Love Comes in Darkness (16 page)

They continued moving, and for a few precious moments Howard forgot about why they were here and listened to Gordy’s soothing voice. They began turning multiple times, and the GPS announced they were arriving. Howard took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before blowing it out. He could do this, he knew it.

Gordy parked the truck, and Howard sat still for a few seconds. “We’re here,” Gordy whispered.

“I know,” Howard said.

“Come on.” Gordy took his hand and held it tight. “Let’s go find out what’s going on.”

Howard sniffled and released a shuddering breath before unfastening his seat belt and opening the truck door. He slid out and heard Token’s belt unsnap. Then Token jumped down. Howard reached down and found Token’s harness. He closed the door, and with Token’s harness in one hand and Gordy guiding him with the other, he walked slowly toward the entrance.

Once inside, Gordy settled him in a chair. “I’ll be right back,” Gordy told him, squeezing his hand.

Gordy walked away, and Howard heard him speaking to someone. “We’re here to see Sophia Martinson,” he said, his voice just reaching Howard’s sensitive hearing. “I’m here with her uncle.”

“Be aware that he might not be able to take the dog into the pediatric ward. The staff nurse will let you know.”

“I understand, but Token will remain with Howard anywhere he’s allowed,” Gordy said forcefully. After a few moments Gordy returned. “They’re sending us to the waiting room. I got directions. The woman behind the counter said someone would meet us there.”

“Okay,” Howard said, standing up. Gordy and Token guided him through the unfamiliar hallways, their footsteps echoing off what Howard figured were blank, utilitarian walls. People passed, and Howard caught snippets of banal conversation. All he wanted was to see Sophia as soon as possible.

“We’re almost there,” Gordy whispered. “Turn left. There are chairs right ahead. I’ll direct you to one of them.”

“Thank you. I’m supposed to call an Officer Cole,” Howard said as he sat down. He’d somehow remembered to put the number in his phone, and he called it. Almost immediately he heard a phone ring nearby.

“Cole,” a mellow voice answered, and Howard heard it twice.

“This is Howard Justinian. I’m here to see Sophia.”

“I’m right behind you,” Officer Cole said, and Howard hung up.

“Officer Cole,” Howard said as normally as he could. Slowly he stood up and gripped Token’s harness, extending his other hand. “I’m Howard Justinian.”

A few seconds passed. “It’s good to meet you,” he said and shook Howard’s hand.

“I wish it were under better circumstances,” Howard said. “This is my boyfriend, Gordy, and my canine companion is Token. Is Sophia okay?”

“She’s fine. Do you mind if I sit down?” Officer Cole asked, and Howard sat once again too. He heard what he thought was a chair being dragged over the carpet. “Your niece is fine, physically. She got shaken up and a few minor cuts, but otherwise she’s okay. She was well belted into the car. Your sister’s car was hit on the driver’s side, and I’m afraid there was nothing anyone could do. She died at the scene.” Gordy held Howard’s hand as his breath caught in his throat. “We haven’t explained to Sophia what happened yet. She’s with a neighbor now, as well as one of the hospital social workers. They’ve been keeping her entertained until you got here. We thought it best that you be the one to break the news to her. The social worker believed that it would be best coming from a family member as opposed to complete strangers.”

“Can you take me to her?” Howard asked.

“Of course,” Officer Cole said. “Are there other family members?”

“No. Our parents died a few years ago, so it was just the three of us,” Howard whispered.
Now it’s just the two of us.

“Oh,” the officer said.

Howard stood up, his grief momentarily shifting to anger. “Is that about the fact that I’m blind?” he demanded.

“Well, um,” the officer stammered.

“My blindness has nothing to do with my love for my niece. She was the light of my sister’s life, and I intend to do what’s best for her.” It scared him to think Sophia might need someone other than him. Howard gripped Token’s harness. “Now please show me where Sophia is.” Gordy gripped his free arm, and Howard relied on them to direct him after the officer. After a moment’s hesitation, they began to move through more hallways. Howard heard a door open and then a squeal of delight that stabbed at his heart.

“Uncle Howie,” Sophia said. He released Token and told him to stay. Then he knelt and opened his arms, bracing himself for the onslaught he knew was coming. She didn’t disappoint him. He hugged her, and she clutched him tightly.

“Sweetheart, I’m so glad you’re okay,” Howard said. He nearly came apart now that he had her in his arms and knew she was truly okay.

“I am. But Mommy isn’t. They took her out of the car and I haven’t been able to see her,” Sophia said, now seconds from tears.

“I know, sweetheart, and that’s why Gordy and I are here.” He continued hugging her until she stopped shaking. Howard knew in his heart that Sophia was aware that something was very wrong. He could feel it in the tension in her little body. Howard himself was near tears, but the only thing that kept him from losing it was her. Since he first received the bad news, he’d remained strong for Sophia, and he’d continue to do so if it killed him.

“Come sit down,” Sophia said as she released him from the hug, taking his hand. Howard let her lead him forward. He found a chair and sat. He didn’t let go of her small hand and gently tugged her close before lifting her onto his lap.

“Gordy, please…,” Howard said. He didn’t know who was in the room and he just wanted all of them gone.

“Mr. Justinian,” a woman said. From her tone, Howard knew she was used to being in control. “I need to speak with you.”

“I’ll stay with her,” a familiar voice said, and Howard set Sophia back on her feet but continued holding her hand.

“Mrs. Jorgenson,” Howard said, recognizing her voice as Lizzy’s neighbor and close friend. He should have known she would be the one to come. “I appreciate it. We shouldn’t be long.” Howard stroked Sophia’s angelic face. He didn’t know what angels looked like, but from the descriptions he’d read, he’d always pictured them as Sophia. “We won’t go very far, I promise.”

“Okay,” Sophia said.

“Stay with Mrs. Jorgenson, and we’ll be right back.” Howard stood and took Token’s harness. “Follow,” he said, and Token guided him out of the room. He heard the door close behind them.

“I meant that we should speak alone,” the woman said.

“This is Gordy and he stays. Secondly, who are you?”

“I’m the social worker, Mrs. Krumpf. I work for social services out of the hospital,” she explained, and Howard extended his hand.

“I appreciate you being here for Sophia,” Howard said. “I understand she hasn’t been told what happened to Lizzy.”

“No. We thought it best that her family speak with her, but….”

“What?” Howard asked, already feeling his hackles rising.

There was a momentary silence. “I’m just concerned about how Sophia will take the news,” she said, and Howard knew she’d changed what she wanted to say.

“How do you think she’s going to take it? With balloons and unicorns?” Howard said sarcastically. “She’s going to fall apart as her little world shatters into a million pieces. She’s going to want to know answers to questions that no one can answer, and then she’s going to cry and hurt some more.”

“But,” she began and then she paused again. “Are you prepared for that?”

“Is anyone?” Howard asked right back. “I’m going to be as caring and gentle as I can, and I’m going to do my best to comfort her and answer as many of the hard questions as I can,” he said with all the conviction he could muster. “I imagine you’ve encountered many situations like this, and none of them are very easy.”

“No, they’re not,” she began, but then she paused once again. “But many of them don’t have someone like you to care for them. Do you want me to be with you when you tell her?”

Howard thought for a few seconds and almost took her lifeline. “No. I need to tell her this in my own way, and afterwards, Gordy and I need to take her home and put her in her own bed. I’ll figure out the rest of it tomorrow.” There was so much to do, and the list in Howard’s mind kept growing and growing.

“If it’s all right, I’d like to stop by to see both of you sometime in the next few days,” Mrs. Krumpf said. Howard gave her his phone number, and she said she’d call early the following afternoon. “I’ll be in the waiting area just up the hall if you need me,” she added, and Howard heard her footsteps retreat down the hall. Howard took a few seconds before retracing the steps back to the room, preparing himself for the toughest conversation of his life.

Howard sat back down, and Mrs. Jorgenson excused herself. “I’ll be right outside if you need me,” Gordy told him. Howard heard the door close, and he knew he and Sophia were alone, except for Token, who sat next to his chair.

“Sophia,” he said softly, and she came over. Howard lifted her back onto his lap.

“Where’s Mommy?” Sophia asked.

“That’s what I need to talk to you about.”
God, how do I do this? How do I tell a little girl that her mommy’s gone and never coming back?
Howard swallowed the huge lump that formed in his throat. “Sweetheart, when they pulled your mommy from the car, she wasn’t… she was hurt very badly, too badly, and they couldn’t save her.”

“But she’ll be back soon, right?” Sophia asked.

“No, Soph. Your mommy isn’t coming back. She was hurt too badly and she died,” Howard explained gently. He expected tears, but not the silence that followed.

“Not ever?” Sophia asked.

“I’m sorry, Soph, but she’s not coming back. That’s why I’m here. Because your mommy is gone and she’s not coming back. She died in the accident.” Howard could barely get the words out, and he could hardly believe he was actually telling Sophia that her mother… his sister… was dead. This wasn’t fucking fair.

“But she has to,” Sophia said, and then the tears started. “Mommy has to come back.” Howard held her tight as tears came for both of them. This time he made no effort to stop them. “She has to,” Sophia gasped between her tears.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Howard said and continued holding her, stroking her back as his own grief welled inside him.

“Are you crying too?” she asked with a gasp.

“Yes,” Howard answered. “Your mommy was my sister, and I’m going to miss her just like you.”

“But you’re big,” Sophia told him, her little voice much clearer.

“It doesn’t matter. It still hurts when someone’s gone,” Howard told her, lightly stroking her now wet cheek. To his surprise, she did the same thing for him, wiping his tears away.

“So it’s okay to cry?” Sophia asked.

“Of course it is. It’s also okay to miss her and to talk about her,” Howard said, barely controlling his grief.

“But I want her back,” Sophia told him, and Howard once again held her tight. He knew she did. Howard wanted her back too. He’d give just about anything to have Lizzy alive again.

“Does Token cry?” Sophia asked.

“Not the way people do,” Howard said. “But he knows we’re sad. He can feel it and he wants to make it better.” He continued holding her, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I want to go home,” Sophia whined softly, and Howard held her tighter.

“I know. In a few minutes, we’re going to get in Uncle Gordy’s truck, and he’s going to take us home,” Howard explained. “Is that okay?” He felt Sophia nod against his shoulder. “Good. You stay where you are and we’ll take care of everything here, and then we can go home.” What he was going to do when they got there was another story, but he knew he needed to get her to familiar places. She needed to sleep in her own bed. There were going to be some very rough days ahead for both of them, and there wasn’t much Howard could do to protect her from them except be there and be willing to hold her and provide as much comfort as he could.

The door squeaked very softly when it opened. “Are you okay?” Gordy whispered.

“Yes. We need to get her home. She’s exhausted, and I think we could all use some rest,” Howard answered. Mrs. Jorgenson came in. He could smell her light perfume. “We’re going to get her home.” Howard reached out to where he thought she might be standing. She gently took his hand in her soft one. “Thank you for being there for her.”

“I’m glad to help,” she whispered. “I’m going to go home, but I’ll stop by in the morning with a little breakfast. I know what she likes, and you’re all going to have your hands pretty full.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Howard said. “But thank you.” He squeezed her hand then released it and listened as she left the room.

“Do you want me to take her?” Gordy asked and lifted Sophia off Howard’s shoulder. She barely said anything, and Howard wished more than anything that he could hold her forever. He reached down, found Token’s harness, and told him to follow. He heard Gordy’s footsteps just ahead as they walked down the deserted hallway. “We’re taking her home,” Gordy said.

“Good,” Mrs. Krumpf said. “I’ll call tomorrow.”

Howard thanked her and continued following Gordy out of the hospital. “Wait here. I’ll be right back with the truck,” Gordy said, and Howard stood still. A few minutes later he heard the familiar roar of Gordy’s truck engine and he let Token get in before he climbed inside. The cab was crowded, with Token half sitting on his lap and Sophia leaning against him. Howard told Gordy the address and heard him programming the GPS. Then they pulled out and rode for a while, stopping and starting numerous times until they reached their destination and Gordy turned off the engine.

“Do you have a key?” Gordy asked.

“Yes. She gave me one when I took the bus to visit a year ago. I never thought….” Howard’s voice caught in his throat, but he stopped. He knew Gordy understood. Howard dug in his pocket and handed Gordy his set of keys. “It’s the one with three notches on the side.”

“I’ll be back once I have the door unlocked,” Gordy said, and Howard waited. Token moved away, probably onto the empty spot on the seat, but Sophia still leaned against him. He hoped she was asleep, but somehow knew she wasn’t. Gordy returned and Howard heard the truck door open. “Come on. I’ll get you inside,” Howard heard Gordy say, and Sophia moved away from him. Howard got out and called for Token, who came right up to him. He closed the truck door and gave the dog instructions, trying to remember the layout and the way to the front door.