Love Comes in Darkness (17 page)

“Find the door,” Howard said, and Token slowly guided him up the walk. He heard it open ahead.

“You have three steps until you reach the stairs,” Gordy said and hurried over to him. He gently took Howard’s arm and helped him up the stairs and then inside the house. “There’s a chair just off to your right with a coffee table in front of it.”

“Is the sofa to the right along the wall?” Howard asked.

“Yes,” Gordy answered.

“Good.” At least things seemed to be in the same places Howard remembered. “Let’s get her to bed and then we can figure out what to do next.”

“I want Mommy,” Sophia said softly.

“I know, sweetheart,” Howard said, her tone breaking his heart. “Go into your room and get ready for bed. I’ll be in to say good night in a few minutes. I promise.”

“I’ll get the truck unloaded,” Gordy said, touching his shoulder lightly. The door opened and closed, and then the house was quiet except for Sophia moving around her room.

“Are you ready for bed?” Howard asked Sophia as he slowly made his way to her room.

“Yes,” she answered.

“Did you brush your teeth?” he asked, and he heard her light footsteps scamper in the hallway. Water ran, and after a few minutes, he heard her scamper back down the hall. Howard followed the sound, holding Token’s harness tightly. He remembered some of the details of the house, but he didn’t trust his memory totally. “Are you in bed?”

“Yes, Uncle Howie,” she whispered. He felt for the doorframe and slowly stepped into the room. “I’m right here.”

“Are there things on the floor?” he asked, thinking of all the possible carpet mines a little girl’s room could have.

“No. Just the rug,” she answered, and Howard made it over to her without mishap and patted the bed. Token jumped up and settled at the foot of the mattress. Howard found Sophia and hugged her tightly. “Did you turn out the lights?”

“No. You were coming,” she said, and Howard smiled as he heard a soft click. He had no idea what to do to put a little girl to bed, but he thought about what his mother had done and began to sing an old lullaby his mother had used. He rocked slowly back and forth, holding her close for a few minutes and then settling her back against the pillows. He knew she had to be really tired, because he was exhausted.

“Good night, sweetheart,” Howard said. He stood up and quietly left the room. He heard Token almost silently jump down from the bed. Sophia didn’t stir, and Howard was unbelievably grateful.

“You were amazing with her,” Gordy said. Howard hadn’t even heard him come back in the house. “I put our stuff in your sister’s room. I’m going to strip the bed and remake it. Then I think we need to get some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep in her bed. Not now, I….”

“Howard, you need to sleep,” Gordy told him. “Go sit down in the living room, and I’ll get everything ready.”

Howard was too tired to argue and made his way to the living room, navigating around the coffee table to the sofa. He sat and then lay down, with Token lying near his legs. He tried to shut down his brain, at least for a little while. Eventually Gordy came to get him and gently guided him back to the bedroom. He placed Howard’s kit in his hands and helped him to the bathroom. After cleaning up and changing into sleep clothes, Howard lay down.

The next thing he knew he was wakened by Sophia. “Mommy,” she said. “Is that you?” She sounded so hopeful.

“It’s Uncle Howie,” he said and got up. He wasn’t sure what to do, and when Sophia began to sniffle, Howard hugged her and got back into bed, making room for her.

He held her as she sniffled and cried for a while. Gordy stroked his back to silently let Howard know he was there, and tears ran down his cheeks as Sophia cried herself to sleep.

T
HE
next few days were as close to hell as Howard ever wanted to come. He called his sister’s work and some of her friends and told them what happened. Thankfully, some of them took it on themselves to make calls on his behalf. He spent interminable hours at the funeral home while Mrs. Jorgenson stayed with Sophia. He also spent more time with Mrs. Krumpf than he thought was necessary. The woman was becoming a pain in the rear, but he thought she meant well.

“I found it,” Gordy said from the bedroom as Howard sat on the sofa with Token and Sophia. She’d refused to get too far away from him for days and wouldn’t talk to anyone other than Howard, Gordy, or Mrs. Jorgenson.

“What?” Howard asked softly, hoping like hell it was his sister’s will. They’d been trying to find it for days, and Howard had a suspicion that was why Mrs. Krumpf had been hanging around so much.

“The will,” Gordy said quietly as he got closer.

“Can you go color for a few minutes?” Howard asked Sophia. “Make a pretty picture for Gordy. Then I’ll be in to help you get ready.”

“Okay,” she said without a hint of energy or joy, and he felt her slip off the sofa. “Can Token come too?”

“Of course,” Howard said, waiting until he heard her in her room before asking Gordy what it said.

“As you suspected, she left everything to Sophia, with you named as primary guardian.” Gordy stopped. “She… she named an alternate guardian in the event you aren’t able to care for her, a Bruce and Paula Weller with a local address.”

“They’re close friends of Lizzy’s.” She hadn’t told him about that, but it wasn’t a huge surprise. Lizzy had asked him if he’d act as guardian after Sophia was born, but he’d always thought she might have felt obligated. At any rate, she’d given him an out.

“She named you and Mrs. Jorgenson as coexecutors. There’s a card attached for the lawyer who drew this up. You could call them—they can probably help with all the arrangements and stuff.”

“Yeah,” Howard said and dug out his phone. He called the number Gordy read off and waited for an answer. When he received one, he told the person who answered why he was calling and was put through to a Grant Elema. He explained who he was and what had happened. “I need some help navigating everything that needs to be done.” The attorney reassured him that everything would be fine, and they made an appointment for the following afternoon.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Gordy asked.

“Not really,” Howard answered. He’d been way too keyed up about everything to sleep. “We should get ready to go.”

“I laid out the clothes we talked about for Sophia. They’re on the foot of her bed,” Gordy said, and Howard hung his head in exhaustion, wondering what he was going to do without Gordy.

“When do you have to go back?” Howard asked. There was still so much to take care of here. He had no idea how long it would be before he’d be able to go home.

“I called the department admin and she’s e-mailing me my work and was able to rearrange my schedule so I don’t need to go back for another week. I’ll have to work, but I can stay here with you.”

Howard breathed a sigh of relief and then made his way to Sophia’s bedroom. “Time to get dressed.”

“Okay,” Sophia said. “I drawed a picture of you, Gordy, and Mommy. I know you can’t see it, but it’s for Gordy.”

“That’s very sweet,” Howard said, hugging her gently. Over the past few days he’d found he needed to hug her as much as she seemed to need to be hugged. “Do you want help getting dressed?”

“I’m not a baby,” Sophia said, and Howard sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed, listening to Sophia moving around him. It took a while for her to dress, and then more time for Gordy to make sure everything looked okay. Of course changes had to be made, and then he and Gordy took turns dressing. Finally, they were ready. After getting in the truck, they drove to the church for the funeral.

Outside the church, things seemed familiar and safe. It was where he’d gone as a child. The sounds around him were much the same: people talking, albeit in hushed tones, and the door squeaking slightly as it opened and closed. He unfastened Token and called him to position. Gordy got Sophia out of the car, and Howard walked up to the church with Token on his left and Sophia holding his right hand.

There were times when Howard was glad he couldn’t see, and this was one of them. Being at his sister’s funeral was bad enough, and hearing the expressions of sympathy both comforted and hurt, but at least he was spared the sight of the damned coffin and all the funeral and death rites. They were escorted through the hushed building to a pew that Gordy whispered was down front. As they were just about to sit down, Sophia let go of his hand, and he heard her run toward the front. “Token, follow Sophia,” he said and let the dog direct him. He had a pretty good idea where she was.

“Is that Mommy?” Sophia asked.

“Yes, sweetheart,” Howard said, choking up instantly. Gordy touched his back lightly, and Howard told Token to stay. “Is the lid open?” Howard asked, and Gordy hummed his affirmative. Then Howard bent down and carefully took Sophia into his arms and lifted her so she could see.

“She doesn’t look like Mommy, not really,” Sophia said.

“That’s just her body. Everything that was important and everything that made her your mommy isn’t there.” Howard stumbled over his words as tears welled again. “All that is right here,” Howard said, touching the center of Sophia’s chest. “You’ll always carry that with you in your heart.” Tears rolled down his cheeks but he didn’t wipe them away. There was no need. He was here to grieve the loss of his sister.

“Let’s go sit down,” Gordy whispered, taking his arm. Sophia sniffled and rested her head on Howard’s shoulder. Carefully, he allowed himself to be led back to the pew and sat down. Then he called Token, who joined them and curled at Howard’s feet. Sophia continued weeping softly, and Howard held her. He had no intention of putting her down.

“That’s her brother,” Howard heard someone whisper. “I heard she left everything to him. She even asked him to raise her kid. Can you imagine a blind guy doing that?” She obviously hadn’t meant for him to hear her, but Howard couldn’t help wondering if she were right.
What was Lizzy thinking?

He felt a very familiar hand touch his shoulder. “Patrick?” Howard asked. Two quick humphs were his answer. “I was hoping you’d come.” He slid down the pew so Patrick and Ken could sit down. He shifted carefully, holding Sophia in his left hand and extending his right. Patrick immediately began signing against his palm. “She’s doing okay. Is Hanna here with you?” Howard asked, and Patrick signed that she was.

“Sophia, Hanna’s here,” Howard said. She lifted her head and squirmed to get down. Patrick shifted, and Sophia sat on the pew. Howard heard her and Hanna talking quietly, and the smallest bit of warmth entered his heart.

The minister began the funeral, and Howard held Sophia’s hand as they, along with all the other people in the church, said a final good-bye to his sister. For much of the service, tears streaked his face, and more than once Gordy patted his hand or lightly touched his arm to show he was there. At one point, Sophia leaned against him, and Howard held her. She sniffled a few times, but mostly Howard figured she didn’t really know what was going on, and that was probably a good thing for right now.

When the service was over, Howard heard people getting up, speaking softly. Then he and the rest of the people around him were escorted out of the church. He had opted not to do anything graveside. Walking down the aisle between Sophia and Token, Howard wondered briefly if he looked as miserable as he felt, and then realized he didn’t give a damn.

The church ladies had arranged for a lunch, and Howard sat in the chair he was led to. Sophia sat next to him, with Gordy, Ken, and Patrick sitting around him. Hanna sat next to Sophia. Howard picked at his food, but didn’t eat much. Numerous people, some of whom he recognized, but most he didn’t, stopped by his chair and said nice things about Lizzy. Not that it mattered—he was polite and nice to everyone. He was more worried about how quiet Sophia was; even with Hanna there she didn’t speak much, except to him and occasionally Gordy.

“Our hotel has a pool,” Hanna was saying. “Do you want to come swimming tomorrow?”

Sophia didn’t answer, and Howard reached behind Sophia and gently cradled her in his arms. “It’s okay if you want to go,” Howard told her, but Sophia didn’t answer. Howard hoped Gordy or someone would explain what was going on with Sophia, but everyone was quiet, and Howard was left floundering for some sort of clue. If she wasn’t willing or able to talk, then Howard was incredibly cut off. “Do you want to go home?” Howard asked, and again he didn’t get an answer.

Howard forgot about his lunch and pushed back his chair. He lifted Sophia off her chair, and she instantly shifted into his arms. “Mommy’s gone forever,” Sophia whispered, weeping softly. Howard held her closer and just sat with her. The conversation around them had pretty much ground to a halt. It slowly began again.

“I knew your mother,” an almost sultry female voice said, and Howard heard a chair being moved. He didn’t recognize the voice right away. “Your mother and I were best friends since we were about your age. We met in first grade and were friends ever since.” Sophia lifted her head off his shoulder. Howard continued holding her, but he was relieved she was responding. “I moved away after college, but I could tell you stories about your mother, if you like.”