Memoirs of a Girl Wolf (9 page)

“Stop it,” I said loudly, showing my teeth and curling my lips into a snarl. We both found that weird, but he just laughed.

The person walking their dog started to walk over to us.  

Max reached for me again and pulled on me once he had hold of my arm. He wanted to get a video of my face for some reason, but I ripped my arm out of his grasp and swatted his hands away. The more he tried to grab me the more furious I became and I snarled at him and barred my teeth more. Suddenly, a third person was there and pushing Max away from me and a dog was barking.

“Hey, leave her alone,” the person, a guy, was saying in a harsh tone. He put a hand on Max’s chest pushing him away from me.

“Are you okay?”

I was looking into Reign’s face who still stood in between me and Max breathing nearly as loud as his dog was growling, but then I realized it wasn’t the dog that was growing, but me making a low, guttural growl in the back of my throat.

“Bitch,” Max said.

My rumbling stomach, cold sweat, frizzy hair, and increasing anger was too much to deal with and all I wanted was to run. That’s all that made sense to me was to turn and run away, so I did. I ran straight through the parking lot and down the shore and into the woods. The last thing I remember was dropping to all fours the minute I reached the woods.

9.

I woke up in the late morning in the woods behind my house, curled on top of a bed of damp leaves. I sat up slowly and pressed my hand to my head to try to soothe a killer headache. My head throbbed all the way down my neck.

Waking with no memory of how I got there, was almost as disturbing as decapitated dead rabbit beside me. I lay under a wrinkly, white sheet. Being so close to the house, I guessed that the sheet came from the clothes line in our side yard. On warm days Mom liked to use the clothes line rather than the dryer. Mom probably didn’t take in the laundry from yesterday and now, somehow, I was covered in one of her good sheets.

Standing, I gathered the thin sheet around myself and slowly, stepping carefully through the wet grass, walked up to my house.

The door, unlocked, creaked open to reveal a dark and quiet house. I assumed everyone was still sleeping, but I tiptoed further into the house.

Mom slept at the kitchen table with the phone in her hand which meant she had tried waiting up for me. I was busted, but I had bigger things to worry about like why I woke up behind my house and how did I get there.

The last thing I remembered from the night before was that Max pissed me off and Reign showed up with his dog.

Leaving Mom asleep in the kitchen, I walked back through the house ad ascended the stairs still as quiet as possible. I wanted to go back to sleep, but in the comfort of my bed. I shook slightly under the sheet, and found temporary comfort in wrapping it tighter around me until I reached my bedroom where I dropped the sheet to the floor and pulled on some warmer pajamas and then slipped under my covers, but I must have made noise at some point because Eric came into my room and then throwing his head back yelled, “She’s home.”

Seconds later, Mom replaced him in the doorway. She was still in the same outfit she had on yesterday. Her blonde hair fell from a plastic clip on top of her head. She paused a moment clutching the phone to her chest and then ran over to the bed and jumped on me, embracing me into a hug then pushing me away and scolding me and then hugging me again.

“I don’t know what I’m more upset about. That you lied to me, disobeyed me, or didn’t come home. I-what-where,” she clamped her lips shut and rubbed her forehead with her fingers.

“I’m sorry,” I said as sincere as possible. I really was. I hugged her again and hid my face, ashamed, in her shoulder. Guilty and scared tears rolled down my face. My crying melted her exterior a little and she stroked my hair and rested her chin on top of my head.

“What happened? Did someone get hurt?” she asked.

I quieted and wiped my face with my hands. “No.”

“Well, where did you go?” she asked. She licked her thumb and wiped a smudge of dirt from my cheek.

“I met Max at the beach.” I said, avoiding her eyes. “But it was awful.”

“Why,” she asked. Her voice rose with worry.

“He’s a jerk,” I spat, “and I got so mad that I left.”

“Where did you go?” she asked. “Did you hurt someone?”

“No,” I said, slowly, surprised by her question, but then I thought about her question. I actually didn’t know if I had hurt anyone or not. “I can’t remember I blacked out,” I said and realizing how suspicious this sounded I added, “But I wasn’t drinking. I promise I wasn’t or doing drugs. I just can’t remember. I woke up back there.” I pointed toward the woods that could be seen through my open bedroom window.

“I believe you,” Mom said.

“Are you mad?” I asked.

Mom nodded. “Furious. First you throw away one of my pillows and now you sneak out of the house and don’t return until morning. I think, Mickey, I think a curfew would be best.”

“A curfew?” I protested. I was six-teen, and I had never had a curfew before. What I did was wrong, but I couldn’t believe Mom would enforce a curfew.

“I want you home by dusk every night.”

“What?” I breathed.

“And you’re grounded for the time being. No leaving the perimeters of the house except for school.”

I would have rather of been grounded from school. I never wanted to see Max again. His yellow sweatshirt crumpled in the corner of my room caught my eyes. I still had yet to return it to him. Just looking at the sweatshirt made my heart sink.

Mom pulled a leaf out of my hair and held it up for an explanation which I was unable to provide and too tired to try, so she stood from my bed and patting my leg she said, “Get some rest. I know I could use some.”

Her comment punched the air out of me. I knew she was up all night because of me. I felt guilty enough without her comments. Once she left my room, I heard her scold my brothers who must have been listening from the hallway.

Alone in the dark room, in the comfort of my bed, I turned on my side and closed my eyes eager for some sleep.

Hours later, I woke up to find Kristen sitting cross legged at the end of my bed staring at me.

“Finally,” she said.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. “How long have you been here?”

“Only five minutes or so.” She tossed a magazine that she had been flipping through to the floor, and sighed sympathetically as she reached over and took hold of my hand.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. She looked as if someone had died.

“It’s not good,” she said.

I raised my eyebrows. “What?”

Slowly, she released hold of my hand and reached into her large tan purse on the floor. Pulling out her cell phone, she turned it on and handed it to me.

A video played.

I took the phone and sat up a little more squinting down at the video. I could hear Max’s laughter, but he wasn’t on the screen instead it was just me with bright green, glowing eyes. I stood feet away shaking and growling. Then Reign’s voice interrupted Max’s laughter, and the phone was knocked to the ground, but I could be seen in the distance dropping to all fours before jumping into the woods.

The video stopped and so did my breathing. I looked at Kristen with my mouth open.

“He sent it to everyone,” she said.

“Everyone?” I repeated in shock.

She leaned forward and slapped my legs. “Everyone.”

Mom called up to us to come downstairs and have lunch. I wasn’t hungry, but I didn’t want make Mom suspicious or upset, so I slowly slid off my bed and motioned for Kristen to follow me. She kept replaying the video all the way down the stairs.

I snapped at her to put her phone away when we sat down at the table. We sat, staring at one another, in silence. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like if I didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t real. Mom set plates of chicken barbeque sandwiches in front of us, smiled nervously, and then left the room.

I picked at my sandwich a little before saying, “Maybe no one watched it.”

“Everyone watched it, Mickey. That’s all anyone has been talking about this morning. Socially, it’s over,” Kristen said, dipping her head and frowning.

“But he was a jerk. I mean that’s not fair the video doesn’t show him acting like a jerk,” I said.

Kristen chewed her sandwich with her mouth open. She shrugged and said, “It doesn’t matter. Sydney said I can have the open spot on the cheerleading team.”

What?

Just like that because of Max my year was ruined? I had only been in school for a week.

“But you’re not going to right? Can you cheer?” I asked, but we both knew you didn’t have to be able to cheer to be a cheerleader. Spots were awarded to whoever was popular.

Kristen was silent for what felt like ever. She tucked her hair behind her ears and without looking at me she nodded and, making eye contact with her sandwich, said, “I’m your best friend and I still am no matter what happens Monday. If you don’t want me to take that spot then I won’t.”

There was a part of me that didn’t fully believe her maybe because she refused to meet my eyes, but I was freaking out and at the moment her comment was enough to comfort me.

I thought back over the video and remembered hearing Reign’s voice. Why did he run over to us? I was handling Max fine. Despite my odd behavior, I removed myself from the situation. Did he think he was being a hero? Why was he out with his dog that late at night anyway?

Suddenly, the boy who ran through my thoughts nonstop the past week and even wasted my birthday wish on became someone who I never wanted to see again. If he really wanted to help me, he should have stepped on Max’s cell phone.

Mom came back into the room and started to clear the table. She turned to us before leaving and said, “I just remembered I grounded Mickey, so no friends. You’re gonna have to go Kristen.”

Kristen stood. “That’s okay. I’m meeting up with some people anyway.”

“You are?” I asked. My heart dropped a little bit. Who were some people?
              “I’ll see you at school Monday,” Kristen said.

“Not tomorrow?”

Kristen flipped her dull, stringy hair over her shoulder and flashed an awkward smile. “Sure, tomorrow” she said, nodding.

I watched her walk out of the room and listened to the side door open and shut. Then there was just silence except for Mom washing dishes in the kitchen.

I crumbled within myself as I sat with my hands gripping the edge of the table, but I didn’t feel like crying—I couldn’t. I was numb, frozen and unable to move. I didn’t know what to do with myself and not just because I was grounded, but after this conversation with Kristen I realized, with fear, that I may not even have any friends.

Resting my chin in my hands, I turned and looked out the glass doors. My eyes fell on a black gigantic wolf licking its front paw. In that moment, I forgot all about school and Max. I had never seen a wolf so close to the house before.

“Mom!” I yelled, turning my head in her direction. “Mom, look.”

Mom appeared drying her hands with a stripped dish rag she looked at me with raised eyebrows, slightly irritated.

I turned back to the doors and pointed at where I had seen the animal, but I was disappointed to find nothing there.

“Awe, never mind,” I said.

“What was it?” Mom asked.

“A wolf, but it was the biggest wolf I’ve ever seen,” I replied.

Mom bit her lip. She stepped quickly to the glass door and checked to make sure it was locked. She peered out the glass scanning the backyard and staring into the woods then she turned back at me and asked widening her blue eyes, “Was it a white one?”

“No, black.”

“Black?” she repeated. The brightness in her eyes dimmed as she turned and left the room, shaking her head.

10

Monday morning I sat on the front steps with my school bag next to me. I sat with my head in my hands as I waited for Kristen to show up. She was late.

I wore my new dark green sweater and wool pea coat. Even though it was only early September, the temperature had dropped significantly. I shivered as I rubbed my hands together.

“Just come with us,” Mom said from behind me. She stood holding a shiny pink thermos of hot, black coffee which she sipped from as she looking down at me, sympathetically.

Josh and Eric ran out the door and jumped over the steps. They ran to the car the climbed in the back seat of the family car.

“She’s coming,” I said, staring at the lane praying that the little yellow car would show itself at any second.

Mom walked past me giving me a disapproving look. I didn’t tell her about the video but she knew something was up when Kristen didn’t stop by yesterday or even call or text me.

“She knows you’re grounded. That’s why she didn’t come over,” Mom said.

I nodded.

Mom shook her wrist and looked at her watch. She glanced at me then behind her. “Come with us,” she said again.

I shook my head. I refused to admit defeat. Kristen would show. She had to. She was still my best friend, probably my only friend.

Mom gave up. She got in the car and reversed out of the lane.

Moments later I heard a car coming. My heart lifted. I knew she’d get me for school. Standing, I picked up my bag and slipped it over my shoulder then jumped from the porch and ran forward to meet her in the lane, but once the car rounded the trees, I saw that it was Mom coming back up the lane.

She rolled down her window and stuck her head out. “You’re gonna be late if you don’t come now. Come on,” she said.

I hung my head in defeat and walked to the passenger side of the car where I climbed in though I wasn’t happy about it. I crossed my arms and pouted the entire way to school.

`We arrived at school before first bell, but only by a few minutes which mean if I was quick, I could confront Kristen, so I shot out of the car before it came to a complete stop and walked in a quick, determined stride toward Kristen’s locker, pushing past people who taunted me in the halls. I ignored the, as best I could, but I heard them perfectly. They made growling noises and begged me not to bite them.

I kept a cool head. My concentration remained on talking to Kristen.

When I arrived at her locker, I found her talking to Sydney and Seth. As I approached them they grew quiet and stared at me.

“Kristen,” I said, crossing my arms.

Kristen stared in her open locker, refusing to look at me or even talk to me instead she let Sydney talk for her.

“Come on guys. Max is waiting for us,” Sydney said and turned away from the locker. She bounced down the hall with Seth following.

Kristen dropped a book in her bag.

“Kristen,” I said again, softer.

“Come on, Kristy,” Sydney called at the end of the dim hallway.

“Kristy?” I repeated.

Kristen shut her locker and threw her backpack on to her back. She looked at me and shrugged her shoulders and then ran down the hallway after her new friends.

The shrill sound of the first bell echoed through the hall and in my ears.

Sighing in aggravation, I turned on my heel and sprinted down the hall and around the corner until I came to a stop in front of my own locker. Dropping my bag to the ground, I unlocked my locker and began switching out the books I needed for my first two classes.

“Hey.”

I paused with my hands in my bag. I looked up and there was Reign looking down at me with a sympathetic look that annoyed me instantly. I grunted a hello.

“Are you okay? You kind of took off the other night,” he said.

I stood slowly and placed my geometry book in my locker on top of my American history text book. My face burned red. Who cares if he had seen the video he was an eye witness.

“Why were you even out there?” I asked, rudely.

He was a little taken aback at my question. I mentally rolled my eyes. He was probably shocked that I wasn’t hugging his legs at the moment thanking him for his good heroic deed.

“I was walking my dog, Phoebe,” he said.

“At night? On the beach?” I snapped.

He smiled. “My dad and I are staying on the camp grounds. For right now,” he said.

I stared at him. He was wearing muddy boots and faded, ripped jeans and a red t-shirt. His blonde hair was shaggy and unkempt and his eyes the color of coal were filled with such warmth and that smile that caused wrinkles around his eyes only momentarily made me want to smile right back at him, but I resisted. I was pretty ashamed about the other night and he, unfortunately, was someone who I could dump my feelings on at the moment. So, I gave him the most judgmental look I could in order to make him feel stupid for living in a tent with a dog and his dad next to the lake.

“That guys a jerk,” he said.

I slammed my locker shut and turned toward him. “I don’t need your sympathy,” I said, and slinging my bag across my shoulder I hurried down the hall and toward my class.

He would not leave me alone that day. No matter how rude I was in the morning, at lunch he tried sitting with me.

I was alone at a table in the back where I used to eat before my short stint at the popular table which I noticed Kristen right in the center of all the people who were my friends up until a few days ago.  Not only was I at the back table, but the unpopular kids learned to not even sit with me. They avoided me like the social plague I had become.

I unwrapped my sandwich from saran wrap and picked off the crust. I wasn’t really hungry. I couldn’t believe it was only lunch time. I wanted to go home so bad. I briefly thought about faking sick. My complexion was so fair that every time I walked past the nurse’s office she would come up to me and ask if I was feeling alright. In the past I took advantage of this and many days I’d go home “sick”. I was thinking of doing this today when he pulled out the chair across from me and sat down.

He turned over a brown paper bag and an orange came rolling out of it which he stopped with his hand.

“Seat taken?” he asked with a smile.

“I’d like to eat alone,” I said. I looked around the cafeteria there were plenty of other seats open.

“I won’t talk to you,” he said as he began to peel the orange with his thumb.

We sat in silence for a bit until Brandon Harris, a senior, stood up from the popular table and shouted, while pointing at me, “Mickey, don’t bite me!”

The entire cafeteria burst into laughter as everyone turned to look at me.

I lowered my head into my hands. Near tears, but breathing deeply, I kept my composure as best I could.

Reign turned in his seat to look at Brandon, who still stood, pointing at me with a crocked finger. After a couple seconds, Reign shook his head and re-focused his attention on me while popping a slice of orange in his mouth.

“I’d really like to be alone,” I told him.

He threw his hands up in defeat and gathered the rest of his orange and sandwich which he dumped into the crinkly brown paper bag. I stared down into my lap as he left, but as soon as he was gone, I realized that I should be the one to leave the cafeteria. Although the laughter had died down after a couple of the teachers told everyone to shut up and eat their lunch, there was still a stink of humility in the air I was breathing, so I got up and dumped my sandwich in the trash and exited the side doors into the courtyard.

The doors closed behind me as I gulped a few big breathes of the fresh, crisp. I felt instantly better. Straight-ahead were cement tables where students sat finishing their lunches. I didn’t care to sit with these students or even near them. I wanted to be alone—I might as well get used to the isolation. Sinking against the brick wall of the building, I hugged my knees to my chest and watched a freshman feeding the vending machine to my left a crumpled dollar bill that it kept spitting back out. After many frustrated attempts, the machine ate the bill. I watched her walk back to a table while popping open a can of coke. At the end of the table that she approached, was Reign.