Loving Grace (17 page)

He locked up and slept, dreaming of judges,
agents, his father, and mixed, jumbled pieces of conversation that
wedged themselves into his subconscious mind.

~ * ~

Grace got used to the hairstyle before she
did the contacts. She still had her glasses for back up because
sometimes the contacts bothered her eyes. Two days in a row, she
loaded her work in her car and drove to parks. She even went to a
pool one morning and swam for three hours before she ate. Her life,
her feelings about life, were evolving as she came close to the
time she planned to see Noel. She was experimenting, breaking out
of her shell and changing things. She realized that apart from
those weeks of modeling, she hadn’t explored much of herself since
that fiasco with William.

She could well go back to her comfort zone
and be content, but she wasn’t going to deride or dislike something
she’d never tried. It was truly amazing what the experience of
meeting Noel had done to her. More than that, making love with him,
letting go. Not thinking about shortcomings or flaws had helped her
grow, and here she thought that turning twenty-nine meant life was
all downhill.

Her brown hair was cut nape length with
feathery sides and bangs. She laughed and threw out clips, pins,
and rubber bands, feeling years younger too, with the weight off
her head. Her skin was warming to the sun, and she’d even decided
she could wear a little mascara. She bought pretty underwear and
silk nightgowns and stockings to go with a few garters. She took
some teasing from Seth for renting some chick flicks and attending
a week of dance classes at that Red Room nightclub. Sure, some of
it wasn’t for her, but she wasn’t in a hurry to go back to being
rigid and unsociable yet.

~ * ~

“Thanks for giving my number out to the
neighbors,” Seth said dryly. It was a Saturday and they were
shopping at the farmers’ market.

“You didn’t like Rita?”

He laughed and elbowed her. “I’m teasing.
Rita with the long beautiful legs, raven hair and ruby lips and
wild..? Well, sure, I like Rita.”

Grace placed some apples in his basket. “Not
serious though?”

“For now, no. We’re getting to know each
other. One good thing, we both work many nights. We’re good in
bed.”

“Seth.”

“Hey, figured you’d want to know.”

“I don’t.”

“You call Noel yet?”

“No. I was waiting until his last day of
testifying. You?”

“No. But I took him a six-pack when the
charges were dropped. I think he’d rather have had wine. ”

They were on their way when Grace said, “I’m
going to buy my painting from him.”

He whistled. “Can you afford that?”

“Yes. I hope he’ll cut me a break.”

“I’m sure he will.” Seth winked.

Grace laughed and got out as he dropped her
off. “Eat the fruit, Seth. You do fast food too often.”

“Okay, boss.” He mocked. “By the way, you
look good, Grace. Young and alive.”

Grace hugged him. “I feel it.”

In the apartment, she called Noel’s number
and got the answering machine. She left a message, “It’s Grace. If
you’re not busy tomorrow, please let me know. I’d like to come
by.”

She didn’t get a return call until one A.M.
fumbling around in the dark she realized he’d called her cell
number. “Yes...”

“Sorry to call so late.”

“Noel.” She sat down on the edge of the bed.
“You were out late.”

“I had dinner with Crumm and then went to see
a couple of local buyers, trying to unload some of this shit for
cash.”

“It isn’t shit, Noel. Please don’t say that.
You haven’t sold mine yet, have you?”

“No.”

“Good. I want to buy it.”

“I won’t charge you,” he said dryly. “My
price has gone down considerably anyway.”

“I insist.”

“We’ll talk about it. Can you stay the day,
have dinner here? It’s been… it’s pretty empty.”

“Yes. If you had a stove like normal people,
I’d cook you a good Italian meal.”

“You sound like Mother.”

“How is she? I saw her on the news. She’s a
lovely woman.”

“Yes. She’s happy now that it is over.”

“You didn’t tell me she has paintings in
museums all over the world.”

“Most of those she did in the sixties. I
didn’t tell you much of anything, Grace. We’ve had an unusual
relationship.”

“Yeah.” She stared at her bare toes.
“Everything was intense. Not much relaxing, being ourselves. When
are you leaving?” She winced. “Are you going to Milan?”

“A month or so, when the lease is up here. I
don’t know where I’m going yet.”

“Ah—well, you should go somewhere vivid and
beautiful. Somewhere you can be inspired again, after you’ve
recovered from the mess.”

"Hmm.” He didn’t commit.

“I’ll see you around noon then?”

“Yes. I’m glad you called. And I’m glad you
didn’t have to testify.”

“I would have.”

“I know. I haven’t called because... Hell,
Grace...I don’t...I just needed to disconnect for a while. I’m not
exactly a recluse unless I’m painting, but I realize I’m not at any
place in my life to be—”

“It’s okay. I’ve understood that. I didn’t
form expectations about what we shared. I’m glad we did. However, I
took it for what it was. I’m coming to see you because I want to be
around you with nothing crazy going on in our lives.”

He laughed softly.” Yes. That would be
nice.”

“All right, it’s late. See you, Noel.”

He hung up, and Grace clicked off, laying the
phone on the hamper top before climbing back up to the pillows. She
fell back asleep instantly.

~ * ~

At noon Grace walked up the grid steps,
feeling like it had been years instead of months. Fall was teasing
the air and summer was fading. It was still hot and she’d dressed
in a sleeveless, mid-thigh summer dress, and backless summer shoes.
She’d blown her hair dry this morning and put on mascara after
putting in her contacts.

She pushed the buzzer and watched the doors
slide, smiling some at the banished shadows. An aroma of pine
cleaner hit her nose as she moved toward Noel. To the side of him,
by the window, the table was laid with a white cloth. A bottle of
wine sat chilling, and two glasses sparkled in the sun. Ah, the man
was romantic.

He looked good, so very good, in
cream-colored jeans and a white T-shirt that made his skin more
swarthy and his hair a deeper black. A little behind him, white
sheets were on the bed with a simple dark green blanket. She sighed
inwardly this time, because she intended to help him mess that bed
up. All morning she’d been thinking about it, and about a serious
request, she’d gotten her nerve up to make; one that had been on
her mind since the last time they made love.

“Hi.” She stopped a few feet from him.

He took in the haircut and looked her over
most thoroughly. “Well hello. Can you see without glasses?”

“Contacts.” She put her purse down on a
canvas chair.

He came forward and surprised her, embracing
her long, hard and firmly enough to lift her feet off the
floor.

Grace breathed in his soap, his scent, and
absorbed his strength. Noel leaned down and kissed her short and
fast, but enough to stir her senses.

“Wine?’

“Thanks.” She nodded and watching him
pour.

When they had their glasses he said, “Not
much seating left but the chairs.”

“Or the bed.”

He laughed. “I didn’t know how you’d take
that.”

She shrugged and crossed to the bed. She
slipped off her shoes and climbed up against the headboard. After
taking a sip of wine, she watched him slip his own shoes off, and
lay on his side along the bottom, looking at her.

“You don’t want to talk about the trial?”

“No.” He shook his head. “What’s been going
on in your life?”

Grace told him, not only about the work, but
about the small things that had taken up her hours. About
everything from shopping to going to parks and even the day, she’d
gotten her hair done.

Noel’s eyes went up her legs. “You bought
stockings?”

“Yes.” She saw the heat in his gaze and felt
a secret thrill. “I even wore them once.”

He grinned. “Where to?”

“I dressed up and went out to dinner,
downtown. I saw a show and stopped by Seth’s on the way back.”

He reached out, idly rubbing her ankle with
his thumb. “How’d it feel?’

“To get out and do something different, or to
wear stockings?”

“The stockings.”

“Sexy.” She met his gaze. “Sexual. I noticed
that with all the pieces I bought. Makes me realize it’s a nice
feeling and doesn’t have to be for sex, just makes me more aware of
my feminine side, which I tend to ignore.”

Noel nodded and they drank their wine, gazing
at each other for some time.

“It’s a few hours from dinner,” he murmured.
He placed the glass by the bed on the floor, and then half turned
to her. “Do you want to do something other than sit on this
bed?”

Grace leaned over and set her glass down. She
slid down in the bed and reached for him. “Yes.”

Noel pulled off his T-shirt before joining
her. He kissed her slow and soft and ran his hand unhurriedly up
the side of her leg.

Maybe it was the lazy summer day, the cool
interior and hum of the fans, but they took their time. She raised
her fingertips to his face during a long kiss, and felt him
stroking her neck, under her jaw, and then cupping the back of her
head.

Breathing was still labored, eyes were still
glittery and famished. He peeled off her dress and the only thing
under it, a pair of white silk panties, and then stood, letting her
kneel on the bed and strip him down.

Noel stretched out beside her, and then
pushed her hair off her forehead. One knee bent lazily, he brushed
his thumb over her mouth and his voice lowered. “It was good that
night, better than good.”

Grace ran her hand down his stomach. “Yes.
I’ve never had anything like that, never realized how intimate sex
can be. How close.” Her palm stayed on his coarse curls of his
groin but her eyes never wavered. “How would you feel about giving
me a child?”

Noel’s fingers stilled. “I’m leaving,
Grace.”

“I know but I’m twenty-nine, Noel. I’m not
going to have love affairs and romances. I’ve stepped out of my
comfort zone some. But it had been eight years since I slept with a
man, and I can’t do it, just for the sake of it.”

“I’m flattered, pleased, that you’d consider
me. I knew what it took when you let me take you to bed. I knew how
long, and that it meant something.”

“Yes.” She smiled softly. “I’ll send you
pictures of the child, or not.” She laughed and arched her brow. “I
had talked to Seth when I was twenty five about adopting. But I’d
love to experience it, being pregnant, feeling a child grow inside,
motherhood. I’m financially stable, and most of the time,
sane.”

“I—”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to trick or
manipulate you, or hold something over you. I won’t even legally
bind you any way. I promise you, Noel.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” He searched her
eyes.

“You don’t want a woman like me having your
children?”

He gave her a chiding look. “It’s not that.
The thought stirs me.” He slid her hand lower to his hard shaft. “I
can picture it in my head and it arouses me both sexually and in a
deeper way.” His hand moved to her stomach, her breasts. “To see
you grow heavy with my child, to know they would be nurtured by
someone like you, inside this body that holds such surprising
secrets. No, Grace, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. But
me.”

She moved his hands off her and rolled atop
him, holding his hands, fingers twined, beside his head. She looked
down at him. “We’re grown, mature people making a decision about
something important, not tricked, trapped or accidental. I think
you’re a beautiful, gifted, and sensitive man. I’d love to have
your baby.”

He groaned and raised his head to kiss her.
“I’d love to know you were, Grace. I shouldn’t, but I would, and
will. And though I can give you a thousand reasons why I’m not the
man you see me as, I want this too.”

He rolled Grace to her back, and over the
next moments, made love so tender, and so sweet. Tears made a path
down her cheeks and ran to the pillow. Tears that Noel didn’t catch
and kiss away while he moved inside her with such exquisite
slowness. He held their bodies close, and in that final moment,
whispered against her hair, beautiful words in a beautiful voice
that made her cling to him longer than she intended.

Grace gave the day to the fates. After making
love again, they showered. She sat in the bed while he called in
take out, and they ate nude, hungry and laughing at themselves for
polishing off enough food for six people.

“God, I can’t move.” She lay across the bed
laughing and holding her stomach.

“You’ll need your energy.” He rolled his head
to look at her.

She sighed and gazed at him. “Tell me about
your childhood, about your mom and schools, and where you studied
painting.”

Noel did. He told her stories, filling in the
years and making her laugh over his pranks and naughty moments. It
was apparent to Grace that his father was busy, absent, strict and
quiet. His mother and he were close, and she was a free spirit. An
affectionate and open woman who loved people and food and painting,
and who had loved Noel’s father, though his inability to understand
her had hurt. His mother remained friends with Jared Hawthorn in
order to be with the man she loved, but the rigidity of his
father’s character made Rosalind starve for the kind of depth,
passion and affection, as well as understanding she needed.

Grace wasn’t shocked that Noel lost his
virginity to one of his mother’s friends. He’d had sex often with
women of various ages and cultures, but no real relationships.
Several long-term affairs were with women like Elisa. Most had
their own wealth, heiresses and actresses, a few writers. However,
Grace deduced there wasn’t a woman like herself in his past, and it
pleased her, because she didn’t want him to speak of her in the
same flat, detached tones he was using now. She wanted to give him
something, hopefully, that they couldn’t.