Love In Rewind (34 page)

"Adele, I just got home."

I walk up the stairs as Adele opens my front door to let me into my own house. I can see she's been crying. I'm still holding the phone to my ear … still in denial. Why would my wife leave without telling me? Why would she leave us? As a suspended state of slow motion and panic slowly come crushing in, I walk into my house to find my grim faced parents-in-law. My brother and sister-in-law are all waiting for me with questioning expressions. They're upset but I can feel the anger reverberating off Jenna.

"Jenna, where's Emily? Why didn't you call me earlier to tell me she was leaving?"

Jenna gets off the couch she was occupying, hands baby Renée to Mike and storms my way like a caged beast. "If you weren't too busy screwing your girlfriend at the Plaza you'd know the whereabouts of your wife, you scum," she hisses at me.

I feel my whole world crushing down. I can't draw a much-needed breath. I'm sure that the pain constricting my chest is the beginning of a heart attack.

"Nothing to say big-shot? That's it? My sister's reign as your queen has ended. What happened? You only like them young, naïve, and preferably virgins? Can't just enjoy what you have … right, Louis?"

I can't talk; my brain is shutting down. Every word Jenna says feels like an axe cleaving me in two. I look up at Mike, who is looking down at his feet not meeting my gaze.
Fuck, snap out of it Louis. Tell them what's going on
. All I can think in this moment is, if I die right now Emily will think I cheated on her. How could she think I would ever want anybody but her? Emily
. Oh God, Emily.
I need to find her. I need to tell her. This is all a mistake.
Where is my wife?
I felt the rush of adrenaline hit my whole body like a punch. I take a deep breath and start to punch back.

"Jenna, I love Emily more than anything or anyone. I would never betray her or hurt her intentionally."
Think Louis … fucking think
…

I continue, "I was at the Plaza closing a deal with the second wealthiest man in Russia. His daughter Alexandra was negotiating the deal on his behalf. After I got enough money to save my fucking company from bankruptcy, I offered Alexandra a ride to a restaurant on the Upper East Side. It was on my way to the office, for fuck's sake! Where? How? Fuck!"

I look at Mike to get some much-needed backup. I'm not getting any help. He obviously has his doubts too. Fuck, I need to talk to her.

"Where did she go, Jenna? I need to tell her, it's not what it looked like. What did she say? Fuck, what could she have possibly seen?"

Jenna looks at her worried parents before answering me. "She saw you coming out of the elevator at the Plaza with that tall brunette. She also saw the both of you get into your car. Louis, I tried, believe me, I tried telling her it's not what it looks like, but I've never seen my sister like that. Her eyes looked panicked, lost, but she was strangely calm. She said she needed to leave for a while to work things out. Something about her life was about to change. She wanted Mom and I to be here for Rose and Eric while she was gone."

No. No. No. God, no. This can't be happening.

"How long ago did she leave? I need to find her."

I think I'm about to have a heart attack. My brain is drawing blanks. My heart is not beating properly. I need my wife. Jenna is talking again.

"Why are you acting as if you know nothing about this? Emmy said you've been having problems. I've seen her be off the last couple of months. I didn't say anything because I figured it had to do with the financial problems Mike told me you were having."

I look over at Mike. All I get is an
I'm sorry man
shrug. Thanks a lot, dude.

"She doesn't know anything about the bankruptcy. I didn't want her to worry. Jenna, we need to find her. She can't be out there alone thinking I did this to her."

I walk out of the living room to my office. I dial her number. I get nothing, just her voicemail over and over. I log into the surveillance camera, trying to see when she left. I page her personal driver. I see her on the screen hugging and kissing Eric in the playroom, cradling him like a baby. I zoom in and see she was crying. My tears start to fall. My wife left our children and me. She thinks I don't love her. How could she think I was with Sasha? Did she see Phillip, too?
Oh God, oh God
. She saw him walk out a few minutes before I did. No, she can't think that. I want to fucking die. This can't be happening.

I find her on the surveillance camera lying on the floor in her closet. She is crying. I can't take this shit anymore. I won't survive her leaving me. I dial her number for the twentieth time; nothing, just her beautiful voice asking to leave her a massage.
Baby, please pick up
, I chant over and over in my head. Where are you Em?

I call one more person. If anyone knows what's going on with my wife it's her best friend, Sara. My hands shake as I dial her number. Em wouldn't leave without some kind of communication with her evil twin.

"Sara, it's Louis. Do you know where Emily is? She left this afternoon and we can't reach her." Silence. Sara usually can't shut up and now she has information about where my wife is and she's fucking silent. "Sara, talk to me. I need to know where she is. I need to find her! I'm worried."

"Louis, Emily and I really haven't spoken in months. I didn't speak to her today."

"Bullshit, I know there is no way she left without telling you. Tell me the song."

"What song are you talking about? I just told you I didn't talk to her."

"Sara, I'm not playing games. I'm not stupid. You think I don't know this shit you both do with naming songs instead of talking. Tell me the goddamn song!"

"
It Must Have Been Love
by Roxette. She texted it to me. Louis, what happened? I didn't know she left. We just haven't really been talking to each other since my wedding and then my divorce…"

I punch the title of that song into Google to read the damn lyrics so I can at least know what the fuck my wife was feeling when she left me. The lyrics of the song appear on the screen and my world closes in on me for the umpteenth time today. The words to that song slice me open one by one.
I wake up lonely
… I'd left her alone this morning, I didn't even say goodbye. She woke me up during the night and I just dismissed her and her dream. I was nervous about the meeting today. I couldn't even touch her I was that wound up in my head. She asked me to touch her but I couldn't. I didn't deserve to touch her this morning.
It must have been love but it's over now.
Em thinks I don't love her; she thinks she lost my love. I have this pain in my chest. If I don't find her she will be out there somewhere thinking that I don't love her. Thinking that I cheated on her … that we're over.

I'd spoken to her driver earlier. He hadn't taken her anywhere today. I see her on the video leaving the house at 4:10 p.m. She had a small bag. That's a good sign. She didn't pack a big suitcase. Maybe she'll be back by morning. I call her a few more times. All I get is her recorded voice. I would give anything to hear her voice live right now. I have to find her. I learn that our jets haven't been used, either. I call the credit card company to see if she'd used her cards to pay for a hotel room or plane tickets. Maybe she's at the Pierre hotel. Or maybe she's half way around the world. My lungs keep constricting. Taking enough air is becoming harder.

A few minutes, or hours, later Mike comes in and sits in my office. I'm in a numb state. I don't even know how long he sits there.

"Mike, I fucked up. I need to find her. I'm not resting until she knows the truth."

He nods. "Let's go bring your wife back home, man."

I need to see my kids first. They have to know how much I love them. Eric is already sleeping. I walk into his room and quietly sit at the edge of his bed. He is sleeping soundly on his back with both hands over his head, not a care in the world. How could she think I would ever jeopardize this? My father lived across the street from my mom and I my whole life so he could tuck me in every night. I love my family so much. If Emily leaves me, I won't survive. This is my world. I only exist for them, because of them. I kiss my perfect little boy. I wish his eyes were open so I could see her eyes looking back at me. Eric's eyes are the closest to Emily's eye color.
Emily, baby, where are you
? I called in the wrong favor this morning. Whoever is watching over us needs to bring my wife back home to me.

I leave Eric's room to go find my daughter. I knock and Rose opens the door. She launches herself at me, hugging me and crying.

"Daddy what's wrong?" she says between sobs.

"Honey, don't cry."

She looks up at me, with Em's eyes. "Are you and Mama getting a divorce? Monica's parents just got a divorce. She's moving to Long Island with her mother."

What
? How could she think that? That word
divorce
hits me like a runaway train.

"Rose, nobody is getting divorced. Mommy and I will work this out. Nana Adele will be here with you. I will go find Mommy and bring her back home."

I lower myself to my knees to see her beautiful face. It was like staring at Emily as an eight-year-old little girl.

"Promise Daddy?" she asks me with tears in her eyes.

"I promise honey. I love you, Eric, and Mommy more than life itself. I won't let anything happen to our family."

What are you doing for the rest of your life?

W
e leave in Mike's car. I'm still calling everybody. Sara calls me back, frantic when she can't reach Emily either. She promises she'll keep calling and keep me updated. Jenna says she tried a few of her other girlfriends. I let Eddie and Michelle also know what's happening. I probably call every hotel in Manhattan.

I text Emily:

-Where are you???-

-I'm worried-

-I love you-

-Call me. It's not what you think-

-I'll tell you everything. It's not what it looked like-

-Baby I'm so worried, please tell me you're ok-

-Please come back to me-

-
Faithfully
- Journey-

-
The Promise
- When in Rome-

-
Please Forgive Me
- Bryan Adams-

It's almost four o'clock in the morning. Mike has been driving me around the city for hours. We still have no clue as to my wife's whereabouts. She is somewhere out there alone. She would go to sleep tonight thinking we're over. I broke every promise I ever made her. I should've told her. She would've understood. I didn't want to fail her and that's exactly what I did. I don't even remember the last time we were intimate. I was so anxious about my stupid meeting that I didn't even say goodbye to her this morning when I left. She had a bad dream and I couldn't make it better. I'm such a coward. I have nothing to give her. I was so withdrawn into my trivial issues that I neglected her. I'm a fucking imbecile, I don't deserve her, and I never have. Oh God, the love of my life thinks I'm fucking some cunt. She saw Phillip. She must think I'm involved with him and then she saw me walk out with Sasha. My heart drops for the hundredth time today.

"Mike, pull over now!" I say as I jump out of the still moving vehicle just in time to hurl whatever bile I still have left in my stomach.

I imagine what Emily was feeling and thinking and I want to scream. I'm not going back home without my wife. We are on the West Side. I've already tried every hotel I can see. No reservation under Bruel or Emily or any other fucking variation of her name that I could come up with. I'm even showing them Emily's picture on my phone.

My phone rings. I jump, hoping it's my wife. Fuck, it's my father-in-law.

"David, any word from Emily?"

"No, we were hoping you heard from her. Adele keeps dialing her cell. You should come home. Tomorrow if we still don't hear from her, I'll call a detective we know. Maybe he can help. He's been my client for years."

I snort … I don't have a right to come home without her. There is no home without her.

"David, I'm not coming home without my wife. I'd appreciate it if you guys could stay over tonight with the kids. I won't rest until I find your daughter." I hang up and think about how unreal all this is. Emily left me. We might have to track her down with the help of an investigator. She doesn't want to be found. I hurt her so much that she left her own children. She was that devastated over what she saw that she had to leave me. I'd thought I was a loser before for almost losing our memories. Now I may have lost my whole life and my future.

We drive all night. I keep begging Mike to let me do this on my own. He has his own family, a wife and a baby waiting for him. He says he wouldn't let me go through this alone.

"Louis, I've known Emmy since she was thirteen years old. I won't go home until I know she's safe and not in harm's way. If you think I can sleep knowing she's breaking down somewhere, then you don't know how much I love my sister."

If anything happens to her I will never forgive myself. It will be my fault. It's almost morning; we're still driving.

I must've blacked out…

She was naked on our beach in Turks. She was smiling at me. Those eyes were beautiful, so clear. I could look into those eyes for infinity. Oh, I couldn't believe she was mine. The sand was all over her naked body. I was running my fingers, outlining the fullness of her beautiful breasts. The calm ocean brought in a low tide. The water wet her sun kissed body. Her nipples were the perfect color. I wanted to taste her. I needed to suck those tantalizing nipples.

Our wedding song was playing in the background:
What are you doing for the rest of your life
? She was laughing. Her laughter was washing over me. It was like a warm blanket. I could feel the heat coming from the sun. I could smell the scent of her hair mixed in with the salty water. I was in heaven. This is where I wanted to go once I die.