Love Unrehearsed (30 page)

“Look, I know I’m the last person you want to see, but honestly . . . I didn’t know where else to go.” His hands wiped down his face to reveal very watery eyes and a grim expression set on his mouth.

Some of my iciness melted away and new concern clutched my heart.

“I came here to tell you that, ah, Mel . . .”

He couldn’t finish. Tears I’d never seen him shed began to pool and it was hard for him to look at me. “Melanie um . . .” His lips quivered and he sputtered, “died this morning.”

Utter shock clapped hard on my chest, pressing down in a painful blast, as the memories of my old high school friend and her cheerful smile and bouncy red hair flowed over me.

Melanie was the third member of Marie’s and my closely knit gang and the only one of us who managed to fully escape the boundaries of Seaport. She had joined the air force after graduation and had traveled to more countries than any of us could have ever imagined. She had settled in Germany for a few years and with time and distance it was hard to keep in touch. But it was because of our friendship that began back in seventh grade that I started my secret crush on her gorgeous older brother.

“What happened?” It was hard to form the words around the burn in my throat.

Thomas was overcome with emotion. Seeing him so distraught like this was hard to take. He was always so overprotective of his little sister, threatening all the boys who came sniffing around after her with certain death if they hurt her. Mel had a magical aura around her that was so infectious you couldn’t help but want to be in her constant company. This magic certainly did a number on a few boys and their precious egos. Back in those days, Thomas had his work cut out for him.

“She um . . .” He struggled to speak. “She got cancer. It spread all over into her lungs and shit. She asked me to um, get word to ya when she was saying goodbye to people.”

Thomas quickly sprang from his seat as the first tear escaped his faltering hold, dripping down over the curve of his cheek. He hurried for the men’s room.

Marie grabbed my arm as I tried to rush past her. “What the hell is going on?”

“He just told me Melanie died this morning.”

Marie’s angered face fell and she gasped, releasing the grip she had on my forearm. “Oh God, no.”

Wasting no time, I hurried after Thomas, snagging his leather jacket, redirecting him into the empty kitchen. I needed him to tell me what happened.

Before I knew it, Thomas pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around me tightly in a hold of desperate need. His fingers knotted into my shirt. I knew it was killing him to show this much weakness, breaking that impenetrable façade he wore for all the world to see. Sometimes I think that this was the true reason he broke up with me so many times. I was the only girl who could break past that façade and it scared him to death.

As much as it repulsed me to allow my first love this close to me after how deeply he had devastated me, the need to comfort him wiped my hatred away.

I breathed in his familiar scent of leather and spice and skin, causing thousands of memories to surge into my consciousness. There were times I would have killed to have his love, to have him show me the tenderness and raw emotion that I knew he was capable of. But he always held back—always kept me at a safe distance. But now, at this moment, all of his guards were down and he was sobbing uncontrollably in my arms.

“It’ll be okay,” I said, even though my silly words were nothing more than a reflexive attempt to console him. Things would never be okay for him, his family, or for any of us who loved Melanie. Death is final.

“I thought she was getting better,” he whispered in a higher-pitched tone of pain. “Oh, Mel . . .” His fingers clawed into my shirt.

I let him release his pain for a few minutes before whispering, “Tell me what happened.”

Thomas rested his forehead on my collarbone and sniffed. One of his arms released me so he could wipe his eyes, but the other remained firmly locked around my waist. I tried to put some space between us, but as quickly as I tried, he pulled me back to his chest.

“She gasped for fucking air for twelve hours. I’ll never get that sound out of my head. Oh God. Why?” His entire body trembled. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Taryn. God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

His lips were awfully close to my neck. I could feel his breath on my skin. “No. It’s not okay. And now it’s too late. It’s all too late. I should have never done what I did to you.”

In that moment, I found forgiveness. Life is too short to hold such a monumental grudge.

“What the hell?” Tammy exclaimed when she came through the kitchen door, giving me the evil eye over the top of her sunglasses as she assessed our embrace. “Am I interrupting something?”

I quickly put some space between Thomas and me, not wanting her to get the wrong idea.

“Tammy, you remember Thomas,” I started.

“Uh huh,” she said with a reproachful tone.

“Woman, where did you put the Aspinall catering slip?” Pete stopped short, not believing what he was seeing. “Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?” he growled, stepping up to us.

I put my hand on Pete’s chest to stop him and Thomas from squaring off. Pete had size but Thomas had years of practice; besides, Thomas was emotional. I knew Thomas would much rather pound the shit out of something than cry about it.

“Easy, Pete. Stop.”

“What is he doing here, Taryn? You finally have a good thing with Ryan and you need to fuck it up? For this piece of shit?”

“Fuck you, Herman,” Thomas bristled and growled, wiping the remains of his tears away. “Don’t start shit you can’t back up.”

“No. Fuck you, Sager. You’ve got some fucking brass balls coming here. Don’t you think you’ve caused enough damage?”

“Stop it! Both of you.” I turned to Pete. “He came here to tell us that Mel . . .” Her name caught with a hitch in my throat. “Melanie passed away this morning, all right?”

Pete’s angered death glare at Thomas instantly fell as he took in my words. “Mel?”

I nodded, trying to hold it together. It’d been a long time since I’d seen her but the tragic news of her passing cut fresh and deep. Marie slipped in and put an arm around me, noticeably pulling me away from Thomas. I’d thank her later for that.

Thomas covered his eyes with both hands and let out a sigh.

“Oh God.” Pete hunched over as if he’d been punched in the gut. His unrequited feelings for Mel had messed him up for years. Tammy tried to touch him but he flinched. “What happened?”

“Cancer ate her, asshole.”

I let that one slide. We were all sporting fresh pain.

Pete glared right at him. “Dude, for what it’s worth. Sorry for your loss.”

Thomas nodded. “Taryn, can I talk to you?”

Marie tugged me by the shoulders, walking me toward the kitchen doors. “I think we could all use a drink.”

Thomas followed me out into the pub and grabbed his stuff off the bar, finding an empty booth.

I tapped two small glasses of beer and joined him. Last thing his mother needed was to lose her only other child to a drunken motorcycle accident.

“Thanks for the short,” Thomas said as he spied the small glass with disdain, taking a sip anyway.

I wanted him to get this over with. Seeing him again was tearing me up inside. “You’re planning on riding that death trap you call a bike. Just looking out for your well-being.”

The edge of his lip turned up slightly. “I recall you used to beg me to be on the back of my bike.”

“Yeah, well. I didn’t know any better.”

“Ouch.”

“Look, your mom doesn’t need another tragedy today.”

I saw him wince. “Mom’s not taking this well. They actually had to give her something to calm her down.”

I felt bad for his mom. Mrs. Sager always treated me well, siding with me most of the time.

“If she can’t pull it together, would you consider going with me to the funeral home? I’m going to lose it if I have to pick out her fucking casket by myself.”

Why me?
My caretaker gene immediately wanted to say
yes
but I stamped it out—quickly. “That’s something her family should do, Thomas. I know your aunt Betty would help out.”

He gave me that innocent, tilted-head look that used to melt my resolve. “So is that a
no
?”

“As much as I want to help, I can’t. Sorry. That’s a
no
.”

He nodded at the tabletop. “I really fucked up with you, didn’t I?”

I crossed my arms. “Yes, you did.”

He sort of shrugged and the gesture instantly angered me. “I hear you’ve been in the news. Dating some famous actor now?” He motioned toward my ring. “Rich, too, can afford that kind of ice. Good for you. You deserve to be happy.”

I nodded at him.

“Not gonna lie,” he said. “Right now, I’m wishing you were with me.”

I felt that like a physical blow. It was at that moment when I realized I was glad it wasn’t. Everything shifted one degree, significantly enough to make me realize that the broken man sitting before me was not worthy of my heart. Still, it angered me.

“You say that now? Don’t say that stuff to me. Not now. I gave you my heart time after time. I said
yes
to you when you asked me. You were all I ever wanted. But you’re the one who fucked some girl in our bed. It doesn’t get any worse than that.”

“I was mad at you that morning,” he admitted.

I tilted the small glass in my hand, toying with the idea of tossing its contents in his face. “You cheated on me with Cheryl Regan because you were
mad
at me?”

He nodded. “Sounds stupid now, but at the time it felt justified.”

I noticed Thomas’s glare at Pete. “Justified?” The notion that I was ever head over heels in love with this idiot felt so preposterous now. “Because I had to do a favor for Pete you felt justified to bed that stripper whore on
my
pillow?”

“Every time he called, you ran. How do you think that made me feel?”

“He’s my friend! That’s what you do for the people you care about.”

My cell rang, playing Ryan’s song. Thomas tossed his hands up in angered disbelief when I pulled my attention away from him to answer it.

“Hey babe,” I said somberly, sickened by Thomas’s disclosure.

“Hey, hon, what are you up to?” he asked. His rather nonchalant tone reeked of suspicion. A tingle ran up my spine. I don’t know how he knew but he knew.

I swallowed hard, knowing I had two ways to answer. I glanced at the man I once adored sitting across from me while the man who held my heart and soul as if they were precious jewels was pressed to my ear. I opted for full disclosure.

“I am sitting at a booth in the pub, having a beer with my ex, Thomas. Before you let that upset you, please know that he’s just told me terrible news. His sister passed away this morning. He’s almost finished with his beer and although I am greatly saddened by his loss and I’m
very
upset that one of my best friends lost her life to cancer, I imagine he’ll be leaving shortly.”

Ryan sighed as if he were holding his breath, sounding relieved. “Thank you for telling me. I love you.” His breathy declaration seemed slightly off.

“I love you more.”

Thomas rolled his eyes at me.

Ryan snickered once in my ear. “I know. I’m sorry about your friend, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay. Good. Now put the asshole on the phone.”

I handed it over. “My fiancé would like to speak to you.”

Thomas pursed his lips, reluctant to take the phone. He finally put my cell to his ear and said, “Yeah?”

Thomas smiled that sinister, toothy smile I’d also seen a thousand times. “Those are awfully big threats from a guy who’s not able to back up his mouth.”

His eyes darted over toward the bar, where an older man with a high and tight military haircut had been sitting since we’d opened. The man tucked his phone in his pocket, got up from his seat, and walked straight over to us.

Thomas leaned onto the table, wearing his cocky smile as he eyed the guy’s full height. “Yes, I’m meeting your goon right now as a matter of fact. It’s Taryn’s bar and she hasn’t kicked me out yet, so I guess I’ll leave when I’m done. Uh huh. Is that so? Yeah, I’d like that. We can swap notes. I see. Well, I’d love to chat some more but your goon is getting antsy. Yeah, fuck you, too.”

Thomas tossed the phone over to me, chugged the rest of his beer, and stood. “You may want to tell him to wait on that restraining order until after the funeral. Just a suggestion as I’m presuming you’d want to be there when my sister gets buried.”

He leaned onto the table, getting awfully close to my face. “I may have done some things that I regret but I never tried to control you like that asshole is. You might want to rethink the whole marrying a control freak thing. Guys who can’t control end up being wife-beaters.”

Whoever the intimidating guy was with the military haircut, it was obvious that he was getting impatient. Thomas didn’t move, only glaring over his shoulder at him. “Touch me and I’ll bust your fucking hand.”

When he returned his attention to me, I looked into his eyes, trying to find any semblance of the guy I once loved. His walls were up again and I was slammed out. This was the base truth about him. No one would ever truly have him for he was unwilling to let anything make him that vulnerable.

Ryan placed his heart in my care every chance he had.

Now that my rose-colored glasses were off, everything was crystal clear. I looked Thomas right in the eye and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

His eyes scanned my face one more time, giving me that crooked, sad smile of his. I had no doubt he’d be so drunk later, he’d sleep where he fell.

“Despite what you think,” he said, “I did love you.”

“Fucking a whore in our bed was a funny way of showing it.”

“You’re right. And I live with that mistake. See ya round, Taryn.”

I took a deep breath as I watched him leave, relishing the fact that he no longer held my heart.

As for the new military man in my life standing a few feet away, Ryan had some explaining to do. With slightly shaky hands, I quickly texted him.