Lovesessed (3 page)

Liz raised an eyebrow. “You need a real
boyfriend, because I’m starting to worry about you. You’re
obsessed!” she shrieked.

I held a hand to my chest in mock
indignation. “Don’t be silly. I’m not obsessed, I’m
lovesessed.”

Liz coughed as she swallowed a huge
gulp of orange juice. “Excuse me, but what is that?”

“
Lovesessed is a new word
I made up. It’s a combination of being obsessed and lovesessed.
It’s like saying that pink is the new black. Well, lovesessed is
the new obsessed. It’s better and more romantic than saying you’re
obsessed. That’s just stalkerish.”

“
Of course,” she said
giggling.

I glanced at Chase’s different poses on
my walls. “Besides, the Chase collage actually serves a purpose.
Remember what the Law of Attraction says?”

“
That we are all connected
by energy?” Liz offered.

“
You’re very Zen today.
Anyway, it says that in order to attract something to you, they say
that you should create a vision board with the pictures of what you
want to attract, and stick it where you will see it often. So, I
have a vision wall, instead of a vision board. My theory is that a
whole wall, or four walls, should be even more powerful than a
vision board. But that’s not the reason I put the pictures up, I
just like to look at him.”

She rolled her eyes.

“
Look at these pictures of
Chase posing with fans. I hate seeing pictures of Chase with other
girls. When I do, I feel like ripping them up,” I said, poking the
magazine with my index finger.

“
Phoebe, that’s a
six-year-old girl, how can you be jealous?”

“
Not
that
picture specifically, but all
the others. I wish that I could take a photo with him, and then I
could frame it and put it on my bedside table. That would be even
better than the poster on my wall next to my bed. Once, I cut
Chase’s face out of a magazine picture and pasted it over Ben’s
face on a photo of us. I showed Ben, and I was surprised by how
upset he got. I mean, it was only a picture.”

Liz looked at me straight in the eyes.
“Phoebe, you must have really hurt Ben. Chase isn’t the only
sensitive guy in the world,” she said directly.

I shrugged. “He got over
it.”

“
Don’t be so sure,” she
said under her breath.

I brushed her off. “There’s an article
accompanied by a picture of him and Alicia Spark at the Teen Choice
Awards.”

“
Who’s Alicia
Spark?”

“
Excuse me. Did you just
say that you don’t know who
the
pop princess is? Have you been living under a
rock or in a cave for the past few months?” I asked in mock horror.
“I think even Eskimos living in igloos know who she is.”

“
You’re so dramatic. It’s
just that I find pop culture quite dull,” she said, continuing to
read her favorite magazine,
I Love
Chemistry
that she had
also bought that day. “There are real problems to worry about in
the world, such as global warming.”

“
I do worry about global
warming, I’m very environmentally conscious. I always
recycle.”

“
Well, that’s a start I
guess. So who is this superstar?”

“
Alicia Spark is a blonde
teen pop star who thinks she’s all that. I’ve never liked her
because she dresses like a stripper, even though she’s only 15. In
interviews the only things she talks about are clothes and her
looks,” I explained critically.

“
She sounds like
Amber.”
Amber was the most popular girl in
our grade, the most beautiful, and the ultimate “mean girl.” She
also had a major thing for Chase.

“
Exactly, that’s another
reason why I don’t like her,” I said dryly. “The article says that
‘sources’ have revealed that Chase and Alicia are dating. They have
apparently been spotted having romantic lunches together, and
‘frolicking’ on a beach in Malibu. I know that’s not true, and I
think that I should write to them and tell them that the word
‘frolicking’ is so 1950s. No-one believes gossip like that, and who
are these so-called ‘sources’ anyway?”

“
You always believe what
these magazines say,” she corrected. “Remember that time you
believed that Chase was going solo because his brothers were
becoming monks.”

“
Well, not this time,” I
said defiantly. “They must have just made it up to sell magazines.
Chase is such a sensitive soul. I know that he would never date
someone as vain and superficial as Alicia.”

“
They do look good
together though,” she said, admiring the picture.

“
Traitor,” I joked,
snatching the magazine back. “There’s also an interview with Chase,
but I already know all about him. I even know all about his
brothers and his parents.”

“
Why do you need to know
about his parents?”

“
So that when he takes me
home to meet them, I can make a good impression, of
course.”

“
I should have known,” she
said sarcastically.

“
Chase and I suit each
other perfectly. We have so much in common. His favorite food is
pepperoni pizza, and I love pizza. His favorite color is green,
just like my eyes. He lives in Los Angeles, California, and I live
in Orange County, California. He loves animals, and who doesn’t
love animals? He has two dogs and a horse, and I have two dogs and
a goldfish. His favorite musician is Michael Jackson, may he rest
in peace.”

“
Wow, did you do a
background check or something?” she asked with a smile in her
voice.

“
No, I just like to learn
as much as possible about my future husband, the love of my life,
my soulmate,” I said exaggerating. Then we both burst out laughing.
I liked making people laugh, but I only liked it when they laughed
at my jokes or at something funny I said, not at me.

Liz and I were listening to the top 100
hits on the radio and reading our magazines, when there was an
announcement on the radio.

“
Oh my word!” I screamed,
jumping around the room.

“
What did I miss?” Liz had
been lost in her Chemistry magazine, so she had missed the earth
shattering news.

“
Carson is doing a concert
this Saturday in Orange County! Liz, this is definitely fate. I
think that my dreams were premonitions, and I must be
psychic.”

“
I think that your dreams
are more like wishful thinking.”

“
Back to your old rational
self I see. Well either way, my dreams are coming true! Tickets are
selling fast, so I’m going to go ask my parents if they can get me
an extra birthday present. They know how much this means to me.
They can’t deny me my greatest wish. I’ll be back in a
minute.”

I found them watching TV. “Mom, Dad,
you know how much I love you.” They exchanged a knowing
look.

“
What is this about?” my
dad asked with a hint of a smile, clearly seeing through my act. I
explained to them about how much the concert meant to me, and about
how I would cry myself to sleep every night if they said
no.

“
Life is so cruel!” I
moaned, collapsing on my bed. “They said, and I quote: ‘something
as expensive as a concert ticket needs to be earned over a period
of months.’ Months! I don’t have months, I have days! Do they even
have hearts? This is my future happiness we’re talking about. Does
that mean nothing?”

“
Maybe they’ll change
their minds,” Liz offered optimistically.

“
Trust me. I’ve known them
for 15 years. Once they’ve said no, it means no,” I said burying my
face in my pillow.

She rubbed my arm. “Let’s
watch
Dirty Dancing
. I know how much you love it. I’ll make some
popcorn.”

“
Thanks Liz.” I looked at
Chase on the cover of the magazine, and then put it under my
pillow. But he was still the only thing I saw.

*****

3. Friends

Liz pulled me aside at school on Monday
morning. “Phoebes, remember that we are in school, so don’t scream.
I have something that will make you feel better.”

“
I can’t possibly imagine
what is going to make me feel better about my life being over,” I
said flatly.

She pulled out two concert tickets from
her pocket.

“
What are those?” I asked,
gazing them like they were golden tickets to Willy Wonka’s
chocolate factory.

“
What do you think,
silly?” She beamed at me.

“
I’m going to see Chase in
real life! Liz, thank you so much,” I shrieked, grabbing the
tickets. I knew what the tickets were for, but I examined them just
to be sure.

“
Thank my parents. The
tickets are courtesy of them.”

“
Your parents obviously
love you, unlike mine. But that doesn’t matter because you’re
taking me, your best friend. The concert is this Saturday night,
the day I have been dreaming of for a year. But now I don’t know
what to wear.”

“
I’m sure you’ll be able
to find something. You have a ton of cool clothes.”

“
But nothing that says,
‘wow, I’m so beautiful that I stand out in a crowd of fanatical
girls.’”

Liz laughed her high pitched
laugh.

I carried on babbling with excitement.
“In my dreams, I always look out-of-this-world gorgeous, but of
course everything seems better in dreams. I don’t know if I should
wear my skinny jeans and an emerald green top tank top, or a short
purple dress. I have to look absolutely amazing so that Chase
notices me. But what if he doesn’t? Just the thought of that makes
my heart ache. No, he will. It is fate.”

Liz just shook her head and
smiled.

#

I felt like a walking zombie during the
week leading up to the concert. It was like the lights were on, but
no-one was home. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even think.

In English, my teacher Mr. Shaw, asked
me to give a synonym for the word “crazy” and I couldn’t even think
of one. Not “zany, nutty, mad, insane” – nothing came to mind! I
think that I’d gone all of those things. The concert and seeing
Chase was all that I’d been able to think about. See what love had
done to me.

Even in all my excitement, I felt
terrible about Ben. It had been his birthday on Wednesday, and I
had totally forgotten because I was so preoccupied. He looked hurt
that I didn’t wish him happy birthday during the whole first
period. I only realized that it was his birthday when we saw Liz
with a birthday card in the hallway between the first and second
period. I wish that she had reminded me, she knows that I’m
terrible with dates. I never forget a face, but don’t ask me to
remember a date.

You think that I would
have remembered, since our birthdays are only a few days apart. Ben
and I even had a joint 10
^th
birthday party at my house,
because our birthdays are so close together. For my birthday
present that year, he gave me a framed photo of the two of us that
was taken in my backyard. That was the photo that I had stuck the
picture of Chase’s face on. That memory made me feel ten times
worse.

“
Hey pretty girl,” Ben
said, putting his arm around my shoulders as I walked out of school
on Friday.

I jumped, not expecting to see him.
“Hey Benji, how’s your day going?”

“
Better now that I’ve seen
you.” He grinned, and I noticed that his teeth were really white
and straight. “Are you going to come watch my play this Saturday
night?”

I immediately felt a rush of guilt.
“Ben, I’m so sorry, but I can’t. The concert is that night,” I said
weakly, avoiding his disappointed eyes. I knew that it was his play
that Saturday, but I was hoping that he wouldn’t mention it because
wild horses or a meteorite, couldn’t have kept me away from the
concert.

“
That’s ok, don’t worry
about it. You can catch the next one.” His brown eyes reminded me
of a lost puppy, just like when I had forgotten his birthday. Poor
Ben, he never wanted me to feel bad about anything, so he tried to
downplay his feelings, but I knew that he was upset.

Ben was such a good friend, even though
I was such a bad friend. We’d been friends since kindergarten. He
used to live on the same street as me, and he came over to my house
all the time. He even let me put make-up on him, and had tea
parties with me. I felt really bad about forgetting his birthday
and missing his play. I had to make it up to him.

“
Phoebes…” Now he was the
one avoiding
my
eyes.

“
Yeah,” I said brushing a
strand of his shaggy dark brown hair out of his eyes.

“
I was wondering if, umm,
you want to do something now. Unless you’re busy…” The words came
out in a rush.

“
Yes, of course.” This was
the perfect way to make it up to him.

“
Really, you’re sure?” His
whole face lit up.