Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility) (47 page)

In that instance, I heard Michelle’s voice in my head saying,
“
You alone are worthy of love
”.

With that thought in mind I forced an amenable sheepish smile and said, “What’s today’s special, Chef Boyd?”

“Well, between what I have with me and what you have in the ‘fridge, I can put together a delectable lasagna,” the Chef declared.

I gave Azmir a once over. He looked as if he was awaiting an answer as well. “Lasagna it is!” I tried not to sound
so
contrived.

After breakfast
, Azmir announced that he had to leave. Less than an hour later, he was gone and so was Chef Boyd with detailed instructions on taking out the lasagna. It was a good thing I called out of work. There was no way I could go in like this. I sat down at my desk in my home office and thought of ways I could get myself out of this debt with Sebastian. After calling Michelle and running the quandary past her, all she could offer was to try to apply for a small loan. She even offered up seven grand of Erin’s college fund to get him off my back.

“
I’d cut his dick off before taking from my baby!” I spat.

“Well, the main objective should be to get that scum out of your life for good. The offer’s there if you change your mind
,” she proposed.

“
NEVER!
” was all I could think.

Later that evening, after coming up with absolutely nothing, I realized how hungry I was. My thoughts turned to the lasagna with my name on it in the kitchen. I went in, cut a humongous piece, and downed it with some of the leftover pomegranate juice from the morning. My thoughts turned to Azmir. How nice it was of him to take care of me like he did. He didn’t try to take advantage of me at all. I had to admit to myself it felt damn good to have a
man’s-man
wrap his arms around you and shower you with attention and care. I reached for my phone and began typing.

How can I ever repay you for your generosity? A girl can get use
d to this, ya’ know!

He replied seconds later
.
A girl can get used to it and not earn it but a woman commands it and gives back. You commanded it. No sweat! How was the lasagna?

S
crumptious! No, really. How can I settle up?

Trust…I’ll think of something.

If you don’t mind me asking, where’s the busy man? Are you out saving another piteous woman in distress
?
I was curious.

LMAO! No, I’m out doing business in Thousand Oaks.

Oh, I’m sorry to disturb you! I hope you’re not in a meeting. I’ll let you go
…
I entered embarrassingly. I didn’t want to get too comfortable with his time.

No disturbance at all. I am in a “meeting” but at Sunset Hill Country Club on the golf course with a bunch of stiffs. You’re actually a pleasant interruption.

Okay. Nonetheless…you go and continue. I’m sure you’ll get back to me with a few ideas as they come to mind. My best.

Indeed.

After his last text, the gloom of my reality with Sebastian overcame me again. I fought with it until I fell restlessly asleep.

The next morning
, I was finishing up with my patient, an eighty-three-year-old recreational tennis player, who injured her hamstring.

“My, Ms. Brimm, you seem awfully cheery this morning. It’s quite pleasant. Have you hit the lottery?”
she spoke in jest.

Little did she know about the recent stressors that I’d be
en successful at pushing in the recesses of my mind.

“Oh, I wish. It being a new day is as good a reason as any to be happy for me. But I’ll take that lottery right about now. What do ya’ say
—about a cool million?” We giggled.

I was wrapping up her visit when I got a page from Sharon that I had a call on line three. Now, Sharon knew not to bother me with a phone call unless it appeared urgent.
What could be the emergency?

I flew down the corridor to my office instead of the next patient room. I picked up the line, “Rayna Brimm. How may I assist you?”

“How were you able to pull this one off? If repaying me, and with this much interest, was this easy what took you so long?” a familiar voice, that was eventually identified as Sebastian, bawled.

“What in the hell are you talking about?” I
rustled, bemused by his questions and offended by his tone.

“Let’s not play games as if your guardian angel mysteriously sent me a cashier’s check in the amount of
fifteen grand! That’s a fifty percent interest rate! Do you hate me that much, Rayna?”

It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. Was he saying I paid him back the loan with
fifty percent interest?
How could this be? Who would have that kind of money?
Immediately the answer came—
AZMIR
! What in the hell did I say to him that would compel him to do this?

“Silence? Nice, Rayna! It makes me believe you
laid on your back to get this money!” Sebastian fired off.

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to…you goddamn prick! Did you forget that I am a damn working professional? Why are you asking me questions anyway? Just be happy you have your money and move on before I say something that isn’t befitting
of the workplace. Capiche?” and I slammed the phone in his ear.

I lost control of my breath, my heart began to pound
, and my head spun. My hands trembled as I tried to wipe frustration from my face. I felt like my privacy and self-respect had been breached. In some ways, Sebastian was right; I had lain down to pay him back. If I’d never fucked Azmir, he would not have been so inclined to pay my debt. The trip and luggage was one thing; it was a part of the chase. The car was a loaner, but secretly paying off debt is totally different. I was nobody’s charity case!

I immediately called Azmir’s cell but got no answer. I then called his office. Old Nasty Peg said he was in a meeting that would be ending soon but he’d be going right into another. I hung up in her ear and headed straight over to the rec. I had the answer I was looking for, which was that he was next door.
Damn a meeting or a schedule…just let me know where he is!

I entered the rec building
without signing in. The receptionist working the front door this day recognized me from previous visits. She also knew I had an office in one of the suites. As the elevator ascended, I felt like I couldn’t get to the top floor fast enough. It so happened that as I was stepping out of the elevator and heading towards his office, I saw Azmir and his team walking towards me. At about five or so yards apart, we locked eyes simultaneously. I continued storming right at him.

In my approach
, I could hear him say, “People, I’ll meet you downstairs. I need a minute to take care of something.” All without taking his quizzical gaze from mine. With that, his handlers continued toward the elevators.

He stood waiting for me with his eyes still glued to mine. “Is everything okay?” he murmured.

“Who in the hell do you think you are? No. I withdraw. Who in the hell do you take
me
for…a goddamn charity case?” I screeched in fury as I halted my charge square in front of him, my head leveling between his clavicle bones.

People, alarmed by the commotion, turned their attention to us. The only reason I noticed was because of the abrup
t halts in my peripheral view. I could not give a damn. Azmir grabbed my upper arm and pushed me into an adjacent room that was to the right of where I’d stopped. I could tell he wasn’t happy with my outburst. He closed the door behind him and gritted through his teeth, “What’s the problem?” He perched himself on the edge of a small conference table in the damn near 8x8 sized room.

“The problem is nobody asked for you to save the day by minding my business! How did you know what was going on between Sebastian and me anyway?” As soon as those words left my mouth
, the answer came to mind. Turning a seething glower onto him I whispered, “What in the hell did I say to you the other night? You took advantage of my drunken condition. What in the hell else did you take?” The acerbity in my tone was deliberate.

“Hold up. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I think you know I don’t need to manipulate my way into getting ass. And if you are referring to the money I sent over to Dr. Adams on your behalf, I simply thought I was doing a favor for a friend
,” he said calmly yet firm. And sexy...this man oozed sex. Azmir shook his head apparently exasperated. “Rayna, you did divulge personal information that night while drunk but I didn’t exactly consider myself a stranger or an uninvited party. If that were the case you would have made that clear the morning after when I had my chef over preparing you meals as a means of taking care of you,” he said sharply.

Oooh!
He was being sarcastic and I felt a twinge of arrogance. I didn’t like that all too familiar attitude coming from a man who had done something for me that I couldn’t have done on my own. Like with Sebastian. I refused to get into debt with another man. I didn’t care how much Azmir earned, I was no damsel in distress whose dignity could be deeded out.

“Listen here
; I am nobody’s charity case. Okay! I can take care of my own affairs without having
Captain Save-Her
paying off personal loans. I work for crying out loud. Did it ever occur to you that I could take care of this with the money I earn?”

“Sweetheart, no one said you couldn’t do it.
You
said you didn’t know how it would get done. It was no big deal. Trust,” he spoke in an even tone, resolving to calm. Azmir was always calm. He remained so smooth.

“
It was ten grand! Oh excuse me…fifteen thanks to your interest!” My arms shot in the air. “Well, you may view that as chump change or petty cash you can blow at a poker table in Vegas but to the majority of the free world, that amount is significant!” I screamed.

He collapsed his head for a few seconds as if he were searching for the right words to say. “Listen, I am who I am and I don’t apologize for that. Yeah, maybe I have a little change but let’s not forget your boy the “
Ped
” isn’t exactly in dire straits either…not running his own practice and all. Ten grand ain’t no money to be harassing a woman over. Fuck that herb. He got his money. You got him off your back. End of story.”

I could tell his patience
was wearing. The way that he put it about Sebastian just harassing me struck emotionally. It was exactly what I’d been feeling all along. The worst part about it was that I felt like I was back at square one, just with another man. I couldn’t afford to pay Azmir back the money and there was no way that I could just take it as a gift. Overwhelmed by the prospect, I burst into tears. I walked over to the corner of the small room facing the window mad as hell that I let him see me cry.

He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I was too weak to remove it. I felt disoriented and emotionally exposed. The only person I’ve cried in front of in damn near
ten years was Michelle. This Azmir Jacobs has had privy to me and parts of my life that were classified and I never shared with anyone. I felt like my back was up against the wall—literally and figuratively.

“I won’t be able to pay you back for a while
,” I whimpered as I wiped my tears and tried to gather myself.

“Come on, baby, I'm not tripping off that money. I don’t want it back. I never paid it to him with the intention of you repaying me. If that were the case
, we would have negotiated terms before I did it. It’s all good. My bad with this one. I see you aren't the type of woman that wants to be taken care of. Excuse me as I’m still getting to know you,” Azmir spoke very earnestly. It was as sincere as I could believe; keeping in mind, I was still getting to know him, too. The tears continued to fall involuntarily as I remained facing the wall. I didn’t know how to follow that up.

After a few moments of silence I muttered, “I know you have a meeting to get
to. Go on ahead. I’ll gather myself before heading back to my next appointment,” I used it as a means of releasing him.

He walked out of the room immediately. I didn’t know how to read that and therefore the tears continued to stream. Seconds later
, he returned with a box of Kleenex and a bottle of water.

I felt him stand behind me for what seemed like hours but in reality were minutes. He seemed to have felt obligated to stay. I didn’t like that so I dismissed him by saying, “I know you have to go. I’ll be fine…just go ahead
,” my words were served dry but I was just that angry.

“Look, Rayna
—” he attempted.

“Just go
—please,” I moaned trying to control my sobs. And with that, he left. I took a few minutes to gather my bearings and went back to my office. 

When I entered
, Sharon looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

“Ms. Brimm, your
eleven a.m. has been waiting for nearly a half hour and your twelve thirty has arrived early. Is everything okay? Should I reschedule them?” Sharon asked sympathetically.