Love Me Forever (9 page)

Without warning, tears welled and the lump returned in her throat. She took the stairs down to the main level and followed the hallways to the back entrance of her office. The last thing she needed was for someone to see her crying over something as stupid as seeing an old couple walk together.

Divorce made her moods swing like crazy. Giddy one minute, tearful the next. Knowing she wouldn’t have fifty years beside her husband still made her ache.

It was Ted she pictured herself walking the hallway with, wasn’t it? It must be. She’d given up dreams of happily-ever-after with Matt years ago. In twenty-five years when she was ready to retire, she could look him up, see if he was still single. Then she’d be ready to sell her house, move to wherever he was, and spend their dotage together walking the beach, watching sunsets in the tropical warmth of an evening.

In the meantime, she had to get the accounts payable processed.

She shut out the image of Matt’s face that slipped into her mental photo album on a regular basis each day. Often, she would turn up the radio to drown out the memory of his voice on the answering machine, her mind replaying his one-sided conversations when she least expected it.

One day soon she’d have recovered from the pain of leaving him, and she could call and give him the apology she owed him. Tears threatened again, knowing how she’d treated him.

You don’t deserve a man that perfect. You deserve to spend your dotage alone, and all the years between now and then. How could you sneak out when his back was turned, without even saying goodbye?

She gulped down the last of her watered-down lukewarm iced tea, the ice having melted long ago. Blowing her nose, she sat up straight and opened the folder with the bills she needed to enter into the computer.

She’d only processed the first three bills when the interoffice line on her phone lit up. She picked up the handset. “Hi, Kelly.”

“Jen, you have a visitor at the front desk.”

“A visitor?” That was odd. The weekend before, she’d filled in for the sales person on her Saturday off, and on occasion, a client would insist on seeing her once a decision had been made to move in. But she couldn’t recall anyone who’d seemed close to making that step.

“Yes, a man is here to see you.” Kelly’s voice dropped to just above a whisper. “He’s tall and hot. And he has flowers.”

Dear God, was her ex here again to beg for a renegotiation of their divorce settlement? “Look, if it’s Ted tell him I’m at lunch. Tell him to call my lawyer if he needs to talk to me.”

“Jen, you need to come out here. This guy spends too much time in the sun to be your ex, and if you were married to a man who looked like this, you were a fool to divorce him. Now, get out here!”

Too much time in the sun? It must be Matt. But what was he doing here? How’d he found out where she worked? Well, she had told him the name of the place and it didn’t take half a brain to get the address.

Matt was here. With flowers. To see her.

When her mind stopped squeeing like a teenage girl, she dug her purse out of the desk drawer and ran a brush through her hair.
Matt was here
.

She wished she’d worn a suit with a jacket so she had pockets to shove her hands into, to keep him from seeing how badly they shook. What should she say? How could she ever apologize for leaving the way she did?

Turning the corner to the entry, she steeled herself and put on a practiced smile. She could do this. He was just an ex-boyfriend. No, really, a vacation fling. That was all.

Who was she kidding?

Matt glanced up as she approached, his face relaxing before breaking into that smile that melted her…everything, whenever she saw it.

“What a surprise. It’s good to see you again.” She stopped a few feet from him, not trusting herself to get close enough to smell him. That would be the final assault needed to make her throw herself at him and beg him to take her back.

“You’re as beautiful as ever. I see the sunburn has faded on your nose.” He wore a Hawaiian shirt and khakis, but he might as well be naked. His beautifully toned body filled out the fabric, practically bragging about his physique. His eyes held a humorous glint, not laughing at her but sharing a joke.

Behind Jen, Kelly subtly cleared her throat, bringing Jen back to her surroundings. What should she say? Where could they go to talk? She couldn’t just take the afternoon off on the spur of the moment. Why was he here? “Ah, well, do you want to come back to my office?”

“Actually, I was hoping we could go to lunch. I had a craving for a Kansas City steak and Maui was fresh out.” He held out the bouquet. “These are for you, by the way.”

Accepting the bundle, Jen buried her nose in the assortment of tropical blooms. “They’re beautiful. I guess I need to put them in water. Come. My office is back here.”

She led the way, not giving him a chance to catch up with her. If he got too close she was likely to throw herself at him, wrap her legs around his waist and kiss him breathless. That probably wasn’t a wise move while still in her probationary period at her job.

The staff offices were in a converted apartment with a kitchen where they kept snacks, leftover vases, dishes and glasses for whatever might arise. She opened cupboards until she found a pretty glass vase, and prepared the flowers for arrangement.

The actions kept her hands busy, so he couldn’t see them shake, but she knew she needed to talk. “How was your flight?”
So lame
.

“Uneventful. I was surprised by how warm it was here.”

“Yes, we’re having an early start to summer. You’re lucky the humidity hasn’t hit yet.” She snipped the end off another bloom and placed it in the vase. “Did you fly into St. Louis or Kansas City?”

“St. Louis.”

“That’s such a beautiful drive, isn’t it? St. Louis to Joplin?” God, she might as well be talking with a resident’s family. Why did she become brain-dead just because Matt was in her vicinity?

He cared enough to fly out here to talk. Shit, why didn’t she realize he cared that much? How did she get so fucked up where men were concerned?

“Jen, I’m not going to make a scene. You don’t need to put up a front. We don’t have to talk about anything important until tonight. I won’t embarrass you.”

Damn, he was too perfect. Why hadn’t some woman snapped him up? She thought only losers like her were still single, or single again, at their age. Why couldn’t he be an ass, so she could walk away and not look back?

Placing the last bit of greenery in the flower arrangement, she took a deep breath. She glanced over her shoulder to see him leaning back against the counter. As always, his essence filled the small space. “Thank you. I’m still fighting inner doubts that I have what it takes to do this job. I mean, I know I can do it but those insecurities are hard to kill off.”

His expression softened. Something in his eyes tugged at her. “Just be yourself. They will love you. They can’t not love you.”

She was going to cry.
Fool
. Every emotion she’d buried since boarding the plane for her flight home gurgled up in her gut like sour milk. She couldn’t do this. Why did he have to show up at her work? Why couldn’t he appear on her doorstep Saturday morning, when she had an entire weekend to resolve her feelings?

“Are you free to go to lunch now? If not, I’ll wander around, see if the sales person has time to give me a tour. This place is a lot bigger than I expected.”

Jen glanced at her watch. “Let me just tell my boss I’m heading out. I only have an hour, so steak is probably out, but there are some decent places nearby.”

Kelly must have jumped on the phone and spread the gossip about Jen’s visitor, because Teresa, the general manager of the facility, smiled knowingly when Jen entered her office. She even suggested Jen could take a bit longer for lunch, given she had an out of town visitor.

Matt kept the conversation casual as they ate, mostly asking questions about the places he needed to see while he was there. He’d gotten a hotel room, completely removing any pressure on her.

When he dropped her off again with a brief kiss and a promise of dinner, she wanted to scream. Why couldn’t he be obnoxious so she could blow him off and get on with her life?

She stopped at the front desk to pick up her messages, thumbing through slips while Kelly finished her phone call.

The younger woman turned to her with an eager gleam in her eyes. “So, how was lunch?”

“Fine,” she answered, not looking up.

Kelly sniffed, apparently disappointed at the response. When Jen glanced up again, she saw the receptionist’s smile had disappeared
.

“What’s wrong?” Jen asked.

“It’s Opal. She’s fading.”

The words hit Jen hard. In the short time she’d known the woman, Opal had become like a grandmother to her. At ninety-three, her body reached its expiration date and the family had come to sit with her and wait. “I should say my goodbyes, I guess.”

“We all are. I don’t even know if she’s ‘there’ enough to hear us, but I promise, it’ll make you feel better.”

Jen flapped the message slips against the base of one thumb while she stared into the bright sunshine pouring through the glass entry doors. This was the part of the job she dreaded. But she knew she should expect to be in this situation many times in the future. “I’ll go up later this afternoon.”

Focusing on the bills was difficult with everything going on in her head. Logic and emotion battled over the situation with Matt. Those emotions left her reserves strained, and she wanted to cry over the impending loss of her friend, Opal.

None of the mental preparation she’d done when she took the position was helping now that it was time to put her strength to the test. Death from old age was a natural stage of life. Jen wasn’t in a position to try to lengthen the lives of the residents. She wasn’t a doctor or nurse, and certainly wasn’t God.

What she could do, and the reason she had taken the job, was make those final years, months, days as comfortable as possible. Allow the residents to feel as much control over their later years as possible.

And now she would put that to the test. Say goodbye and wish Opal well on the next stage of her journey.

Jen put it off until the final hour of her workday, then rode the elevator up to Opal’s room. Walking the long hallway, she was struck once again by the silence. No TVs blaring, no one hollering to friends down the hall.

Just a dignified quiet.

She knocked on Opal’s door and waited, her master key in hand just in case. The woman’s daughter opened the door and invited her in.

“You have great timing. I wanted to step out and take a walk, but didn’t want to leave her.”

“Oh, please do,” Jen said. “I’ll stay until you get back.”

When the woman left, Jen walked softly into the bedroom where Opal lay propped on pillows under a pink and white quilt. The furniture in the room spoke of quality and gentle use. She slipped into the small upholstered chair beside the head of the bed and reached for Opal’s hand.

The older woman’s fingers were cool. Jen sandwiched them between her palms and listened to the raspy breaths of the woman as she slept.

Opal’s eyes blinked open but no other part of her body moved until she smiled. “Jen, my dear.”

“Hello, Opal.”

“I’m glad you are here.” She drew in a deep breath as she studied Jen before speaking again slowly. “You’re in love…You never told me.”

Wherever did she get that idea? Was it just the love for Opal that she could see? “I’m not sure who you mean. I love many people.”

“But you are only
in love
with one.” She drew another ragged breath. “Don’t keep it hidden. Love is all that matters. Live with your heart. Life is too precious for anything else.”

Chapter Seven

Jen kept the tears at bay until she left Opal’s apartment. She took the stairwell down. If her emotions continued to play havoc, making her take the stairs to give herself time to get them under control, she was going to be in excellent shape.

Her figure would be, anyway. Her heart was a mess and no amount of hiding from everyone was going to solve it.

Was she in love with Matt? She knew the answer to that. It wasn’t even worth the effort to deny it any more. But love alone wasn’t enough. And he would be waiting to take her to dinner shortly, if he wasn’t already downstairs.

Somehow she needed to find the words to tell him why she couldn’t be involved with him. If only he lived closer…

She ducked into the small bathroom in the office suite to repair her face before gathering her belongings and looking for Matt. Her mascara lay smudged below her lashes like heavy, Goth eyeliner. Concealer brightened the lower lid, but had faded from the dark circles. The effect was more zebra than professional assistant manager.

Her cheeks screamed for blush, and her lips were equally pale. Yes, Matt’d seen her with less makeup on, but now she needed to mask the lack of sleep and heavy heart that he could use in his favor.

Strong. She needed to remain strong. She could do this.

Matt had Kelly laughing at the front desk, and a few of the restaurant workers who’d clocked out stood smiling on the edge of the conversation. Everywhere the man went, he charmed people.