Love's Healing Touch (24 page)

"Mike, some of what I said before was true. I can't be in love by myself and you have to trust me enough to share."

"I'm working on that."

"The problem is that you
did
share. You confessed to me that you don't know how to share, and I didn't do anything to help you."

He kept his gaze on her face and tried to comprehend her words. She was apologizing for not helping him? That was an idea he'd never considered. "Ana— "

She held up her hand. "No, this is my confession, and I'm not very good at this sort of thing." With a deep breath, she said, "Did I help you at all? No, I lectured you and walked off. I didn't listen to you or offer to share your burdens. I didn't even
push
you to communicate."

He stretched out his arm and placed it around her. She didn't pull away but leaned closer to him.

"Mike, I walked away from you." Her voice quivered. "On top of that, I acted so superior, as if
I
don't have any faults."

"None that I can see." He smiled.

"Oh, sure." She bit her lip. "How 'bout starting that list with my total lack of compassion and going on from there?"

"Ana, you're being really hard on yourself."

"It's about time. When am I going to learn to accept people, both their faults and strengths? When will I understand that, no matter how determined I am, I can't change other people. Most people are just fine and perfectly happy as they are."

"Maybe they're not. Maybe they're waiting for you to rescue them, to head them in the right direction."

"Right." She rolled her eyes. "Mike, I don't know how to give up control any more than you know how to communicate."

"Okay, we can work on all that. Will you give us a chance to tackle the problems together?"

At her uncertain nod, he got to his feet and pulled her up after him. "Now, it's my turn. Come with me? I need to tell you something, too."

"Why can't you tell me here?" She looked back at the wall.

"Because I'd like to tell you in the chapel. I want to talk to you in His presence."

"That would mean a lot to you," she said, still cautious.

"Wouldn't it mean a lot to you, too?"

Ana shoved the keys back in her purse and allowed him to lead her toward the hospital. With his arm still on her shoulder, she remembered his words. He loved her. He'd said that. Mike wouldn't tell her he loved her if he didn't mean it. If she considered herself tough and determined, why didn't she have the courage to try again?

As they turned a corner into an empty hall, she looked at Mike and smiled. He grinned back at her and pulled her closer to him. She knew he wanted to kiss her, but this was neither the appropriate place or the right time. They still had a lot to work through.

When they arrived at the chapel, Mike opened one of the wide doors for her. She stepped inside and heard the loud vroom of the vacuum. Other members of the housecleaning crew dusted the pews and straightened the Communion table. The scent of lemon polish and dust permeated the air.

Mike watched in disappointment before he smiled. "Sometimes plans don't come together," he said. "I thought this would be perfect, but I know another place."

Taking her hand again, he headed toward the bank of elevators. "We should have privacy there."

They got off on the third floor and walked down the hall. Mike stopped before a door. The sign affixed to it said Linen closet 312A.

"Why did you stop?" She studied Mike who was looking back and forth down the corridor. Then he opened the door, shoved her inside and closed it behind them.

"This is the place."

"This is the place?" She turned around. Shelves covered with piles of sheets and towels surrounded them.

"Well, with the chapel busy, I thought of this, the only other private place in the hospital." He followed her scrutiny of the tiny area. "It's private and, after all, God is everywhere, as much with us here as in the chapel."

"Well, yes, but…" She stopped talking when she saw how serious he had become. "Won't we be interrupted?" she asked.

"No, they don't start changing beds for an hour."

The forty-watt bulb in the fixture on the high ceiling didn't emit much light, but it showed Mike's face. She yearned to reach out and smooth away his worried expression but this wasn't the time. Not yet.

"I told you about my family, what's going on with them and about how worried I've been," he began.

She nodded.

"That's why…" Mike started to say.

At exactly that moment, a redheaded man pulled the door open and stood there staring. Ana didn't know the orderly's name, but Mike turned toward him and said, "Hey, Hugo, give us a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay, but we're going to need more towels pretty soon." Hugo grabbed a stack and shut the door.

"Okay, one more time," Mike turned back toward her. "I've shared a lot with you, although most of it was because you pulled it out of me."

"Well, I…" she began in an effort to explain herself.

"I'm glad you did. I don't know how to share. We didn't communicate well in my family or in any of the others where I lived. It was always easier to keep everything inside. That way, no one would laugh at me or use what I said to get me back later or make me feel guilty because I'd made my mother worry. I learned to keep everything in. It's habit by now."

She didn't know what to say. The thought of Mike as a little boy being afraid to communicate hurt.

"But you don't let me get away with that," he said. "That's one reason I love you."

"Because I'm a pushy woman?" She cringed.

He nodded. "I need that. You have to understand I'll never share with you as completely as you want me to. I don't open up easily, but I'll try." He looked at her as if he'd asked a question.

"Okay," she said, although she still wondered what was next. "I can accept that. Go on."

He began looking around, his eyes darting from the bulb to the floor, caressing her face quickly before moving his gaze to the shelves of linen.

"What's wrong? Why are you so nervous?" She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm going to tell you something I've only told one person before. It's hard for me to talk about." He swallowed. "Almost impossible. I didn't tell Cynthia this, but I have to share it with you. I want you to know how much I love you and trust you."

When he didn't say more, Ana rubbed her thumb against his lips. "Go ahead. I'm listening."

He opened and closed his mouth several times without a word emerging. Finally, he whispered, "When I was eighteen, I knocked over a convenience store."

That was all he said. One sentence, and it rocked her. Mike Fuller had committed a robbery?

"What?" she gasped and dropped her hand. "You did what?"

He turned away, just a little, so he didn't have to see her face. Probably preferred not to see the horror written there.

Recognizing his pain was greater than hers, she took his chin and gently turned his face toward her. "Go ahead."

"Okay." He stared at the towels on a shelf behind her. "When I was eighteen, Francie took me to the store to buy a loaf of bread. For some reason— I don't know what. I didn't know then and I don't know now. Just plain stupidity." He stopped and took another deep breath. "I told you we Fullers don't make good decisions, that we feel the call to the wild side." He paused. "Anyway, I robbed it."

When he didn't speak for almost a minute, she said, "Go on."

"After my cousin let me out of the car, I pulled on a ski mask and walked inside. The cashier saw me, pulled a wad of cash from the register and gave it to me, handed it right over to me." He looked at his hands as if he could still see the money there. "I grabbed it, ran out of the store and got into the car." He stopped and rubbed his hand across his eyes.

"What happened next?" She attempted to keep her voice calm because Mike's trembled and broke.

"That's the worst part, the part I really hate to talk about." He dropped his head and, she thought, whispered a prayer before he started the story again. "When I got to the car, Francie knew what I'd done. I mean, I had money coming out of the pocket of my jacket and held a ski mask. In Texas, there's only one reason anyone has a ski mask, and it isn't to keep your face warm."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. She drove around the corner, took the money, face mask and jacket and shoved me out of the car. Then she went to the cops, showed them everything, and confessed to the robbery."

Ana gasped. "What?"

"I didn't know until weeks later that she'd taken the fall for me. She was in prison by the time I found out, and I couldn't do a thing about it."

"Did you talk to her?"

He nodded. "When I found out she was locked up, I visited her and told her I was going to confess. She said it wouldn't do any good because they already had her for the job. All she wanted was for me to become a doctor. A prison record would destroy that." He dragged his hand through his hair. "I think it was more her dream than mine at the time. I can never repay her enough for what she did for me. I'm really ashamed about this. The robbery was stupid." He dropped his face into his hands. "It wasn't a big thrill. It cost Francie a good chunk of her life for nothing. For nothing."

Ana didn't know how to react. This man she loved wasn't the person she'd thought. He'd robbed a store and allowed his cousin to go to prison for it. Her effort at acceptance had taken a sharp turn and become harder than she'd imagined.

"Did you ever try to take responsibility?"

He lifted his face. "When Francie and Brandon were dating, I told him. He said there was nothing I could do about it. The case was so unimportant, they'd never retry it. Besides, everyone would believe Francie. She's very convincing." After a deep breath, he continued, "I still feel guilty. Francie and Brandon have forgiven me, but I don't know if I can forgive myself."

She didn't say a word. She couldn't. She was shaken and stunned. None of the thoughts tumbling through her brain fit the situation.

"You wanted me to share, so you'd know I trust you," Mike said. "I don't know what more I can say. Now you know the worst thing I've ever done. I've changed. I believe the years since have made me a better person. Ana, this is who I am, the man my life has made me. Can you accept me?"

"I need to think." She held on to a shelf and lowered herself to the floor. "It's not easy. I wasn't expecting this. It's hard for me to grasp and even harder to understand."

He kneeled beside her. "I know how difficult this must be for you to take in. Because I love you, because I'm working so hard to change, I hope you still love me and can forgive me."

"I can't pretend this doesn't shake me, Mike." She clasped her hands in front of her. "You're a different person than I thought, a man with a criminal background. I have to think about this."

He didn't say a word, didn't contradict her or try to explain.

And yet, he'd attempted to take the blame for the robbery twice; he'd left medical school to care for his mother and brother, even when it meant losing his fiancée. He'd worked hard as an orderly and was determined to become a doctor. Children loved him, and children always recognized a fraud.

And he'd turned his life over to God.

Could she forgive him for that crime and for allowing Francie to take the fall? But Francie had chosen to go to jail because she loved her cousin.

She glanced into his face and saw such pain, so much suffering and hurt. How could she say she was trying to become a Christian and not forgive a man who looked and sounded so penitent? Who had changed so much? No matter how hard this was for her, the guilt and despair were killing Mike.

"Have you prayed about this?" she asked.

"Over and over. I believe God has forgiven me."

"You said Francie has."

"She was furious I did such a stupid thing, but she forgave me. That's who Francie is. That's why we all love her so much."

Ana remembered her uncle who'd gone to prison. Those years had been hard on his family, but they'd accepted the prodigal back. Wasn't that the whole point of the parable? Of the gospel?

Oh, Lord, lead me. I don't know what to do, but You can guide me.
She sat in the silence and listened. In only a few seconds, peace and compassion filled her. Reaching her hand out, she allowed Mike to help her stand.

"Mike, your past is hard for me to accept, even harder for me to understand, but that was six years ago." She searched for the right words. "Since then, you've changed. You've become a fine young man, a person anyone would be proud to know."

"Ana, can
you
accept me?"

"I've seen people change. I know it's possible." She stopped her words. Mike had asked her to trust him. What she was about to say would be irrevocable. She paused to order her thoughts and speak carefully as he continued to study her.

"First, I believe that if Francie and God have forgiven you, you have to forgive yourself."

He nodded and continued to scrutinize her face, so nervous his hand shook a little as he grasped hers. "And you? Can you accept me?"

"I'm trying. Give me a little time, I'm really trying."

He didn't say anything but took her other hand. His eyes scanned her expression as if he were searching for clues. "You know where I've been. You know who I am."

She nodded, still too filled with emotion to say more. What was it her father had said about Tessie? Something about seeing the person she was becoming. Could she do the same with Mike?

He pulled her toward him. "I don't have much to offer, but I can promise you this. I will love you forever."

She allowed almost a minute to pass as she considered and prayed, remembering the robbery had been years ago. Suddenly it was easy. She loved him. Her mind cleared and the words tumbled from her mouth. "You're everything I could ever want in a man, Mike. I love you." When she said that, she felt free, filled with happiness and the conviction this was the right decision.

He put his arms around her and leaned his cheek against her hair. "Thank God," he whispered. "Thank You, God." Then he lifted his face and gazed into her eyes. "I love you, Ana. I'll try to show that in everything I do." He smiled, that wonderful smile that warmed her. "Don't even think of changing. I need you to keep after me, because if you don't, I might go back to the old, silent Mike. Your determination is one of the things I love about you."