Love Me to Death (39 page)

She shakes her head and squeezes my hand tighter. “It’s ok, I understand,” she says gently.

“No, I was wrong. I love you, Ned and I love our baby and we will make this work. We’ll fight for this.” She nods but I know she has more to say.

“I promise that I’ll fight with everything I have, Cole but if I lose the fight then I need you to promise me something.”

I hate this conversation and so I don’t answer with words just a simple nod of the head.

“I need you to promise that no matter what the outcome you will keep going. I need to know you will never waste a second of your life. I need to know that even without me you’ll still be the same person I fell in love with.”

“Ned.”

“Please, Cole. I don’t know how long I have left and I need to say this … for me.” I nod. She releases my hands and strokes her stomach. “It’s a girl … I can feel it. She’s going to need you, Cole. She needs you to teach her everything and that includes teaching her about me. I know it will hurt but I need you to tell her everything about me. A little girl uses her mother to help form her identity. Give her that. Let her know how much I love her.” I can hear her crying now and I hate it because I’m doing everything I can to hold my tears back but she is destroying me. “No guilt. Nothing is your fault. If anything, be happy because you gave me the best days of my life. I am so happy right now … with you. Don’t ever hesitate to forgive because when the chance is gone you’ll wish it back over and over again. And fall in love.”

“I can’t do this,” I say trying to sit up. She holds my arm and stops me.

“You can, baby because you and I can talk about anything. I want you to not be afraid of falling in love again, promise me you won’t ever let this stop you.”

“Ned.”

“Promise me, Cole. I need to hear you say it.”

I close my eyes tight knowing I will never break a promise that I’ve made her. “I promise.”

“Thank you.” She turns in my arms and faces me. The smile on her face almost breaks me apart.

“I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper.

“You won’t, I’ll be there every day. You can talk to me all the time, in here,” she says pressing her palm against my chest. “I’ll always be listening. I promise.” I pull her into my chest and let the tears fall freely. I’ve cried so much today that I feel like a crazy person. I’ve always been brought up by my father to believe that a man who cries is weak but that’s a lie. Allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of anyone is the hardest thing I have ever done and the fact that Ned allows me to do it free of shame makes me feel like the strongest man alive.

“You’re speaking as if you won’t be around,” I whisper.

“I might not be, we need to be prepared,” she says sadly.

I look up into her eyes and gently wipe away the tears on her face with my hand. “Tonight, my dad told me he loved me for the first time in six years. After everything that has happened, I never even thought it was possible to hear those words again,” I tell her.

“That’s amazing, Cole.” She smiles.

“Exactly … I guess miracles are real,” I whisper. “I’m not giving up on you, Ned.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“I won’t. Not ever. Not in this life or the next. I will always find you.”

“I will always be waiting.”

2 Months Later

The first thing I do when I see Ned’s name on my phone is smile.

“Hello …”

“Hey.” She’s chirpy.

“Hey, beautiful. You ok?”

“I’m great.” Today’s a good day. I smile. “I just wanted to hear your voice is all.”

“It is a sexy voice,” I tease.

“Your ego just refuses to shrink, doesn’t it?”

“Babe, Freddy is a part of the family; he’s been with me since I was a kid. I can’t just get rid of him like that you know.”

“You’ve given your ego a name?” I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Yup.”

“Please, God let this child have a higher percentage of my genes.
Please.”

I laugh at her words.

“I love getting these calls from you on my break,” I say, looking up at the Maceys sign above the doors. I’m standing on the sidewalk just like I always do as soon as the clock strikes twelve.

“I like calling you. How’s work going?”

“It’s not bad. It won’t get busy until after lunch. I seriously think that someone is trying to make me pay for the seven months I was out of work.”

She laughs.

“And,” I continue, “a new girl started today, her name’s Kay-Lee and let’s just say that Kay-Lee has a
thing
for me.”

“Is this your ego speaking again?”

“Noooo, this has nothing to do with my ego. My ego wants out where she is concerned. Seriously, babe she looks at me like I’m a steak fresh out of the oven.”

“That’s how I look at you too.” She giggles.

“Yes but it’s hot when you do it, it turns me on. Kay-zilla just gives me the creeps.” She bursts out laughing.

“You don’t like the extra attention then?”

“Hell no. Jerry and Terrence seem to find the whole thing hilarious but I’m sure some of what she says may actually be illegal.” She laughs again. I’ll never tire of that sound. “So, how are my two favorite people?”

“We are good. We are craving chicken today.
Lots of chicken.
”

“We or you?”

“
We.
I honestly think she’s going to come out eating solid foods.”

I laugh.

“
He
probably will but can you blame him, he has a greedy mother.”

“Cole, I told you we’re having a girl.”

“And I told
you
that we’re having a boy.”

“What do I get if you’re wrong?” she asks.

“Firstly you can stop lifting your eyebrows at me.” Her laugh lets me know I am right. “Secondly, there isn’t a chance that I’m wrong. I channeled a male sperm into you babe, I know what I am talking about.”

“Firstly you’re a moron because you didn’t even know you were getting me pregnant and secondly just shut up.”

“Compelling argument.”

“I couldn’t think of anything else, I have baby brain.”

“You’re adorable. Anyway, listen I better get going before Jerry comes to find me but I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Have a good day. And have fun with Kay-Lee,” she chuckles.

“Not funny. Anyway, I’m sending kisses to you and the bump. See you when I get home. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“I love you more,” I say before hanging up.

Gosh, those calls make my day. Things have not been easy since that first day in the hospital when we found out Ned was pregnant but somehow we’ve gotten through it. It’s made us stronger in so many ways. The further she gets the more time we have to spend in the hospital which sucks but I’d rather know that she is getting the best care. I don’t know how she does it, though. She’s so brave. Since that first night in the hospital, she hasn’t mentioned anything about her health. Everything is about the baby. It’s one of the many reasons I love her. She has this ability to put people’s needs before her own and it’s not an act because she never wavers.
Ever
.

“How’s Ned?” Jerry calls across the bar as I walk through the doors of Maceys.

“She’s good.”

“Did you guys just have phone sex or something because the smile on your face is creepy as hell?” She quizzes.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I wink as I round the bar.

“Actually, no, but I know someone that would,” she nods her head across the room and my eyes fall on Kay-Lee who is smiling at me.

“Don’t remind me,” I mumble.

“Oh yes, Terrence said to tell you that you have two weeks vacation as of Monday,” she says casually as she bends down and starts to stock the fridges.

“What? Why?”

“Not the usual response I get to that sentence.” She grins as she looks up at me.

“Not to sound ungrateful but I kind of need the money right now.”

“Did I mention that you’ll still get paid?”

I look at her in utter confusion.

“Am I missing something here?”

“Yes, the bit where you celebrate.”

“Sorry, it’s just that I don’t understand why.”

“He likes you that’s why plus you work your ass off when you’re here. You deserve it. Enjoy today’s shift and then go home and spoil that pregnant girlfriend of yours.”

I smile at Jerry. She’s the most straight-talking woman I know. Sometimes a little too straight talking but I like her. We pretty much hit it off from my first trial shift. I let them know about Ned’s situation as soon as I started and I informed them that I didn’t plan on missing any of her hospital appointments. I thought her and Terrence were going to tell me to go home right there, and then but to my surprise they offered me the job as soon as my trial shift ended. There was no explanation other than Terrence patting me on the back and saying
I like you, kid, you’re an honest guy.
Then he walked off and that was the end of it. Here I am; the job’s mine and all is good.

“I think I will,” I say.

“Good, now get back to work before I fire you.”

“Yes,
sir
.” I salute as I head to the kitchen to grab some more drinks to stock the fridge.

“Very funny.”

Today went slower than usual. Maybe it was because I was eager to get home and tell Ned about my vacation. It meant that we could really spend some time together. Most of our time together is mainly spent in between hospital visits which kind of sucks. Terrence has been real cool, though. He always gives me the time off so I can attend, that’s why I was so surprised when Jerry said he was giving me this vacation. I know Ned will be happy.

I’m just hoping she will be awake when I get back. She’s on quite a lot of meds at the moment and some of them seem to make her a bit drowsy and I hate the days when I get in to find her sleeping especially since she’s the first person I want to share my day with. I slip my phone out of my pocket and dial her number.

She picks up after the second ring. “Ned Waters, how can I help you?”

“That’s the fake voice you used the first day I called about the ‘audition.’” I chuckle.

“Do I sound intellectual?”

“Nope but you sound awake which is a good sign. I’ll be home in ten, think you can stay awake till then? I’ve got good news and I come bearing gifts.”

“Oh, I always have the energy for gifts.”

“Good, see you soon.”

“Ok.”

My phone rings before I get the chance to put it back in my pocket. I smile when I see a picture of Layla, Alex, and Sophie pop up.

“Hey, Sis,” I beam as I answer her call.

“I’m not your sister, silly. I’m your niece.” My smile widens at the sound of Sophie’s voice.

“Are you sure? I’m pretty sure this is my sister’s phone,” I tease.

“No.” She giggles. “I’m Sophie!”