Making It Through (12 page)

“You think you have it all figured out, do you? You are too young to know anything.”

“And you're saying this because you have it all sorted out, Mom?” I sighed before continuing. “Look, I don’t want to fight with you. I can take care of myself.”

There was a knock, and I slung my bag on my shoulder before swinging the door open.

“Bye, Mom.”

I slipped out before Max could come in. He eyed me with concern.

“Everything
okay
?”

I smiled up at him. “It’s getting better now.”

He held open the car door for me, before coming around and getting inside himself. With a chaste kiss on my lips, he started the car and headed off.

After we had driven a few blocks from my house, curiosity set in. “So, what are we doing for dinner?”

He eyed me cautiously. “I was thinking we could go to my aunt’s place, if you aren’t tired of the food there.”

I grinned. “Are you kidding me? She is an amazing cook. I could eat there all the time.”

“My parents are going to be there. Is it still okay?”

I nodded. I was mentally exhausted after my brief encounter with my mother, but I couldn’t deny that it would be a good chance to get to know his parents better. I knew the love Max had for his family, and it would be nice to share in it for a little bit. Regardless, the idea made me insanely nervous.

We parked outside Island Oasis, and he came around to open my door. He captured my hands in his and kissed me lightly.

“I can see the nerves. You’ve already met them, and they love you, there’s no reason for the nerves. Come on, let’s eat.”

The restaurant was buzzing, almost all the tables filled with hungry patrons. I was happy to see a little local joint like this be so popular. We walked to the back, where Max’s parents were sitting at a large table, waiting for us. Gloria grabbed me, and I quickly became well acquainted with her ample chest.

“It’s lovely to see you again, honey,” she gushed.

I said hello to Theodore, before taking off my coat and settling down into my chair. Max threaded his fingers with mine and pulled my hand to rest on his thigh, beneath the table. I looked up, and his mother winked at me. I smiled back at her as my cheeks heated.

Max leaned into me and whispered in my ear, “Why are you blushing?” I just shook my head, hoping it would be dropped. Nope.

Gloria nodded her approval. “It’s nice to see that you've both decided to skip the silly games and get together.”

Theodore looked at his wife and scolded, “Gloria, now don’t you go and embarrass these two.”

She looked back at him and scoffed. “I’m not! I like to see Max so happy, and I like Mady, that’s all.”

“Well, I’m starving, how about you Mady?” Max asked, trying to change the subject. I simply nodded, and Theodore smiled.

“Glad to hear it, kids, because we already ordered, and you know your aunt, she'll have a feast for us shortly.”

We sat in a comfortable silence for only a moment, before the kitchen door swung open, and his aunt emerged with a large tray filled with so many items, I was sure there was no way we would be able to finish it all.

We all dished out food to our waiting plates and then conversation turned toward me as we ate.

“So tell me about yourself, Mady. Max hasn’t really said much, aside from the fact that you two met as study partners, you were pretty, and he liked you,” Gloria stated.

I cleared my throat as I glanced at Max. “What?” he asked. “It’s all true.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “All? You haven’t told them anything else?”

“I thought you would eventually get the chance to tell them whatever
you're
comfortable sharing, babe, that’s all.”

I nodded and immediately appreciated his discretion. I would have been uncomfortable if they had posed a question about something I wasn’t ready to share.

“Are you
all right
?” Theodore asked.

I hadn’t realized that all eyes were on me, waiting for me to say something about myself.

“Sorry, yes, I’m fine. It took me a moment to process just how respectful your son has been of my privacy. Thank you, Max.”

Both of his parents beamed proudly. “We met officially when I was in need of a tutor to get me caught up in my classes. My brother passed away this past summer, and
I've
had a bit of a hard time with it all. Max has magically managed to get me focused again.”

“Oh honey, we’re sorry to hear of your loss.”

“Thank you.”

Gloria reached across the table to hold my hand. “I’d like to ask about your family, but I understand if that is too much of an intrusion.”

I smiled weakly. “Uh, things have not been great at home. My family has forgotten what it’s like to be a family. It’s more like
we're
a bunch of individuals now.”

Max leaned over and kissed my temple. “Her parents fight all the time.”

“Grief is a horribly destructive thing. It has the power to find any cracks in what once seemed like a solid foundation and shatter it.” Gloria’s eyes were soft and sympathetic.

I felt bad that our nice dinner was turning into some sort of pity party.“It’s not been easy.”

Max looked over at me, a concerned expression crossing his face. He could see me hurting. “Maybe we should change the topic for a bit, huh?”

Gloria nodded. “Of course. But I want to say one more thing. You are welcome to spend time with us anytime.”

I smiled back at her. “Thank you very much, you have both been very kind to me.”

We took a break from the heavy conversation, and I listened to Gloria and Theodore chat about Max as a child and a couple of trips they had been on. By meal’s end, my stomach was full and my mind was lighter.

We ended our night with his parents as I began to yawn. When we arrived at his apartment, Jordan and Scott were in the living room playing videogames. They invited us to join them, and I could see Max’s eyes light up at the prospect, but I was tired and decided that some sleep would better benefit me. With a little coaxing, I managed to convince Max to stay and play. I closed his bedroom door behind me, stripped from my clothes into a cozy pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top, and slid into his comfortable bed. It wasn’t long before I dozed off to sleep.

I walked through a thick fog, disoriented, and my arms reached ahead of me for something to help find my way. Strange whispers broke the silence. I strained to hear, but I couldn’t pinpoint their direction or what they said. Panic set in. How long would I wander around aimlessly? Why was no one helping me?

I saw a faint glimmer of light and jogged towards it, but, where I was sure the light had been, there was nothing.

“Hello? Anyone?” I called as I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping for some comfort. I had all but given up, when I suddenly saw a figure silently coming through the fog. I prepared to run, but as I peered closer, I saw a familiar face.

“Matt.” I smiled at him, relief spreading through me. I reached out and hugged him, squeezing my eyes shut tight, as he wrapped his arms around me.

“Shh. It’s all right. I’ll always be here for you.” He held me at arms length, a sad look on his face. “I have to go.”

“What’s the matter, Matt?”

“I have to go,” he repeated. A railing appeared behind him, the fog clearing just enough to see we were on a balcony. How had we gotten there?

“Matt, please, I don’t understand.” I looked back at him. “Oh, my God, what are you doing? Matt, please! Come back on this side of the railing. I need you.”

I reached for him, but it was too late. In slow motion, his arms out at his sides, he leaned back. A blood-curdling scream erupted from me at my greatest horror...

Max's voice coaxed, “Come on, Mady, wake up for me. It was a dream.”

My skin was clammy, my cheeks wet from tears I hadn’t been aware I had shed. My body was shaking, my mouth dry, my heart racing.

“Just breathe.”

I clung to his arms until my breathing began to stabilize, my heart slowing to normal. “Sorry.”

“Uh uh, you don’t get to be sorry about any of this. Do you want to tell me about it?”

I took a shuddering breath. “It’s always about Matt, but the details change.”

He held me closer, kissing the top of my head, comforting me. “What was tonight about?”

“I was with him on the balcony, and I couldn’t stop him.”

Max's hold on me stayed firm. “I’m sorry, babe. I wish I could take away those dreams.”

“Yeah, me too. It’s bad enough living with it; dreaming about it is too much. I’m going to go grab some water.” I slipped from the bed and padded to the bathroom. Looking into the mirror at my reflection, I came face-to-face with tear-stained cheeks and dark circles around my haunted eyes. I turned on the cold tap and splashed myself. The shock was refreshing to my tortured brain. I scooped water into my hand for a drink, and then I walked back to Max’s room, where the blankets were open, and his wide arms waited for me.

“Are you feeling a little better?” he asked, his voice still full of concern.

I nodded. “I think I’m okay now. We should probably go back to bed. We have class in the morning.”

We curled together, my cheek pressed firmly against his chest. I lay awake until I heard his steady breathing slow. My heart still hurt, the dream still too fresh in my mind, but I was grateful for the comfort he gave me. Kissing his pec lightly, I whispered to him. “Thank you, Max, for saving me tonight.”

We hadn’t spoken at all about my nightmare. Instead, Max was extra attentive, laying it on thick with soft touches and little kisses. I would never be able to tell him how grateful I was for that. It was hard enough to have people look at you differently, but to be expected to talk about a tragedy with people who couldn’t understand the emotions swirling around inside, it was painful.

I stood on the steps of the library, waiting for Max to finish studying. Our classes were coming to a close for the holidays, and I was definitely not looking forward to any extra time at home. I wasn’t sure what would happen with my family, but I expected that there would be no more family dinners.

The crisp air whipped around me, and I pulled my scarf up higher around my neck.

“You should have come inside.”

I turned and Max was standing only a couple feet from me, smiling widely.

“I haven’t been here long.” We kissed lightly, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, then pulled me toward his car. We sat there for a moment as he tried to get the heat going.

“So, Mom wants you to join us for Christmas, but I told her I wasn’t sure what plans you might already have with your parents.”

“There won't be much happening.
I'm
sure Dad will be staying away, though I should probably spend some time with him. I’m not sure what Mom and Sam have planned, if anything. Are you sure I wouldn’t be imposing?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “You know my mom adores you.”

“Okay, I’ll go.”

He wrapped his arm around me and hauled me closer to him. “So what are we going to do for the rest of the holiday?”

Laughing, I replied. “
I'm
sure you’ll think of something. I do need to shop at some point.”

He nodded. “Yeah, me too. Come on, tonight
I'm
going to cook you dinner.”

My stomach took that moment to grumble loudly. “That sounds perfect.”

Watching Max in the kitchen was fun. He was surprisingly graceful. Whatever he was cooking, it smelled delicious—I caught the scent of bacon and cheese. He poured me a glass of my favorite, cranberry juice and Sprite. When the final buzzer sounded on the oven, I was so starved, I could have eaten a bowl of cereal and been happy. Not that I would tell him so after all the effort he had made for me.

I grabbed his glass and wandered toward the couch, where he met me with two plates. “I present you with chicken carbonara. I hope you like it.”

I took a bite and groaned. “Amazing. Thank you.”

He shoved a bite of food in his mouth and grabbed for the remote.

“So... how much did you have to pay the guys tonight to have the house to ourselves?” I chuckled at the thought of that first night together.

“Ha ha, very funny. It was worth every penny, wasn’t it? Seriously though, I don’t know where the guys are. I expect they'll be home soon, so I made enough food for them, too.”

“Aww, I wish I had a roommate as great as you.”

He looked thoughtfully at me for a moment before returning his focus on finding something for us to watch.

Just as we were finishing up, the guys came home and immediately dove into the leftovers. We sat and chatted with them for a little bit, before excusing ourselves and retreating to Max’s room. When I opened the door, I was shocked to find my guitar leaning against the end of his bed.

“Uh, why is my guitar here?”

Max wrapped his arm around me. “I was hoping you might play for me again. You have a beautiful voice, babe.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, confused. “Did you break into my house or something?”

He laughed. “Not exactly.” That didn’t explain anything, but I let it slide, since the guitar was distracting enough.

I caressed the strings with my fingers—I missed playing. I picked up my beautiful blue guitar and sat on the edge of the bed. Arranging my fingers, I took a deep breath and strummed my first chord. And then another. I closed my eyes and just played for a while, the sound soothing.

When I opened my eyes again, and the last chord faded, Max was sitting on the floor against the door.

“What are you doing down there?” I asked.

“I didn’t want to disturb you. Was that a song?”

I shook my head. “Nothing really, I was just messing around.”

He got up and moved around to the other side of the bed, getting comfortable. “Can you write something right now? About me maybe?”

“Right now?” He nodded, grinning widely. “Uh,
okay
. You know it’s going to be terrible.”

“Stop making excuses. Unless
you're
too chicken to try.”

I narrowed my eyes and stuck out my tongue. After a moment to collect my thoughts, I began to strum.

“I wonder if I’m dreaming

If you’re really make-believe

If someone as amazing as you

Could really be meant for me.

Look into my eyes

You’ll know how I feel

So much is waiting for us

Say you’ll stay with me.”

Unblinking, he silently stared at me. My body was on pins and needles, afraid of what he might say. We hadn’t been together that long. Had I said too much? He cleared his throat before saying, “I was expecting something silly. Is that how you really feel?”

I nodded, looking down at the indents on my fingers from where the strings had left their mark. My absence from playing had made them tender.

“You should put down the guitar, Mady.”

I looked up as I did as he asked. He reached over and grabbed me and instantly I was beneath him.

“That was beautiful.” He kissed me hard, taking my breath away. When we parted, he whispered, “I’ll be here.”

We stayed that way, with our arms wrapped around each other until we heard shouting from the living room.

“Maaaaax! Maaaaady! You can’t stay in there all the time. Come out here!”

I giggled into Max’s chest. “I guess we should go and be social.”

He grumbled. “Why?”

“Because they're your friends. I won’t be responsible for stealing you away from them.”

He huffed some more, but we went to the living room to hang out with the guys.

“Finally!” Jordan exclaimed. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

“We’re all ears,” Max said dryly.

“Well, we have a little time before Christmas, and we were thinking that maybe we should do something fun. How about a little party?”

I cringed immediately. Spending my time with a mass of strangers didn’t appeal to me. Max squeezed my hand. “What kind of numbers are you suggesting here?”

“We were thinking just us. We don’t really ever do anything festive together. And, of course, if Mady had a couple friends she wanted to invite, we wouldn’t complain,” Scott suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

I snickered. “Perhaps I could invite Chloe and Meagan.” After I excused myself to grab my phone from the bedroom, I sent a quick text to the girls. Just as I had sat back down on the couch, my phone dinged. “Apparently they're thrilled with the idea.”

Jordan clapped his hands together. “Great! Now, how do we make this extra special? Hrm... wait, I’ve got it. Let’s make this an ugly sweater party.”

We all laughed at the idea, and the girls were also game.

“Well that decides it then. Chloe is asking about gifts. Are we all going to do an exchange?”

Even though our friends didn’t know each other, they agreed it would make for a more interesting party.

When Max and I finally crawled back into bed, I was really looking forward to our little party. It was time to find the perfect sweater.