Meg's Moment (14 page)

“Good point.” She said around a hiccup. Then as the alcohol seemed to take its toll she stumbled where she was standing and tried to regain her footing. But it was Jack with his quick hands who grabbed her at the waist and steadied her. And what a big mistake that was. She felt so soft and lush underneath his fingertips
,
and then he pictured her naked smiling up at him and he damn near lost his balance.

“Maybe you should sit down,”
h
e said and she said
,
“No
,
I’m fine!”
B
ut she left his hands around her waist
,
so he let her stand just so that he could continue to touch her.

“So what we have here is a conundrum,” Jack said. Josie screwed her face up and squinted at him so he added, “a problem.” Megan let her head bang on the wall behind her and banged it again when she thought about how wonderful his hands felt on her. But he was a robber and that was bad so she squashed that thought quick. She locked her knees together and prayed to the Anti-Orgasm Gods.

“Not the way I see it,” Mickey began. “See
,
Megan here will have a hell of better chance of explaining this whole thing to Ted, who will then explain it to his brother
,
who will probably choose not to press charges.” Megan caught the word probably and swallowed hard. “But you Mr. Magnum PI, you’re gonna have a lot harder time explaining what you’re doing here when you and I both know that even though you’re a private investigator, it’s still against the law to break into someone’s office. Even cops can’t do that without a search warrant and last time I checked PI’s aren’t issued search warrants just so they can snoop around and wish they were real cops. So…” Gee those episodes of Law & Order really do pay off.

“Well
,
a
ctually
,
I dated a cop once and …”

“Shut up
,
Josie!” Mickey and Megan both yelled at her and she threw her lip in a pout and stalked across the room.

Jack still looked sly and sexier than sin, obviously unrattled by Mickey’s wisdom. But he seemed to at least pretend to consider it and gave Megan his scumbag scowl and in a very deliberate voice he said, “Well ladies, maybe we can help each other then.” Megan sighed and Jack said, “How bout this? I’ll tell you what I’m doing here if you’ll tell me what you’re doing here and then we can compare notes.”

“You first,” Megan said.

“No, that won’t work. You’ll have to go first.”

“Give me one reason why I should.” Keep being an asshole she thought. At least it’ll keep me out of hell for mentally undressing him and having some really nasty thoughts about…

“I was here first,” He said flatly and Megan looked at Mickey for his opinion.

“He’s got you there babe.”

“Okay, but if you’re just conning information out of me I’m making you take Josie with you. Now--”

“And that’s bad?” Josie sulked. Everyone did a synchronized eye roll and Megan thought uh oh, I’m starting to like him again. Please go back to being an asshole.

“I’m, uh we’re here because I think my scumbag husband is cheating on me with Tiffany Triple D.” Jack looked confused so Josie jiggled her boobs at him and then he got it and turned his attention back to Megan. “So we searched the basement which doubles as his dark room and weight room and we found some stuff.” She told him about the stuff they’d found and how she called a meeting and when Ted wouldn’t talk about it she took matters into her own hands. “So I drugged Ted and called Mickey and…”

“Wait! Stop Lucy!” Jack said.

“I thought I was Lucy,” Josie argued.

“Nope name switch, she’s earned it.” Josie started to protest but Jack ignored her.

“Say that slowly now. You drugged him?”

“Yeah!” she said then realized how bad it sounded and quickly explained, “With Benadryl, he’ll live I swear. I think.” She hiccupped. “Anyway so we came here to find hard evidence and then we found you.” I’ll give you some hard evidence he thought
,
but reminded himself to focus. He had to admit though
,
her drugging Ted did arouse him a little. Then he thought about her naked again and forgot to breathe.

“Ok I showed you mine, now show me yours.” Megan said and Jack decided that he had to hear those words from her again. Only next time they would be on a bed, rolling under the sheets…

“Hello?” Megan called out and he jolted himself back to reality. A reality that consisted of her fully clothed, with lasagna in her hair
,
and Cagney and Lacy watching. And he never wanted her more.

“Yeah spill it
,
babe.” And when Jack looked confused Josie said, “He calls everyone babe.” And Jack gave Mickey a don’t-you-dare-do-it-again look and Mickey picked up the yellow pages in one hand and the flash light in the other.

“Well I’d like to show you mine but I’ll have to plead the fifth. That information is confidential and shall remain that way. Sorry!” He looked at Mickey and added, “Babe”.

“Hit him Mickey. Hit him hard,” Megan said and then she said to Jack. “You are such a lying pompous asshole. I ought to call the….”

“Megan? Yoo-hoo? Meggie? Are you in there?”

“Oh shit. It’s Mother Theresa. I’m out of here
,
babe.” Mickey was trying to cram himself under Ted’s desk but abandoned it for the closet. Megan tried to focus on the banging of the door and not the banging in her head or her mother’s shrieking voice as she tried to take a step and fell. Jack caught her from behind mid-fall and when she tried to struggle he held her tighter around the waist just as Josie answered the door and said “Hey Mrs. J. What brings you here?”

Her mother stood completely still, clutching her purse in her right hand, her skin a pasty white and her jaw hanging wide open.  She took in the sight of Megan bent over a desk with Jack behind her, both struggling for control and Josie in her fish nets and Lolita costume and she looked as if she might pass out. But God’s speed was with her because it didn’t take her long to recover. She walked right past Josie who was filing her manicure and looking bored and went straight to Jack and Megan. She fixed her stare on Jack, who still appeared to be humping Megan, muttered a quick Hail Mary and pointed a small black device directly in his face.

“I demand you take your hands of
f
my daughter. Right now
,
Mister
,
or I’ll fire this entire can of Mace into your beady little eyes.” She paused to read the label on the can and when she couldn’t read it she held it close to Megan’s eyes and said “What does that say
,
dear?”

Megan rolled her eyes. ‘
Good thing I don’t need a real rescue. I’d be dead because my mother forgot her glasses
’, Megan thought.

“It says shake well, point and spray Mom.” Her mother nodded and shook the can and regained her spraying stance with the look of a determined mother who wouldn’t hesitate to empty the entire can to protect her daughter. The only flaw in her plan was that Megan would probably get just as much of the Mace in her face because Jack’s face was right behind hers.

Jack let go of Megan and Megan lunged for the can of Mace, almost knocking her mother down in the process.

“Ma’am it’s not what you think. I was…” Jack began.

But Megan’s mom wasn’t buying it and she repositioned her purse in her hand and in one swift motion she bashed Jack across the face with it and started yelling at him.

Josie winced and said, “There went the other side. You know he was hot when we first found him. Now he’s starting to look like hell.”

“Who in the heck do you think you are, young man? Putting your hands on my daughter like that? Why I ought to have you arrested.” She belted Jack again with her purse and then she turned to her daughter who was trying to disappear into the wall. “And what about you
,
Megan?” She whacked Megan with the purse. “Why, I ought to call your father. You know he couldn’t sleep tonight because he has heart burn, but when I tell him what I just witnessed he’s going to have
a
heart attack.” She swung her purse again and Jack stepped in front of Megan just in time to take the blow for her. Josie winced again and Megan tried to explain things to her mother but her mother silenced her with a glare. Mrs. J. sat down at Ted’s desk.

“You know Megan we always wanted the best for you and just look how you’ve turned out. You’ve been seen consorting with three strange men this week and one of them hit you.” Jack straightened and felt anger at the words ‘hit you’. “And you cut your hair and then I find you in the kitchen with that man and there are condoms in your trash can.” She paused and Megan looked genuinely perplexed. “I sanitized that counter by the way. You know I’ll never be able to eat in that kitchen again. Oh God!” She clutched her chest. “I think I’m having a heart attack. Just take me now Lord, before Megan messes up my chances of getting to heaven.” Megan rolled her eyes and thought I’m right there with you Mom. Lightening, tornadoes, speeding buses, I’m not picky.

“Mom!” Megan shouted but her mother was oblivious to anything she was saying.

“Oh Mrs. J., don’t forget about Megan’s orgasm at the massage parlor. It was awesome. I was there.” Her mother’s face went pale again and Megan threw a flashlight at Josie. “Should I not mention the porn flick?” Josie said shooting a ‘what-you-gonna-do-about-it’ look to Megan who shot her a ‘you
’
r
e
-dead look’ in return. Jack watched them both hoping the cat fight might still be a possibility.

“Mom, she’s joking about the porn.” Megan’s Mom looked like she was going to faint
.
Jack took a step closer to her and reached out a hand to steady her and she nailed him with the purse again.

“Don’t touch me!”
s
he shrieked. “First I catch you molesting my daughter and now you want to lay those filthy hands on me. I don’t think so.”
She
swung again but this time Josie stepped in and grabbed her purse away from her.

“He’s had enough,” Josie said
.

Megan muttered, “We all have.”

Megan tried to regroup. O
K,
first things first. Deal with Mom. She turned to her mother who was still looking very unstable.

“Mom! Get a grip. He wasn’t molesting me. I fell and he caught me.” Jack nodded and grinned and then thought about the mace just sitting there and took a step back. “And about the kitchen. What you saw was really very innocent.”

“But there were condoms. Big ones.”

Megan gave her a blank look and Josie hollered, “Oh
,
those were mine.” When Megan looked at Josie she said, “Remember I used them in the basement. I tossed them in the trash before I left.”

“Oh my God! My daughter is making pornography in the basement.” She crossed herself and Jack decided he really needed to visit that basement. And the kitchen.

“Mom, she used them for…never mind! Look, let’s take this one thing at a time. First off, what are you doing here in the middle of the night
,
Mom?”

“Well your dad had heartburn, so I was going to the store to get antacids but then I thought you might have some so I went to your house and when no one answered the door I got worried so I used my key and went in thr
ough
the kitchen and there was a wad of paper towels
o
n the floor so I went to throw them away and then I found the condoms. Then I remembered that guy you were holding hands with in there earlier. You know
,
the one that hit you?” Megan dropped her head in exasperation and Jack felt the anger again. ”But then I remembered that nobody answered the door so I thought he might have kidnapped you so I sprayed the counter with sanitizer and went upstairs to check on you and I saw you in your bed so I went back to the kitchen and finished sanitizing the counter.”

“So you thought I might be kidnapped but you sanitized the counter first. Thanks Mom!” Megan thought about jumping out the window.

“Well no
,
hon
.
, I just sprayed it. I wanted to give it some time to set.”

“Oh. Well then
,
I guess that’s OK.” Megan shook her head and took a deep breath. “So how did you end up here?”

“Well, when I only saw one body in the bed
…
”

“Which was Ted,” Megan pointed out.

“Well, I’m an old woman and I don’t see well in the dark. You know if you hadn’t of cut your hair…”

“Anyways
,
you thought I was in bed and
…
”

“I still had to get the antacid so I was on my way to the Wal-Greens when I drove by here and saw lights, so I thought Ted might be here working late and I wanted to talk to him about your recent behavior.” Her mother scowled and Megan frowned.

“My behavior. Right! Didn’t you get the memo? I’m thirty.
”