Love Me to Death (37 page)

He uses the sleeve of his T-shirt to wipe my eyes and then he pulls me in for a hug. He places his mouth right next to my ear and drops his voice down low. “I know this is hard but right now she’s going to need you to be strong. She’s going to need to see a face that lets her know that everything is going to be ok.”

“But how do I know that?” I whisper. He stands back and looks into my face.

“You don’t but you act like you do. She’s the one that needs the crutch right now. If you want to cry then you do that crap at home but right now your girl needs you, so wipe your eyes, hold your head up and be the man she needs you to be.”

I nod and roughly wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I take a deep breath and lift my head up just in time to see the receptionist walking toward us. I hold my breath and wait to hear what she is going to say.

“She wants to see you,” she says kindly. She’s nothing like the woman she appeared to be when I first approached the desk.

“Thank you,” I whisper. I turn to Bobby and see him holding a tearful Misty in his arms. He nods his head at me and I return the gesture before following the lady to the unknown.

She leads me through a brown door into a small room. As soon as I see Ned, I rush over to her. She smiles up at me weakly as I throw my arms around her. I realize that I haven’t been breathing properly since I got that call from Misty because for the first time I feel like my chest isn’t so tight anymore.

“I’m ok,” she whispers against my chest.

“I didn’t know. I should have been there.”

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

I step back and look at her to make sure she is real. I look at her as she lies down in the hospital bed and I feel a sense of déjà-vu. It feels like just yesterday I was looking at all of the tubes attached to my sister.

“What happened?” I ask.

“I don’t know exactly. I just had this weird pain in my chest. It got so bad that I thought I was going to pass out.”

“It just came today?”

She ducks her head. Then she shakes it guiltily.

“No, I’ve had it for a while now but today was the worst. I couldn’t hide it anymore.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you would panic.”

“Of course, I would panic. We’re not supposed to keep secrets from each other,” I say in annoyance.

“I know and I’m sorry.”

I look at her face and I can’t stay mad at her because I am just happy that she is ok. I don’t know what I expected when I got that call from Misty but it wasn’t this. It was way,
way
worse.

“What now?”

“The doctor is coming in to see me again. They’ve been running tests since I got here. He will be back with the results soon.”

“Are you hungry?”

“No, I had something already and I’m not in the mood to eat right now anyway.”

“Ok, well let’s just get these results and then we can get out of here.”

She’s silent.

“What?” I ask.

“They said I won’t be going home tonight.”

“Why? You look fine.” My heart is beating rapidly in my chest.
Why are they keeping her in here?

“I know that’s what I said but they seem to think this is the best place for me. You know this is the last place I’d want to be. I’ve already been reprimanded for ignoring all of their calls and letters.”

I smile. “Rebel.” I see her physically relax.

“You’re known by the company you keep.”

“Actually, you were the one ignoring their letters and calls before I came along. So perhaps it’s you that has corrupted me.”

“I doubt it.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? I feel a lot better. I’m still coughing but the pain isn’t as bad. I just feel a little tired.”

“Well, once we get these results you can get some rest.”

“Yeah, how’s Misty?”

“She looked a little shaken but I haven’t really had much of a chance to talk to her, my main priority was getting to you.”

“I’m glad it was.”

“It always will be,” I assure her.

“Tell me about your interview.”

“It was strange,” I answer simply.

“How so?”

“Well for one it was just me and some woman called, Jerry. She just asked me some really weird questions.”

“Like what?”A small smile plays on her lips as if it amuses her to know I was in an uncomfortable situation.

“If I had a girlfriend, baby mama, crazy ex and so on …”

She starts laughing. “Please tell me you made up some crazy baby mama story?” She’s way too amused.

“No.”

“Ahhh I’m so disappointed, babe, you could have come up with a whole little storyline. Seriously, I thought you were an actor?” She teases.

“I am but I also wanted to secure the job.”

“Boring,” she sings. “You’re killing the whole sexy and daring guy illusion I had when I first met you.”

“Oh please, I rock your world and you know it.”

“Ha! Big headed much! How do you know that I don’t compare you to all of my hot exes?” She has a smile on her face.

“Because I’ve met Jerkson, babe. I’m not worried about your exes.”

“Hey, I thought you two were friends now.”She giggles.

“Nope. I just like to keep my friends close and my enemies closer. Jerkson has been at the top of the enemies list from the moment he declared his undying love for you. I’m very territorial; I
will
mark what’s mine.”

“Are you saying that you’re going to pee on me?” she says with wide eyes and a huge smile.

“If I have to.” I laugh.

“Eeew you’re disgusting!” She giggles.

“You asked!”

Just then the door to her room opens and reality sinks in. We stop laughing. A small Asian man walks inside with a clipboard. His dark eyes flick from mine to Ned’s and then a small smile fills his face. There is a thin man with light blond hair standing behind him. He looks like he might be a student.

“Hello, I am Doctor Chen and this is Doctor Michaels. I have the results and was hoping now would be a good time to talk to you about what is happening?” he asks Ned.

“Yes.”

“Are you okay with your …”

“Boyfriend,” I fill in the gap.

“Boyfriend, to be in the room?”

“Yes, I want him here.” She turns and smiles at me and I return it.

He moves closer and then glances down at his notes.

“As you know, we have been running some tests. The notes tell me that you were already aware of your diagnosis.” Ned nods. “Yet you refused treatment?” He doesn’t ask in an accusatory tone, he just sounds curious.

“I did.”

“I’m sure you have your reasons and I am not here to discuss that. But the fact is that your condition has become somewhat complicated.” I remain silent.
I hate where this conversation is going.

“How?” Ned asks softly.

“Your heart has expanded, Miss Waters. This is causing it to press against your lungs, which is the reason you are experiencing so much coughing. Your lungs are struggling to get the same amount of air they usually would.” She nods, never taking her eyes off him. “One of the valves in your heart is damaged and a clot has unfortunately formed inside. Now, this becomes a little complicated because a piece of that clot has broken off and found its way inside of your right lung.”

“Is that the reason for the pain?” she asks.

“That is correct.” He stops for a moment before speaking again. “Miss Waters, I do have more to discuss with you but the information is very sensitive. Are you sure you do not want to hear this alone first?”

She shakes her head instantly. “He stays.” Her words fill me with a feeling I cannot describe. I slip my hand into hers on the bed and squeeze it gently.

“As you know we have run several blood tests today. One of those tests revealed that you are pregnant. Is this something you were aware of?” Her hand stiffens underneath mine. My stomach drops. I cannot take my eyes off of his lips. I cannot shake his words.
Pregnant?

“No,” she whispers.

“I thought as much,” he says sympathetically.

“I don’t understand …” She breathes.

“I can only imagine that this is a lot for you to take in and I am sorry we have to discuss all of this now but based on your current situation we need to be thorough.”

“What is my current situation?”

“Given the fact that your heart has weakened to the extent it has we are now looking at transplantation as the only solution. I know the transplant team has already discussed all of the risks and possible outcomes of this procedure before.” She nods in agreement.

“And without a transplant?” I ask this.

“Without the transplant, I do not know. There are several types of medication we can prescribe to help keep some of the symptoms under control but as with anything, there is no guarantee. The heart may last weeks, months maybe a year. No one can say at this stage I’m afraid.”

“What about the baby?” Ned asks.

“A pregnancy puts a lot of extra pressure on a normal functioning body, it is even harder for someone in your condition, Miss Waters. It makes your case incredibly high risk,” Doctor Chen says.

“Have people in my condition had a baby before?”

“It is extremely rare, but it has been known to happen. But your heart is incredibly weak and continuing with a pregnancy will limit the medication we can give you. Even if you make it through the pregnancy, it is the delivery that will work your heart the hardest, even if it’s a scheduled C-section. You will spend a lot of time in the hospital and be monitored constantly. It is a huge decision that can put both mother and baby at great risk.” He glances at both of us. “Pregnancy may decrease your chances of survival. But there is no sure answer to what will actually happen.”

“What do you suggest?” she asks keeping her eyes on his.

“I cannot make a suggestion, Miss Waters; the decision has to be entirely yours, but many women in your position have been known to take the route of a termination to better their own chance of survival.”

“That is not an option,” she states. For the first time, I am alert. I snap my head to look at her but her eyes don’t meet mine. For the first time, I truly understand the turmoil Jamie went through when Layla was in the hospital. When I heard that Ned was pregnant, my first feeling was an overwhelming burst of love but when I heard that the pregnancy could put her at more risk my decision was made. I chose Ned. That may make me a monster. It may even make me selfish but I cannot see this any other way. If there is even the slightest chance that I don’t have to lose her then I will take it.

“We need to discuss this,” I say.

“There is nothing to discuss,” she says firmly.

Doctor Chen clears his throat while the student fidgets uncomfortably. “I have given you a lot to think about, I’m sure. I will give you some time to think and then I will come back in the morning to discuss our options.” Neither of us answers him. We remain silent as he walks out the door.

“Ned,” I say softly. She doesn’t even look at me. “Ned, look at me, baby.” She turns her head slowly and I can see the tears in her eyes.

“Don’t ask me to choose, Cole because I can’t do that. I know you don’t get it … I know we’ve only just found out but the life of this unborn child comes before mine already.”

“I get it, I really do but Ned you heard what he said. You might be risking both yours and the baby’s life.”

“Don’t,” she says sternly. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like you care about this baby because you don’t. I saw it on your face. You didn’t even consider for one moment that this innocent little life growing inside of me deserves a chance. This baby —
our baby —
might just deserve a chance in this life rather than being cast away as an afterthought.”

“I never said that.”

“But you thought it.”

“You’re making it sound horrible. Ned, I love you and if there is even the slightest chance I can do something to make you better then I will. Don’t you think my heart skipped when I heard him say you were pregnant? Damn I never even knew I wanted a child until he said those words. I’ve never even considered being someone’s dad but when he said it, something inside of me leaped. But I won’t lose you for something I didn’t even know I wanted until five minutes ago.”

“How can you say that?” she asks angrily. “You’re speaking as if only my life matters. There’s a
life
inside of here,” she says touching her stomach in shock for a moment. “There’s a
life
and you’re asking me to weigh it up and choose mine as the more important one. Who am I to make that decision?”

“Someone who actually gives a damn about their own life. Someone who wants to live,” I growl.

“I do want to live! Don’t you think I want that, damn it! Do you honestly think I want to leave behind everything and everyone that I love? Do you truly believe that if I had a chance to live I wouldn’t take it? Do you? I don’t want to die,” she says weakly as the tears fall down her cheeks. “
I don’t want to die
. I want to live. I want to live so bad that it hurts. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to imagine a life where I don’t exist with you. I don’t want that.” For the first time, I see Ned breakdown over the fact that she’s dying. I see the fear in her eyes and the sadness. I’m so mad that I can’t take away her pain.