tuck glanced up from snooping under the lid of a pot on the stove. “Wow, you’re home, and early for once . . . and you have a puppy with you.”

“Yup.” He was in no mood for the third degree or any attitude after the day he’d had. “And you’re here. Still. When are you leaving, again?”

Putting the lid back with a clatter, Tuck raised a brow.

“Tomorrow. And what the fuck crawled up your ass today? I’ve seen you barely a handful of times since Becca and I have been here, so don’t act like we’re putting a cramp in your social life.” Tuck strode to the table and yanked out two chairs. “Sit your ass down and tell me what’s wrong with you.”

Now he was in for a lecture. He should have kept his mouth shut.

“I have to feed the dog first.” He’d forgotten the bag of food in the truck. Tyler thrust the puppy at his brother. “Be right back.”

The expression on Tuck’s face would have been funny if Tyler wasn’t so miserable. He held the pup in two hands at arm’s length. The two were in pretty much the same position when Tyler returned with the bag of food. Tuck and Daisy, eyeing each other as if neither was sure what to make of the other.

“Jesus. Give her to me.” Tyler took back possession of the puppy, even though it did make getting a bowl out of the cupboard and pouring the dry food into it twice as hard than if he’d had two hands to use. “You’re supposed to hold a puppy like a baby, not like a bomb.”

“What do you know about babies?”

“Not a hell of a lot, but I know about animals, and puppies need to feel safe and feel your heartbeat. It reminds them of their mother.”

“Oh, really. And how exactly did you become this particular puppy’s mother—or father, as the case may be?”

“I adopted her from the shelter, and her name is Daisy. I’d appreciate it if you’d use it so she gets used to it.” Tyler sure as hell wasn’t going to explain any more about the events that had led to him being in possession of Daisy rather than the intended recipient, who could at that very moment be getting ready for her date.

The scowl he hadn’t been able to fight all day returned. He set the dog and her bowl on the floor and then turned back to the cabinet for a second dish for water.

After she had something to drink, the next stop was going to be the fridge, because he needed a beer. If Tuck had drunk the last of what Tyler had picked up for the family dinner the other night and hadn’t replaced it, he might have to knock his brother out on sheer principle.

He yanked the door of the fridge open hard and the dozen or so bottles in the door clattered together. At least that was a welcome sound. First one he’d heard all day. Well, except for Daisy whining every time he left her sight. Sad but true, at least that made him feel loved.

Tyler grabbed a bottle and popped open the cap. “Thanks for picking up more beer.”

“No problem. Now sit down and talk.”

He sat, but he didn’t want to talk. “Nothing to talk about.”

“Okay, well, let me suggest a topic. Did you talk to Mom and Dad about a dog? Because they didn’t mention it to me if you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

His brother blew out a sound that said it all, but followed it up by saying, “Tyler, you can’t do shit like—”

“Tuck, shut up for a second before you lecture me. She wasn’t for me. She was supposed to be a gift. The person I got her for didn’t want her.” He took a long swallow of beer as he remembered how she didn’t want him either, apparently. “And no, I didn’t ask her first. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Her.” Tuck nodded. “I figured this had to do with some girl.”

“She’s not just some girl. She’s not a
girl
at all.” His stupid brother always thought he knew everything.

“So you were serious about this one.”

This one
. As if he had a revolving door of females waltzing in and out of his life. It seemed Janie and Tuck shared the same opinion of him.

“I really wish I had half as many women in my past as people think I do. I swear.” Tyler shook his head. That was a moot point now since Janie was with Rohn. The puppy, however, chowing down noisily on the food, was not. “If Mom and Dad freak about the dog, I’ll just move out.”

Probably long past time he got his own place, anyway. Maybe if he’d had one, Janie would have taken him seriously, like she obviously did Rohn, rather than treating him like some kid only good enough to have sex with a couple of times.

He glanced across the table to see Tuck watching him. “What now? Got something else to lay into me about?”

“Nope.” Tuck smiled.

“You better tell me what’s got you amused before I knock that smile right off your face.”

Tuck snorted. “Try it and you’ll be looking a lot less pretty in the morning. And I’m amused because I think my little brother has finally gotten his heart broke.”

His brows rose. “And that’s enjoyable for you.”

“That you finally are serious enough about something or someone to care about losing it, yeah, I am happy about that. I was starting to worry you’d never settle down.”

Tyler lifted the bottle in a toast. “Glad to oblige.”

The clock on the wall high above the sink caught his eye. Five o’clock. What time was Janie’s date? And how many more beers would it take before he didn’t care anymore?