Maine Squeeze (25 page)

She's always had a great gift for understatement.

“Actually, in retrospect? The awkward part was the easy part,” I said. “Once we got past that was when things got complicated and weird.”

My mother cleared her throat. “So … I almost hate to ask. But are you and Evan …?”

“No, we're not—not at all. But maybe … we could be … I don't know. I don't even know what I want.” I sighed. “That's okay, right?”

“Of course that's okay,” she said. “You know, Colleen, they both care about you. They're both probably confused, that's all—just like you are. Love is confusing.”

“I'll say,” I muttered.

“You know what, honey? Just relax. Let things take their course,” Mom said. “You're moving in a month, and you might as well
not
be serious with anyone right now.”

That was so logical. It sounded right, easy, fair. But it didn't sound fun. Did it?

“Hey, Coll. Look what a nice afternoon it is!” Sam said cheerfully, walking into the kitchen.

“How was work?” I asked. Trudy had given me the day off, with pay, after all. She'd actually come by to apologize in person and bring me my favorite, the fried fish sandwich, and an entire strawberry-rhubarb pie. Which I wasn't sharing, at least not yet.

I'd spent the day lounging, painting, collaging, and visiting Betty, while keeping a very low profile around the island. Extremely low. I was glad I didn't have to go to work, because I didn't want to see Evan yet. And I wasn't going near the post office, the general store, or anywhere anyone else might be.

“Nothing too exciting,” Sam said. “Come on, Erica's waiting outside for us. We've got to hurry to make the three o'clock.”

“The three o'clock?” I repeated.

“Hello, it's Friday. There's someplace we need to be,” Sam said.

I shook my head. “No thanks. I don't want to see Ben.”

“So you won't,” she said. “We can be busy talking when he gets off the boat. Heck, we can even be gone by then. We just have to stick around long enough to see if Orlando Bloom's on the boat.”

“He's not coming!” I laughed. “Doesn't he live in New Zealand or something?”

“Hey. We
saw
him last year,” she insisted.

“Sam, I'm sorry. I just—I don't care who gets off the ferry today. I'm not looking for anyone else to date.”

“Who cares about you? You've
had
your share. This is about us—me and Erica,” Sam declared.

“But you found your dream date,” I said. “Troy.”

“Yes, but—come on, it's a tradition. Book club. Your contributions are vital to the discussion.” She grabbed my arm and started pulling me toward the door. “Come on.”

“So, let's talk about the worst thing a guy ever did to each of us,” Sam declared when we sat down on our designated book club bench. They should add a plaque to it, after we leave, if any of us ever became famous or known for anything.
COLLEEN TEMPLETON SAT HERE. REPEATEDLY.

“That'll make you feel better,” Sam said. “Trust me.”

“They didn't do anything,” I mumbled. “It was me.”

“So you're indecisive. So what?” Sam said. “That isn't a crime. Unless you're sitting at one of my tables and you can't choose from the menu and you take like twenty minutes to order.” She laughed.

Erica went over to see if Haley could come join us, but she said no. That didn't surprise me. If she had been mad at me last night, she was still going to be angry today. In fact, it might take her a week or more to forgive me. The whole thought of that was just depressing.

“Does she know about Blair yet?” I asked Erica as she sat down beside me.

“Yeah, we told her,” Erica said.

I thought about what Betty said when I told her about the situation. “She's lucky she left. I'd have taken her out myself with this claw.” Betty had waved her broken wrist in the air like a weapon. “What an ungrateful wretch.”

“What am I doing here?” I asked now. “Haley doesn't want to see me, and I don't want to see Ben when his shift ends.”

“You're here because if he does want to see you, well, you're making it easy for him,” Sam declared.

“Okay, but doesn't it make me look sort of pathetic? Like I'm hoping he'll talk to me?”

“Well, aren't you? Pathetic or not?” Sam asked.

I wasn't sure. I knew that a lot of the things that Ben had said to me last night were true. That my heart really wasn't in it anymore. That I was stringing Ben along while I sort of waited to see whether Evan and I got back together again.

Which made me a real cretin.

I didn't necessarily know what a cretin was, but it sounded despicable, and I felt that I deserved that sort of insult right about now.

I stirred my chocolate shake halfheartedly as I heard the ferry's warning horn. It was approaching the landing. Then it was turning and backing up to the ramp. I knew the routine by heart, which was good, because I didn't want to watch. I was
afraid
to look over there. What sort of look would Ben give me if our eyes met? Or would he just stay on the ferry when he saw me, and wait for me to get the message and get lost? Or would he walk past holding up a life preserver in front of his face so I wouldn't see him?

“Hey, who's that with Ben?” Erica asked.

I rolled my eyes as I saw the red-haired college student with the white-and-blue boat-and-tote bag striding off the boat beside Ben. They were talking and laughing like they did every other day.

“Oh, God,” I groaned. “It's that beautiful girl on the boat with him every single day. Great, now she can move in, if she hasn't already.”

“Colleen. She's holding hands with the guy next to her,” Samantha said.

“She and Ben are holding hands?” I blurted.

“
No
. She's holding hands with the guy on her left. The guy in the business suit?” Sam said. “I don't think you need to worry about her and Ben.”

“Oh.” What a relief. On the other hand, it would have been nice to have something to be angry about. I'd feel less guilty if I knew that Ben had already moved on to someone else.

I watched Ben and Haley say hi to each other, and I felt this huge pang of regret. Why did I have to go and ruin everything?

It was killing me. What was really sad was that I was hiding behind my sunglasses. Yes, the same ones that I got cat food on. They didn't smell like cat food anymore, because I'd run them through the dishwasher to get rid of the smell. Unfortunately, they'd melted into a strange, wavy shape, but I didn't have new ones yet, so I was wearing them anyway.

They were the official bad-luck sunglasses of the summer.

Of course, there are those who believe in making your own luck. And if you're running around in stinky, melted sunglasses, you're not exactly a recipe for success.

But at least they still sort of hid the tears welling in my eyes.

“Well,
she's
definitely thrilled to be here,” Sam commented as a woman with short black hair spotted someone on the dock and started jumping up and down, waving wildly.

There could not have been a bigger contrast between the way
she
felt and the way
I
felt. “Ever seen her before?” I asked Erica.

Erica shook her head. “No.” She glanced around, looking slightly uncomfortable. “So, you guys want to get going?”

Samantha coughed. “Maybe we should go see Haley. I could use a cup of ice water.”

They both sort of tried to herd me from the bench where we were sitting.

“Hold on, hold on,” I said as I spotted a pair of familiar-looking legs on the dock. They weren't Ben's. “Is that Evan over there?”

He was wearing a baseball cap and a T-shirt that was too big for him. It was like he was intentionally trying not to be seen.

I watched as the excited woman with short black hair dropped her red duffel bag and shrieked and sprinted into his waiting arms.

Chapter 21

“So, I hear we've got an AWOL co-worker.” Evan arranged some butter pats into a small white bowl, then put the bowl onto his tray next to a plastic lobster trap full of dinner rolls. “What made her do it, anyway?”

I just kept putting salads into bowls. I couldn't talk to him and pretend everything was the same. I couldn't do the flirting thing or the weird looks. I wasn't going to act like a freak anymore.

“Is anything missing from your house?” Evan asked. “You know … have you checked for Starsky and Hutch? Or wait. They were probably on the case. Right? They busted her.”

“Ha ha, very funny. She owes me money and a repainted bedroom,” I said.

“So. There's an extra bedroom. Is that what you're saying? 'Cause Jake's place
is
getting a little cramped.” He left his tray on the counter and walked over to me.

Don't get any closer to me,
I thought.
Any closer and these salad tongs go right in your … face
. “Yeah, I can see why it would feel cramped,” I said.

“Why's that?” Evan asked.

“With an extra person,” I said.

“Meaning … me.”

“And,” I muttered.
Her,
I thought.

He just stared at me for a second as if he were trying to figure out what I was talking about. “Hey, do you think you could make up a side salad for me? I've got to make a couple of cappuccinos. Who wants cappuccino with fried clams? That's disgusting, but okay.”

“No, actually, I can't.” I put the tongs back into the large bowl of premixed salad.

“You can't?” Evan turned around from the espresso machine. “Or you won't?”

“That's not my table,” I said. I knew I was being juvenile, but I just couldn't help it. I was sick of the whole game. Him taking stuff to my tables, me making salads for him—it was so fake. Especially when you considered how he'd spent his weekend.

“I'm totally swamped, Coll. Could you just give me a break?” Evan asked.

“Why should I?” I replied.

“You know, a lobster has big claws, but that doesn't mean it actually has to
use
them constantly,” Evan said. He stared at me, waiting for some sort of reaction, or explanation, for why I was acting so difficult.

“I can't believe you,” I suddenly blurted. “Why didn't you just tell me she was coming?”

“Tell you who was coming?” Evan looked sort of confused, but I knew it was an act. He might only come here in the summer, but he had to know that we lived for gossiping about who gets on and off the ferry—with whom. Did he really think he could just hide her, that he could bring someone to the island without
someone
finding out? And we'd been there and seen it happen. And I'd seen how he was trying not to be recognized, because he
knew
it would get back to me, but he wanted me to think he wasn't seeing anyone. Why?

“You know. That woman with the short black hair carrying a red duffel who practically tackled you on the dock?” I said. “Does that ring a bell? The reason you took the entire weekend off, so you could be with her?”

Evan took a step back. “God. Why are you so angry?”

“Because you're such a liar!” I said. “Why couldn't you just tell me about her? Why didn't you just say, Hey, I have a friend coming for the weekend. A
girl
friend.”

“I didn't lie about it,” Evan said.

“No, you just chose not to tell me,” I replied. “Just like you chose not to tell me why you suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth and stopped E-mailing. I mean, I'm sure some other girl was involved then, too, but you didn't tell me about it, either.”

“We were living in separate states, Coll. Did it matter? Did you really want to know?” Evan asked.

“I wanted to know
some
thing. Some reason for why you vanished.”