MIDNIGHT DIVINE (The Helio Trilogy Book 1) (37 page)

“It’ll be eleven
eighty-seven,” Emily tells me as she punches keys on the register. I pay before
stepping aside to wait for my order, and glance around the crowd to assess the
patrons.

“Ivy!” Emily yells while
placing my order on the pick-up counter.

I retrieve the three drinks
and take them outside. Alice and Thea are sitting at a table on the deck
against the wall. I place the drinks on the table
and drop my keys and wallet beside them
, “Here ya’ go. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?”
Alice asks.

I call back to her as I jog
backwards, “I forgot something!” I don’t want to announce to everyone that
nature calls.

As I sit down to relieve
myself in the restroom, I hear Alice and Thea having a conversation on the
other side of the wall.

Thea
says
, “My brothers tell me you do not trust Solas. May I
ask why?”

I'm completely intrigued
with her question and find myself eavesdropping as I stand and pull my jeans
up. I don’t flush yet, because I want to hear her answer.

Alice hesitates, but
finally says, “I
do
trust him. I just don’t trust him with Ivy.”

“Why would you not trust
him with
her
?” Thea questions.

“He's keeping things from
her she needs to know
, but
it's not my place to tell her what he's hiding.
It makes me question his motives.”

“You are speaking of his
past with Ivy, no?” There's a pause in conversation and I'm puzzled with her
statement.
What past?
Thea continues, “So, it's true he has not told
her?” There's another pause.

“She has no
idea
who
he really is,” Alice answers.

“She does not know she is
the reason for his fall?” Thea questions in surprise. It's the first time I've
heard her speak with emotion.

My entire body freezes with
her revelation. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I think my heart's stopped. I
can’t feel.
I have to get out of here.
I reach back and flush the toilet.
Leaving the restroom, I storm back to our table. Unfortunately, I left my keys
and wallet with Alice. I try to regain control of my anger before I reach the
table. It spews out of my mouth as I connect eyes with Alice and snatch up my
belongings. Through gritted teeth, I growl at Alice, “You should have told me.”
She looks confused at first, but I watch the realization hit her. She knows I
overheard their conversation.

Before she can reply, I
turn my back on her and run to my car. I rip the engine and peel out. My phone
starts ringing with Alice’s ringtone. I hit ignore and crank up the stereo,
driving out to the cliffs overlooking the city. When I park on top of the
mountain, I shut the engine off and glance at my phone. I have six unanswered
text messages from Alice. With a heavy sigh, I get out of the car and stomp to
the edge of the cliff. This place has become my getaway when I've needed it.
The cool breeze on my face carries memories of Jack, of my father, and now
Solas. The story Solas told me in this exact spot floods through my mind.

“I was sent from Paradise to
guard over a special person—a young girl. I was never to reveal myself to her
as an angel. As you know, I have the ability to shapeshift. I used it to
conceal who I really was so I could stay close to her. I even changed my name.
I befriended her and protected her for years, whether she knew she was in
danger or not. I fell in love with her… and she fell in love with me. I was
ordered to cease all romantic ties with her. I broke her heart, but we remained
friends.

“
Years later, there
was an attack, and I was outnumbered by Fallen. I wasn’t fast enough, and they
tried to kill her.
When I tried to
reach her, the enemy transported me to a desert
.
I fought to get
back,
but he pulled
me
into the Veil. She
almost died, but she was strong and unrelenting. She survived. I was full of
rage for the beasts that tried to kill the only person I had ever loved. I took
out the Fallen who pulled me into the Veil and used him to breech Sheol. I was
going to hunt down every last one of them.

“I came across the
Prince
and attacked him.
Then,
I was captured and tortured. Azrael came to me. He said
I had defied angelic law by crossing over into Sheol. So, my essence fell. My
golden wings turned dark with shame, and I was placed into Beleth’s legion to
serve. I was brought back to the surface when he took over the mission to
capture you.”

I remember how sad he was
when I asked,
“What happened to the girl?”

His words echo in my
mind
,
“That's a story for another time.”

I make the connection I've
been denying since I laid eyes on Solas and whisper into the wind, voicing my
realization, “Gideon.” A tear falls down my face.
I’m such an idiot! I
should have made the connection long ago. His eyes, the way he moves, and the
fact he's the only person
who
ever called me
“princess” as an endearment and not a title. Gideon. How am I supposed to face
him now? What do I say? How could he keep this from me?
I glance back down at my phone. I now have ten
unanswered text messages from Alice. I open them to see what she has to say.

Alice: I'm so sorry! I
couldn’t tell u. I swore an oath!

Alice: He told me he would
tell u when u were ready.

Alice: Ivy, please answer
me.

Alice: I’m sorry.

Alice: Where did u go?

Alice: Come back and get
us. We can talk about this.

Alice: Ivy, please.

Alice: Ivy!

Alice: I need 2 know u r at
least safe.

Alice: Fine. I’m coming 2
look for u.

I know she'll find me soon
if I stay here, and I'm not ready to see her yet.
I can’t believe she would
keep something like that from me. They all blame me for his fall. It
is
my fault. I have to find a way to fix this.
I take my jacket off as I slide
into my car.
I have to find somewhere to be alone. I’m not ready to face
anyone yet. Especially Solas.
I take out my cellphone and text Alice back.

Me: I need 2 b alone. I
need space 2 think. Please let me have

      
that.
I’ll
be @ our house.

I start the engine and my
phone beeps with her response.

Alice: What do I tell S?

“You mean, Gideon?” I
mumble before texting her back.

Me: Tell him the truth, but
make sure he understands I need

       
space.
I'll
call u when I’m ready
2 talk.

As I leave the dirt road
and reach the main stretch of highway leading back into town, my phone beeps
again.

Alice: Ok.

The house is dark and cold
when I arrive. No one has stayed here in weeks, during which time the
temperature has dropped so dramatically it's been snowing off and on. Switching
on the foyer light, I close the front door with my foot. I saunter into the living
room and start a fire in the hearth. My body collapses to the floor in front of
the fireplace. The motion jars my body and stirs a world of emotions inside me
that are so intense I can barely breathe. Sitting in the quiet dark and waiting
for the flames to grow higher, I pull my knees to my chest. I need this place
of peace to be alone, to think, to cope, and manage my emotions. My heart needs
the time to process and accept the things my mind already knows.

Solas is Gideon. Gideon
never betrayed me. It’s my fault he fell. If he wasn’t responsible for me in
the first place, he never would have slipped into Sheol to avenge what he
thought was my death.

Tracing the outline of my
lips with my thumb, I replay everything Solas has said to me, everything we
did. I should have known better. I chose to believe things are only black and
white, when in reality
,
as I look closer
,
everything's indistinguishable shades of gray.

He's loved me all along. I
stopped loving him when I thought he betrayed me. And in a way, he has. He kept
this from me. He lied. How can I trust him now? Do I still love him? I do. I
still love him. But how could he ever love me when I was the sole reason for
his fall? How can I face him again? I have to find a way to fix this.

I must have closed my eyes
at some point in the night while settling into the staleness of my
surroundings.

I'm kindled awake with a
soft glow, and the smell of dark roast coffee. I hear her stir beside me.
Keeping my eyes shut, I grumble, “What are you doing here, Alice?”

She releases an audible
sigh that compels me to open my eyes. Sitting on the red sofa with her legs
crossed, she leans forward with her elbows on her knee and a steaming white mug
clutched in her hands as she looks down at me on the floor. “Look, I understand
sometimes you need to distance yourself from a situation to see it more
clearly, but this isn’t the case of this particular situation,” she states
firmly. Her tone leaves no room for argument.

Pushing up to my hands to
see her better, I rasp, “Is that coffee for me? Because if this is how we’re
going to start the morning, I'll need a few cups.” She passes the warm mug to
me with a tight lipped grimace. I sit up and cross my legs beneath me as I take
a sip of the dark bitter liquid. Bringing the mug away from my lips, I stare at
the floor to avoid Alice’s scrutiny. “I can’t face him right now, Alice,” I
mumble to the ground.

“Well, neither can I. He’s
pretty pissed off at me right now. He said he planned on telling you after we
dealt with Lucian. He didn’t want anything distracting you from the mission. I
do find it rather shitty your father didn’t bother to tell us what happened to
him. He could have mentioned that he fell instead of letting us search
everywhere for your ‘missing warrior’, ya’ know?”

Her last statement opens a
whole new can of worms I don’t want to get into.
Solas was the missing warrior.
Though it makes sense to me now as to why he was
missing, I decide to let it go for now and bob my head in agreement. “I heard
him tell one of the brothers over the phone that he wanted to wait to tell me.
This is all my fault, Alice. He’s been trying to tell me for a while now. I
wouldn’t let him. I told him that his past didn’t matter and I would still love
him.”

“He made his choices, Ivy.
This isn't your fault. Neither is it your fault that he fell. That was his
choice as well.”

“But if it wasn’t for me,
he never would have been in the position to fall in the first place.”

Alice sits up, “His journey
was meant to be. It was his destiny. You can't blame yourself for his fall. It
was already written in the stars for him. His journey has and continues to mold
him into the being he is and needs to be. The path he took was exactly what was
needed to bring him to where he is now. And
now
is exactly where he's
intended to be.”

A tear runs down my cheek.
I know she's right, even though I can’t seem to stop blaming myself. “How could
his destiny be to fall from Light into Darkness? What sick and twisted mind
writes these destinies for us to suffer?”

Alice tilts her head with a
loving smile. Her soft voice caresses my heart, “You already know the answer to
that. Beings are not meant to be omnipotent. There's a purpose for everything
that happens to us. In spite of it all, not everything will turn out the way
you want or expect it to. It'll blind you and kick your teeth in. All the pain,
losses, and betrayals will become a branding mark on your tongue. You won’t
always wake up to beautiful wine-roses blossoming outside your window.” She slides
off the sofa to her knees in front of me. Her tone becomes firm again as she
grips the tops of my arms, “And when you don’t, I'll be here to pick you up and
set you straight. We have a battle to win, and we can’t let this get in the way
of our rationalizations.”

I wipe my face with
frustration. “What do you suggest? How do I get past this and face him again?”

Alice shrugs her shoulders,
“There's only one thing to do now... Pizza, alcohol, cards
,
and cigars.” She winks at me, and I shake my head.

She knows me too well. We
exchange cunning smiles and spend the rest of the day doing exactly what we
need to do—unwind and refocus. Alice sends a text to Eric, letting him know
where we are and asks him to bring our armor and costumes over. We don’t plan on
leaving the house until absolutely necessary, and that isn’t until it
’s
time for the Greek Masquerade Ball the next night.

Neither of us are ready to
face Solas, and while we want to use our time away to sort through our
thoughts, it works well for our plans to deter Lucian as well. Alice and I
decide to leave from home and drive straight to the colosseum in our costumes
for the gig, keeping us separate from the group. Everything seems to be working
out perfectly, but I know better than to get comfortable. Our reprieve is only
the calm before the Hell storm.