Matters of Circumstance (15 page)

Neal didn’t seem to recognize the name (though Farrah didn’t see how he couldn’t). “Party-throwing Robin?” he asked blankly.

“Yeah.”

But Ruby was grinning from ear to ear, and Farrah knew without saying that she apparently didn’t know her as well as she had thought. Ruby said it anyway, “Wrong. Guess again.”

“But you think Robin’s gorgeous.”

“I know, and he’s a great kisser too, but he’s got a new girlfriend right now, so he’s going to prom with her.”

“Oh. Bummer.”

Neal couldn’t seem to decide whether he was curious or perturbed. “So now I know what you two discuss in your spare time,” he remarked, trying to play it off.

“Not usually,” Farrah told him. Then to Ruby, “I’m out of ideas now.”

Her friend giggled. “I told you, you won’t be able to guess.”

“Do I even know him?”

Ruby made a face. “Who
don’t
you know, Farrah?”

“She’s got a point,” said Neal.

“You know what I mean. Have I ever actually hung out with this person, or would he just be another acquaintance?”

“We’ve hung out. Several times.”

It narrowed the list down, but not enough. “New or old friend?”

“It’s like a sudden death round of Guess Who,” said Neal, leaning back again (holding onto the wall this time, she noticed) in a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

Ruby thought, then said, “Kind of in-between.”

“Hey O’Brien, how is it going?” said a guy she had had classes with since freshmen year.

“Oh, good. Yourself?” she replied.

“Not bad. See you in Math.”

“’Eye Sumalt!”

Neal grinned and fist-bumped a guy Farrah vaguely recognized.

“Aw, man, you’ve got to see this vocabulary that someone put up using paper-mache all over H building! It’s hilarious stuff, like breastsummer—I have no idea what that is, but c’mon, the janitors are already scraping them off.”

Neal immediately perked up at the sound of something not related to girl-talk. “No way! That sounds awesome!” he said, standing up. “I’ve got to check that out—see you ladies later!”

“Yeah, have fun,” said Ruby, but it didn’t seem like she was really paying attention.

Farrah smiled and waved pleasantly. “Okay, see you later.”

She made to get back to her guessing game with Ruby, but then Neal swooped in and planted a short, sure kiss on her left cheek. His friend groaned and shoved at him teasingly, but he left as if he wasn’t perturbed by the situation at all, as if this happened all the time.

And Farrah wasn’t bothered by it, per se. She was—well, as astounded as the last time he did it, and flushing from her forehead to her ankles. He had to take pleasure out of her reactions, otherwise she was fairly sure he would do this more often.

Watching this, Ruby could only snicker. “You are so innocent, Farrah. Really—to anybody else that would be, like, nothing at all.”

“Yeah, I know,” she muttered. “I think he just likes making me blush.”

Her friend was quiet for a second, and then she tittered again. “Hey, if I could make you blush I would too. No offense.”

Farrah sighed tolerantly. “I’ve been hearing a lot of that these days.”

Another chortle. “Gee, I wonder why.” Things were comfortably silent for a few seconds, and then Ruby said, “Okay, well since we got side-tracked I’ll just tell you. It was Gerrod Rogerson.”

She was right, Farrah
never
would have guessed that. “Gerry? Oh, no way. I thought he was going steady with someone.”

Gerrod Rogerson was the student-body president and a genuinely all-around nice guy. He was always volunteering for something, had organized countless school events, and was aiming to go to Harvard in the fall. Farrah and Ruby had met him at their first party in freshmen year, as he was beginning to get popular, and they had kept in touch ever since.

But that Ruby had a date with him was completely unexpected. Gerry had been unattainable the entire time they had known him.

“Yeah, I did too,” said Ruby. “But apparently they broke up a month ago—which was actually when we really started talking. She was totally paranoid that he was doing something behind her back.”

“Wow, did she know him at all?” It sounded like Ruby was exaggerating, because Gerry Rogerson was probably one of the most loyal people she had ever met, but she would humor her friend in favor of keeping the conversation going.

“That’s what I said, but all he’ll say was that she loved too hard and he wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility in a relationship.”

Yeah, Ruby had been exaggerating for him. Farrah knew that Gerry wouldn’t have ever called someone paranoid and clingy, even if they were. That was one of the ways he and Farrah connected, because she tended to do that, too (and her only exception to this was that couple from Joe’s).

The comment could also be taken at face-value. It was hard to read between the lines with Gerry sometimes.

“Oh, typical Gerry,” said Farrah fondly.

“Yeah, but I’m still excited.” She was practically bouncing with it.

“Oh my god Ruby, I heard about you and Gerrod Rogerson,” a girl gushed as she walked by. “I’m so jealous!”

Ruby smiled and said a polite thank you, and the girl went on her way.

“Okay, so this probably sounds like I’m prying, but what is this supposed to be, anyway?” asked Farrah. “I mean, is he using you as a rebound, or is this serious, or…?” Knowing that Ruby would get the point, she trailed off.

“Well, he’s already kind of had a rebound,” she said. “We were talking all through that, but he’s graduating next month, and he’s leaving for college at the end of the summer. He just wants something casual.”

Farrah understood all of that—actually, that was her theory for why Neal wouldn’t get physically closer to her than hugs or pecks on the mouth—but there was still something else on her mind. “What about you?”

“I’m only seventeen. If you think about it, I’m not ready for anything heavy either.” Ruby made a gesture as if to say ‘what can you do?’ “So I’m just following his lead—and what about you and Neal? Are you guys going to prom?”

Farrah shook her head. “Unless I show up in costume, I’m never going to pull these off.” She made a small gesture to her shoulders. “And neither will he. That night I think we’re just going to hang out or something.”

Ruby made a noise of sympathy. “Fare, that’s so sad.”

Now it was Farrah’s turn to make a helpless gesture. “We’ll have fun even, if it is just movie night at my place. He loves my living room,” she said.

“Dude, I don’t blame him—all the façade rooms at your house are amazing! You need to use them more often.” But then she became more serious, and was just about to say something when the bell rang.

Farrah took the opportunity to wave the question and/or comment off and stand up. “Come on, let’s find Michael and get to English.”

*****

“Farrah,” said Michael during study hall in the library that Friday (a week before her doctor’s appointment, if anybody cared). “There’s a party tomorrow. You’re going.”

It wasn’t a question, it was—for lack of a better word—an order. “Why am I going, by the way?” she asked mildly, doodling swirls into her notebook.

“Because you don’t have an excuse not to anymore, as far as I’m concerned.”

Despite his somewhat insensitive dialogue, Farrah could not help the way her lips curled upward. After Ruby had found out about her wings she had asked if Farrah had wanted to tell Michael, too. She had said yes, but she hadn’t wanted to be the one to actually break the news to him.

Michael hadn’t believed Ruby at all, and had promptly showed up at her doorstep, demanding why Ruby was trying to feed him bullshit. Of course, he hadn’t believed Farrah until she had actually showed him, either, but after that he had gone pretty much back to normal.

Her friends amazed her, they really did. Farrah didn’t think she would be able to accept that her friend had grown wings with such finesse, and she had no way to communicate how immensely grateful she was to have them. Anything she said or did would never be enough.

Now Michael seemed determined to make her get her social life back. Typical.

“Who’s throwing it?” she said, going along with it to make him happy.

“Dalton.”

Yes, their text-addict friend. Being so social, it was only natural for Dalton to have connections (his family was fairly well-off, too). His parties weren’t as great as Robin’s, grant, but they were definitely up there.

Ruby, either neutral or already on Michael’s side, watched their interaction through her mascara laced lashes from across the table. Farrah could not read her expression.

And she was tempted to go to the party, but…

She sighed and said in a low voice, “I don’t know, Michael. It takes a lot to get me going, but once I do I can’t stop. What if I get totally plastered and rip my sweater off because I’m too hot? Even dancing too close to someone—”

“Then what are you going to do for fun, huh? Just coop yourself up in your room and watch movies on your laptop? Play board games sober?”

“Is that so bad? You, me and Ruby have had some great movie and board game nights.” Well, they hadn’t done it very recently—but it had happened in the past.

“I’m not saying we haven’t, but are you really going to let that be your only source of entertainment? What’s going to happen when you’re in college, Farrah, are you going to turn down the rave of the year to play Sorry?” He twisted around in his seat and stared her in the face pointedly. “Tell me you’re not limiting yourself to that.”

Neal would have been proud of the argument her friend was making, Farrah was sure. She glanced at Ruby, who was blatantly observing now, but Ruby only lifted her hands uselessly. Totally already on Michael’s side.

“Yeah, but Michael, you don’t have my problem,” she said, trying in earnest to get him to understand before her will shattered. It was hard to say no to something you actually wanted. “I don’t know what partying will do to my system anymore. Probably nothing, but what if I’m wrong? And you’ve actually hugged me; you know how fragile I am now. I can’t afford to do anything stupid.”

Michael made a noise of vexation and rubbed at his own face. “I’m not telling you to get totally shitfaced and pass out in a gutter,” he said with forced patience. “But fuck, Farrah, you’re only fucking seventeen. Stop acting like an old granny already.”

“Look, I know it doesn’t sound like it to you, but I’m not trying to be a granny either. Honestly, I’m not.” At least, it didn’t feel like she was.

“Neal thinks it would be a good idea, too,” Ruby said softly.

Farrah ignored Michael’s triumphant leer and rounded on her. “Wait, you guys talked about this to him too—!”

“Actually, it was the other way around,” said Michael with a note of satisfaction, as if he knew the argument was already won. “He doesn’t think you get out enough either.”

For a moment she was ready to submit, but then it occurred to her. “Wait a sec, why is this all about me? Neal hasn’t gone out either!”

“Actually, he has,” said Ruby, smiling a tad apologetically. “That’s one of the reasons we were so pissed, because Neal’s acted pretty much the same throughout all of this, and you haven’t.”

Farrah was positively dumbfounded. How come she hadn’t known about this when everyone else did? “What? Are you
serious—”

“Apparently, he thinks you’ve been too stressed out by everything for him to bring it up, and you never ask for details when he says he’s with his friends. So yeah.” Ruby spread her fingers apart again with a tough love kind of expression.

All of the other stuff had made Farrah feel bad, but
that
was the thing that made her feel like shit. She knew that she had been difficult lately, but she had never thought she was that bad. Why Neal was still putting up with her at this point was a complete mystery.

Her whole reason for not asking for details was that she hadn’t wanted to act like she didn’t trust him, but now she could see that that show of thoughtfulness had backfired. She had come off as aloof and self-centered instead.

Farrah leaned on her elbows and buried her face in her hands. “Oh my god, I had no idea,” she muttered, thinking aloud. “I really owe him an apology.”

Naturally, Michael pounced on that. “And what a better way to apologize than to stop giving him a reason to worry, huh?”

Farrah actually did consider the fact that her friend was twisting some words to manipulate her into giving in, but even taking that into account it still made sense. Farrah did like parties, and she actually had been wishing to be more normal lately. Wouldn’t this be the perfect opportunity to do that? For her to loosen up—possibly relieve some stress—and soothe the worries of those people that were important to her at the same time?

If Neal, who was basically her hero, could go to a party and not kill and/or expose himself, then she could too, couldn’t she?

“It’s not like I hate parties…” she said, slowly lifting her head from her hands.