Making the Cut (36 page)

“I’m glad you are safe Gwen, I was worried sick. We will have lunch again this week if you are feeling up to it.” He delivered that parting shot before turning and walking out the door.

Shit. I hadn’t told Cade about the lunches I shared with Luke on a semi regular basis. I didn’t tell him because I knew he wouldn’t like it (huge understatement, he would lose his shit) and I liked Luke’s company. He was a decent man, and we got along well. My feelings for him were purely platonic and I genuinely wanted us to be friends. Which was hard considering his hatred towards Cade. But we never addressed that leather clad elephant in the room, always steering clear of subjects pertaining to the club. I knew Cade was angry, because his body tightened even more. He gave me a look before standing and shaking the Sheriff’s hand.

“Thanks for everything Bill, you have the clubs gratitude.” He sounded respectful, which surprised me.

Bill stared at him. “Don’t need the gratitude just need you to reassure me that no more shit is going to hit my town.” His voice was hard.

“Trust me Bill, clubs looking to move in different directions. After today, you have my word nothing else is hitting Amber.” Cade’s voice was resolute.

Bill looked at him a beat then nodded. He then focused his attention on me, face soft. “Glad you are okay beautiful. By the sounds of it, this boy got lucky getting you. You take care of yourself.”

I nodded, unable to think of a proper response. I was surprised at the Sheriff’s words and I wondered if Luke had been talking about me. Bill gave Cade another nod before seeing himself out. Cade turned back to me, face unreadable.

“Lunch?” He asked quietly.

Rah Row. How was I going to get out of this? My luck seemed to have turned for the day because at that moment the door flew open and a tear streaked Amy ran through it. Her gaze darted around the living room before settling on me, eyes narrowed on my face she strode towards me. Brock entered the room behind her.

“Gwennie! Oh my god. Oh my god.” She threw her arms around me. I tried not to flinch when she squeezed my ribs.

She quickly pushed back and gaped at my face. “Those fuckers.” She hissed.

“Amy its okay.” I started softly, but she ignored me.

“Those FUCKERS!” She yelled, and I jumped slightly. “How can this be happening to you again Gwen? You’ve been though enough, Jesus you have been through hell. You almost died at the hands of crazy fucked up men, now after finally healing some other bastards get their hands on you.
Um no.
This is not acceptable.” Her voice was in danger of breaking and I watched as she tried to fight the tears that threatened at the corner of her eyes.

“Amy.” I said softly, but she ignored me again. Her eyes found Cade who was standing across from us, arms crossed, face still blank.

“What have you done about this? Are you going to make sure this isn’t going to happen again? Cause if you don’t, I’m calling my father and he is going to send his jet to come and take us away to an island far away where there is no men within miles. Actually fuck that I’m calling him now.” She unearthed her phone and began furiously swiping at the screen. Cade’s face was no longer blank, he uncrossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“Babe, cool it. It’s sorted. Put the fucking phone down and chill the fuck out.” Brock ordered, cutting Cade off and coming closer.

This was a surprise, I didn’t even expect him to arrive with Amy much less be speaking to her. I didn’t have much time to think on this though.

Amy whirled on him. “Cool it?” She uttered dangerously, glaring at Brock.

“
Cool it
?” She repeated, voice shrill. “Are you fucking kidding me? Did you see Gwen lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors, on
life support
? No. Did you listen to a doctor say she might never wake up? No. Did you sit by her bed for almost two weeks, waiting thinking over and over how you could’ve stopped this, seen the signs, maybe saved her from the horror she endured? No you didn’t!
I did.”
Tears streamed down her face. I made to put my arms around her, soothe her. I had never seen Amy like this. Brock bet me to it. He gathered her up putting his arms around her, stroking her hair and kissing her head. I expected her to fight him, push him away. But she didn’t she burrowed into his neck, hands clutching his tee. I watched in fascination as Brock’s usually hard glare softened into something so tender it made my heart melt, just a little. He lifted her up, and without a word carried her out of the room.

“Did you just see that?” I asked Cade, my voice a little breathy. “She didn’t even try to fight him or call him a biker asshole or anything.” I was gobsmacked, and torn between happiness that Amy had someone that cared for her, and disappointment that might not be having her as a sister in law anymore. I frowned. I was really looking forward to being an aunt.

I glanced over at Cade who hadn’t said a word. His eyes were black, and a muscle in his cheek was twitching. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, he was such a caveman.

“Seriously Cade, you all but thump your chest and proclaim ‘Gwen is mine’ every time we see Luke. He gets the message. We’ve had lunch like three times, I enjoy his company, purely as a friend. You have to trust me, and let me have friends that happen to have penis’s.” I finished, quite proud of how firm I sounded. My hulk of a boyfriend was pretty scary when riled.

He continued to stare at me with that blank look on his face, arms crossed.

“This isn’t about fuckin Crawford. Although I’m dis fucking pleased you kept your little lunches from me.” He bit out.

I threw my hands up in the air. “He speaks! I was beginning to think I was destined to have a mute for a boyfriend. The plus side would be not having to deal with all your macho man comments.” I joked, but Cade wasn’t even cracking a grin. I begin to read the intensity in the air and got a bad feeling. I cautiously walked up to him and put my hands on his waist.

“What’s wrong then?” My voice was soft and I craned to meet his black eyes.

His body was hard against mine, not responding to my touch.

“Amy’s right.” He growled, voice rough. “You’ve been through hell and getting involved with me put you right back there. I got you
kidnapped.
”

It pained me to hear the raw emotion in his voice. I put my hand to his cheek, opening my mouth to say something, soothe him, but he got there first.

“Men put their hands on you.” His hand lightly trailed my face. “You should never have once known violence not again. You are perfect, pure. And so fucking tiny, any man that would hurt you doesn’t deserve to breathe. And I got you hurt again. Christ
I
put my hands on you because I was going crazy at the thought of anything happening to you.”

“Cade…” I felt this was going in a terrible direction. I wanted to tell him I was okay.

“No Gwen.” He removed his hand from my face and stepped away from me, his face back to blank.

“I thought I could protect you, protect you from the ugliness of this life, not let it taint you. I was wrong. Even if we get out of the gun business, I will always have enemies, enemies that would use you. I can’t live with that. We have to end, this is over.” He delivered the verbal punch and I almost doubled over. His voice and face both were void of emotion, which I knew was a lie. He loved me, he was trying to protect me. Before I could argue, he stepped towards me, cupping my head and roughly kissed me. I didn’t have time to process this, he released me and walked towards the door. He couldn’t leave.

“I tried to commit suicide.” I blurted and he froze.

“Well I didn’t physically try, someone stopped me before it got that far, but I was going to. No one knows apart from Alex and Bull.” I talked to his back, he doesn’t turn but he didn’t leave either. He just stayed rooted to the spot, maybe it was good so I didn’t have to look into his eyes when I laid myself bare.

“It was six months after my attack, I went through hell trying to heal physically, but I got there. Mentally I was still in that warehouse. I barely ate, hardly ever slept, I saw their faces every time I closed my eyes.” I paused, taking a deep breath before I continued. “I couldn’t get clean. No matter how hard I tried, I felt dirty, tawdry, broken. I felt like I would never get better, that I would be sentenced to the nightmare of a life I was living. I had dedicated friends, a loving family. They all wanted to help, tried so hard, but they couldn’t. They couldn’t fix me. So I was going to take the coward’s way out. The selfish, easy way out. I planned on swallowing a bunch of sleeping pills, convinced I wanted to die. I almost succeeded.”

I heard Cade’s hissed breath but he still didn’t turn. I wanted to go to him but I couldn’t, I couldn’t bear to see what might be disgust or rejection in his eyes. So I carried on, I had to make him understand.

“I was lucky. So incredibly lucky that I had a friend who saw the signs, he knew what I was going through, he suspected what I was going to do. He walked in on me with a handful of pills. He saved my life.” I whispered. “I managed to get help, talk through my issues. But until I met you I was still broken. I was resigned to the life I was going to live, I wasn’t unhappy, but I would never have the appetite for life I used to. Or so I thought.” The energy in the room turned electric, but Cade still didn’t turn. I willed myself to finish what I had to say.

“I’m not trying to say that I would ever consider hurting myself again. I’m in a good place now, a healthier place, but you fixed me. You scared away my demons, made me fall in love with you. I don’t care about the club, what you think might happen. I trust you, feel safe with you. I’m not letting you walk out of my life because you are trying to protect me. If you walk out that door you will hurt me more than any evil thug ever could.” I finished on a whisper, my voice barely audible.

The silence in the room rang in my ears, I felt sick at Cade’s lack of response. I didn’t know what to do, I was about to run out of the room and go and curl into a ball of despair when he turned. All of sudden he was right there, in my space, hand yanking my head to his and his lips meeting mine. The kiss was frenzied and tender at the same time. His mouth plundered mine with an intensity I could hardly fathom. This kiss mirrored the one we had on the side of the road, so full of emotion and passion I could hardly stay standing. Cade’s hands moved to my butt and he lifted me, my legs instinctively going around his waist. He never broke contact, but I felt him walking, climbing the stairs. I heard the door to my room slam behind us, but I am in a fog, almost delirious. I grind myself against him, craving him, aching to get as close as possible. My hands went to my tee, pulling it off, having to break contact with Cade while I pulled it over my head was near painful. I ignored the twinge in my ribs. In a flurry of desperate activity we were finally both naked, Cade gently laid me down on the bed, his body settling on top of me. His eyes met mine, the look on his face so incredibly tender, my heart jumped. Then he was inside me. I moaned into his mouth, pleasure and relief flooding through me. He pulled his mouth back and slowly moved, eyes never leaving mine. One of his hands  bit into my hip, the other roughly cupped my face. I could tell he was holding back, treating me like I was made of glass on account of my injuries.

“You are the strongest, bravest, most caring person I have ever met. You fucking amaze me. Every time I slide into you I thank god for making such a perfect creature.” His voice was rough, he didn’t stop moving, eyes locked on me.

I swear I felt my heart stop, warmth spread through my body as Cade brought me to the most intense orgasm I’ve had like ever.

It had been an indefinite amount of time, could be minutes or hours. I’m not sure. Cade was still on top of me, still inside me. Neither of us had said a word.

Cade slowly pulled out of me his body leaving mine. I made a little whine of protest, digging my hands into his back. He smiled down at me, and I swear to god it was the most erotic and beautiful thing I have ever seen.

“Don’t worry baby, I will be inside you again soon. I actually plan on being inside you for the rest of the night. As long as you aren’t hurting.” He glanced down at my ribs with concern. “But we have to talk first.” He rolled onto his back but brought me into his side carefully, pulling my leg so it’s cocked over his and tucked me into his shoulder.

I still hadn’t said a word and he begun to stroke my hair.

“What you said before, Gwen, you were wrong. You are not weak, nor are you a fucking coward. Don’t want you ever saying that about yourself again.” His voice was still tender but it had a bite.

“You are human. What happened to you was fucking horrific, I know men who would’ve broken down under the weight.”

“But I did break down.” I whispered, voice ragged.

Cade lifted me up slightly, so his eyes were on mine. “Like I said babe, you’re human. But you are also the kind of person that has friends that would lay down their lives for you. Friends who would do anything for you, like save you life.”

My breath hitched a little at his words and he kept going.

“Says a lot about you babe, that you would inspire people to be that devoted to you. It’s cause you are special, so god damn amazing that people gravitate to you. I owe Alex my fuckin life, he saved you, so you could be brought to me. You are strong babe. Even after trying to hurt yourself, you fought back, became yourself. Not a lot of people would do that, most people would spiral and find themselves in a blackness they couldn’t escape.”