Loving the Band (10 page)

I nodded sadly.

Tegan wouldn’t leave my side for the rest of the morning
and afternoon. Tyler eventually came back not having found Riley – it was obvious he needed his own space.

I managed to persuade Tegan that I would be OK without her just for a short while. There was someone I had to speak to. Callum understood and gently pulled Tegan away, explaining softly what he knew I was about to do.

He was sitting by himself on one of the rocks when I approached, his dark hair all ruffled by the sea wind.

‘Hey,’ I began, sitting myself down next to him, not quite knowing how to start.

‘Hey yourself,’ Shaq replied huskily. He looked at me with confusion and something else that I couldn’t put my finger on. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Better. Much, much better … thanks to you.’

He cocked his head to one side, and ran his fingers over the cuts on my arm that I’d got from my wrestle with the seabed. ‘You’re always getting yourself hurt, Jess. And it always seems to be around me.’

I felt my heart tug painfully. I didn’t know if he meant it was through my own special brand of clumsiness and ability to get into trouble or if he was really referring to what had happened between us when I hurt my head in the bathroom.

‘Come for a walk with me,’ I said impulsively. He looked at me with indecision clouding his eyes before sighing and seeming to give in to something inside.

‘OK, but put this on,’ he said, pulling his jumper over
my head. ‘It’s getting chilly.’

The sweater came down to my knees and smelled like a mixture of the salty sea air and Shaq’s musky aftershave. I gently inhaled its scent and pulled it closer round me as the wind whipped up.

We spent the first few minutes walking side by side in silence, but it was a comfortable silence as the sound of water lapping up on the beach and the waves crashing together accompanied us. He kept himself between me and the sea, as if he was afraid the water could hurt me again.

I was the first one to break the silence. ‘Really, thank you.’

Shaq looked down at me, confused.

‘I-I mean thank you for saving my life,’ I stammered, wondering what he thought I might have been talking about. ‘You saved me when no one else could.’

He stopped in his tracks and looked at me seriously, before pulling me to him. ‘You never need to question whether I’ll be there for you, Jess. I’ll always look after you. You need to know that.’

My heart quickened at his words and his touch, but I ignored its insistent pace, confused by what he was saying.

‘But you aren’t, though, are you, Shaq?’ I pushed him away, hurt. ‘In fact, you always feel so far away.’

‘You know why,’ he growled, head in hands. ‘Just as long as you’re safe, though – that’s everything that matters.’

‘Well, that’s not everything to me,’ I said angrily.

Frustration and pain appeared in his eyes as he gently
traced his finger down my jaw. ‘It’s all that can be. I’m watching Riley fall in love with you, Jess.’

There was a long silence as neither of us knew what to say next.

‘Anyway,’ Shaq continued. ‘It was Tegan who raised the alarm. She’s an amazing friend, Jess. And we both know more than anybody that you can’t be without your friends in life.’

There it was again. The reason we were apart. But this time it felt like Shaq was saying it almost to convince himself.

I took his finger and pressed it to my lips, tears welling up. ‘Then there’s nothing more to say. We should go back.’

He pulled away from me but nodded, and we made our way back to the others on the beach.

A fire was burning and everyone was sitting round it.

‘Hey, guys!’ Logan waved us over. ‘Look who we found,’ he added more gently, and moved aside to show Riley, his knees pulled up into his chest and arms wrapped securely round his legs. He wasn’t looking at anyone; he was just staring at the sand and his face was emotionless. I wished I could hear what he was thinking.

I didn’t dare look back at Shaq as I left his side to sit down next to Riley.

Callum clocked the situation straight away and began strumming softly on his guitar, inviting the others to join in with him on the words, creating a wall of sound that would let Riley and I speak.

‘Riley …’ I began, touching him on the shoulder to make him look at me, but he cut me off.

‘Just don’t,’ he said, his voice breaking. I took my hand off his shoulder and let it drop by my side.

‘Don’t what?’ I asked, confused.

‘Don’t say it’s OK when it’s not.’ He shook his head, still staring at the sand.

‘Now listen to me …’ I started. He didn’t look at me, but I sensed he was waiting for me to go on. ‘I should be the one to say if it’s OK or not –’ He tried to protest, but I continued. ‘I didn’t tell you that I couldn’t swim or that I would panic in the water. You couldn’t have known that. And, besides, I’m fine.’

Riley finally looked at me, guilt darkening his troubled face. ‘But it’s not OK. You could have died out there, Jess. I let you down. And I never wanted that to happen. Not to you. Shaq was the only one who knew what to do.’ He stared at my jumper. Damn, how could I forget that I was still wearing Shaq’s clothes? The hurt deepened in Riley’s blue eyes.

‘You didn’t let me down. And it’s just a jumper. That’s all. I promise.’ And it was. Shaq had told me that much himself. I looked up and caught him watching me. I shook my head sadly. Here, next to me, was someone who really wanted me.

Shaq turned his back and wandered over to the camper van. The moonlight framed his tall silhouette.

Riley also watched him leave. ‘I’m sorry, Jess.’ I tried to protest, but he cut me off. ‘I’m really sorry.’

‘Just stop it, Riley. I forgive you.’ I gently nudged his shoulder with mine.

‘I couldn’t imagine losing you,’ he whispered.

My forehead wrinkled. ‘You’ve only known me for a few days,’ I reminded him.

‘I know,’ he sighed. I bit my lip, not really sure what he wanted me to say or what I even wanted to say myself. Instead of words, I just shuffled over to him and placed my head on his shoulder. He sighed and put his head on top of mine.

‘I’m here right now,’ I whispered. That much I knew was true. And for now that was all I could give.

I woke up groggily, and rolled over to find myself land on another body in the bed next to me.

‘Aaaagh!’ I cried.

The other person screamed back at me in shock.

‘Tegan!’ We both looked at each other and burst out laughing as the memory of coming back to the boys’ hotel suite and bunking in together in Riley’s room while he shared with Callum came flooding back.

‘Are you OK this morning, Jess?’ Tegan asked, ruffling my hair affectionately. ‘You gave us such a scare yesterday.’

‘I’m fine,’ I replied, curling my toes at the memory of what had happened.

Tegan leaned up on one arm and looked at me seriously. ‘And how’s your heart doing?’

I sighed. Tegan could always read me like a book, but before I had the chance to pour out my confused heart to her there was a knock at the door.

Callum peeked round and Tegan’s face lit up. ‘Fancy some breakfast in my pad?’

‘Well, Jess and I were just –’

‘What are you doing?’ I interrupted her. ‘Go see the poor boy. Go.’ I bustled her out of the bed, and lay back down. She turned round and kissed me on the nose. ‘Thanks, Jess. Oh, and by the way there’s someone here to see you.’ She left hand in hand with Callum.

I looked up from the bed and saw Riley standing there. ‘Hello, you.’

‘Hey,’ he replied. ‘Can I come in?’

‘Of course!’ I laughed, getting up. ‘It’s your room.’

I tugged at the bobble in my hair as I stood, letting its frizzy mess loose.

Riley clapped his hand over his mouth and tried to control his laughter. I self-consciously moved my hands up to my hair and began patting it down. Riley kept laughing and I just gave up. ‘Don’t laugh at me. You can’t really talk,’ I said, pointing to his messy mop of curls. ‘At least I don’t have to be pampered.’

He stopped laughing and ran his fingers through his unruly mop. ‘I have beautiful hair!’ he pouted.

I laughed and moved over so I could tug at his knotty curls. ‘I just don’t understand the physics behind it,’ I commented, amazed by how light and silky it was.

‘Don’t touch the hair,’ Riley joked, pushing my hands away, but he pushed too hard, and I landed on my backside with an audible thud.

‘OUCH!’ I shouted at him, standing up and rubbing my sore bum.

‘Here, let me,’ he grinned, moving his hands to rub my
bum too.

‘Get off!’ I screamed with laughter, trying to smack his hands away and grabbing his wrists when he tried to come towards me. ‘Stop!’

Riley laughed as he tickled my hips. My top moved up slightly, exposing my stomach, and he took advantage and began tickling me even more.

I grabbed his hands and he stopped abruptly at my touch. He wove his fingers in between mine and pulled me in closer so that I was staring straight into his stunning blue eyes. They really were pools you could get lost in.

The chemistry in the room shifted and I found myself unable to do anything other than stare down at our intertwined hands.

‘Riley, I …’ I began to speak, but Riley reached out and silenced me, placing his fingertips upon my lips. I didn’t stop him and my pleasure grew as I felt his fingers dance along my skin. I felt the butterflies flutter in my stomach when the soft pads of his fingers reached my eyelashes, brushing them ever so slightly. I shut my eyes, letting all the sensations he was creating wash over me, and when I finally opened them I realized his face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my lips. My heart raced as I waited to see what he would do next.

This is actually happening.

Riley moved towards me, making me move back until I felt my body hit the wall. His forehead fell down gently against mine and I leaned my face up slightly so our noses were touching. I hesitated as he leaned in and then moaned
softly as he took my bottom lip between his teeth and tugged it gently. Before either of us could change our minds, he pressed his lips hard against mine and kissed me.

Suddenly I heard someone speaking from outside the door and my heart started to pound as I recognized the voice. I pulled away suddenly from Riley, banging my head against the wall behind me and gasping in pain. This wasn’t right.
This wasn’t Shaq
.

‘What’s wrong?’ Riley asked, trying to cradle my knocked head.

‘No.’ I pulled away from him and backed towards the door. I thought I had moved on from my feelings for Shaq. Even though I thought he and I had both made our choices, I was obviously wrong. And now I was even more confused. One thing I could be sure of, however, was that I wasn’t being fair on Riley.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I cried. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I …’ I pulled on my clothes from the day before and grabbed my bag.

‘Stop, Jess!’ Riley cried as he realized I was leaving. ‘Can we at least talk about it?’

‘I’m sorry,’ I said again, and bolted towards the door. I ran through the hotel suite, causing a stir as the other boys and Tegan watched my dramatic flight.

‘Jess?’ Tegan shouted, but I ignored her, heading straight for the door. I just wanted to get to Dad’s house, to get away from here.

I made it out to the lift, desperately pressing the button
over and over again as tears fell from my eyes. As the doors opened, I heard Shaq running down the hall. He caught me by the wrist. ‘Jess, tell me what’s wrong. Is it Riley? Did he hurt you?’ His body was shivering with anger at the possibility.

‘No, he didn’t hurt me.’ The lift door opened and I jumped in, pressing down on the lobby button. ‘You were right. I hurt him.’

‘Jess!’ was the last word I heard as the lift doors shut.

Tegan sat on the edge of my bed. ‘Come on, Jess. You’ve been hiding out and moping in here for ages now. I’m worried about you and so are the boys, you know. I think they’ve been texting. Don’t you even want to check your phone?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it just yet,’ I mumbled. ‘I’m not sure I even understand my own feelings.’

‘Is it Riley?’ Tegan asked. She looked at me seriously. ‘Or someone else?’

I knew that she probably knew what was going on in my head, but I wasn’t quite ready to admit it myself, so I grumpily rolled over and waited for her to leave the room before going back to sleep. For the time being, sleep was much easier than being left to contemplate my own thoughts.

It was the noise of hushed voices outside my door that finally pulled me from my dream-filled sleep. When it didn’t stop, I threw my covers off and sat up, swinging my
legs over the side of the bed. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, disgusted at how greasy and horrible it was. The mumbling outside my door still continued, but I chose to ignore it, not caring who or why they were there. I grabbed some clean clothes, a pair of sweats and a tank top, and made my way into the shower. After I had tried to wash away the previous day’s events, I put my trackie bottoms on and tied my wet hair into a messy bun. I made my way back into my room and stood in the middle, not having a clue what to do. Tegan had left my phone on my bed. The battery was dead. I plugged it in and placed it on the side. I didn’t know what time or even what day it was, but frankly I didn’t care. Looking out of the window, I would say it was around noon. I sighed and decided to go on my laptop. Maybe it would take my mind off, well,
everything
.

While I was waiting for the laptop to load, my phone lit up and I leaned over to see Riley’s name appear on the screen over and over again. I resolutely ignored it, launching the internet, but before I even realized what I was doing I saw that I had typed ‘The Only Truth’ into the search engine. I tried to pull my eyes away, but it was too late as hundreds of thousands of results came up.

I clicked on a fan website and scrolled over to ‘news’. Thousands of results popped up on my screen. One of them was:

The Only Truth’s Callum Wickson wants a puppy to join the band.