Love Me to Death (24 page)

“What does it feel like?” I whisper. I look down and I know she understands what I mean. She takes a deep breath and I’m not even sure if she’s blinked once since we began staring at one another.

“It’s the worst and best feeling in the world.” She breathes. I stare down at her in confusion. I never expected her to describe dying as the worst and best feeling in the world. How is that possible?

“It’s the best feeling because I
know
. There’s no mystery or nasty surprise. I’ve been given the chance to do everything that I would have never thought of doing. I have forgiven people I probably never would have forgiven. I’ve made contact with people that I never talk to. And I’m living in a way I’ve never lived before. When you find out you’re dying you suddenly realize how important life is. And you want to grab it and live the hell out of it before it slips away. It may seem unfair that I’m dying young but, at least, I know it’s coming. I’m thankful for that.”

I nod in understanding but the idea of Ned
really
dying leaves me in silence.

“The worst feeling is the worrying. Not about me but about everyone I love. Death hurts and it changes people.” I nod thinking about my dad. “It stops people from doing the things they want to do and it brings a sense of misery where there should be joy.”

“How should people feel?” I whisper.

“Happy. I want people to be happy knowing that they were a part of my life. My life has been beautiful despite the ups and downs and that’s what I want people to remember. I want them to know that they should keep living. They should enjoy every second of life and never waste it because some people don’t get the warning that I’ve been blessed with. I never wanted misery for anyone in life, so why would I want it for them in death. There
will
be life after me and if everyone is smart it’ll be even better than the life they had with me because my death should remind everyone how important it is to
live
. Because since I found out that I’m going to die all I’ve wanted to do is live and I can’t help but wonder what the hell took me so long.” She chuckles at the end and I smile. This woman is amazing. Why did it take me so long to find her?

“I know you miss your mom, Cole but she was happy in those last moments. I promise you that being given the chance to write that letter, to leave something behind would have given her the biggest sense of peace. Believe that.”

“I know,” I whisper before tucking my head into her neck and breathing in her scent. I’ll miss this scent. “I’ll miss you,” I say into her neck.

I feel her hand stroke the back of my head, leisurely playing with the locks of my hair. “I know. I’ll miss you too,” she whispers.

“Good because I don’t care how great heaven is you aren’t going to find anyone like me up there,” I joke.

“I’m certain of that,” she laughs. “Let’s just hope you make it in,” she chuckles.

“Oh, that calls for part two! Neddie Waters that mouth of yours will always get you into trouble. In this life and the next,” I say before launching a second tickling attack on her. When the sound of her laughter fills the air a peace comes over me that lets me know that everything is going to be all right. For now anyway.

After tickling Ned into submission, we finally come out of her room and join her parents in the kitchen. I wonder what they must have thought was going on in there. Let me tell you this … Ned is not a quiet woman. That thought alone sends a shiver through my entire body and I try to push away thoughts that I know I shouldn’t be thinking right now.

“So, what do you think of our little town, Cole?” Ed asks as we all tuck into the delicious chicken casserole Ned’s mom has made.

“Honestly, I really like it. I never imagined Ned growing up somewhere so quiet and peaceful, though. There’s nothing about her that gives it away.”

“You better be careful,” Ned warns with a playful glint in her eyes.

“Yes, baby,” I tease.

“Yeah, careful Cole, being bossy is a common trait with these Waters women.” Ed laughs.

“Yeah, I’m slowly starting to discover how dangerous she can really be.”

“And there’s more where that came from,” Ned adds.

Nora is sitting back silently watching everyone. I don’t make a big deal of looking at her but I know that she just wiped a tear from her cheek. I know this has got to be hard for her not knowing whether or not this will be the last time she sees Ned. I know what it’s like to lose a parent but I can’t begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. It just seems like something that shouldn’t happen.

Ned notices too and I see her give her mom’s hand a little squeeze. Nora smiles at her before taking another bite of her food.

“I’m glad you came, Cole. I’ve never seen Neddie smile so much in my life,” Nora says softly.

“Yes, she’d like to deny it but I do have that effect on her.” Everyone laughs.

“Great, now his growing ego has just become hulk sized.” Ned rolls her eyes.

“Let the boy have his moment, us men need it.” Ed chuckles.

“So what time do you fly back tomorrow?” Nora asks.

“Our flight is at seven in the evening.”

Nora looks sad.

“So you’ll need to leave around three then?”

“Yeah but we’ll have a girly day tomorrow, Mom. And we can talk about these two and all of their annoying little traits.” Ned teases.

“Now that sounds like a plan,” Nora chuckles.

“This chicken casserole is amazing, Nora. Thank you,” I say.

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me, Cole.” Her smile is warm.

The chatter continues as the meal goes on and I just sit back and watch Ned as she interacts with her parents. It’s nice. It’s what I used to have. I catch myself smiling at Ned every now and then as her eyes lock with mine. Something feels different but I just can’t figure out what. Every time she speaks or laughs my heart races. And when she smiles I feel a strange sense of peace envelop me.

We spend the rest of the night talking and watching TV. Nora and Eddie go to bed around ten, leaving me and Ned alone in the living room. I have her tucked up in my arms as we watch some show about animals that attack.

“Hey,” I whisper. She leans her head back and looks up at me questioningly. “Thanks.”

“What for?”

“For trusting me with your parents. For inviting me into your world.” She just smiles. “What made you pick me?” I ask curiously.

“Well, firstly you were the only person who applied,” she chuckles.

“Seriously? How long had the ad been up?”

“Not long. Misty only put it up at Gigi’s about an hour before you called. I honestly didn’t think anyone would go for it not once they read that crazy contract.”

“So you finally admit that the contract was completely insane.”

“I do but I had to protect myself. I still can’t believe you agreed to it. I came to the conclusion that you were either incredibly desperate or incredibly stupid,” she laughs.

“Again thanks for the ego boost.”

She turns on my lap with a huge grin on her face. I tuck my hands behind her back and pull her closer to me.

“It was the moment that I told you I was dying and about my mother,” she lowers her voice. “I saw something in your eyes. An understanding. I told Misty to take down all the other ads she had put up the minute you stepped out the door.”

“Really? That was a huge risk to take.”

“It was but eyes don’t lie and yours told me that despite coming off as a complete douche there was something more about you. Something I could trust.”

“I’ll pretend not to take any offense to that comment. I’m glad you chose me. It could have been worse; you could have picked someone like Jerkson.”

“Leave him alone, he’s my friend,” she smiles. “What is your problem with him anyway?”
Really? You want me to spell it out …

“I don’t like him. He looks at you in the way that an ex shouldn’t. He’s a leech.”

“There’s a way that
you
look at me too,” she says coyly.

I pull her closer toward me until our lips are brushing against each others.

“Yeah, well I signed a contract so I can look at you any damn way I please.”

“It doesn’t say anything about that in the contract,” she teases.

“Babe, I haven’t followed the rules of your contract since day one. I only follow my own rules. And my rules tell me two things … number one, I’ll look at you however I please and number two, this conversation is about to come to an end because I’m going to kiss you.” Then I do and all conversations regarding rules, contracts and Jerkson are forgotten.

I am woken up by the sound of my name being called and slow soft kisses being trailed up my jaw and to my lips. My eyes slowly flutter open and I see Ned standing in my room, leaning over me. This is the best non-dream I’ve ever had. I actually hear myself groan before she chuckles against my skin.

I wrap my hands around her hips and lift her effortlessly until she is straddling me on my bed. I hear the sound of her giggle before another kiss touches the corner of my mouth. I close my eyes and take in every sensation.

“Morning,” she says softly.

“Best. Alarm Clock. Ever,” I whisper as the beautiful sound of her laughter fills the air.

“My mom’s cooked pancakes.” She sounds excited and I love it.

“Mmm, I might have to pass, babe. I’m not sure I should be eating any other woman’s pancakes but yours.”

“I hadn’t realized that you’d stopped eating other women’s pancakes,” she teases.

“Well, when I tasted how good yours were I realized that I didn’t have much of an appetite for any other pancake but yours.” I raise my eyebrows.

“My pancakes
are
one of a kind.”

“They are
definitely
one of a kind.” I’m tracing my finger up and down her back slowly. I feel her shiver under my touch and I think someone down below may have just woken up.

“Wait, has Joey Mills tasted your pancakes?” I ask seriously. She laughs. Loud. Way too loud. My face contorts in annoyance.

“Aww, are you jealous of Joey Mills?” She giggles. I don’t know why she’s giggling when we’re not flirting. This is an important topic.

“It depends, has he tasted your pancakes?”

“You’re cute, Cole. No, Joey hasn’t tasted my pancakes,” she grins.

“Good and he better never taste them either,” I warn. “He already had your first kiss the greedy little jerk.”

She’s laughing again.

“You do know that you’re jealous of a ten-year-old.”

“Firstly I’m not jealous, just concerned that if you start giving away your pancakes, people are going to get the wrong idea. Secondly, what?”

“My first kiss was with Joey Mills when I was ten. My mom used to babysit him and one day we were playing in my room and he stole my first kiss. Of course, I didn’t even know what kissing really was back then.”

“That dirty little thief. He should be arrested for going around and stealing little girls’ kisses.”

“But I liked it,” she teases.

“You were too young to know what you liked and he was too inexperienced to kiss you the way you should be kissed.”