Men of Mayhem (41 page)

Five Years Ago ~ Age Twenty-Two

Kinsey

During our college years, Cesare breaks my heart twice. The first time, I forgive him, but after the second time, I’ve had enough of his indiscretions.

I’m at his dorm the first day of my visit. We had a falling out because I think he’s been doing drugs. He looks terrible. And then he left and has been gone for hours.

When he returns, I know something bad has happened. He’s been slowly slipping away from me for years.

His red-rimmed eyes plead with me before he’s even opened his mouth.

“What’s wrong with you? You just disappear when I’ve flown three hours to finally see you again?”

“Kins, I-I need to talk to you about something important.” He edges closer and I step back.

“Just spit it out.”

“I made a huge mistake.” He studies me intently, and moisture wells in his eyes.

Time stops as my heartbeat pounds in my chest. “Just say it. What did you do?”

“I was drunk and high. I…” He averts his gaze.

“Tell me!”

“I slept with someone else. I’m so sorry. It meant nothing!” He strides to me and cups my face. “It was a mistake.”

My heart shatters into a million pieces, again. Last year, he kissed another girl when he was pissed, but this is
so
much worse.

I shake my head and push him away forcefully. “Don’t you fucking touch me! When did it happen?”

“A couple of weeks ago. I’ve been feeling like shit, and I missed you so much. I…I was weak.”

The trust we’ve built for almost six years obliterates in that moment. A hole forms inside of me, and I feel empty. 

“Kins, please say something,” he begs, watching me closely.

I merely stare at the floor. “Who is she?”

“No one. She means nothing.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better right now,” I counter sadly and catch his gaze. “I’m going home.”

“No!” He blocks my path at the door after I’ve swung my bag over my shoulder. “I want to talk.” He holds up both hands. “Kinsey, please stay. We need to talk!”

“Get out of my way.”

“Fine. I’ll leave, and you call me when I can come back and you’re ready to talk.”

I grit my teeth but know he won’t budge, so I nod. 

Reluctantly, he goes.

After five minutes, I glance down the hall and leave.

Cesare rounds the corner. Of course, he was checking on me.

I hurry along to the entrance of the dorm as he screams my name, but a guy blocks his path, so I run outside to hail the first cab I see.

“To the airport,” I say and go home, where I crawl into my bed and sit with my knees drawn up to my chest and my face buried in my hands. I hurt too much to even cry, and I shake so badly that my teeth are chattering.

I’m in a robotic state for the next few weeks. Going to classes, taking exams, and dodging Cesare’s calls. I’ve texted him once that I’ll contact him when I’m ready, but I’m coming to the realization that we might’ve reached our final destination. I can’t trust Cesare anymore, and I can’t be in a relationship in which I have to wonder if he’s being faithful. The drugs have made him too volatile. The distance has broken us indefinitely.

While I’m alone in my room, someone knocks on my door, and I jump up.

“Kinsey! Open the door. I know you’re home!”

Shit!
I’m not ready to confront him yet. 

“Kinsey!” He pounds the door harder, more furiously. “I’m not leaving until we talk!”

Nervously, I sit on the mattress.

He pounds the door again. “I’m fucking dying without you! I’ll wait here all night if I have to.” Another slam and then he whispers, “Please, don’t turn me away.”

His broken tone hurts me, and I feel compelled to provide him closure.

But Cesare’s unstable mood is scaring me, so I say, “Meet me at the coffee shop across the street. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Okay.”

Five minutes later, I sit across from Cesare in a booth, hearing him apologize for the umpteenth time. I don’t even recognize him with his scruffy beard, and I can tell that he’s high, which strengthens my resolve to end us.

“I’m so sorry, Kins. I miss you. I lost my home, my lover, my best friend, all on the same day. Please, please give me another chance.”

“I’ve already given you a second chance. I can’t do it a third time. Trusting you while you’re on drugs is breaking my heart.”

“I’m not
on drugs
. I only use occasionally,” he defends.

“
You
are still in denial, and I’m done. I’m sorry. You should’ve known better.”

Sadness clouds his face, then ire blisters to the surface. The loss of control is making him angry; this is his harsher side. He’s not used to not getting his way.

“I’ve done everything for you. All of it! This mafia fucking life that I’m in is for you. You will not walk away from me!” he whispers angrily.

“Don’t make this ugly, Cesare. You’ll regret it. I’m sorry, but you and I are over. Our foundation of trust is gone. It’s been broken.
By you
. I need space now. Maybe in a couple of months, we can be friends again, but right now, I can’t see you anymore.”

He clenches his jaw as his eyes water. “If you walk away now, it’s over for good.”

“Don’t do this, Cesare.” I slide out from the booth, and he glares at me but stays seated, challenging me.

“Kinsey, I’m serious! Don’t leave me.” He grabs my wrist.

“Don’t give me ultimatums!
You
broke us. Not
me
. Now leave me alone so I can pick up the pieces of my life.” And I wrench free right after I see a tear rolling down his cheek. 

That was the last time I saw Cesare. But I was never free of him. During my time with him, I learned about love. Love is fantastic when it’s good. However, when it’s bad, it can result in a catastrophe. And after we broke up, I spiraled out of control due to my broken heart.

I did text him a couple of times after that day in the coffee shop, but he never responded. I was left more heartbroken than I could ever imagine, and after graduation, I couldn’t find a decent job. Eventually, I ended up living paycheck to paycheck while life persistently continued. I drank, I did drugs, and I fucked around a lot to get over Cesare. But nothing ever helped.

Five Years Ago ~ Age Twenty-Two

Cesare

When she walked out, I knew that I would never feel for another girl what I felt for Kinsey. She would forever be
the one that got away
.

Dejected and furious, I return to New York and to a seething father who sets me straight. He’s discovered I’ve been snorting cocaine, and if I’m to become a member, I need to be clean.

“This is what I warned you about four years ago. You’re going to get clean, initiate into the Syndicate, and forget about that girl. She’s toxic to you. But enough about her. On to business. Here’s your new Syndicate-issued phone.” My father takes my old phone while I’m despairing, bitterness consuming my soul.

Kinsey has ripped my heart out, and anger fills the hole she’s created.

“Cesare, your love is destructive,” my mother adds. “She’s not the girl for you. Forget her and move on. You’re going to be a
made man
. Act like it.”

“I’ve loved her for almost half my life. How do I let her go?”

“One day at a time, son. Time heals all wounds.”

I got clean and became a
Capo
right after graduation. Without Kinsey, I focused solely on the Syndicate. And when Michael became boss, he made me his underboss. 

Time might heal all wounds, but time never makes you forget. Women have come and gone throughout the years, but only one holds a place in my heart. And that will never change.

Present

Cesare

“Michael, what was that all about?” I inquire in Michael’s office right after he shot the soldier in front of the other women in the living room.

Michael is on the warpath. “That soldier should’ve informed us. You know that.”

“Yes, but why the charade? Last night, you want to scare him, and today, you kill him on the spot. Let the rest leave. Only keep the date of the soldier you just killed, his accomplice. We killed all the men last night and eliminated the leader of the raid. Now, you need to calm down and focus on saying goodbye to Rachel. Don’t waste your energy on drawn out revenge. We killed the ones who killed her. Now, go grieve.”

Michael braces his neck forcefully before relaxing. “Fine. Let them leave. I don’t understand why you kept them or Kinsey anyway. Do you hate her that much?”

“No, I love her that much. There’s something between Kinsey and Joey, and I’m not letting him ruin my third chance with her. If she’d left last night, she would’ve disappeared. I needed her to think about us for a night. A little manipulation can be quite persuasive. I’m doing it to protect her,” I reveal honestly. “I want her back.”