Love Untouched (Unexpected) (8 page)

“What are we doing Kieran?” she asked huskily, slightly pulling away.

I pressed my mouth against hers and ran my tongue over her bottom lip. “We’re meeting up for breakfast.”

“I’d like to spend a day with my sisters in the park without getting too tired.”

~C.J., age 6, hereditary blood disorder

When the doorbell rang, I was making my third batch of pancakes. Years of knowing and living with my brother had prepared me for this. Kieran would probably finish all of the pancakes, muffins, and Eggs Benedict in one sitting. Swimmers ate large amounts of carbohydrates and unlike me, where my body would store each crumb within my stomach and my thighs, athletes showed no evidence of how much they pigged out. My brother watched his diet though. He ate a ton of carbs but stayed away from processed foods. He was lucky that I was here now to feed him every day. I was able to invite Kieran over because Milo was on an out-of-town project with the Research and Development Team at Quanta-Fix, where he worked as a mechanical engineer.

I wiped my hands on my dark green yoga pants to dry them off, and tried to fix my hair blindly with my fingers.

What made me invite him? Maybe this was a bad idea. A really bad idea. Hell would break loose, spiral out of control, and ricochet the broken particles in my face, if Milo found out. Why did they hate each other so much, anyways? From what I have seen of Kieran, he was a gentleman. He was aloof but he was not snobbish. He had a great sense of humor and he was easy to talk to.

Before I could ponder more, the doorbell rang again.

I opened the door and there he was.
Yum
. In a casual red shirt, jeans, and sneakers, he was the picture of the classic Californian mix of classy/surfer-boy goodness. His dark blonde hair all mussed, as if he just got out of the shower and ran a quick brush with his hands through it. His dark brown eyes raked over me, and he said, “Wow, it smells so good in here.” He was saying those words but his eyes hovered over me, his lips twitched a little, and he wrapped me into a hug.

“Kieran, I haven’t washed my hands yet,” I protested meekly. He smelled like Kieran. All male. His unique scent engulfed me. I felt his solid muscles around me.

He slowly let go and I ushered him into the living room. My apartment was a cozy one bedroom, minutes away from the hospital where I worked. It was twenty miles away from Milo’s place, but I fell in love with the loft-style design, with an open floor plan and tile throughout the place. The kitchen was what made me drop that security deposit the same day I saw it. Not many apartments or condos had this type of kitchen. It was a mix of modern and traditional design. The stainless steel appliances gleamed, the kitchen walls had been painted light blue, the clean lines of the marble countertop shone, and the mahogany-colored cabinets beckoned to me, making me feel like I belonged. It was a mixture of modern elegance and timeless appeal. The kitchen was my domain. My brother was king of the pool, and I was queen of the kitchen. My fondest, never-buried memories of my mother were when I was with her in the kitchen: baking cookies, making our own pizza, whipping up unique cake mixes and flavors, and decorating our cakes with frosting. My dad often teased us that we would be the first mother and daughter cooking team on the Food Network. They have been gone for a long time but their memories stayed at the front and center of my mind and heart.

“You can watch TV while I finish setting up the table.” I lightly ordered him to sit on my couch.

The right side of his mouth lifted. “Nah I want to see you work in the kitchen.”

“Oh okay,” I replied with a quick gulp, and suddenly, the need to run my hands through his rumpled hair was overwhelming. He ignited a spark inside of me, long ago buried. I was attracted to other guys and even dated a few of them. Yet Kieran’s presence had this absurd, unexplainable, fiery effect on me. I had managed to ignore those feelings, which was really hard, but last night’s kiss was the last straw.

I walked towards him, stopped half an inch away from his body, stood on my tiptoes, and reached in for a kiss. It was an urge that I had to satisfy, plain and simple.

He responded with a yearning, burning kiss. I slowly pulled my mouth away from his lips and he leaned in for more. “Kieran, the pancakes …, “ I said, then weakly continued, “still on the stove.”

“Mmm...,” he moaned against my mouth. He stilled my body by securing my waist with his large hands, locking me into position.

As much as I didn’t want to pull away, the faint burning scent of the pancakes reached my nose. I lowered my mouth from his, removed his hands from my waist, and walked the few steps towards the stove.

Conversation ceased to exist between us. The only sound during the silent tableau was the tension that hummed and crackled between our bodies. I struggled at cooking the last batch of pancakes because he was looking over my shoulder, where he had my back wrapped in the front of his body. From time to time, he rained kisses on the top of my head, and when he moved his mouth to my ears, I might have moaned a little.

“The butter is melting over the pancakes and they’re going to get cold,” I said, in barely controlled breaths, as his hands slid up and down my waist.

“Okay,” he replied, with unmistakable heat pouring out of him, and his voice thickened with want. “The only reason I’m letting you go now is because I don’t want to waste what you cooked for me.”

I turned my head to the side and craned my neck up to meet his gaze. He was looking at me like I was the pancake, with unsatisfied hunger and desire. “Okay.” How was I going to eat when my stomach was in shambles? I would rather eat him than eat the pancakes.

Brynn, where are you getting these wayward thoughts?
That was easy. These dirty, naughty thoughts made an appearance whenever this man, who was carrying the plates of pancakes and muffins toward the oak dining table, was somewhere in the vicinity.

Kieran’s strides were always measured. I observed him as he set the plates down and slowly pulled out the chair, asking me to sit before he sat. I held up a finger and walked towards the refrigerator. “What kind of juice do you want?” I added, “I have orange, apple, cranberry. Tea? Coffee?”

He laughed out his response. “A glass of orange juice is good, thank you.”

I brought the carton of orange juice to the table. He poured some in his glass, and then in mine, too.

While we ate, we talked about trivial subjects and played at answering each other’s questions. He liked to collect baseball trading cards; I liked to collect recipes. He has gone skydiving and bungee jumping; I have gone diving,
a momentary lapse in judgment
, and done jumping jacks. He laughed at my jokes, and he easily made me laugh with his sarcastic humor.

“I was right, I knew you were going to eat all of the pancakes,” I said, thinking of my earlier theory. “You’re just like Milo. He gobbles everything in sight.”

I saw the light from his eyes dim at the mere mention of my brother’s name. It was time to open this subject up. I had waited on it for too long. If I was going to go any further with him, he had to tell me why they disliked each other so much. Dislike was actually a mild term for it. Hate might be appropriate. But rage would probably be the apt description as to what Milo would feel if he knew what was going on between Kieran and I.

“Why, Kieran?” I asked, looking straight into his eyes. He kept chewing, and after a few seconds, he wiped his mouth with a napkin, and said, “Dia.”

Dia? My brother’s ex-girlfriend? Why did she have anything to do with this?

“Dia?” My question hung in the air.

He clamped his mouth, gritted his teeth, ran a hand along his hair, and from across the table, grabbed my right hand. The fork in my other hand slowly fell onto the plate.

Oh God, no. Please do not tell me... please don’t.

“I slept with her.” His admission cloaked the sliver of hope that I was holding on to—that maybe Milo would be okay with me dating Kieran. That fragment of hope was just blown away by the wind, tossed around, and cannot be retrieved.

His eyes were wary. His shoulders slumped. “I didn’t know who she was. After the meets, Duncan and I were hanging out in a bar, and there she was...” He stalled, “She maneuvered herself to get into my pants that night, I think. I’m not sure, but it’s as if she knew me and wanted me and no one else would suffice. She flirted heavily, and the next thing I knew, we were inside a hotel room and it happened.”

This was worse than I thought.
Way worse
. I kept a silent vigil. I was not judging him for sleeping with Dia because I didn’t even know him at that time. Sure, I may have heard of his name, but I was so busy concentrating on school that my brother was the only swimmer of which I was concerned. Most of the time, I could not even watch Milo’s competitions because of my schedule, working and going to school, but I received constant updates from him.

“When Milo found out, he confronted me about it,” he explained, his eyes darkening. “I told him I didn’t even know who she was. But since then, he took it upon himself to make my life miserable. He’d say crap about me to the other guys. And one day, I couldn’t take it anymore so after we traded a couple of insults in the locker room, I pushed him against the bench, and we got into a fight. It was quite a mess. Our teammates managed to get us away from each other before our coaches came in. We would have gotten fined if any of them ratted on us. Unsportsmanlike conduct, fighting, and taunting each other within the premises, even if it’s outside the pool, are against the rules.”

The blueberry muffin started to taste like charcoal on my tongue. Milo would never approve of me dating Kieran.
Ever
. I could have just said no to Kieran right then, before whatever this thing was between us went any further. But I found myself justifying it, finding a reason for him and me to continue.

“I like you Kieran,” I began. His eyes, his whole body language looked like he was not ready for me to spring this onto him. He looked forlorn, unsure, and I could not help but say, “I want to continue seeing you, hanging out with you, but Milo can never find out.”

He nodded his head slowly. “I like you too, Brynn, but I don’t like keeping secrets. Secrets can chafe and burn deep into your soul.”

“Do you like me enough to keep it a secret?” I requested, and after a long pause, added, “For now? Please?”

His hooded eyes bore through me, searching my face, while he held my hand. “Out of respect for you, I will keep it a secret for now, but because I like you, I will have to tell him one day,” he said, making it sound like a warning. “Whether or not you’re ready, Brynn. When the right time comes, I will tell him. I’m not scared of your brother. I never have been. When I slept with Dia, I didn’t know he was with her and I think they were broken up at that time, according to Duncan. I don’t know what the big issue was.”

I inhaled and let out a long exhale. “The big issue is that,” I answered, “Dia is Milo’s first love Kieran. She’s the only woman he’s loved, aside from me and mom, I think. They’ve been broken up so many times, but they find a way back to each other. They’ve been together since college. I don’t like her. I’ve never liked her. I feel like she was only there because my brother started getting famous as an athlete in college. She’s a primadonna. She orders my brother around all the time, and I honestly do not know why he put up with her. She harbors the same feelings for me, but I tolerate her because for some unknown messed-up reason, my brother thinks the world of her. The day they finally broke up—I think it was after the Pan Pacific Games, which would be right around the timeframe you’re talking about—I swear, I jumped on my bed like I was on a trampoline. My brother deserves so much better, but she got her hooks into him.”

He held my hand tighter. His voice filled with resolve, he said, “He needs to accept the fact that it was a one-time thing, and if I had known that he was with her, I don’t think I’d have ever slept with her. Like I said, it felt like she was targeting me, going for me.”

Dia was such a bitch. She probably went for Kieran because she knew he was Milo’s biggest rival. The day that my brother met her at a party was a day I rued, without a doubt. She was just bad news. She caused too much drama, and carried more baggage than the carousel at the airport.

“Please Kieran,” I said, almost wishing he would say no, because then I could say that I tried it with him, but it didn’t work.

His eyes were clear and his voice was firm, without a trace of doubt, he replied, “For now Brynn, we keep it a secret. For now.”

I gripped his hand tighter, agreeing to his statement. I couldn’t change the past. I could not ignore the animosity between the two of them, but I could keep a secret, and Kieran was saying ‘yes’ to that. For now.