Loving the Band (18 page)

I tried to catch my breath, feeling my heart crumble inside my chest. I can’t believe he’d cried because of me.

‘Callum, please. I can’t hear this. It’s too much to take.’

‘No –’ he shook his head – ‘you have to know this before you leave. You have to know how much he cares about you.’

I nodded my head slightly, indicating for him to go on.

‘He won’t speak to anybody, not even Logan. He just locks himself up in his room all day and refuses to do anything. He even missed rehearsal.’ Callum paused and ran his fingers through his hair. I watched him closely as he talked, wincing at the painful expressions that flashed across his face. He was obviously having a bad time of it all.

‘Riley isn’t himself, either. He’s withdrawn and he looks tired all the time. It kills me seeing them both like this. The worst thing is they’re hardly speaking to each other.’ He sighed and shook his head. ‘Riley says he hates Shaq and he wouldn’t care if he never saw him again. But I
know he only said that because he’s angry, at himself mostly.’

‘That’s why I’m going, Callum!’ I wanted to say more, but I just couldn’t find the words. Instead I sat in silence and watched Callum, waiting to see if he would carry on.

Callum met my stare for the first time. ‘You have to speak to Shaq,’ he implored me.

I frowned. ‘Callum, I’m really not sure if that’s a good idea.’

I was slightly surprised when he placed both his hands on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. ‘You
have
to. The only person Shaq will listen to right now is you.’

I sighed as he removed his hands and turned back to watch the children playing.

‘Shaq hates me,’ I whispered almost to myself, barely able to get the words out.

‘No, he
loves
you.’

I flinched at the word. ‘Don’t say that,’ I pleaded.

‘Why? Because you know it’s true?’

I shook my head. ‘Callum, there’s something you don’t know. That Shaq doesn’t even know. I’m leaving. Not just back to Scotland. I’m … I’m going to university in America. My application was only just approved. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember. And I can’t let anything stop me from following my dreams. Or anyone – not even for love. Because the love that Shaq and I share, well, it’s only brought total chaos. Look how unhappy everyone is. I’m not staying because I may or
may not be loved. I don’t even know what love means any more.’

For a moment Callum was silent, absorbing everything that I had just said.

‘Jess, I just need you to help them. Help Riley and Shaq see that they have to be friends.’

I frowned and met his stare. Everything about him looked sad, and it broke my heart.

‘If you think that it’ll help,’ I said.

He smiled and nodded his head up and down furiously.

I returned his smile with a halfhearted one. ‘I really messed up, didn’t I?’ I sighed.

‘Everyone messes up from time to time,’ he replied.

I laughed softly ‘Thanks, Callum! You really cheered me up!’

He matched my laugh, but his face soon turned serious. ‘Shaq and Riley are amazing people. They’re my best friends! And underneath it all they are still each other’s best friend. It’s just too bad they both fell for you the way they did.’

I sighed and nodded my head – how true could one statement be?

We both sat and finished our coffee in silence.

‘You know, Callum, I’ve been so wrapped up in my own world that it didn’t strike me until just now that you are an amazing friend. Really and truly. And perfect for Tegan – you make her so happy.’

He tutted. ‘I’m offended it’s taken you this long to work it out! But Tegan, yes, she’s amazing. I love being around her. Don’t tell
her, but I’ve booked a train ticket up to Scotland to visit her next month when we get a few days off from the band.’

I gasped in delight. ‘Callum, that’s GREAT news! Tegan will be thrilled. I’m so happy for you guys – at least someone got their happy ending.’

After we had finished talking, Callum said that he wanted to show me something. I tried to protest, but he pulled me to my feet and dragged me through the park. I became even more confused when he decided to cover my eyes with his hands and attempted to guide me. I tripped up slightly on the pavement and let out an agitated sigh. I wasn’t in the mood for games today. Callum just laughed at me.

‘Here we are,’ he said when he uncovered my eyes. I squinted as my eyes tried to adjust to the light. As they focused, I realized that an all-too-familiar face was in front of me. I wanted desperately to walk away, but I was mesmerized by his pleading eyes, full of emotion as his hands reached out towards me.

‘
Traitor!
’ I hissed at Callum.

Callum sent me an apologetic smile before he turned and walked away.

‘Jess, we have to talk. Please,’ Shaq begged.

Callum was right – he was a mess. His short hair had grown and was sticking up in every direction possible, and he was wearing clothes that looked like they hadn’t been washed in weeks.

‘I’ve missed you,’ he said hoarsely. ‘In fact, I began to
miss you the minute I walked out of your bedroom door, and the feeling has just grown worse and worse each day since.’

I took a step back when he reached out to me, trying to cup my face in his hands. ‘Please, don’t,’ I whispered.

He hesitated before he retracted his hand. ‘I’m sorry. I know you made yourself clear that horrible morning. I’m being selfish, I know.’

I shook my head, ‘If anyone’s selfish, it’s me,’ I replied.

‘No, you were just trying to do the right thing. You want to preserve mine and Riley’s friendship, despite your own feelings. I have so much respect for that. What you did was self
less
, Jess, not selfish.’

He looked at me lovingly and I felt him gently take my hand in his.

‘Stop it!’ I choked, and ripped my hand away. ‘Stop being nice to me!’

Shaq frowned. ‘I … I don’t understand why you’re being like this,’ he stuttered.

I sniffed, feeling the tears beginning to form in my eyes. ‘I don’t deserve your kindness. You should hate me. You should walk away and never talk to me again if you knew what was best for you.’

Shaq shook his head and took my hand and this time I didn’t stop him. It felt too good to feel my hand squeezed tightly in his warm one.

‘I could never hate you,’ he whispered.

I exhaled deeply, trying to ignore the lump in my throat.

‘I’m so sorry, Shaq,’ I sobbed as tears fell down my face.
‘I ruined everything. Maybe I can’t fix this, but you and Riley can fix your friendship,’ I said.

‘I don’t think he’ll ever speak to me again.’

I shook my head. ‘Don’t you see? You and Riley
have
to be friends. Not just for the band’s sake, but for your own sakes. You were the best of friends before you met me. I shouldn’t have come between you the way I did. I’m not worth it. You and Riley need to make it up. Please try, Shaq, for me,’ I pleaded. I could see by the way he stood he was trying to hold himself together.

‘I can’t promise anything,’ he whispered.

‘It’ll be fine as soon as I’m not around any more,’ I said quietly, the tears still flowing.

‘Scotland isn’t that far, Jess. Maybe … maybe we could meet up? When everything has died down?’

I shook my head as I felt more tears begin to flow. ‘No, Shaq, I’m leaving. Really leaving. I’m … I’m going to America.’ A sob burst free from my mouth.

I watched the colour drain from his face.

‘What do you mean, Jess? For how long?’ His voice cracked as he spoke.

‘I’m going to university. My application was only just accepted. It’s … it’s everything I’ve always wanted,’ I whispered. I watched Shaq as he stumbled back slightly and refused to meet my eyes.

‘You’re running away,’ he said quietly when he finally met my worried eyes.

‘In a way, yes, maybe I am,’ I sighed. ‘But you and I both know that it can’t go on like this. We aren’t just
hurting each other, we’re hurting everyone else around us. Have you ever thought about how this is affecting Callum, Logan and Tyler? What’s happening between you and Riley – it can’t go on. This is the only way to make things right again. I don’t know what else to do.’

‘You don’t know what else to do?’ he scoffed. ‘How about stay? I’m asking you to stay with me, Jess. We’ll work it out, me and you, together. What am I supposed to do without you? For God’s sake, Jessica, I love you! I love you! I feel like I can’t even function properly without you any more.’

I sobbed and felt my stomach flip. ‘I love you too, Shaq. Truly and deeply. That’s why I have to do this.’

He shook his head, almost like he didn’t believe me.

‘So, what? I just have to forget about you, is that what you’re telling me?’ he asked, his voice becoming stronger.

‘I … No. I’ll come back. And maybe … maybe we could try again?’ I said hoarsely.

Shaq leaned towards me, pushing the hair away from my face as if to see into my eyes more clearly.

‘If … if me and Riley become friends again … and I wait for you … will you wait for me?’ he whispered.

I stared at him, my love, totally breathless, caught up in my emotions. I didn’t need to say another word. We clung
on to each other. Could the promise of love be enough?

Maybe one day.

I switched my laptop on, ready to take a break from studying and just zone out for a while. It’d been a tricky term, full of assignments, lectures – and of course a few parties, but I was enjoying every second of it. I looked around my room, smiling broadly as I took it all in: wide bay windows looking out to the ocean on the horizon; cream walls scattered with photos of home, friends and nights out; the two single beds, one each side of the room, both neatly made and covered in colourful cushions; the vintage clothes rail where I hung up all my latest finds from the flea market on Saturdays. And, finally, the desk where I worked each evening, writing endless papers and emails back home to Tegan and Mum and Dad. The open window brought in wafts of the fresh sea air and I took deep gulps. I couldn’t wait to hit the beach tomorrow, carry on my surfing lessons and work on my tan. I was really loving the new bronzed me!

I have to say that I felt proud of myself. With all that had happened
that
summer in London, I’d come out here and made a new life. It had taken a while to get on my feet. I’d got lost around campus constantly, and having to make a totally new set of friends was nerve-wracking, but a few freshman parties later my confidence grew. Now I felt like I had known my college buddies all my life.

I leaned over my laptop, typing ‘British news’ into the search engine, eager to catch up on what I had been missing. As the page loaded, I felt my mouth go dry.

The Only Truth Take America By Storm! Sold Out Stadium Tour for Britain’s Biggest Export!

Beside the feature-length article was a full-page picture of the boys. I couldn’t help but smile: Callum looked his usual cheery self, grinning brightly at the camera; Logan and Tyler were leaning on one another, laughing; Riley beamed, his trademark cheeky look twinkling brightly in his eye. And Shaq. Smouldering in the background, his soulful green eyes looking thoughtful and bright. I couldn’t bear to look for another minute: the picture brought back too many memories.

My trip down memory lane was interrupted as my dorm-room door flew open and in rushed my roommate Summer, flushed and out of breath.

‘They’re here! They’re here! I can’t believe it!’

‘Summer!’ I laughed. ‘What on earth are you talking about now?’

‘Don’t you know, Jess? The hottest boy band of the century are here! The Only Truth are just a few blocks away! There’s girls queuing in the streets for miles – it’s totally insane!’ Summer exclaimed in her adorable Californian twang.

I forced a smile on to my face. No one here knew about my relationship with the band. When I got to America, I promised myself that I’d make a new start, making the
most of every minute. It’d proved even harder than I’d thought, trying to mend a broken heart.

‘Jess, we’ve gotta go queue up for tickets now!’

I shook my head. ‘I’ve got a paper to finish, Summer.’ Although true, it was also a good excuse. How could I go watch them play?

‘Jess, I’m not taking no for an answer. You’ve been a complete angel since you’ve got here – it’s time to mend your heart and forget whatever dumb British mystery man it was that broke it. Come to the show and talk to some boys!’ she demanded.

I huffed. ‘The only boys at that concert are going to be attached – to their girlfriends!’ But the irony of her words wasn’t lost on me. I wondered if Shaq had forgotten me. If
his
heart had mended.

‘Let me finish this up and I’ll think about it.’

Summer rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, Jess, you’re so sensible.’

She grabbed her cute orange clutch – her favourite – pulled out a lipstick and leaned towards the mirror to apply it.

‘Come down as
soon
as you’re done,’ she warned. And with that she flounced out of the room, turning back to wag a finger in my direction. ‘I’ll be waiting for you,’ her voice called from down the corridor.

I was laughing at her sweet, motherly tendencies when a loud ringing interrupted my thoughts. I scrabbled around the desk, lifting up piles of papers, searching for the phone.

‘Hello?’ I answered.

‘Are you ready to make it work?’ a familiar voice asked.

Totally stunned, it took me a moment to realize that I
could hear knocking on the door. I raced to it, wrenching the door open.

‘Shaq!’ I breathed, and fell into his arms.

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