Middle Ground (4 page)

He sighed. He couldn’t deny that she sometimes had premonitions. What if she was right?  “I’ll think about it, okay? Quit worrying about me and go enjoy yourself.  You only get married once.”

She scowled. “The law according to Dad.”

“It’s not such a bad rule to follow.” One more reason not to settle.

“Come home so it can be like it used to. You and me.”

He took her cheek into his hands, his thumb brushing her tears away. “It used to be you and me, Megs. You, me and James. But now you have Dan and you’ll have a new life without me. Even if I came home, it wouldn’t be the same.”

“I don’t want to start a new life without you part of it.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’ll always be here for you. You just don’t need me like you used to.” Wiping a fresh trail of tears, he tapped her chin. “Enough of this. You’re getting married tomorrow and it’s bad luck for the bride to cry over her brother the night before her wedding.”

“You totally made that up.”

“Nope. I’m sure I heard it somewhere. I’m your big brother and where I live doesn’t change that. If someone upsets you, I’ll come back and kick their ass.”

“Like Jimmy DeLuca back in second grade.”

“Exactly. You need me. I’m there.”

“Not if you’re dead.”

“I have no intention of meeting St. Peter at the Pearly Gates for a
very
long time. But I promise I’ll think about what you said.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m beat and jet lag is kicking my ass. I’m gonna go home and go to bed.”

“Okay.”

He spotted James dancing with one of Megan’s friends. “Tell James I left, okay? He’ll try to convince me to stay if I talk to him.”

“Sure.”

Will exited the bar, breathing in the cool October night air and waiting for his stress to slip away now that he was away from the chaos. Instead, a shiver gripped him, shaking him to his soul. While his body was used to the heat of Iraq and he was adjusting the cooler climate, he recognized the chill as something else. He’d experience this before in Iraq, only a couple of times and with much less intensity.

Something bad had just happened.

Chapter Three

His dread lessened by the time he reached his mom’s house. He shrugged it off as jet lag, almost believing it as he walked in through the garage door. His mom sat at the kitchen table, staring at her the cup of tea in front of her. The sound of the door caught her attention and she jerked up.

“Will, what are you doing home?”

“I’m going to get a good night’s sleep, so I’ll be ready for the wedding tomorrow.”

She smiled. “You never were much of a partier.”

He sat down next to her and soaked in her presence. She’d always had a way of calming him. “Honestly, I’d rather hang out with you. I’ve missed you, Mom.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I’ve missed you too.”

“What are you going to do now that Megan’s finally leaving? You’re going to have an empty house.”

She shook her head. “I can’t believe she stayed as long as she did. Her friends asked her to move in with them a couple of years ago, but I suspect she stayed because she worried about me.”

“She loves you, Mom. We both do.”

“I couldn’t ask for two better children. I count my blessings every day. Now tell me why you’re so on edge.”

He looked down at her hand. “The usual transition. It’s just a little rougher this time.”

“No, it’s more than that. I can sense it.”

Shaking his head, he released a long sigh. “I don’t even know. Maybe it’s Meg getting married, or maybe it’s because I’ve been in Iraq too damn long. James told me he’s not reenlisting.”

“Oh.” She paused a moment. “And how do you feel about that?”

“I sure as hell don’t like it, but it’s his decision and his life.”

“And what about you?”

 His face lifted and he searched her eyes. “I don’t know anymore. I feel like everything in my life is changing so quickly I can’t get my balance. If I could just find some middle ground...” He swallowed the burning in his throat. “For the first time in my life, I’m not one hundred percent sure about what I want and it scares me. I feel like something is missing in my life, you know? I’ve worked all of my life to get to this point, so why would I feel this way? ”

“What’s missing?”

“I don’t know.” He paused. “I saw Trisha tonight.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Oh? And how did that go?”

“Better than I expected. She’s coming to the reception. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it is. What prompted that?”

“Good question.”

She folded her hands together. “Are you wanting to get back together with her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Has anything changed with your feelings for her?”

He gave her a half-shrug. “I don’t know. I’m older now. Maybe I’ll appreciate her more.”

“If I remember correctly, appreciation wasn’t the issue.”

With a groan, he leaned his head into his hand. “I know. When I saw her, I thought of all the time we’d been together and it seems like such a waste to throw it away. Being with Trisha wasn’t so bad.”

She leaned forward, her voice insistent. “Listen to yourself. That doesn’t sound like a man in love. You can’t base a marriage on appreciation. You need love and passion.”

“You and Dad don’t have that.”

Pausing, she sat up. “Love changes as it matures. But if you don’t have that passion and burning love when you’re first together, what’s it going to fade into over time?”

“Did you have that with Dad?” He never remembered his parents being affectionate.

“The question is, do
you
have it with Trisha? I don’t think so. Not like Megan and Dan have together.”

“What if I never find someone? Maybe there is no perfect someone for me. Maybe my expectations are too high. ”

Shaking her head, she grabbed his hand. “I promise you’ll find someone and you’ll wonder how you ever lived without her.”

Could she be right? Why the sudden desire for a meaningful relationship? Maybe this was his way of replacing the gaping hole that James and Megan were leaving in his heart.

“There’s something else. What is it?”

He took a deep breath. “Megan told me tonight that she doesn’t want me to reenlist.”

“What do
you
want?”

“I…” He wasn’t sure of anything anymore. “This medal has screwed with her head. She’s convinced herself that something bad’s going to happen to me.”

“And do you believe her?”

“There’s always a risk of something bad happening.”

“So why mention it? You have to be giving it some consideration if you brought it up. Is part of it James?”

He shook his head. Why was he even talking about this? Quitting wasn’t an option. “I’m just worried about Megan. She needs to be focused on her wedding, but she’s terrified for me. You should have seen her earlier. You know she’s scared or she wouldn’t have asked me to quit.”

“Davenports aren’t quitters,” Colonel Davenport bellowed. He filled the doorway to the kitchen, but his presence was suffocating.

Will’s shoulders pulled back into attention stance, thanks to years of expectation. “No, sir, we’re not. I have no intention of quitting. I merely told Mom about Megan’s fears.”

The Colonel’s eyebrows lowered with his scowl.

He knew his father too well. Knowing that Megan had asked him to quit wouldn’t go unresolved. His father wouldn’t let it rest until he’d said his piece. Unfortunately, the next time the Colonel would see her was right before her wedding, not the ideal time for a confrontation, not that it would stop him. Will inwardly groaned. He should have been more careful with his father in the house, but the damage was done. Refusing to let the Colonel ruin his sister’s wedding day, Will slipped into the offensive. “I was the one who mentioned quitting, not Megan.”

Will’s mom sat upright.

“
You plan to quit the Marines
?”

“No, Colonel. I just told you I had no intention of—”

“Enough.” His father’s face hardened, his eyes cold and assessing. Will recognized the face only too well, and even after all these years it still filled him with fear and dread. “I have not spent the last twenty-eight years grooming and prodding you to watch you throw it all away. Things get a little rough over there and you want to throw it all away.” He shook his head with a sneer. “I always wondered if you really had it in you. I guess I have my answer.”

Will bolted from his seat, clenching his fists at his sides. Years of pent-up frustration found its way to the surface. “I’ve worked my ass off my entire life to live up to your expectations. I’m a goddamned good soldier and you know it. Hell, the Marines know it. Why can’t you admit it?”

His father’s steely eyes pierced his. “I read the report that gained you your accommodation.”

Will’s breath stuck in his chest.

“They gave you far too much credit for the success of the mission. You hesitated too long before leading the assault and as a result, key insurgents got away.”

“Michael.” Will’s mother’s voice shook with anger. “Don’t do this.”

His father pointed a finger at him. “I’ve told you since you were in diapers that you have to be stronger and faster and smarter to succeed in this world. You can’t settle for mediocre.”

His mother stood. “Michael! You of all people know they don’t just hand out Medals of Achievement! You don’t even have one.”

The Colonel’s turned red and his hand balled into a fist. Will took a step toward his mother, afraid that his father would hit her.

The Colonel took several deep breaths, then glared at Will. “There will be no more talking of quitting. Got it?”

Will swallowed his rising nausea. “Yes,
sir
.”

Without another word, his father left the room.

Will fought for control of his warring emotions. He’d been stupid, realizing he’d hoped to hear the words he’d wanted to hear his entire life.
I’m proud of you
. Megan had been right, only Will was too stupid to see it. It was never going to happen.

His mother placed a hand on his arm. “Will…”

He shrugged her off. “Mom. Don’t.”

“I’m sure he didn’t…” She couldn’t smooth this away.

His life was a fraud and the realization made his skin crawl. “He did. He meant every word.”

“He’s tired. He’ll think differently tomorrow.”

Will lifted an eyebrow with a smirk. “You think?”

“Don’t you use that sarcastic tone with me, William Marcus. You can use it with anyone else you want, but not with me.”

Grabbing his jacket from the back of a chair, Will stomped toward the door.