Made in Nashville: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance (23 page)

She wasn’t sure how she’d got back up onto the stool. At first Corbin’s words had triggered a ‘fight’ response. She’d called him insane, a lunatic, a psycho. She’d bawled and shouted, cried, and then as he’d cradled her in his arms and apologized over and over, what he’d said slowly began to sink in. He was saying he was her father. Why would someone say that if there wasn’t any element of truth to it?

‘Shall I get something? A drink? Coffee?’ He paused. ‘Bourbon?’

She shook her head. Her eyes felt like huge, sore boulders, standing out, reddened from all the hours of crying.

‘I know I’ve gone about this all the wrong way but I didn’t know what else to do,’ he began. ‘Then last night, when I heard the news, when I saw you on TV, running from that hotel party I just knew I had to be here for you.’

Honor shook her head. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Was it happening? Did she believe what Corbin was saying? Or was this just some elaborate scam to catch her when she was at her most vulnerable? Where was his proof? She didn’t know what to say to him.

As if reading her mind he reached into the top pocket of his plaid shirt and brought out an old worn newspaper cutting. He laid it on the countertop between them and pushed it slightly toward Honor.

‘I never knew I had a daughter until last year. I got a letter from a lawyer’s office asking me to come to their place. At first I thought about ignoring it. In my world, lawyers usually mean trouble, but I went and that photo and a few sketchy details were waiting for me.’

Honor picked up the photo. It was a black and white picture of a baby, a screwed-up wrinkled face, a fist clenched to its cheek, a bonnet on its head. ‘Baby Blue Bonnet abandoned outside Mayor’s home’ read the headline.

‘I went to the state. I went to every foster home you’d ever been in and some you hadn’t, looking for information. No one would ever give me much until I met Maisy Ryan.’

Honor swallowed. She’d lived with Maisy Ryan from age thirteen until she left at sixteen with fifty dollars, a rucksack of her possessions, her guitar and a heart full of hope. The Ryan’s home was the only place she’d ever felt really cared for, like she mattered. But it was too little too late. She’d been hardened long before then.

Corbin smiled. ‘She talked about you as if you were her own. Told me stories. Showed me photos. I knew, when I saw those pictures …  there was no doubt in my mind that you were mine.’

She couldn’t deal with this. How was she supposed to react to this revelation when so much else was going on in her world? For all her life, she’d wondered about her parents. Where they were, who they were, why they’d left her and now, now she had her alleged father in front of her and she didn’t have clue what to say.

‘Of course then I had to learn everything about you.’ He tried to get her to look at him, dipping his head, trying to raise her out of the reverie she’d locked herself into. ‘Your music career, that beautiful voice you have … ’

This felt so awkward. This man, the man she’d met as a roadie at the festival, talking in such a soft, caring voice, like she was precious. Her hand went to the ring on the chain around her neck.

‘ … what that maniac did to you on stage.’

She looked up then, wanted to see his reaction to his own words. How would a father feel to know his daughter had been attacked the way she had? Would he have been there? Would he have supported her through her surgeries or would he have been unable to look at her then like Dan?

She saw tears in his eyes, his lips shifting slightly, his thumb toying with the bottom of the cold coffee pot.

‘And then I found out where you lived and …  I didn’t know what to do.’ He rubbed a hand over the side of his face. ‘I was terrified, Honor. I knew where my daughter lived and I had no idea how to approach her. I know how that sounds, dumb right? But I knew you’d have an image of who your parents were. I know I would have if I’d been in your shoes and …  I didn’t want to be a disappointment.’

She swallowed again as his words got to her. She felt a warm sensation of affection drift up through her and nothing was battering it back.

‘So, I took the coward’s way out. I sent you presents and I followed you. Just knowing it was you, my daughter, being able to see you living your life, working at the music shop, performing …  everything. I was grateful just to be able to share in that from a distance,’ Corbin told her.

Honor closed her eyes and let out a long, slow breath. ‘It was you. The chocolates, the flowers, the owl from Target …  the personalized guitar picks.’

‘Yeah, I got a bit braver there,’ he admitted, a flush appearing on his cheeks.

‘You shouldn’t have done that.’

‘I know. I should have had the guts to walk up to your front door but …  I didn’t want you to reject me. And I know how selfish that sounds but, Honor, I don’t have a wife or another family. I’ve been a loner all my life and the day I found out about you …  it meant the world.’

Her stomach contracted. ‘I thought I had a stalker.’

He shook his head. ‘I know, the other day at the festival …  I felt such an ass.’

Her eyes went to the owl, sat in prime position on her windowsill at the kitchen window. ‘I kept it.’

He followed her line of sight and smiled. ‘I had to have strong words with another shopper before she let me have it. All of the others had matching eyes.’

Honor nodded, then took a breath. ‘I don’t know what to say to you. This feels kind of weird.’

‘I know it does for me too. And I know …  I mean …  I don’t expect you to take all this in and start arranging father and daughter McDonalds trips every Friday night or anything. I just …  I just wanted you to know that if you need me. If you want me in your life then I’m here. I’ll be to you whatever you want me to be if you give me the opportunity.’

For a second, forgetting everything she was having to process, her heart went out to him. Here he was, a middle-aged man with nobody, who had missed out on half his daughter’s life. If he was to be believed, if his story was real, then he’d never known she existed.

She nodded. Maybe it wasn’t enough, just a nod, but it was all she could give him.

‘I’d like to get to know you, Honor. That’s all. Just to get to know you,’ Corbin told her.

‘I’ll make some coffee. This pot’s cold.’

The sun was so fierce he’d had to take his t-shirt off after mucking out the horses. Skipper was getting on for eighteen years old now but still in good shape. Rubbing him down and checking him over had whiled away a couple of hours but now he was back to thinking about Honor as song lyrics threw themselves at him.

Sitting up on the straw bales to the right of the barn had always been a favorite spot for composing songs. He wrote furiously, his pencil moving quickly, stabbing at the paper, desperate to get something down. He checked his watch. Thirty minutes or so had passed since he last checked his phone. He hadn’t heard it but maybe …  he got it out of his pocket. Nothing. He’d had ten missed calls from Gear last night. They had no idea how to handle the publicity except to provide the press with a ‘no comment.’ He knew he’d have to speak to them if he wanted to keep his contract but what could he say that wasn’t already being said? He’d been convicted, he’d done a few years of his sentence then he’d been released.

‘Room for another one?’

Jared looked up to see his mom standing at the bottom of the straw pile with two cans of Coke in her hands.

He shrugged, not sure he was in the mood for company.

‘Here, catch,’ she said, throwing the drinks to him one after the other.

He watched her climb up the bales with ease and she settled herself down next to him. He smiled at her, shaking his head.

‘What? You think just because I have a little arthritis I can’t climb up some straw? I was raised in the South don’cha know?’

‘Yeah I know,’ he responded.

She opened her can and he felt her eyes rest on him. ‘So, are you gonna tell me what happened with Honor?’

Just hearing her name hurt. All the memories it conjured up, all the good times, the smell of her skin, her hair in his hands, her lips on his … 

‘She heard the news like everyone else, right after the awards ceremony. She heard I shot my father.’ He delivered it like he was a TV anchor.

‘And did you talk to her? Did you tell her about Deputy Finlay?’

He shirked. He didn’t like talking about it, not even to his mom. It just brought it all back up again. He tried to forget. He had tried to wipe that day out of his memory bank permanently.

‘What’s the point?’ he responded.

‘What’s the point? Jared, you know what the point is. You’re not a murderer. You didn’t kill your father. Why would you let the girl you love think that of you?’ Carol-Ann asked, her brow furrowed, the fringe of her blonde hair almost touching the top of her eyes.

‘Because I made a promise and I don’t break promises.’ His voice was firm and unfaltering.

‘Didn’t you make promises to Honor? You’ve never invited a girl back here, Jared, not since Karen. I know you’re serious about this girl.’

‘I am …  I was …  but …  she didn’t want to listen,’ he stated.

‘And just how hard did you try before you ran away?’

‘What?’

He hadn’t expected a challenge to his decision. He’d come here for support, because his mom was the only other person who had lived through that difficult time. Anna had only been small and Jacob smaller, a baby, too young to remember much about it.

‘How hard did you try to make her listen to you? The Jared Marshall I know fights for what he wants. That’s how you got so far in the music business. You knocked on doors, gigged at crappy little shows and back-sticks radio stations, because you wanted it so bad. Or is Honor not worth the effort?’ She took a swig of her drink. ‘Maybe I was wrong, maybe she isn’t so special.’

Jared swallowed as a vivid picture of his girl came to mind. Her smile, the way she held his hand, that pure, sweet voice when she sang and when she whispered in his ear.

‘She is special, Mom. She’s everything.’ The emotion was there again. ‘But I don’t know what to do.’

‘Oh, darlin’, you need to talk to her. No matter what the press are sayin’, she deserves to know what really happened …  all of it,’ Carol-Ann told him.

‘But I promised,’ he stated, feeling the tears welling up.

‘Who did you promise, darlin’? Because ten years on I’m ready for whatever comes of it.’

He looked up at his mom. ‘I promised Daddy.’

‘ … and it’s a case of “no comment” in the Jed Marshall prison story. It appears Marshall’s gone to ground and both his advisor, Buzz Callahan and Gear Records are remaining tight-lipped. More to come … ’

Honor flicked the radio back off again. ‘Sorry, thought some background music would be good. I should’ve realized.’

She picked the empty coffee pot up and transferred it to the sink, going back for Corbin’s cup. They’d spent a slightly awkward half hour trading snippets of information about themselves until Mia had come in five minutes earlier to tell them she was leaving for Instrumadness.

‘I know it’s not any of my business but what’s the deal with that?’ Corbin asked.

Honor dropped the cups into the bowl in the sink. ‘What’s the deal with what?’

‘Jed and the prison story.’

‘I … I don’t want to talk about that.’

‘Sorry, it’s just they’re all having a fine time hanging him out to dry before they’ve even got an interview with him,’ Corbin stated.

‘What?’ She turned to face him.

‘You can’t condemn someone like that without getting their side of the story, can you?’

She felt sick. She felt sick and stupid all at the same time. Mia had said it over and over last night. Now, a virtual stranger, the father she didn’t know, was saying it to her too. The reports were stating facts but there was always more to a Nashville story. She should know, she’d been involved in a lot of them back in the day.
Honor Blackwood blinded by attacker
.
Attacker is ex-boyfriend with a grudge
and her very favorite
Aliens made me do it says Honor Blackwood attacker
. Suddenly a shroud was being lifted and good sense was kicking in.

‘I need to see him, don’t I? I need to hear what he’s got to say.’

She slipped down off the stool and wrung her hands together. She knew it was the right thing to do but the idea of seeing him again was scaring her to death. She looked to Corbin.

‘I’m sorry. I know we have a lot to talk about but … ’

‘Hey, I’m grateful to have gotten coffee.’ He smiled at her and the way his eyes crinkled up, almost creasing his temple, sent a pang of emotion to her chest. This could really be her father. They’d have to formalize it, by getting tests or something but it could be the beginning of the first step towards any sort of family.

‘I can drive you,’ Corbin said, standing up.

‘Pardon me?’

‘I’ll drive you to see Jed,’ he repeated.

‘Oh, no, it’s fine. He lives just across town. It’s not far.’

‘Look at you, you’re shaking and high on caffeine. I don’t expect you got much sleep last night.’

She either looked a whole lot worse than she thought or he could read her a little already.

‘No strings. I’ll drive you there and I’ll wait …  or I’ll leave.’ He rested his gaze on her. ‘We can decide on that when we get there.’

She looked back at him while her mind turned over thoughts about Jared. Could they make this right? Was his explanation going to change things or was she just going to give him a chance to say goodbye?

‘Thank you.’ She smiled at him. ‘I’ll go get dressed.

The street Jared lived on was eerily quiet. When she and Corbin had left her house the press had been there in droves, bombarding her with questions, shooting off pictures, wanting a response whatever its content. Corbin hadn’t acknowledged any of it. He’d remained cool and calm, just guiding her through the pack to his truck.

Now they were parked up outside Jared’s home and there wasn’t a journalist in sight. There also wasn’t a car in the driveway.

Honor let out a discontented sigh. ‘He’s not there.’

‘No? How do you know?

‘His truck’s not there.’ She was annoyed and frustrated. She’d built herself up on the drive over and now he wasn’t in.

‘Maybe he left it someplace or lent it to someone. You should go knock,’ Corbin suggested.

She shook her head.

‘You could call him.’

‘No, I couldn’t do that.’ The thought of the ringing line, the waiting, the anxiety, the fear flooding through her. No, this was something that could only be done face to face.

‘If you call him you can find out where he is,’ Corbin suggested.

She couldn’t speak to him on the phone, she just couldn’t. It would feel awkward. There would have to be some sort of conversation not just a request for directions. And what if he didn’t answer at all or he did and he didn’t want her to know where he was? It didn’t bear thinking about.

‘I could … ’ Corbin began.

‘No …  no, I don’t want you to.’

She needed to think what to do. She could call Mia and maybe she could call Byron. Byron was the closest friend Jared seemed to have. If anyone knew where he was, then Byron might.

‘Just …  just give me a minute.’ She opened the car door, and a breeze wound around her. Her head ached and she steadied herself, putting a hand on the hood of the car. She was losing focus, her mind full up; unable to cope with everything that was going on.

‘Are you OK?’ Corbin was out the car too, looking at her with concern.

‘Yeah …  yeah I’m fine. I just need to call Mia. I’ll be fine.’ She gave him a hopeful smile and took her phone from her jeans pocket.

Mia had only taken a few minutes to make the call to Byron and come back with the news, but it had felt like forever. She’d paced the sidewalk as Corbin had watched from the truck and then she’d gotten her answer. He was in Alabama. He’d gone home, as planned, without her.

With her legs like jelly and her heart bumping a staccato she made it back to the car. He’d left the state. He wasn’t here in Nashville. He was in Wetumpka, his hometown. The trip they’d planned together had meant so much to them both. It had all gone so wrong so quickly.

‘Honor,’ Corbin said in a soft tone that rapped on her heart.

Of course he was waiting for her to say something. She’d just got into the car and stared out of the windshield.

‘He’s gone home.’ She cleared her throat, turned her head to face him. ‘He’s gone back to Alabama.’

She felt a lone tear leave her eye and she quickly whisked it away with the sleeve of her top. She saw Corbin nod his head, then he started the engine.

‘Could you take me home?’

She just wanted to hide, be by herself, process everything, analyze everything until somehow, someway it all became clearer. If that was ever going to be possible.

‘I’m not taking you home. I’m taking you to Alabama. Buckle up,’ Corbin stated, looking over at her.

‘What?’

‘You need to see him, I’ve got nothing better to do today. Let’s go to Alabama and try and sort this out,’ Corbin stated.

‘But … ’

‘Besides, four hours in a truck together and it’ll feel like we’ve never been apart.’

‘I can’t. I … ’

‘Buckle up, Honor. I’m not taking no for an answer.’

They’d traveled an hour without speaking and now Vince Gill was playing on the radio. Truth was, she didn’t know what to talk about. They’d only just met. They’d had a tentative conversation over a pot of coffee and now they were cocooned in a vehicle for half a working day.

‘D’you need to stop yet?’ Corbin broke the silence.

She shook her head. ‘No.’

She’d taken off her boots and had curled her feet up underneath her to hug her knees. There were three hours left and it was like waiting for the storm to hit. You knew it was coming but you also knew there was nothing you could do to avoid it and the outcome wasn’t entirely in your hands.

Corbin took a quick look at her before turning his attention back to the road. ‘You haven’t asked me many questions. I thought you’d have a lot of questions.’

Honor closed her eyes, trying to dampen down her feelings. ‘You don’t have to drive me to Alabama. If you let me out at the next truck stop I can … ’

‘You think I’m gonna let you hitch to the next state?’

‘I don’t know whether I can stand hearing about the life you had while I was living in care.’

There, it was out. She wasn’t in the right mindset to take this on. She wasn’t ready for it. She’d spent most of her life believing it would never come and now it was here she didn’t know how to handle it. Especially now when everything was upside down and she didn’t know what was going to happen.

‘That’s why we should talk,’ Corbin continued, unfazed.

She sighed. ‘I don’t really know what to say.’ She rubbed one palm against her jean-covered legs. There was nowhere to go here in the car, nowhere to hide.

‘You haven’t asked about your mom.’

Somehow she’d known the exact words he was going to say. It was as if it had been there at the back of her mind, just resting, being ignored. Was it because she didn’t want to know? Because she couldn’t understand how a mother could leave her baby on a doorstep? Or was it because she was scared to find out? What could Corbin tell her if he only knew he was a father six months ago?

She shook her head. It was all she could do and even
she
wasn’t sure whether it meant ‘don’t tell me’ or ‘no, I haven’t asked’.

Corbin sucked a breath in through his teeth and screwed up his eyes from the sun that was pouring in the windshield.

‘She was real pretty and had the voice of an angel.’

Her stomach tightened as his words resonated. She’d heard them before. It was almost an echo. She closed her eyes.

‘We spent a couple nights together, Honor, while we were both performing in Wyoming. She sang solo and I was in a band.’ Corbin laughed. ‘It wasn’t the big time. The places we played were barely places at all. But back then, if you hadn’t got a contract, you just did it for the love of the music and money for beer.’

The only picture she could see in her head was a version of herself. Younger maybe, a little taller, her hair a little longer, the bottoms of her jeans a little wider. She had nothing else to imagine.

‘Her stage name was Alice Ruskin. That’s how I knew her. But her real name, I found out, was Alison Robbins.’

Robbins. Her real last name was Robbins.

‘She was like a whisper in the wind. A breeze that came into the room and affected everybody. Like a sweet change to the temperature …  something different. When she was on stage no one could take their eyes off her,’ Corbin continued.

Suddenly she was filled with anger. Here he was, her father, describing her mother as if she were a saintly, admirable woman who sang and charmed and wafted in, bewitching everyone in her path. But she had had a baby, not told the father of its existence and abandoned it. Abandoned her.

‘Why do you feel that way about her?’ Honor snapped, turning to look at Corbin. ‘You spent two nights together, she got pregnant and didn’t even tell you! That doesn’t sound like a whisper in the wind to me, it sounds like a selfish, irresponsible bitch!’

The harshness of her words took her back. She knew she shouldn’t care, should put up a brave face and a barricade like always but now, with Corbin here romanticizing everything, her blood was boiling. She was hurt and mad and she wanted to know every detail. Who Alice was, why she thought it was OK to leave a baby for the mayor to sort out and where she was now. So she could go tell her to her face.

‘Honor, I know how this sounds to you … ’

‘Do you? Do you really?’

‘I can only tell you what I know from that short window of time. I can’t tell you what she was really like as a person because … ’ He paused. ‘I didn’t really know her.’

Honor shook her head. What else was there to say? He couldn’t tell her anything. He couldn’t tell her if she regretted giving up her child. He couldn’t tell her if she went on to have a family. If she wanted to find this out it would mean making contact herself.

‘I know she never had any other children. The lawyer told me that. There was a husband …  but no children,’ Corbin informed.

Something squeezed her heart as she caught hold of something in his tone. ‘
Was
a husband? What does that mean? She divorced him? Gave up on him like she left me?’ She shook her head. ‘Figures.’

‘No,’ Corbin replied.

His voice was deadpan, his eyes set ahead. He pulled the car off the road and brought it to a halt.

‘No, I don’t want to stop. I want to get to Alabama and I want to see Jared. I abandoned him last night and maybe that was a big mistake. I’m really hoping so right now, because if I have to even think about carrying on without what we had together.’ Her voice was shaking. ‘I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never felt loved like that.’

‘Honor,’ Corbin said, reaching for her hand.

‘I won’t let that woman make me cry because she left me. I’m stronger than that. I’ve been through worse than that.’

‘I know you have, I know. And I’m not making excuses for her because I’m in no position to do that. I didn’t keep in touch. I didn’t know about you. Starting off, for a minute, I was crazy mad that she let me miss out on you. But then I found out she’d missed out on you too.’ He gave her hand a squeeze. ‘Then I only felt sorry for you. Ending up with two parents you thought didn’t give a damn.’

She was gritting her teeth so hard her jaw hurt. She wouldn’t let the tears fall. She would hold them in and try and retain what little strength she had left.

‘Honor … ’ He stalled, locked eyes with her, then dropped them. ‘Honor, your mom died.’

She heard what he said but it didn’t register. She didn’t feel anything. He was holding her hand and when he looked back up again his eyes were moist. But there was still no emotion inside her. She was unable to express anything. She had nothing to give for the loss of the woman who had given birth to her.

‘The letter I had from the lawyer’s office was because she’d passed. She’d left a will and amongst those papers was a letter asking them to contact me,’ Corbin started to explain.

She looked at him; his face was creased with emotion for a woman he’d barely known. Had those two nights they’d spent together meant something? Had her mother not been one in a long line for him? Had he really cared for her? If they’d not kept in contact at all why was he shedding tears? Did you cry for virtual strangers just because they’d died? Everybody dies in the end, people died every day.