Meant For Me (10 page)

“I read books and magazines. And I ask Mom when something freaks me out. She talks me off the ledge. But I don’t know. Some of it is just common sense.”

“You’ve always been pretty damn pragmatic.” I tossed the baby wipe into the wastebasket next to the changing table while Emma kicked her chubby legs. She nailed me in the arm. I faked a dramatic rearback. “Pow. Good contact, kid.”

Aubrey laughed. She was lounging in the rocking chair, inspecting her feet. “My feet look like shit. Will you give me a pedicure?”

That made me snort. “Yeah, that’s baby brain rearing its insane head because there is no way in hell I am touching your feet. Nor am I your bitch boy.”

“You’re so selfish.”

“Speaking of selfish. While you’re crashed out tonight I’m going to some bonfire down on the beach. Don’t wait up.” I got a fresh diaper back on Emma in some proximity of the right way and snapped her onesie back together at the crotch. I picked her up and gave her chubby cheek a kiss. She turned her head and swiped drool across my mouth. “You’re lucky you’re cute, because truthfully, you’re kind of gross, kid.”

“I’m sure that’s evolution at work. Make our babies adorable so we don’t leave them in the woods. And fine, have fun at the bonfire, but keep in mind most of those people who will be there are five years younger than you. And smoke a lot of weed.”

“Sounds like a regular Friday to me,” I said, giving her a smirk.

Aubrey shook her head. “When are you going to stop being a douche? I miss the real Ethan, not this Jersey Shore reject.”

My jaw set and I settled Emma into the cradle of my arm. “Thanks, Aub. Glad I came to visit so you can be so encouraging.”

I knew she meant well but Jesus, why was she always such a balls to the wall bitch?

For that reason, I wasn’t about to share with her that I’d just emailed my advisor and asked if it was possible to reenroll for the fall semester that was starting in two weeks. It had been impulsive, yet a long time coming. If I wanted to get my shit together, I couldn’t spend my work hours surrounded by booze and girls in very little clothing.

Yet here I was in Vinalhaven heading out to a freaking bonfire keg party with a twenty-one year old.

One fucking step forward, two back.

A kid who was Asian opened the door at Chloe’s. The little sister, I figured. If Chloe was adopted, maybe the sister was too. Or maybe Chloe’s adopted mother was Asian so this kid was their biological child. For the first time I wondered where that mother was. No one ever mentioned her. “Hi, I’m Ethan. Is Chloe here?”

I didn’t have a good eye for kids but this one looked like she was about twelve. She was wiry and short and she eyed me curiously. “Yes, come on in. She told me you were coming to get her.”

“Did she?” I wanted to ask if she had used her voice or her phone to tell her sister about me. I was also wondering what exactly she had mentioned about me.

“Yep. I’m Sara. Her sister. I guess you can come in.”

Her enthusiasm was nonexistent. “Thanks.” I stepped into the house after her.

“She’s been screwing around with her hair for like an hour,” Sara said, her expression showing she thought this was a total waste of time. “And it looks exactly the same as it did before.”

That made me laugh. I was guessing Chloe did not want her sister spilling information like that. I also found her attitude amusing. Tomboy, clearly. At least for now. Sara was wearing denim shorts and a t-shirt that was way too big for her. “Chloe is beautiful, she doesn’t need to waste an hour, I agree.”

“Gross,” Sara said. “But she likes you for whatever reason so I guess I have to pretend to like you.”

“I don’t think you’re doing that great of a job,” I told her. “But it’s okay. Where’s your dad, by the way?”

“He’s playing poker with other old men.”

“Where’s your mom?”

“I have no idea. Hell, maybe?” She gave me a saucy grin. “She left five years ago. She got bum kids, cuz you know Chloe doesn’t talk and I have ADHD, so she was like peace out and left.”

Now that was totally appalling. “Wow, I’m sorry.”

She shrugged, twisting the end of her long hair over her finger. “Chloe and me, we’re zero for two on mothers, but whatever. Dad tries like twice as hard and he has absolutely no life whatsoever outside of us, which sucks for him, I mean like doesn’t he want a lady friend, but we know he’ll be there through whatever and it’s cool for us, though balls for him.”

That was a kid who was fond of run-on sentences. “I’m sure he’s glad to have both of you. And poker night.”

“True.” She flung herself down on the couch and yelled, “Chloe! Your boyfriend is here!”

That made me stiffen. Boyfriend was not a word I liked to have tossed around casually.

Chloe came into the room in an angry flourish, her hair swinging behind her, wearing a bikini top and teeny, tiny denim shorts. Holy shit, that was a lot of skin and a lot of temptation. But she barely even glanced at me. She leaned over the couch and furiously whispered in her sister’s ear. Sara made a face.

“Okay, fine, like whatever, but hurry up. He’s just standing there waiting for you like a chump.”

A chump? She thought I looked like a chump? Sara was the most unnerving combination of savvy old man and rambling tween girl. That must be Paul’s influence on her. Plus there was nothing chump-like about me.

A door slammed down the hallway after Chloe rushed off again.

“She talks to me,” Sara announced, stating the obvious. “And she’s mad at me for telling you she’s been watching YouTube video tutorials on getting shiny beach waves in your hair for date night.”

This kid definitely had a motor mouth. “You didn’t actually tell me that until just now.”

“Oops. Sometimes I speak before I think. Chloe has the opposite problem. So like why didn’t it balance out better?”

“Maybe it wasn’t supposed to. Maybe Chloe is meant to be the way she is and you’re meant to be the way you are.”

She sat up. “Are you into karma?” she asked, sounding like she would if she suspected me of believing that alien clowns in drag were set to take over the world.

“I don’t think that statement can be classified as believing in karma. I don’t think an eye for an eye exists in that if I beat the crap out of my dog, later on a dog will attack me. But I think that we’re dealt what we’re dealt and we have to just deal.”

“Easy for you to say.” She rolled her eyes like she was about a decade older than she was.

“Are you sure you’re only twelve?”

“Truthfully, not really. I could be ten or eleven or maybe even thirteen. Who is to say that the orphanage even knew? My birthday could be made up, a guesstimate on their part. Is that a real word, guesstimate?”

Before I could answer, Chloe entered the living room. She put her finger up to her lips at her sister.

“I can’t help it and you know it,” Sara said.

“It’s okay,” I told Chloe. “She’s actually being entertaining.”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“And you look gorgeous, by the way.” She did. She had put volume into her hair and she was wearing makeup on her eyes and a gloss on her lips that looked like it would taste like cherries. I wanted to bite it off. She was still in the bikini top and shorts but she’d added a hoodie that wasn’t zipped yet. So it allowed me to imagine running my tongue all over that firm, silken skin. She was thin, her tits small and tight and I could see her nipples.

I wanted to cup her breasts and kiss her sweet lips and taste between her thighs.

She blushed a little, but she did look pleased.

Then she shocked me by rushing me and throwing her arms around my neck and giving me a fast, hard kiss. Pulling back, she went to the front door and opened it, tossing me a look over her shoulder that made me instantly hard.

This was going to be a night that was seriously going to tempt my self-control. Which was mostly in shreds anyway.

I waved goodbye to Sara and followed Chloe. If I had any sense I’d pull the plug on what was clearly a date.

But I didn’t. She had something I wanted to be a part of, a peacefulness, a confidence, an internal and external beauty. I could barely stand to be alone with my thoughts without alcohol anymore and that was all she was- alone and wrapped in thoughts that would never leave her mouth.

And taking her body wasn’t going to give me her thoughts.

The beach party was already underway when we got there. I was right- there was a ton of beer, though no official keg. Aubrey had also been right in that I could smell weed everywhere as we crossed the sand to the noisy group of about twenty people hanging out around a bonfire. I was conscious of the fact that the girl in the coffee shop had basically been a dick about Chloe and I wasn’t entirely sure if she was welcome or not. I could give two shits if anyone wanted me there or not. But I didn’t want Chloe’s feelings hurt and my idea that maybe I would be helping her socially by taking her seemed arrogant as hell and potentially disastrous.

But a few girls and a guy waved and greeted Chloe when we came up. A dude with hair to rival an 80s hair band member stuck his hand out. “Yo, what’s up, I’m JC. You’re Aubrey’s brother, right?”

“Yes, I’m Ethan. Nice to meet you.”

“Chloe, you need a beer, dawg.”

JC made me feel like I’d fallen into a spoof of how teens talk. He just couldn’t be fucking serious. But he was smiling and he seemed nice enough. Chloe took a beer, which for some reason surprised me. Which was stupid. I couldn’t keep thinking of her as some innocent little kid while at the same time wanting to bang her brains out. She was an adult. She just didn’t talk.

I shook my head when he offered me a beer too. “No thanks. I’m a bartender and on my days off I don’t drink.” That wasn’t the whole truth but it seemed to keep him from making an issue out of it.

Then I realized I didn’t have to justify my sobriety to anyone.

Someone was playing bad guitar on the other side of the fire and I felt weary looking around. What was there here for me? I would have preferred walking on the beach alone with Chloe.

Unless I drank, which I wasn’t going to do.

I wandered around and made small talk by Chloe’s side, made more laborious because she didn’t talk. The coffee shop girl Emily made an effort at flirting with me that I found irritating. Chloe had turned to look at some pictures on a blond girl’s phone and Emily sidled up alongside of me.

“So, do you want to do a shot with me?” she asked, pulling a flask out of the waistband of her bikini. “I hate the taste of beer but I heart jager.”

“Of course you do,” I said, unable to fully contain my sarcasm. What did she want, some sort of cool girl badge for walking around with a flask in her bottoms? That jager was probably warm on top of it all. Not appealing.

She pulled a pout. “No? Boo. Don’t be boring.”

“I’m very boring.”

“You don’t look boring. You look hot.” She reached out and touched my chest.

I was wearing a black t-shirt and cargo shorts. Nothing exciting. She fingered the medallion I wore under my shirt before tugging it out by the chain. My eyebrows shot up. She was bold. “You trying to steal my necklace? It’s a little rough for you. You don’t look the skull and crossbones kind of girl.”

“Oh, I’m all about poison.” She leaned over and took the edge of my rectangular necklace into her mouth, giving it a bite before dropping it again. The metal fell against my chest. “And I like to use my teeth.”

I stepped away from her. “So go find an apple.”

“Asshole,” she muttered.

Yep. That was me. Chloe was glaring at me when I turned. “What?” I asked.

She bit her lip and shook her head.

“She was flirting with me,” I said. “And I got rid of her.”

Chloe just shook her head again.

I made a sound of exasperation. How the fuck was this supposed to work? Look, I knew it wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t read minds. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. “So what are we doing?” I asked. “I’ll follow your lead since these are your friends.”

Chloe looked around for a second. Then she tipped the beer in her hand back and drained it.

“Whoa, girl, no rush.”

But she dropped the empty can and gave me a mischievous smile. Then she reached over to the sand, plucked an unused blanket up and took off running.

Not was I was expecting her to do. At all.

Since she was going in the complete opposite direction of everyone else and it was pitch fucking black outside with an ocean a few feet away, I jogged after her.

“Chloe! Where are you going?”

Several people glanced over at me with suspicious looks, like I’d sent Chloe tearing off into the night. I made a face back. What the fuck? I didn’t ask to be there. I’d been invited. And Chloe was the one running for no apparent reason and I couldn’t ask her because she couldn’t tell me. She dropped to her knees on the sand and spread out the blanket. Then she rested on her elbows, sprawled out enticingly. At some point she had unzipped the hoodie so all of her flat belly was exposed.

I slowed down to a walk, glancing back to see how far we were from the bonfire. Everyone was still visible in the distance by the light of the flames and they were definitely loud, laughter and chatter reaching my ears. Dropping down beside Chloe I said, “Is there room on your blanket for me?”

She patted the flannel next to her and nodded. Typing on her phone she handed it to me.

I wanted to be alone with you.

That pleased me more than it should. “Then I guess coming to a bonfire was a bad idea, huh?” Setting her phone down on the blanket, I brushed her hair off her shoulder. “So what should we do now that we’re alone? Any ideas?”

Chloe’s eyes sparkled and she reached out and fingered the same necklace that Emily had just had between her teeth. Impulsively, I lifted it off over my head and put it over hers. “I don’t want to smack you in the face with it.”

When I kissed her.

That’s what I meant. When I laid her down on the blanket and took her mouth with mine I didn’t want to knock her teeth out with my metal skull.

She clasped it then rolled onto her side so she was more relaxed and was looking right at me. The moonlight splashed over her ivory skin. No tan, real or artificial, on Chloe. She had a little bit of color, the kind that came from just being outdoors in the summer, but there had clearly been no effort put into tanning. I liked the creamy milkiness of her flesh. I liked the upturn of her cute little nose and the dusting of light freckles across her cheeks.