Men of Mayhem (3 page)

“I know what you’re doing!” He commanded my attention with that one single sentence. My body filled with so much life, so much darkness. I craved it. I craved him.

“Then let me do it. Let the walls down. You have nothing to be afraid of!” I shouted at him, my own face growing red with anger.

He shot an icy glare my way even as I felt the temperature rising.

“I was once an evil man. A man who would’ve killed anything that crossed him the wrong way.” He came to stand in front of me. His height, his body, his menacing stance caused my body to go into hypertension. Zerro reached out, pushing the locks of hair behind my ear. The motion was soft and gentle, something I didn’t expect from him. Something I didn’t want.

“I’ve watched you kill. I’ve seen you covered in blood. I’ve even killed for you.” My declaration came out as nothing but a whisper. I knew he heard it, though. His eyes lifted and he glanced to the wall behind me.

“I’m not him anymore. I’m not a callous killer, and I’m not going to put you through whatever it is you want from me just because you want that other person back.” The air filled with tension.
Do I want to go against this bull? Can I handle the horns and the pain I would cause myself?

“You are him,” I growled, my hand slamming against his chest. Zerro raised an eyebrow at me in warning. “Underneath all this bullshit is the man I fell in love with. The man who made love to me and fucked me like he meant it when I needed it. The man who killed for me, the man who gave me our first child, and the man I married,” I shouted, the words falling from my lips without a care.

“I. Am. Not,” he shouted back.
How did we get here?
Tears were threatening to fall from my eyes, but I held them back, not allowing my emotions to get the best of me.

“You are. He’s in here. I can feel it. Every stroke of your cock inside me, every beat of your heart against my own, tells me he is right there.” I poked him in the chest. “Right underneath your flesh, waiting for the one moment when you finally unlock the cage you hold him hostage in.” With those words, a tear trickled from my eye.

Fuck.

“The person you want is gone, Bree.” His face grew cold. “The further you push, the harder you dig, the more I couldn’t care less about being here. If you don’t want me for who I am, then you don’t need me at all.” I took a step back, shock coursing through me.
Did he truly say those words?
I watched him, waiting for his expression to change, for a flicker of guilt to show in his eyes. Instead, he stared at me for a long moment before turning around, grabbing his keys, and leaving. I heard the roar of his engine come to life, but I still stood there, trapped in place by his words and my own emotions.

All I wanted was him, the man I had fallen in love with.

Throwing myself onto the couch, I allowed the tears to fall. Something had to give…

He would come back to me, right?
He has to.

Zerro

My fist landed
against the brick wall, my knuckles cutting open as blood dripped from my hand. I wanted the pain to make the ache in my chest go away, but it didn’t. It just made it grow bigger and bigger.

When I left the house, I did so because I couldn’t handle the words I had said. Even more so, I wondered if I truly meant them. I loved Bree with every fiber inside me, but I didn’t know if I would ever be able to bring back that person she wanted so badly. I wanted to be her everything, but I also wanted to be stable. Going back to my old ways could wreak havoc on my life. If anything, I was scared of the damage I could and would cause.

I texted Devon, telling him to meet me at one of the bars we always went to after doing surveillance. I needed someone to talk to, someone who would call me out on my shit without a second thought.

From where I sat in the bar, I heard the roaring of the engine in his Tahoe. The sound rumbled through the open bar door, and relief flooded me. It had been almost impossible to get him untangled from Tegan. I was beginning to think he’d been trying to plant his seed in her again.

“Sorry I’m late, I had to…” He stopped mid-sentence, taking in my facial expression. He knew my feelings better than anyone, almost as well as Bree did.

“I’m so fucked,” I admitted before bringing the beer to my lips and taking a long pull. I didn’t want to be that man, the one who constantly fucked up. I wanted to be the best dad I could be, and I wanted to be an even better husband.

“How so? Like in a literal sense or in a ‘you just did something and feel like life is screwing you like a two cent hooker?’”

A smile formed around my drink. Even if I didn’t want to, Devon always found a way to pull me from the mayhem going on in my head. Sometimes spending too much time in your own mind caused your problems to grow. Devon smiled at me as if he’d won some amazing prize by making me smile.

“I fucked up and said something I shouldn’t have to Bree, and now I’m not sure if it was the right thing. Hell, I’m not sure if it was even okay to say…” I sounded devastated, heartbroken.
How could that be?
I still had her.

Devon tilted his head at me as if he was a little too amused for my liking. “You mean to tell me you finally fucked up and caused an argument?” His question seemed to piss me off more.

“Whose side are you on?” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Whoa, I haven’t even heard the issue yet. Let me get both sides before I go picking sides.” He put his hands out as if he were innocent.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. A few years ago he was completely blind to doing what was right versus what was wrong. Sneaking around on unauthorized undercover jobs for a girl he never completely let go of, and only to fuck it up a good two to three times before getting it right.
Innocent, my nine-inch cock.

“Why do I feel like you don’t even care to hear my side of the story?” I took another swig of my beer, the effects of the alcohol not even setting in.

“Honestly…” He smiled. “If Bree is pissed, you probably did something really fucking wrong.” My mouth gaped open. What was he trying to say?

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I snapped.

I looked around the room to see if anyone had noticed us, but the other bar patrons didn’t seem to be paying attention. The music from the jukebox was far too loud, and they were used to a scuffle or two taking place here.

“It means you fucked up. In the literal sense. She basically broke every rule for you. You have been through tons of shit with her. Shit that normal women would’ve broken down from. I mean, you killed people in front of her, and she killed someone for you. If she’s pissed about something after all of that, it’s probably serious.” His voice was hushed, so as not to draw attention to the fact that he had openly mentioned my crimes. I wanted to slam my beer down on the bar and punch Devon in the face all at the same.

“And what about all the serious shit you did to Teg? Was that inexcusable in a literal sense or was that just you fucking up?” I spat back at him, angered by the accuracy of his statement.

“Calm down there, killer. This isn’t about me, fuckface. But since you brought it up, I fucked up in every way possible, but at the end of the day, when push came to fucking shove, I was man enough to go crawling back to her on my own motherfucking knees. I didn’t get to have no pity-fucking-party. Therefore, take that princess crown off your head and start acting like a man.”

“Fuck!” I shouted.

“Now, I must ask…what is it you did?” The look on Devon’s face made my stomach flip. I had seriously screwed up, and there was no way to take back the words that had already been said.

I ran a hand through my hair, not even knowing where to start. I was exhausted, and so fucking disappointed in myself.
How could I have behaved this way?

“It started yesterday when I got home. James came and picked up Gia, and Bree was acting strangely. I mean super fucking strange, and then she spilled the beans on what was bothering her.” I paused. “I was so fucking taken aback by her words that I allowed them to eat away at me the past twenty-four hours.” Anger was on the verge of splitting me in two. I was like a volcano ready to erupt at any point in time. There would be no warning or mercy to those in the way of my destruction.

“Well, what was bothering her?” Of course, Devon asked the hardest question of them all.

“She wants the
king
back.” My voice ached, as did my heart as I said the words. Her admission made me question everything that made us who we were. The solid foundation of our relationship now relied on me and one single choice.

Devon’s eyes grew wide, filling with shock. “When you say king, do you mean the old you? The look-at-me-like-that-again-and-I’ll-remove-your-eyeball Alzerro?” A smidge of amusement lingered within me. There were times when I missed the old me, like when an asshole was running from the law, and I had to take the time out of my day to chase him down, but most of the time, he was just a memory. A reminder of the person I never wanted to be again.

“Yes. The person who didn’t give two fucks about taking someone’s life. The person who would sit there and watch someone bleed out because it fed the monster inside of me. The dangerous man full of chaos. She wants that part of me back. She feels like we were
whole
when I was that person. I feel like I need to be focused on being a husband and father to Gia. I need to be driving a minivan and shit, not having a shootout with a rival family.” I was spilling my heart out to another man. I was pretty sure if I hadn’t turned into a pussy a long time ago, this moment right here solidified it.

“Wow…” he stuttered. “Well…” He seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Yeah, so now you know exactly how I reacted to it. I love her, and I feel like I can give her exactly what she wants without pushing my own boundaries…but she won’t stop.” I gripped at the edges of my short hair. “She won’t let it go. She pushes and pushes, and eventually, I’m going to fucking snap. Eventually, I’m going to do something I know I will regret.” I felt Devon’s hand land on my shoulder. He was trying to comfort me in the best way possible.

“I wish I knew what to tell you, but only you know for sure what to do. If being the person you used to be makes your marriage whole, isn’t it worth it? Can’t you be a better man while still being the same asshole you used to be?” Devon’s tone caused me to want to lurch across the room and pound my fists against the brick wall again. I hated being wrong, I hated making the wrong choice, and I hated hurting my wife when I shouldn’t have.

“I just don’t want to open up that darkness again. I can’t open the door a little bit and not expect the person I was before not to want to come out completely. I put him away for a reason. In this life, the one I currently live in, he has no place.”

Devon stared at me intently before standing and staring directly into my eyes. “What you need isn’t anything you can find here. The most expensive drink you will ever need is sitting at home in your bed, waiting for you. You know what you should do. You’re afraid and it’s understandable. Just remember, everyone has a fear they have to push through.” He winked at me and took a step back and then walked away. Where did he think he was going?

“What the fuck? You’re using my own words on me now?” I fumbled as I tried to make sense out of his nonadvice. He stopped dead in his tracks, turning around and coming back over to me.

“Look deep inside yourself, and you will find the answer you so desperately seek.” His face was impassive as if he expected me to get what he was saying without further explanation.

“What if looking deep inside is where the monster lurks?” I questioned.

“Then let him out. Give her what she wants and figure the rest out later,” he responded, walking away from me once again. Anxiety trickled into my belly. If I opened that door, it could never be closed again.

The
king
was making his return and there would be no mercy.