Loving Rowan (6 page)

M
ortified at Dad
, I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. All my feelings for Kyle had pushed me to confiding in him and Mum about how I felt, and Dad kept hinting at it while we were talking.

After coffee, he disappeared outside with Kyle, and I watched from the window as they went to the car and began to unpack everything. My stomach churned at what he could be saying, but in no position to stop the conversation, all I could do was wait for them to come back in.

“Are you okay, Rowan?” Mum asked, as she began clearing away the coffee cups.

“I’m fine,” I murmured, trying to get a better look as the two of them started laughing, my father patting Kyle on the back.

“He seems nice,” she said, moving behind me.

I sighed. “He is, but you guys don’t need to be so vocal about us.”

She hugged me from behind. “Your father just wants to make sure he is all you say he is. He loves you, sweetheart.”

“I know. Some things are just better left quiet, you know?”

“Don’t tell your father next time.” She laughed, going back to take the dishes to the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes, following her through to the kitchen. I opened the oven door to look at the roast lamb, breathing in its amazing smell. It wasn’t worth doing something like this just for me at home, but maybe for myself and Kyle …

“Close that door before you let all the heat out,” Mum said.

“Sorry. It just smells so good.” I turned and hugged her. “I’m glad to be here.”

“What about tomorrow?”

I smiled. “What’s done is done. They’re together and happy. I’ve been spending time with Charlie, working through her wedding preparation. It’s been nice to be with her again.”

Mum nodded. “It was always a shame she couldn’t spend more time here with you and Andrew. She’s such a nice girl. I’m looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.”

“She’ll be beautiful, Mum.”

She cupped my face, pressing her nose to mine. “
You
are beautiful, Rowan. Maybe that man of yours will make you finally see that.”

Falling footsteps told us Dad and Kyle were back. Dad was telling Kyle just to leave my things in the hallway so I could sort them.

“They’re getting on well,” Mum said, “I know your father was worried you were setting yourself up for another fall. I don’t think so, though.”

I shrugged. “Kyle’s a great friend, Mum. I don’t know what I’d do without him now.”

Going out to the hallway, I started sorting through my things, carrying my bag up to my room and unpacking. I went back down to find my Dad deep in conversation with Kyle in the living room. Dad was in his element, telling stories of the orchard, and I watched as they went off again on a tour round the orchard, leaving me behind.

It didn’t matter, though. I smiled as I watched my two favourite men becoming friends.

A
fter dinner
, we all sat around and watched a movie. Dad and Kyle acted like old friends, and I realised Andrew had never been as comfortable as Kyle was in our house. He’d been stiff and awkward around my father, where Kyle was at ease. If our friendship ever died, I think my father would end up as devastated as I would.

I didn’t realise I was staring at Kyle until he waved his hand in front of my face, waking me out of the dream I’d fallen into. The one where he loved me back; the one that I hadn’t dared dream before.

“Earth to Rowan. You okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Probably just time for me to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a really big day.”

He reached for my hand, squeezing it and smiling. “Good thinking.”

I stood, moving to Dad to give him a kiss goodnight. Mum was already in bed, asleep, and I smiled at Kyle as I went to leave.

“You’re all good in the spare room? Know where everything is?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Have a good sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

I nodded. “Goodnight.”

Climbing the stairs, I paused halfway up to look at a photo on the wall. Charlie, Andrew and I had been in our first year of high school, children verging on the edge of being adults, but we looked so carefree and happy. We’d been at Andrew’s parents’ beach house, and I remembered the holiday well, as Charlie had left early after becoming ill. Andrew and I spent half the summer together, left to our own devices for the most part, and that was the summer I was more sure than ever he would be mine.

It might have been the kiss we shared while sitting under a tree, just far away enough from the house that no one would see. I shook as his hand slid down from my shoulder and touched my breast. As I gasped, he pulled his hand away, grinning at me. “Sorry, Row.”

I hit his arm. “You’re not sorry.”

He laughed, hugging me. My stomach was awhirl with nerves, but he pulled away, grabbing at my hand to pull me towards the house. “Let’s go get a drink.”

All the teasing, all the flirting, none of it meant anything in the end. It didn’t really matter anymore.

I kept going on to my room. Nothing had changed; all my childhood things were around the room. The narrow single bed in the corner made me ache for my queen-sized bed in my apartment. The bookcase was full of books that were tattered and falling apart, a result of rereading all my favourites over and over again.

Changing into my nightgown, I climbed into bed, and turned off the light. Tomorrow was going to be interesting.

T
he smell
of pancakes wafted through the house as I went down the stairs towards the kitchen. Mum’s Saturday speciality. Kyle sat at the table, stuffing himself with food as Mum made another batch.

“Your mother’s a really good cook. We can’t stay here; I’ll get fat,” he mumbled through his mouthful.

I laughed. “Why do you think I left home?” I kissed Mum good morning, and sat at the table.

The rest of the morning was pretty uneventful as we sat around and waited. No point in getting ready too early, with the wedding being mid-afternoon. Dad was out on the orchard as usual, and Mum fretted that he’d never be ready in time, but I knew he’d be in and dressed before the rest of us. He always was.

After lunch, I went upstairs. Kyle had disappeared, and I assumed he was with Dad. I took my dress out of the wardrobe where it hung. Charlie had helped me choose it, from all those damn wedding magazines. We’d grown so close again poring over them, finding the perfect bridesmaids’ dresses. They were beautiful, and I’d pictured myself wearing one. I couldn’t help it.

“My sisters will look great in these, don’t you think?” she’d said.

“I guess.” Despite not anticipating anything, I felt a twinge of disappointment. She didn’t want me.

“Now we get to find a dress that you’ll look good in. Are you coming with your parents?”

That was it. And I was almost ashamed that I’d gone to bed and cried when she’d gone. She hadn’t even thought of me in that way.

It was finally time to get ready. I stripped off to get changed. As I pulled off my T-shirt, it stuck on one of my earrings and I sighed as I fiddled with the fitting rather than having it rip my ear apart.

There was a tap on the door, and before I could react, I heard his voice.

“Rowan, I just wanted to see if you needed anything before we …” He stopped as he saw me, standing topless beside the bed.

I pulled my earring free, covering myself up with the T-shirt. Kyle turned his back.

“I am so, so sorry. I never would have come in if I thought you were changing.”

“What did you think I was doing? Stay there while I get my dress on.” I turned my back to him, letting go of the shirt to pick up the dress.

The blue chiffon floated down me as I pulled it on over my head. The fabric was soft and sensual against my skin and I revelled in the feeling before remembering Kyle was still in the room.

“You can turn around now.”

He turned, and looked at me with the most intense look I’d ever seen from him. His eyes were bewildered, his breathing heavy. Maybe it was because he’d just seen me half naked; I don’t know.

“Kyle? Are you okay?”

“You … you look beautiful, Rowan.”

I blushed. “Thank you.”

He grinned, shaking his head as if he’d just woken up. “You’ll be the most beautiful bridesmaid there. I think you’ll outshine the bride.”

I could feel the colour draining from my face. “I’m not a bridesmaid. Where did you get that idea? I wouldn’t be here if that was the case.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I just didn’t think that out.” Now he looked as though he’d been slapped. “I just assumed because you’d been spending all that time planning things with Charlie … She’s your friend, isn’t she?”

“She has sisters.” I choked back the tears as I said the words, not wanting to tell him I’d cried buckets of tears at the feeling of rejection.

A flash of anger crossed his face. “Her loss. I still get to escort the prettiest girl at the wedding.”

“Charlie’s gorgeous. No one is going to outshine her.”

He crossed the room to take my hands in his. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”

My heart was beating fast as he looked into my eyes. He was such a good friend to me, and here I was getting tangled in the Charlie Andrew mess again. This was who I could trust now, and I felt it more than ever.

“Rowan,” Mum called out from the hallway. “Do you need anything in there?”

“I’m fine, Mum,” I called back.

Kyle squeezed my hands. “I have to go and get ready. See you soon, gorgeous girl.”

My heart pounded at about a million beats per minute. He winked at me as he went through the door. I sat on the bed, staring at the door.

Whether he realised it or not, I was his.

T
he car ride
to the wedding was silent, and I just knew Rowan was thinking about the afternoon to come. It hurt that this was breaking her heart, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

What I’d seen in her room kept coming back to me. She was so beautiful, and I’d caught a glimpse of her as she’d stripped off. Seeing her made me ache to hold her in my arms and tell her how I really felt. But we had this day to get through first.

She had to see this wedding, had to see Charlie and Andrew exchange vows. Maybe then she would let go of that dream she’d had of him. All I could do was hope that happened. Until she let go, I had no hope of her seeing me as anything other than a friend.

I wanted to drive in the opposite direction, take her away from all of this, but I couldn’t. I had to let this play out, no matter how much it hurt, but after this day I would not let them hurt her anymore. As far I was concerned, those two were done, and I would move heaven and earth to keep them away from her. Once today was over, that was it.

I glanced at her. She looked straight ahead, and I knew she was only just holding it together. I’d put my foot in it, assuming that Charlie had had the decency to include her best friend in the wedding party. Instead, Rowan had been left out. At least she had me.

We pulled up into the church car park, and I held her hand as we approached the building. She shook as we grew closer, holding tight as we sat in the church well behind the rows of family. There were curious looks—everyone must have known how close the three of them had been over the years—but she ignored them, staring straight ahead.

Andrew smiled and waved at her, and I wanted to get up and punch him in the face. He must have known what this was doing to her; he and Charlie supposedly knew her better than anyone. I hurt for Rowan.

I slid my arm around Rowan’s shoulders, leaning over to kiss the side of her head. “You okay?”

She nodded, turning to face me. There was the tiniest of smiles on her face. Screw the people around us, I was there for her, not them.

I grinned, kissing her on the nose and squeezing her arm to show my support. When I looked up, Andrew was staring daggers at me. I just shook my head, kissing the top of Rowan’s head again. If he wanted the best of both worlds, marrying Charlie and keeping Rowan dangling, I would stand in his way. No one would ever use her again.

Charlie arrived to great fanfare, and I watched as Andrew smiled at his bride.

I gripped Rowan’s arm tight, and she stayed calm through the whole ceremony. While everyone threw rice, and cheered outside, we slipped back to my car.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

She nodded. “I can’t not be okay, if that makes sense. What’s done is done.”

How on earth could I tell her I wanted to skip the reception? I wanted to take her home to her bed and find every freckle, explore every last inch of her body, make her scream my name. She only thought of me as a friend who was helping her through this tough situation, and all I could think about was how it would feel sinking into her, making her mine.

Instead, I drove her where she needed to be and sat with her, back from the head table. The whole situation pissed me off more and more by the minute. I got that the day wasn’t about her, but I thought they could have done more for the woman they had both been best friends with since childhood.

She just looked straight ahead again, through the speeches and ate her meal without a word.

When the music started, she watched Andrew and Charlie dance, with a wistful look on her face. Her dream was over, but I wasn’t finished trying to make something of the evening.

“Hey, beautiful. Want to take the next dance?” I said, leaning over to whisper in her ear.

She leaned towards me, nodding slightly.

As other couples took to the dance floor, I took her hand, pulling her to her feet. She looked so flat. “How about I show you what an amazing dancer I am?”

“Amazing, huh?” Finally a real smile broke through and she laughed, shaking her head.

“Only the best.”

Her eyes lit up as I pulled her to the dance floor and into my arms, and we laughed together as we began to move. “Thank you for putting up with me today.”

“That’s what I’m here for Rowan. I’m certainly not here for them.”

She sighed. “I know. You’ve been so good to me, and I must drive you nuts with the way I’ve been going on.”

I shook my head. “This is a big deal for you. As long as you know that I’m here for you no matter what.”

Rowan pulled me closer. I could smell her perfume, delicate, as she was. I didn’t know if she could feel how hard I was getting, but I no longer cared. I loved this girl so freaking much, and soon I’d tell the world about it.

The hairs on my neck were standing on end, and I looked up to see Andrew staring at us. Well, looking at
me
with that pissed off look he’d had on his face before. What his problem was, I didn’t know. It wasn’t like he had feelings for Rowan, right?

After a couple of dances, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. If I didn’t get rid of this hard-on, it could prove to be embarrassing. I closed my eyes in the bathroom cubicle, trying to get it over with as quickly as I could, the memory of seeing Rowan half naked spurring me on. What I wouldn’t give to have her with me, her mouth on me.

Relieved of my burden, I left the bathroom, ready for round two. I had no idea how I would cope with the rest of the night.

Andrew was waiting for me outside.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.

I raised an eyebrow. Surely he didn’t know what I’d just been up to. “What are you talking about?”

“Rowan is off limits. She doesn’t need anyone like you around to use her and make her feel like crap.”

I laughed. “Oh, really? I guess you considered her feelings when you were sneaking around with Charlie, and all but ignoring her when it came to your wedding.”

“I cared about how she would feel, yes. I’m sorry she found out the way she did, but I knew she had feelings for me. She still does.”

“I would say that a lot of that is gone after today. Especially tucked halfway down the church, out of the way. Would it have been too much for you and your new wife to include her? You two are supposed to be her best friends.”

“We are her best friends. Which is why I’m telling you to stay away from her. I know what guys like you do to girls like Rowan.”

I took a deep breath. That urge to punch him in the face? Well, it was stronger than ever right now.

“Guys like what? Guys that actually care about her? Guys that aren’t you? You have no idea how much I care about Rowan. Maybe you would, if you weren’t such a shitty friend to her. So you’re allowed to do whatever you like with whoever you like and she gets what? Neglected? Left alone until you feel like dangling a carrot? At least she doesn’t have to worry about me sneaking around behind her back, telling her lies.”

He rubbed his jaw, and I wondered if I could press him enough to punch me.

“Rowan and I have been best friends since we were born. You don’t get to come between us.” He poked me with his index finger as if to drive the point home. I was so close to losing it with him.

“I don’t need to come between you. You’ve driven her away. Just keep on doing what you’re doing, and I can guarantee she’ll want nothing more to do with you. She’s not stupid, Andrew.”

I turned and walked away from him. What a load of crap. On the day he dedicates his life to Charlie, here he was trying to keep Rowan tied to him too. I’d show him; I would take her away and treat her like the amazing woman she was. No lies, no holding anything back. One day we would have our own wedding, and I had no intention of inviting him or Charlie. Screw them.

Rowan stood with Charlie when I returned to the room, and I could see Charlie talking while Rowan just stood there. The light that had shone in her eyes as we danced was gone, but I saw a small smile when she spotted me heading towards them.

I grabbed hold of her, pulling her to me as I looked into those beautiful eyes. They widened in surprise and I kissed her, feeling her soft lips against mine, ignoring Charlie staring at us as I probed Rowan’s mouth with my tongue.

She stiffened before relaxing in my arms, and I was sure she was kissing me in return. I ran my hand down her back until it rested just above her butt.

“Hey,” I said softly, breaking away from the kiss. Her eyes were closed and when she opened them, I saw something different, new emotions. Maybe I’d broken through. I kissed her nose, grinning at the thought of more kisses like that.

“Kyle,” she whispered, reaching up to touch my cheek with the palm of her hand.

I looked up at Charlie. She was gaping at what had just happened. “Congratulations, Charlie. I hope today was everything you wanted it to be.”

“I … I … it was perfect,” she stammered.

I looked back at Rowan. She had this dazed look on her face. “How about we go and get a drink.”

She nodded. There was a gleam in her eye that I hadn’t seen before. I hoped it was me who had put it there.

“I’m so glad you had a wonderful day, Charlie. I am so happy for you and Andrew.” Rowan sounded so enthused, I could almost believe the words.

I led her away, Charlie still watching us. Her mouth hung open at what she’d witnessed, and I caught a glimpse of Andrew approaching her out of the corner of my eye, too. I couldn’t wait for her to tell him what she’d seen.

We sat for a while, just drinking wine, and I was sure Rowan was acting flirty around me now. It was so hard to tell with her; she was looking at me under her eyelashes, the little smiles, and her cheeks pinking as we spoke. She looked up when the DJ announced a special song from the groom to the bride. As they started playing some old Kiss song, she looked back at the table, suddenly not so happy.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine.”

“Want to dance again?”

She looked up, and her eyes were sad, as if she were mourning the loss of something. Chewing on her bottom lip, she looked at me for a moment before smiling. “You know, I think I might like that.”

I grabbed hold of her hand, pulling her to her feet and onto the dance floor. The bride and groom both stared at us, but I ignored them, twirling Rowan around as she laughed. I pulled her closer, moving us around the room to the sound of the music. It didn’t matter that anyone else was there—all I saw was her. She was happy and smiling, and so very beautiful.

When the music stopped, she closed her eyes for just a moment before breaking out into a huge smile. Opening them, she looked at me. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Any time you want to dance, you know where to find me.”

She was so close I could hear her breathing accelerate as we stood looking at each other, and I slid my hand down her back. “Kyle,” she whispered.

I couldn’t help it. On the dance floor I kissed her again. Her lips were warm and welcoming, and I felt her tongue press against mine in gentle, tentative moves. She had kissed me back before, and she was doing it again. Now to persuade her that I wanted to take the next step.

“That was Charlie and my favourite song when we were kids,” she whispered when we broke apart, and suddenly it all made sense. The sad look when it played. It wasn’t their song; it was never their song. Andrew had taken something that meant a lot to Rowan and Charlie, and taken it for them. Without realising, I had made it ours.

As we turned to step off the dance floor, Andrew and Charlie stood watching. He had that angry look on his face again, and I made sure to give him a friendly smile.

I win.