Love Delivered (30 page)

I dropped it. I knew he was done with explaining himself and I didn’t want to exasperate him, or scare Jordan. We never fought in front of him. Stenton and I never fought. I watched for a while as they continued their horseplay, taking it all in.

“I need to use the bathroom,” I called over to them as Jordan was on his dad’s shoulders, trying to get him to collapse in the water.
Such a futile practice, son
. “I’ll be back.” Stenton gave me the thumbs up without breaking from their play.

When I returned, I stood at a distance, not wanting to disturb them. Instead, I pulled out my Nikon to capture Jordan wrapped around his father’s left leg as Stenton walked zombie style into the water. I then thought of how Jordan would need a nap. He’d missed it yesterday while I had him about the town, touring.
It’s about that time.

“Hi, Zoey,” I heard from just behind me.

I turned to find Jenna smiling softly.

“Hey,” I greeted, caught off guard somehow, even though I’d been questioning her absence earlier.

I noticed when she looked me up and down, observing my leopard print bikini. I wouldn’t freeze up. I didn’t have to. I was vacationing with my son...and his father, who had seen me naked from head to toe and still had not committed to me. It was no big deal.

“I was just asking Stenton where you were hiding,” I shared.

“My mother is finally sleeping and will probably be for a couple of hours. So, I figured I’d come down here and check you guys out,” she explained as she tented her hands against her forehead to block the sun while she looked out to Stenton and Jordan playing like two toddlers.

Then her eyes made their way over to me again, issuing an odd sense of ogling.

“Oh, okay. You know you’re more than welcome to stay and hang out. I’m sure Stenton would love to have you.”

“Well, I was hoping you and I could talk a little bit.” Cautiously, I cocked my head to the side. “We can let them have their play and we girls can chat among ourselves, right?” There was a tentative pause as she observed my hesitation.

“
Su
-sure,” I sputtered.

“I just wanted to get to know you a little. I feel like I don’t. I’ve been with Stenton for seven months and haven’t met you until last night. There is very little out there about you, unlike Erika. Stenton rarely speaks of Erika…doesn’t even like the mention of her name.” She took a breath. “And I don’t get the impression so much that it’s a result of him being scorned, as it is about him not respecting her. I’m familiar with the scandalous, sensual pictures, the suggestive tweets and posts—even without having a social network account. There is enough out there to summarize their connection. But with you it’s totally different. I don’t understand why it is that you and Stenton broke up. He never talks about it.”

My neck jerked back and eyelids stretch. “I really don’t have an answer for that.”
Seriously.
“And I’m also not comfortable with speaking about my former relationship with him either.”
Because I still don’t understand it.
“I think this is a conversation you should have with Stenton—”

“Stenton does not talk about his past with you…directly,” she interrupted while shaking her head determinedly. Then her sight cast over to the guys playing. “He’ll talk about Jordan. You can see the spark in his eye when he mentions his son. You’ll invariably come up in a random conversation…we could be listening to a rock band or discussing politics or life philosophy and he’s just talking…it’s just a different ring to his tone when your name rolls off Stenton’s tongue.” Jenna sighed and I could feel her need of releasing all that’d been on her mind, all the insecurities she’s juggled regarding him. “And since last night, I can’t get you out of my head. You’re gorgeous, extremely bright—a Wharton graduate—a successful entrepreneur, and clearly a great mom…” she shook her head then peered over at me. “How is it that you two are no longer together? Could you not take the lifestyle?”

Needing to change proximity to a painful line of questions, I moved up, but still within earshot. Just close enough to remain a party to this conversation. Jenna continued.  

“I’m older than you…” There was a tentative pause. “To me, you not being with him could be a red flag. You’re not a party girl, you have your act together just like me. I just need to know if there’s anything I need to be on the lookout for before I take our relationship to the next level.”

I don’t know why, but I found myself scoffing. “You guys have been together for almost a year. What new level could you explore outside of marriage?”

I didn’t look at her as I called out my worst fear. I didn’t think I could survive Stenton marrying another woman. I knew the possibility of it, but still couldn’t stomach the thought.

Jenna moved in front of me and angled her head contemplatively. “He hasn’t told you?”

“Told me? Told me wh—”

Ohhhhhh!
That!
I felt my eyes roll.

“See, he’s told you about my celibacy,” she drawled out with sarcasm as she gazed past my head. “I’ve been celibate for years. And…Stenton is a ridiculously hot man. I don’t quite honestly know how I’ve been able to defer sex up until this point, but a small part of me believes he’s helped with it.”

Our eyes locked. She
now
had my attention.

“A part of me believes he hasn’t pushed it because he doesn’t want to either. I also feel I’m not connecting with a significant piece of him. And that’s something I was hoping to do out here.” Her eyes turned pleading. “So, I want you to be honest with me—woman to woman. Do I have anything to be concerned about? Are you still in love with Stenton? Is there something I should know?”

I knew about that piece of him that had her desperate to collide with. I, too, was a woman that wanted to crawl inside him and embrace the essence of Stenton Rogers. He was an anomaly. Even those closest to him, who shared the fondest of his memories were not privy to the glimpses of his core that made me know there was more to him than the man with the sordid reputation, bouncing a ball.

However, Jenna’s words made me wonder if I’d be exactly where she was now—with the same emotional barricades Stenton has set up for women—had I not forced myself on him that first time.
And if
that were the case, would I be here right now? The answer was no, because there would be no Jordan as my ticket into his privileged world.

I felt sick.

I watched as Jordan buried his father in the sand. From this view, I could see how he got his father’s head honestly. They laughed and smiled so much together their faces should hurt by now. Those were my guys.
My family
, as Stenton had declared earlier. But then I remembered where I physically stood, and that was at a distance from Stenton and his son. I stood afar
with
his current woman, one who’d been with him for seven months with no sex and feeling the same barricades that kept me from my strongest desires just as they did her. What was clear in that moment was Stenton didn’t pressure either of us for sex. And it was likely my pushing him into that type of relationship was the demise of us.
Maybe if I’d just waited.

“Stenton doesn’t need sex to connect with a woman,” I heard myself before consciously speaking my newly formed theory of Stenton Rogers. “Emotional and intellectual stimulation is enough. And quite frankly, I’m sure you can surmise Erika didn’t have either of those, but served up sex well enough. So, there was no connection.” I then turned to her. “Look, Jenna, you’re a smart woman. You give him that, and
that
is your connection.”  

There was a tentative pause while she ingested my words. In the same transitional moment, I needed to be alone.

“Jenna, would you tell Stenton that Jordan will need a nap soon? I don’t want him to miss it like yesterday. I’m going to lie down myself. I think I’ve been in this sun too long.” I didn’t even wait for an answer before heading back up to the villa.

As soon as my face hit the mattress, I let the dam break. I’d always been able to handle my emotions. I wasn’t much of a crier before meeting Stenton, but that was one of those times where the release was necessary. I’d never had to handle anything like that. I’d never spoken to Erika. Not once was I put in the position Jenna had just placed me in—to help her make the decision to move into a deeper place with Stenton. A place where I’d longed for practically since I’d met him.

~
Stenton
~

“Daddy, I’m sleepy.” Jordan pouted out of nowhere.

I loved his honesty. As much as he hated naps, he couldn’t handle exhaustion. His puckering reminded me of his mother, only hers were sexy and manipulative when issued.

I miss them
.

“This I know,” I informed as I stood from his meager attempt to bury me in the sand. “You also need to eat. Which one do you
really
want to do?” my voice playfully strained as I tossed him in the air.

He giggled, but didn’t let out his usual squeal or request for an encore. My little man was done. I looked up for Zoey and found Jenna instead, looking suspect. She waved anxiously, and just beyond her, I could see Zoey hiking up towards the villa in that sexy ass swimsuit. I carried Jordan over to where Jenna stood, trying to erase my lewd thoughts.

“Where’s Zoey going?”

“She said she needs to lie down.” She then turned to Jordan. “Does someone need a nap? Mommy said you do. You wanna come nap in your Dad’s villa?”

Jordan nodded miserably. He didn’t care where he slept; he’d be out before we made it to our villa. On our way there, I thought of Zoey and wondered about her abrupt departure. I wondered if it was my temper about this whole damn trip. I was fucking
over it
. I’d even wished I’d just taken the two of them somewhere private and alone. Being here complicated her perspective of me. It had already been tainted and for too long.

   “I think I’m ready,” Jenna whispered, although she didn’t need to. JR was knocked the hell out. He could sleep through a storm, so she didn’t need to whisper. I wrinkled my forehead in response.

“You know. For us. I’m ready now. I hope we can get some time alone tonight.”

Then it hit me. Jenna was ready to end her celibacy streak, probably because she’d laid eyes on Zoey. When she and Jordan came into the restaurant last night, and Zo wore that sexy ass beach dress with the sides out, holding the hand of my child, I was ready to toss her over my shoulder and fuck the shit out of her on the beach. But that wouldn’t have been wise in front of my son. I remember my wood springing to life at first sight of her. I had to get my thoughts in order. All night, I tried to hide my gawking of her; even Jordan caught me a few times.

I should have known being in Zoey’s presence would push Jenna’s insecurities to the surface. I’d always known about her low self-esteem; she’d been completely honest about it from the early days of our “friendship.” Most people weren’t aware of it because Jenna had put herself in positions of authority, especially as a part-time college professor in addition to being an attorney. She once confessed that Erika, like her rather young, firm and attractive female students, did not have the academic achievements or ambition to intimidate her. When I’d told her about Zoey’s Princeton roots and Wharton success, she didn’t speak with the same air. Not that Jenna was pretentious or superficial like Erika, but everyone had their Achilles’ heel. And a low self-esteem was Jenna’s.

I agreed to being friends with Jenna last fall. It wasn’t that big of a deal to me. I’d never had fantasies of her in my bed when I met her. She was cool and low maintenance when we’d chill after discussing my case. She kept clinical with regards to her emotions and that suited me just fine. So, hanging out with her outside of the premise of work didn’t seem like a stretch. I soon learned that Jenna wanted to hang a lot, and I mean doing dinners, movies and other activities with a semblance of dating. I honestly didn’t mind because it still hadn’t felt like anything official, and in all honesty, I genuinely enjoyed her. That was until I met her mother and Jenna referred to me as her boyfriend. I didn’t correct her or make a big deal out of it because it still didn’t feel weighty, and soon I realized, with the assistance of Ezra, it was because there was no intimacy involved. I was okay with it.

More recently, Jenna told me she didn’t want to have sex because she needed to know she was more than just another conquest to me. She wanted to be sure trust was totally conquered before we ventured to that next step. I had a sneaking suspicion she was still celibate because she could see that I wasn’t overly attracted to her. If I were the man Jenna needed, by now I would’ve done things to prove her feminine allure, to validate her attractive qualities, but I hadn’t opted for that in her life. I just needed a break from Erika’s high profile ways. I needed privacy, low maintenance, and a bit of the intellectual stimulation that Zoey had locked me out of when she withdrew from my life.

Now she wants to fuck! Unbelievable!

I’d only had sex twice since Zoey and before Jenna presented me with the new label, and the names of those broads escaped me because the acts were meaningless. It was just something to do. Since then with Jenna there was no pressure for sex. There was no pressure to be famous. There was no pressure to have kids. There was no pressure for marriage. She was just great to talk to and fun to hang out with. She was older than me and settled in life. A private life. She was also an articulate woman. I knew sex would come. I’m a man; I’m not opposed to that, but it had honestly been nice to free my mind of those messy things sex brings about in women, who I knew I could offer no more than my ear and cock to. This was because my heart had still yearned for Zoey.