Making It Through (14 page)

I woke early, the apartment still quiet while my friends all slept. So as not to disturb Max, I slowly slid
from
bed, then pulled on a pair of track pants and one of his t-shirts. My feet padded to the kitchen, where I started a large pot of coffee rummaged through the fridge to locate the eggs and bacon.

I looked in the living room and expected to see Chloe and Meagan, sound asleep. Except, that wasn’t what I found. Chloe was there, stretched out on one side of the couch, and on the other end was Jordan. My eyes widened in surprise. Where was Meagan? And then I had to stifle a giggle with the thought that she might very well have hooked up with Scott.

I returned to the kitchen to cook a greasy breakfast for everyone and clean up the dishes that I had left. Max woke first to join me.

“You could have slept longer,” I told him.

He shook his head. “I could say the same to you. But I woke, and you weren’t there. Then I smelled the bacon and knew I didn’t want to miss that. You should've left the dishes for me.”

I laughed quietly. “Maybe, but I needed the sink. Anyway, take a look out there and tell me what you see.”

He looked, and then turned back, a shocked look on his face. “Uh, where is Meagan?

“Exactly. Do you think?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “
I'm
sure that will be a perfect topic for one of your girly gossip sessions.”

I rolled my eyes at him and huffed. “So, you were saying that you didn’t want any breakfast? Oh, okay then.”

He smacked my ass lightly. “Don’t come between me and that breakfast.”

Eventually, I placed the finished breakfast,  a pot of coffee, and some orange juice on the breakfast bar, along with some plates and cups. By then, Jordan was half rubbing his eyes and half blocking them from the sun, groaning loudly. He dragged himself to join us, grabbed a mug, and filled it with coffee. “Remind me to never again drink that fruity shit you served last night.”

Max laughed loudly. “I’ll try and remember that.”

We ate in silence until the sound of a door creaking caused us all to turn around. Meagan was tiptoeing from the other hallway, freezing when she saw us. I lifted my brow at her, daring her to deny what we were seeing.

“Ugh, don’t ask. Just please tell me that I can have some of that.” She sighed, pointing at the orange juice.

When Jordan was feeling a little more alive, he walked over to the sleeping Chloe and slapped her ass, causing her to shriek into instant awakening. He proceeded down the hall, where we heard another creak, followed by silence, before Scott cursed.

Chloe made her way to the food, grabbing a piece of bacon. When Jordan returned, she scowled openly at him. “You are an ass.”

He nodded. “Just be glad I didn’t do to you what I did to Scott.”

When Scott finally emerged from his room, Meagan immediately began to fidget, her eyes permanently fixated on her cup. Scott, on the other hand, was watching her intently. I was dying to ask her what had happened after I had gone to bed, but I would have to wait until we were alone.

Once everyone had had a bit of food and plenty of coffee, Meagan began pushing Chloe to go home. While they gathered their coats and boots, Max disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a large container. I raised an eyebrow at him in question.

“Leftovers.”

The girls slipped out the door, and I knew it was time for me to go, as well. It was Christmas Eve, and I had a date with my dad, but I had to make one more stop before that.

I returned to the bedroom with Max on my heel. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as I packed my bag. “Text me to tell me what time to be ready.”

“Mady, wait. I have one more thing for you.”

I looked at him, confusion clouding my face. “You already got me this amazing necklace.”

He reached into his sock drawer and pulled out a ribbon. Attached to it was a key.

“Because
you're
here a lot, I thought  that maybe you might like to have a key. And before you ask, yes I cleared it with the guys first.”

He took my hand and dropped the key into my palm, pushing my fingers closed over top of it.

“I, uh, don’t know what to say, Max. Thank you.”

He kissed my lips chastely. “You don’t have to say anything else. It’s not a big deal. You’d better get moving.”

I smiled and hugged him tightly. “I’ll call you later.”

I made it out the front door of his building before letting out a huge breath, the new key weighing heavily in my pocket. Why had he decided to give it to me so soon? I crossed the snowy street to my car and cranked the heat. Without waiting for the heat to kick in, I set off toward the cemetery.

It wasn’t long before I passed through the snow-covered gates and was able to pull over near my final destination. I grabbed a blanket from the trunk before walking among the stones. The snow crunched under my feet, the only sound loud in such a peaceful place. I stroked the stone as I always did, brushing off snow that rested atop it, before laying the blanket down so I could sit.

“Well, it’s Christmas Eve, Matt, and let me tell you, tomorrow is probably going to suck more than I can imagine. We didn’t put up anything festive at all. No one is talking to each other. I’ve been staying away as much as possible. Max, the guy I told you about, has been amazing. We had a party last night with Chloe, Meagan, and his friends. It was the most fun
I've
had in a long time. He even went out of his way to make sure we had a tree. And then today, he gave me a key. I’m not sure what to do with that. I wish you were here to give me brotherly advice. I could use some. But if you were here, I would probably punch you for being an ass and leaving us.”

I stared at his stone, a tear making an escape down my frosty cheek.

“This is ridiculous, you know. I’m just a stupid roller coaster of emotions. I’m sad, and angry, and happy all at the same time, and none of it makes sense in my head.”

I paused with a sigh. “Anyway, I came today because Max invited me to his parents’ house for Christmas, and I don't want to have any breakdowns while
I'm
there. So, that means I won’t be coming tomorrow. I know you would understand, but still, it feels strange to not spend Christmas with you.”

I pulled my necklace from underneath my coat to look at it. “Max gave me this yesterday. He said it represents strength, but I don’t feel strong. I don’t think
I've
ever felt weaker, Matt. I know I’m not unique in the feelings
I'm
having. Lots of people lose family. But I still feel alone. I don’t feel strong. I feel like, most of the time,
I'm
scraping by. Lately, Max has helped distract me a bit. He is good at that.” I giggled and then added, “I know you would be weirded out by that comment. I can picture your reaction.”

I curled closer to his stone, resting my head, trying to pretend for a moment that he was hugging me once more.

“God, I miss you,” I sighed. “I guess I should go.
I'm
freezing out here, and I have to get ready to meet Dad for dinner. Love you, big brother, wish you were here.” I kissed my fingers and lay them on his stone, before bending to grab my blanket and walking back to the car.

I sat there for a few minutes to collect myself, watching as the wind caught in the trees, sending snow drifting down from the branches. Turning the key, the engine revved, and I headed home to get ready for dinner.

“You look beautiful sweetheart,” Dad said, coming around the table to hug me tightly.

“Thank you. You look pretty good yourself. I’m sorry I’m a little late. Traffic is bad tonight.”

Dad had texted me earlier to let me know that he had made reservations for The Keg, which made sense because the man loved steak something fierce.

“Not to worry, I was just seated. Let’s get a drink shall we?”

The waiter appeared, and we placed our drink orders. As we perused our menus, I noticed something different about him.

“Is that a new tie?” Dad wasn’t man who changed things up too often, from the biggest things, all the way to his small collection of ties.

“I, uh, yeah. A coworker of mine got it for me for Christmas.”

I smiled. Had I detected a blush? The waiter returned for our orders, and soon enough, we had hot plates of delicious food in front of us.

“So, Mady, what are you doing tomorrow? Did you decide to spend some time with Mom?”

I shook my head. “Max has me pretty booked with what his family is doing. Honestly, Dad, I’m not sure what on earth is happening with Mom and Sam. I don’t know whether or not to bother. I figured I'd see them in the morning and give them their gifts, and then just do my own thing.”

Dad nodded. “I’m sorry that the holidays need to be so hard.”

“Dad, you don’t need to be sorry. It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just too bad. We always used to love the holidays, and now, there’s just nothing. Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on all that too much. How is your steak?”

He smiled. “Done to perfection, as always.”

We had a pleasant evening. As we were waiting for desert, I grabbed my bag and pulled out his Christmas present.

“Ah, honey, you didn’t need to do that...” He opened the gift, and then continued, “...unless you got me symphony tickets, in which case, never mind, this is perfect. Thank you.”

He reached under the table and handed me a box in return. Inside the wrapping paper was a beautiful book, the black and white cover depicting a stunning landscape. I opened the cover, and blank music pages were inside.

“I know you put your guitar down for a while, but a little birdie told me that maybe you hadn’t given it up completely.”

Max
. “Thanks, Dad, I love it. So, what did you say you were doing tomorrow? You can’t sit at a hotel all alone.”

“It’s not as bad as all that. You know it’s been a while since I've had any real time off. I thought about going to the movies, but I might also just decide to lounge and read a book, or maybe do a little work, in case I get bored. I’ll be fine. I want you to go and have a good time tomorrow.”

I chuckled. “Max’s mom is pretty out spoken. I don’t think she'd let me have a bad time. I’m sure I'll be fine.”

With dessert finished, our stomachs full, and the check paid, we left the restaurant. He walked me to my car and hugged me again, laying a kiss on the top of my head. “I love you, sweetheart. Merry Christmas. I’ll give you a call in a couple days to arrange for you to see the new place.”

“Sounds great, Dad. Merry Christmas.”