Love Off-Limits (12 page)

An expert? Natalie laid her head next to her keyboard and sighed. She was a lost cause.

Detention was packed. It seemed kind of cruel and ridiculous that they were all assigned detention when there was a blackout. Detention wasn't a regular thing for her, but she knew the drill. She averaged a couple detentions each year. She knew that you took a seat and waited for Mr. Pryce to call your name. Mr. Pryce was the head of discipline at Natalie's school. In other words, he was the one you had to visit if you got in serious trouble. Fortunately, Natalie had never paid him an office visit, but she was always aware of his presence around campus. A tall man, he had squinty, hawklike eyes and a thick blond mustache. He rarely smiled, spoke, or laughed. Jeremy had seen
him a couple times for skateboarding across the quad and other similar offenses and had always said if Mr. Pryce didn't work at Oak Canyon High, he would've been a cop.

Detention was located in the old drama building, so the layout was similar to a theater, only the seats had pullout trays on the arms that were used as desktops for homework.

Natalie was looking for a seat when she heard someone call her name. “Hey, Nat.”

She instantly recognized Matt's voice and felt her heart skip a beat. He was sitting in the very back row, which was filling up quickly.

“Come sit up here,” he called.

She took this as an excellent sign. Maybe he wasn't weird about their talk in the parking lot the other night.

By the time she made her way to the back row, there wasn't an available seat left.

“I'll move,” he offered.

“It's okay. I can sit here.” She pointed to the row in front of him—also filled.

“Nah, it's fine. I'll move.” He began to gather his books.

They found seats next to each other several rows down. Natalie pulled out her
desktop from the chair and plopped her backpack on top. In a way, detention came at a good time. She'd be forced to study instead of procrastinating.

“I have a rough layout of what the paper is going to look like this month. Do you want to see?” Matt asked.

“I'd love to,” she said. “I'm sure it's far more interesting than the math test I have to study for.”

As he reached into his backpack, the detention bell rang. Natalie knew this meant silence. “I'll show you after,” Matt whispered.

If one was caught talking past the detention bell, the consequence was two more detentions.

She nodded.

Mr. Pryce took roll, then gave his mini lecture about the consequences of passing notes, text messaging, or basically doing anything other than schoolwork. Natalie opened her math book and stared at the pages. She needed to study but all she could think about was Denny's and how she felt like such a fool for choking and for spilling her guts. She was such a moron. She wondered if Matt was annoyed that she hadn't
answered that question for the column. As she sat there dwelling, it hit her. Matt had written that question. It had to be him. When they'd been at Denny's, he'd said something about the question being a hard one to answer. The funny thing was, the question had been sealed and stamped in an envelope. How would he have known what the question was? He wrote it. Her heart started to race. She couldn't believe that she hadn't realized this before. But then again, she'd almost choked to death on a cheese fry. Her thoughts had been slightly preoccupied after her near-death experience and rescue from Helga the Heimlich Hero.

The detention bell buzzed her from her thoughts. Her fellow students poured from the detention hall as though a fire had started. Apparently, she hadn't been the only anxious one.

“You want to go grab a soda at the lake and I can show you the paper?” Matt offered.

“Sure,” she said. She'd hardly had time to process her realization about the column. She felt sort of flustered. Had he been writing about her? It had to be about her. Who else did he know in a relationship?

Oak Canyon Lake was right around the corner from their school, and students sometimes went after school for sodas.

“I have to drive separately, though,” he said. “I have to pick up my brother in about”—he glanced at his watch—“thirty minutes.”

“Sure.”

They drove separately to the lake, and when they arrived, it was pretty desolate. Natalie noticed a few men fishing, but other than that she didn't see anyone from Oak Canyon High School. The large lake backed up to a massive reservoir. A couple years ago the whole area had been surrounded by massive oak trees and shrubs. But fires had raged through the park during a nasty Santa Ana and had taken all the big trees with them. The area was green again but the hillsides were flat and young looking.

They ordered sodas from the snack shack, then headed to a quiet area next to the water. They perched themselves on a rock and Matt pulled out the paper.

He pointed to where her column would go and proofs of the artwork and photos for several other stories.

“I love the artwork for my quiz!” she
said. The newspaper's artist had drawn little sketches of her personality profiles. “My favorite is Dressed for Success. Look at how funny the doctor's face looks. He just looks like an overachiever!”

Matt agreed. “I thought those turned out really good too. The only thing that isn't finished is the cover,” he said. “We're still not sure what's going on the front page.”

“What about your story?”

He shrugged. He took the last sip of his soda, then set the empty can down next to him on the rock.

“I still haven't shown it to Mr. Moore yet.”

“Matt! Why not?”

“I don't know.”

“You need to show it to him. Today! It's so good. You're crazy if you don't show it to him.”

He dug the tips of his shoes in the dirt beneath the rock. “You still feeling confused?”

The question had caught her off guard. She assumed he would never go there again.

He threw a pebble in the lake and it bounced over the water. Then he looked at
her with his big blue eyes, and she felt like she was the only person in the world.

“Matt, it was you. Wasn't it?” Her heart raced as the words left her mouth. She hadn't planned on asking him. She'd hardly had time to absorb it. “You wrote in with that question, didn't you?”

Their eyes locked, and she felt a warmth surge up from her belly to meet her heart. Before she knew what was happening they were leaning toward each other. His lips felt warm and she wanted to be closer to him. He felt like the warmest being on earth. And then a moment of reality hit. She wasn't sure who pulled away first, but the kiss lasted no more than half a second before it felt like someone had shined a flashlight on them in the dark of night. This was so wrong.

“I am sorry,” Matt said immediately. “That was totally not meant to happen.”

“It's okay,” she said. “I shouldn't have let that happen. That was terrible. I mean, not terrible. But the whole situation is just completely messed up. I feel awful.”

“It was my fault, really.”

He slid from the rock. Natalie followed.

“I'm gonna go,” she said.

“That's a good idea. I'll walk you to your car.”

“No. That's okay.” She already stood a good ten feet from him when she turned down his suggestion. She felt as though she needed to move. It was like there was a fire between them, and if she didn't get out of there quickly, she was going to burn herself. “I'll be fine,” she said. “Talk to you later.”

He waved as she walked away. She thought about how stupid her words had been. Talk to you later? She'd just kissed the guy, and they both knew there would be no later. There was no hope for them. Matt's eyes were the last thing she noticed before she walked away, and she knew by looking into them that he was thinking the same exact thing.

“Call Jo,” she barked at the phone. Due to the hands-free cell phone laws in California, her phone was programmed to a voice activation system. Her parents had set up this whole hands-free device in her car. The only thing she had to do was lock her cell phone into a little holder on the center console and then talk to it. She pulled out of the parking lot so fast that the Ravioli left skid marks.

Thank goodness her best friend answered quickly. “I just kissed Matt.”

Jo screamed so loud that Natalie wondered if her hearing would ever be the same again. “Oh my God! What? How did it happen? Are you serious?” Then she lowered her
voice. “Wait. Hang on. I have to go outside. Seto is staring at me. Vincent is here too. Do you care if he hears?”

“No,” Natalie said. He already knew she had a crush on Matt, anyway. Vincent was a good one to hit up for advice during a crisis too.

Natalie could hear their feet tapping down the hardwood floors in Jo's house, then the sound of a door closing behind them. “Oh my God,” Jo squealed. “I can't believe this. Now tell me everything. But wait! I'm putting you on speaker.”

“Hi, Vinny,” Nat said.

“So, let's hear the drama,” he replied.

“It just happened,” Natalie said. “One minute we were talking about the newspaper, and, it's a complicated story, but I figured out that it was him that had written in with this question and then…”

“Did he kiss you first?” Jo asked.

Vincent interjected before Natalie replied, and his comments were directed toward Jo. “Do you want to be Miss Jump Ahead? Is that what you're going to do? Be Miss Jump Ahead the whole story? Let's listen and give her a chance. Save questions until the end, please.”

“Sorry,” Jo said. “I'm just dying to hear what happened.”

Natalie smiled in spite of her frazzled nerves. She continued. “I don't know what happened or who kissed who first, but we both leaned in and kissed. It was only for, like, two seconds. I think we were both freaked out because we both pulled away. And then things were so weird. I just wanted to get out of there instantly, and I think he did too. He said it should've never happened, and I agreed.”

“How did you leave it?” Jo asked.

“I said I would talk to him later—whatever that's supposed to mean. You guys, I feel so bad. I don't know what came over me. I should've never let that happen. Poor Jeremy. I am such a horrible person.”

“Okay, stop. Stop right now.” It was Jo again. “Maybe it shouldn't have happened. But it did, and think about it…you guys couldn't help it.”

“What do I do now? I don't want things to be weird between Matt and me. I just want to pretend like it never happened. The guilt is going to kill me. I'll never be able to sleep again.”

“But it did happen,” Jo said.

“Don't remind me.” Her palms felt sweaty against the steering wheel, and she flipped on the air-conditioning.

“You guys can't deny it forever,” Jo said. Natalie admired her romantic view of the future, but she just didn't think that Jo's outlook was realistic.

“It shouldn't have happened like this, though,” Natalie said. “I should've broken up with Jeremy, then told him I had feelings for Matt. And I shouldn't even be telling you guys. I feel like I'm going behind his back with everything.”

“I kind of see what you're saying,” Vincent said.

“Yeah,” Jo agreed, even though it went against all her romantic ideas.

The sound of Natalie's phone beeping startled her. “I have another call,” she said.

“Who is it?” they both asked.

Natalie glanced at her phone. “Jeremy! I can't talk to him right now. But on the other hand, maybe I should just tell him. I should just come clean and get it over with.”

“No!” Jo said. “Don't answer.”

“Why?” The phone beeped again and Natalie knew she had about two seconds to click over before it would go to voice mail.

“Don't,” Vincent warned. It was the first advice he'd given since she'd spilled the story, and Natalie felt like she should probably listen.

“This is not the way to do it. You're only going to hurt him. There has to be a better way to resolve this,” Jo pointed out.

“Maybe I should just move. Maybe I should convince my parents we need to leave the state, and then I could avoid everything in this whole situation.”

“C'mon.”

“Well, do you have a better idea?”

Jo was quiet. “Honestly, not at the moment. But I know there has to be one.”

“Vinny?”

“I have to think about this one,” he said.

It was a strange response coming from him. Vincent always had the best advice. “But don't worry, Natty. I know you're going to drive yourself insane worrying.”

“No, I won't.”

 

Natalie stayed up most of the night worrying. She worried about Jeremy. She worried about Matt. She worried about the dance and the column. She didn't even want to confess to her cyber friends about the kiss. It
seemed too heavy a secret for even an anonymous website.

What was Matt thinking?

To relieve her stressed nerves, she jotted down the possibilities on a notepad.

• A. He only wrote in with the question to test me and my skills as a columnist and now thinks I'm nuts for kissing him.
  
• B. He is equally worried and is debating telling Jeremy as soon as he can work up the nerve.
  
• C. He has hardly thought about it—chalked it up to poor judgment and is glued to a horror novel.
  

On one hand, she felt that they needed to talk. On the other, it might be best if they never spoke again. The kiss was enough, but now calling him would be admitting the kiss had actually occurred, and a cover-up would be in the works. It just seemed so sneaky. But something had to be said, just so there wouldn't be any weirdness between
them. Jeremy's birthday was in two days, and they'd for sure cross paths at the bowling alley. Then there was still the newspaper. They had to keep things cool and casual. Otherwise, there would always be weird tension between them.

She knew one thing for certain. She needed to break up with Jeremy. It didn't matter if she had a chance with Matt or not. It wasn't fair to string Jeremy along when she had kissed his best friend. Obviously, Matt knew she didn't have feelings for Jeremy anymore, and the cool thing to do was to let Jeremy go in the nicest possible way. She couldn't do it before his birthday party, but she had to do it soon.

After everyone was asleep, she headed downstairs and watched TV in the dark. By three o'clock in the morning she finally fell asleep on the couch. She was awakened by the sound of cleats on the tile.

Her brothers entered in matching football uniforms, each holding a helmet.

“What are you doing?” Thomas asked.

“What time is it?” She answered him with a question.

“Eight thirty.” Her father peered over their shoulders.

“Why did you sleep on the couch?” Brandon wanted to know.

“I was watching TV and I fell asleep.”

“Jeremy called you on the home line last night,” her father said. “He said you weren't answering your phone. So I told him you were asleep.”

“Oh, thanks. I'll call him back. Thanks for telling me.”

“When is Jeremy coming over again?” Thomas looked worried. Or maybe she was just paranoid.

“Do you think he can come to our game today?” Brandon asked.

“Yeah, that was fun when he came to our baseball games,” Thomas reflected.

“I think he has plans,” Natalie said, feeling even worse for lying to her family now.

“Everything okay?” her dad asked.

“Everything is fine.”

After they left, Natalie could stand it no longer. She sent Matt a text.

She meant it. At this point she just wanted to pretend as though it had never occurred—to erase the entire incident from her thoughts. She wouldn't hurt Jeremy. She'd still be friends with Matt. Life would go on.

She waited a few hours, checking her cell phone every ten seconds to see if he had replied. Nothing. She made a million excuses for him.
He'd lost his cell phone at the beach yesterday. Waves had taken it, and it was now lying at the bottom of the Pacific. His battery was dead. The charger had flown out his car window when he'd fled San Diego in an attempt to escape the situation. He'd moved; he'd decided it was the only option. He hated her and was horrified by the fact that she'd even be capable of doing something so sneaky to Jeremy.

She still had to call Jeremy back. He'd called her home line? He never called the home line. Did he know? The guilt was almost too much to bear. But she knew if she avoided him it was only worse. Grandma Jones was lurking somewhere in the house, so Natalie sought privacy in her bedroom.

He answered on the first ring. “Hey, what's up with you?”

“I was so tired last night. I came home
from school and literally passed out. My dad just told me you called.”

“I tried to call you and text you on your cell last night—a bunch of times.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't know.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Okay. Well, I'm going to the skate park. Maybe we can meet up later or something.”

“Or for sure tomorrow. Tomorrow is your big day!” she said.

“It should be fun.”

They said good-bye, and after she hung up with him she realized she still hadn't picked up a birthday gift. What was becoming of her life? One day she was kissing her boyfriend's best friend, and the next she was buying the same boyfriend birthday gifts? Who was she? She didn't want to be some sneaky diva.

She had to get out of the house. She met Jo for ice cream at Cold Stone. She'd wanted Vincent to join too, but he had to read lines for
South Pacific.
Natalie ordered chocolate ice cream with a Rocky Road blend of nuts and marshmallows. She also had them throw in some peanut butter cup chips for an extra sugar fix. Jo always scrunched up her nose when Natalie ordered. They had completely
different tastes when it came to ice cream. Jo opted for the fruity flavors while Natalie liked the rich, creamy ones. As Jo ordered her strawberry shortcake concoction, Natalie thought she saw another personality quiz brewing.
What does your favorite flavor of ice cream say about you?
She liked quizzes, and maybe it would even give her an excuse to talk to Matt.

They found a table outside, and as soon as they were settled Natalie looked over her shoulder. Call it paranoia, but she didn't want anyone from their school overhearing their discussion about her soap opera love life.

As soon as she felt comfortable, she ran every excuse from the list she'd made the night before by Jo.

Jo tossed her a look. “First of all, he wasn't
testing
you. I mean, didn't he kiss you back? And he wrote in with that question. It had to be him.”

Natalie thought for a moment. “Well, yes. He did kiss me back. But what if he didn't write in with the question? He never answered me before we kissed. And I've thought about this some more. Matt wouldn't stamp the envelope with a
Spider-Man stamp. That's so weird. That's so not him.”

“He has a little sister, though. Maybe it was her stamp and he just wanted to make sure no one opened it. It actually sounds a lot like Matt. It's pretty smart if you think about it. The stamp makes it look even more like it wasn't him—like you'd never guess him. He was just being careful. And give him some time to reply to your text. It's only been three hours!”

“Four and a half now.”

“Well, just wait till tomorrow. No, Monday. If you haven't heard from him by Monday, then we can start analyzing.”

“Really, I think the only reason he hasn't replied is because he just doesn't want to talk to me. That's the reality. And I can't wait until Monday because I'm going to see him tomorrow at Jeremy's party.” Natalie shook her head. “This is horrible. What kind of person am I? Throwing a party for my boyfriend while worrying about kissing his best friend. I'll never get over the guilt. Not to mention how awkward it's going to be at the bowling alley.”

Jo pushed around a strawberry in her sweet cream ice cream. “I'll be there too.
And Vincent. So maybe that can keep you away from some of the awkwardness.”

Natalie decided to change the subject. There was no sense in driving herself crazy with worry, or driving Jo crazy with her incessant worrying. Furthermore, she felt a little selfish for focusing so much on herself and all her love life problems. They hadn't even talked about Jo's life in two days.

“Did Vinny find a suit for the dance?” Natalie asked.

Jo nodded vigorously as she swallowed her ice cream. “He did. It's so perfect. We drove down to the vintage shops in Pacific Beach and found the coolest suit. Then Vincent took it home and put it in cold water and hung it outside to dry. So it's all stiff. It looks like it came straight out of a grave. We're going to put little fragments of spiderweb and dust on it too. It's going to be so gothic chic. I'm actually kind of excited to go to the dance with Vincent again this year. We always have the best time picking out costumes.”

“You guys have the best time doing everything. I don't know why you don't give the guy a fair chance.” Natalie licked the back of her spoon.

“I don't know.”

“What don't you know?”

“I mean, he's like a brother. And I just don't think I'm attracted to him that way.”

Of all people Natalie should understand. Feelings were feelings. If that's the way Jo felt, she couldn't help it. Even if it seemed like such romantic injustice.