Mending Fences (21 page)

They were starting over. She didn’t know which feeling was stronger, the elation, or the dread.

Chapter Eleven

Curran promised he’d take their relationship slow, and he followed through. He called Victoria every couple of days over the next week. As much as he disliked phoning women, fishing for something to say after the first five minutes, he found himself eager to call her. Somehow, they found things to talk about for more than an hour at a stretch, covering everything from the activities of the day to their earliest childhood memories. With Victoria, each call was an adventure, an exploration.

Finally, when the gnawing need to see her grew too great to subdue, he picked up Chinese takeout and rang Victoria’s doorbell at half past six.

When she opened the door, his heart leapt. She stood in bare feet, wearing blue flannel pajama pants, an oversized white sweatshirt with sleeves long enough that her fingers just peeked from the ends. She pushed her riotous curls out of her eyes and grinned at him.

Her smile lightened his heart. “Tell me you haven’t eaten.”

She laughed. “Come in.”

He stepped into the house. “You mean I don’t have to convince you to have dinner with me?”

She shrugged and waved him into the dining room. “I thought about teasing you, but I’m too hungry to follow through.”

Curran set the bags of food and the thermos on the table, then took off his leather jacket. “Long day at the office, honey?”

She met him at the table with plates, serving spoons, and cups. “Yeah, productive though. What’s in the thermos?”

“Jasmine tea.”

Delight brightened her eyes. “You remembered! Great night for it, too. I can’t seem to get warm today.”

I can think of ways to warm you.
Curran swallowed that thought, shaking his head to clear the image of exactly how he’d warm her in his bed. He pulled the food boxes from the bags and opened everything on the table. He broke out the chopsticks and they filled their plates. “How’s the feature on the quilting lady?”

She swallowed a bite of Kung Pao chicken. “Great, almost finished, well ahead of deadline.”

“I’m impressed. Any inspiration on chapter eighteen?”

“Nope, still stuck. I’m thinking of jumping over the scene at the train station and writing a later scene, just to keep the juices flowing. I’ll figure it out eventually.”

“I’m certain you will.” He smiled, then took a drink and dug into his lo mein.

The way her brain cooked up fiction fascinated him. His own creativity extended no further than occasional pranks and schemes he pulled off as a kid. Some called his approach to business imaginative, but knowing how to work people until they came around to his way of thinking wasn’t on the same plane as Victoria’s inventiveness.

They ate and chatted until, during a moment of silence, they heard Sassy scrabbling loudly in her cage. Victoria excused herself to see to her pet, and Curran watched her walk down the hall, the gentle sway of her hips leaving his mouth bone dry.

A few moments later, the rat came rolling into the room in her exercise ball. Sassy bumped against Curran’s foot and paused to look up at him. He waved. “G’day, Sassafras.” She blinked, then rolled on her merry way.

Victoria rejoined him and swallowed the last of her tea. After a moment, she sighed. “I talked to Kelli today. I guess she’s taking a trip home in May.”

“For Mum and Jack’s anniversary, yeah.” He finished off his egg roll, watching Victoria push the few remaining noodles around her plate with her chopsticks. When her teeth caught her bottom lip, he pushed his plate forward and crossed his arms, leaning on the edge of the table. “What?”

She looked up at him, her eyes wide. “Hmm?”

“You’re chewing on your lip. What are you trying not to say?”

“It’s nothing.” She stood and picked up her plate.

He followed her into the kitchen with his own plate, placing it in the sink. He knew what was going on in her head. The few times they had spoken of Australia, he’d been vague. Her detail-oriented mind didn’t handle vague very well, and knowing Kel was going back probably had Victoria’s brain in a stew.

She refilled her teacup and headed for the great room. He grabbed his own cup and followed her, nearly tripping over Sassy as she rolled ahead of him.

He sat opposite Victoria on the comfortable leather couch and studied her as she mulled her thoughts. “Just ask and get it over with.”

She gave him a sheepish smile. “You don’t have to answer.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“Why don’t you go home for a visit? I’m sure your mother wants to see you, even if there were problems in the past.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’ve been talking to my sister about more than her vacation plans.”

“I didn’t ask, Curran, she just told me one day how strained the relationship with your mother is, and that you haven’t been back because you’re stubborn.”

Terrific. He blew out a breath and ran his hand over his face, then through his hair. “Kel made up her own explanation about why I don’t go home because I’ve never given her a straight answer on not going back.”

Victoria’s brow creased, her eyes reflecting concern and confusion, but she waited for him to continue.

He didn’t particularly want to talk about this. Yet, what had Kelli told him? If he wanted her to love him, he had to let her in. Well, hell, if he couldn’t tell her something this simple, stupid though it made him feel, he had no business trying to get closer to her.

“I can’t go home, Victoria.”

“Why not?”

“I literally, physically can’t.”

She cocked her head at him. “I don’t follow you.”

Why did it make his heart pound just to think about it? He rubbed his suddenly clammy palms on his jeans. “I can’t get on the plane.”

“Are you saying you’re afraid to fly?”

He swallowed hard, the very image of sitting on a plane to Australia making him sweat. “Yeah.”

She shook her head. “Curran, you used to fly all over the place when you were at DCS GlobalTech.”

“All over the country, yes. To Canada. Even points south, if the flight was well planned.”

The understanding light in her eyes told him she’d connected the dots. “You’re afraid of flying over the ocean.”

“I’ve tried over the years. Time comes to board the plane and my feet freeze. If I manage to move, I suddenly can’t breathe.”

“Panic attacks.”

He nodded, watching her face for signs of rejection. Finding only warmth there, relief flooded through him.

Victoria tapped her index finger against her chin. “I know the company held annual conferences in London and Tokyo.”

“Yes, and I was always conveniently busy, available only via satellite. I sent Jamie.”

“But, if you’re afraid to fly over the ocean, how did you get to the U.S. in the first place?”

He hated the memory of that flight. “That’s where it started. I was nervous about the flight anyway, when my father made me leave Australia with him. In the air, I calmed down a bit, actually didn’t mind the flight too much until we flew into some turbulence. It got severe all of a sudden and dropped us a good five thousand feet in a few seconds.”

The terror of that drop surfaced sharply inside him. “When we flew out of the clouds, I looked out the window. Nothing but ocean in any direction. I realized that if we went down, we’d be a thousand miles from anywhere. If I didn’t die in the impact or drown, I’d be left trying to swim for my life, avoiding sharks and God knows what else, for however long it would take for a rescue.”

She set her teacup on the end table and reached out to him, clasping his hand in hers.

He squeezed her fingers, grateful for the gesture. “I didn’t think anything of it, once we landed, though I’ve never been so grateful to stand on solid ground. When I tried to go back home for a visit a few months later, I couldn’t do it.”

She frowned. “So you’re marooned here.”

“I never thought of it that way, but I suppose so.”

“How sad.” She leaned forward, brushed her lips across his cheek. “Thank you for telling me.”

To lighten his own mood, he said, “Keep it to yourself, right? It’d be bad for my image if word got out.”

She laughed. “Your secret is safe with me.”

He believed her, and realizing that surprised him. He’d let her in, and in the bargain, tied himself to her, but the security he felt knowing she held one of his secrets shocked him.

Perhaps Kelli was right. Perhaps intimacy did have more to do with sharing souls than with sharing bodies. Because right now, he felt closer to Victoria than he’d ever been to another woman.

It was great. He wanted more.

* * * *

For the beginning of March in the mountains, forty-eight degrees was a veritable heat wave. Victoria basked in the sunshine that made wearing a coat over her cream fisherman’s sweater and jeans unnecessary. She and Kelli found the stores at the Factory Outlet clogged with shoppers brought out by the warmth. Kelli picked out jeans and a few shirts she wanted for her son, then they drove to Main Street for shopping of the more eclectic variety.

Victoria loved shopping the historic district, even if she rarely purchased anything. The western-Victorian architecture delighted her. The boutiques always sold the funkiest stuff. The art galleries refreshed her senses, though she couldn’t possibly afford the paintings, sculpture and photographs she fell in love with.

For a woman with a frugal income, she had extravagant taste. Nearly every time some piece of art or eclectic item of clothing resonated with her, it was the most expensive thing in the place.

Finally, their stomachs rumbling, she and Kelli ducked into The Eating Establishment for a late lunch. The restaurant was still busy, and they were lucky to get a window table.

She worried about Kelli. She hadn’t been her fun, bantering self today, and the skin under her eyes was shadowed. By the time Victoria was half finished with her Silver Queen salad, her friend had pushed more of her salad around than she ate.

“So what did you say to the principal?”

Kelli lifted one shoulder, let it drop. “I told him if he didn’t want me to make his life difficult, he’d best punish the girls for hurting the boys and not just the other way round. I know girls usually pick on boys because they have a crush on them, but the double standard is outrageous.”

“You’re right. By that logic, when boys fight it should be excused because ‘boys will be boys.’”

“Exactly.” Kelli stabbed at her salad, with more force than necessary.

Victoria deliberately set her fork next to her plate and clasped her hands, leaning against the edge of the table. “Kelli, what’s bothering you? It’s more than just Robby’s school problems. You look like you haven’t slept well in days.”

Kelli left her fork in her salad and placed her elbows on the table, dropping her head into her hands. “Jamie’s driving me mad.”

“I thought everything was going fine. What happened?”

“He can’t seem to make up his mind what he wants. One minute, he’s telling me how much he misses me, and that he can’t think about anything else, and then he takes off on some conference in New York, and he doesn’t call, doesn’t email. I know he’s unsure of himself, but this is insane.”

Kelli ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “When we’re together, the emotion between us is deep enough to drown in. It’s like we’re two halves of the same soul or something. But then…I don’t know if he’s thinking too much, or what the problem is.”

“Does he still have issues with his wife?”

“Apparently, she was an intensely possessive person. Near the end of her life, she told him if he ever replaced her, she’d come back to haunt him.”

Victoria speared a black olive with a chunk of feta cheese. “Poor Jamie! Even if he didn’t believe her, that must give him pause.”

“It does. He’s a little hesitant with Rob, too. He’s wonderful with him, but sometimes I catch Jamie watching him with worry in his eyes. He may be a bit afraid of becoming a parent if this thing between us goes that far.” Kelli finished off her lemonade, then rubbed her chin. “Some days, I could kick myself for becoming emotionally involved with a man who isn’t sure he’s ready for it.”

Victoria reached across the table and patted her friend’s hand. “How are you holding up, letting emotions go?”

Kelli gave her a half-smile. “Not bad. I really shut everything down while I was with Jonas. Now that I’ve remembered how to feel and how to care…I suppose I’d forgotten that as wonderful as the up days can be, the down days are pretty damned miserable.”

She knew those extremes well, from her time with Curran. Hopefully, the rock-bottom after their breakup would be something she’d never hit again.

After they finally finished lunch, Kelli dropped her off at home. Victoria snagged the mail from the box and glanced at the stack of ads and envelopes on her way into the house. None of the ivory linen that always made her gut clench. She hadn’t received anything from Nate in weeks. Maybe he’d finally given up his sick little game.