Lost (The Allure Chronicles Book 3) (2 page)

Violet squeezed out some of the water from her dress. “You start enjoying the emotions you can elicit.”

I groaned. “Desire is boring.”

“Then there is a third option.”

“What is that?” I hoped this was one I could handle.

“Maybe you need to discharge your own desire. That could be the problem. Maybe that’s why you can’t appropriately manipulate anything else.”

“How do you expect me to do that? And if you say Roland I am walking home.”

“I guess you are going to have a long walk home.” She grinned.

“I’m not having sex with him.”

“Why? And why does desire upset you so much?” Her forehead furrowed. “Because you are upset. And it’s more than a physical feeling. It’s emotion. You need to let go of it.”

“It feels wrong.”

“I gave you your options.”

“There have to be others. I felt some of Dale’s jealousy and everyone’s surprise. And I got some of your happiness.”

“Yeah, but they weren’t pure. Ones that come from me aren’t going to be enough, and angry emotions aren’t you. Clearly. It wasn’t a complete manipulation. You need to find something that works for you.”

“I think a walk will be good for me.”

“It’s going to be fine. Your full change is going slower than normal. It isn’t a big deal.” She waved her hand. “We can manipulate again tonight. I think you got enough from me that you’ll be okay.”

I turned around and noticed the guys were driving the boat back to the marina. “We should go.”

“Yes. I’m keeping you far away from anger right now.” Violet put a hand on my back and led the way back to the car.

“We’re going to destroy your seats.”

“They aren’t my seats, and you know it.” Violet had a knack for stealing cars, and the owners usually left happy. At least temporarily.

“Nope. And I’m sure the woman who lent it to you is still happy about it.”

Violet laughed. “I’m sure she is.”

We made the short drive back to the house. Roland and Hugh were nowhere around, so I went right inside eager to get out of my wet dress.

“If you want to try again tonight, let me know.”

“I’ll pass.” I couldn’t handle any more desire, and that was the only thing I’d be able to manipulate.

“It is only going to get better.”

“I know.” I walked down the hall and took a nearly scalding hot shower to wash away the day.

D
aisy was gone
. My mind had accepted it, but my heart never would. She’d given up her human existence to save my wings. I would have given up my wings ten times over for her. To be with her. If she’d only given me a chance to prove it. But she hadn’t. Her decision had been rash, and now she was gone. I’d never get to taste her lips again or hold her in my arms. I’d never get to have the life with her I’d already been building in my head.

And what about her? She would never get to feel. She was resigned to an endless life of emotionless living. I knew Daisy well enough to know it wasn’t the path she would have chosen. Immortality wasn’t enough to make up for losing emotion. She was fueled by passion and love. Losing them would leave her as only a shell of who she once was, and I mourned for her loss as well as my own.

I wanted to go after her, but the Elders never gave me a chance. They had locked me up in their palace for over a week to make sure it would be too late if I ever found her. They’d dumped me out in the middle of a desert. I’d quickly realized it was Arizona. I was back in my own world.

At first I’d searched for her, hoping the change hadn’t worked. Maybe she was strong enough to fight it off. I’d begged and used every avenue possible to return to the mountain, the last place I’d seen her. But it was to no avail. I was physically barred from leaving my own world. It was as though a barrier had been placed to keep me out, and I knew the Elders were behind it.

I eventually returned to my cabin in Coleville, Colorado. If she had found a way to fight the change she’d know where to find me. I was out of ideas. All I could was wait and hope. But each day that passed made it harder to hold onto even a glimmer of hope. She was gone, and I would never be the same again.

A loud knocking on the door broke through my thoughts. “Owen!”

I tried to tune out Hailey’s voice. I didn’t want to deal with her, and I didn’t know why she was here bothering me.

“Owen, open the door now!”

She had to be the most annoying sister on the entire planet. “Go away!”

“No. Open the door or else.”

“Or else what? What are you going to do?” There was nothing Hailey could do to me. There was nothing anyone could do.

“I’m getting Mom.”

I groaned. She had me. I had no interest in explaining any of this to my mother. I had been excited to introduce her to Daisy, and now I would have to tell her I was in love with an emotionless immortal creature? That would be a lot to take even for someone married to a Pteron.

I pulled myself over to the front door and yanked it open. I walked away before Hailey even moved inside.

She slammed the door and followed me back inside. “You look like crap.”

“Thanks.” I settled into the chair where I’d been spent the last few days.

“When’s the last time you shaved?”

I ran my hands over the unfamiliar beard on my face. “A week or so.”

“Shave.” She pointed to the open doorway of the bathroom.

“Beards are in.”

“Not that kind of beard. Go shave. Now.” She crossed her arms.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t even look like yourself.” She crouched down to my eye level. “And that isn’t a compliment.”

“Who cares?”

“I do.” Hailey returned to standing. “That should matter to you, you know.”

“I should care what my little sister thinks of me?” I turned away.

“Yes.” She walked around so she was standing in front of me again.

“Explain the reason for that again?”

She groaned. “Go shave.”

“If I do, will you leave me alone?”

“I might.” She shrugged.

“I guess that’s better than nothing,” I muttered as I walked toward the bathroom. I generally wouldn’t have listened to my sister, but I was at a loss for what to do.

I shaved slowly, in no rush to face my sister or my life. I ran the blade over the familiar lines of my face, but I barely recognized the reflection looking back at me in the mirror. My eyes were red, my skin was pale, and I looked about five years older. Losing Daisy had done a number on me.

I walked back out to where Hailey sat in my chair. “Do you mind?” I gestured to the chair.

“Yes, I do. You can’t sit here anymore.”

“Why?” I settled into the couch, the only other spot to sit in the room. It wasn’t quite as lived in, but it would have to do.

“Because I know you’ve probably been sitting here for days.”

“Why are you here?” Hailey still hadn’t fully explained her presence.

“Because I’m worried. What happened? All you left me was a cryptic text that Daisy was gone forever.”

“How was that cryptic? I spelled it out.” I’d sent the text so Hailey would stop calling.

“Gone forever as in dead? Or she got tired of you?”

I scowled. “Got tired of me?”

“Ok, what happened?” Her voice softened.

“She let herself become an Allure.”

“Why?” Hailey jumped to her feet. “I should have known she would give in to—”

“No. Stop.” I refused to let anyone talk about Daisy as if she wasn’t the most self-sacrificing person in the world.

“Why should I stop?” Hailey’s jaw tightened.

“Because it wasn’t like that.”

“Then how was it?” Hailey walked over to where I sat.

I stood up, not enjoying the feeling of having Hailey stare down at me anymore. “She turned because she didn’t want me to give up my wings.”

“Your wings?” Hailey’s hands immediately went to her own back. “Why would you do that? And can you even do that?”

“Evidently the Elders can.”

“You were going to give up your wings?” Hailey’s mouth fell open. “For her?”

“I love her.” I loved her with every part of myself. My heart had been broken before, but this was more than broken. This was shattered. I’d lost a part of myself when Daisy disappeared from my life, and I was positive that without her I’d never find it again.

“Then why are you sitting around here?” Hailey tied her long red hair into a knot on the top of her head.

“What else can I do? I can’t even get back to the world she is in.” I’d tried more times than I cared to remember.

“How do you know she is still there? The Allures she was with seemed to like our world just fine.” Hailey wrinkled up her face in disgust. Evidently she’d disliked the creatures as much as I had.

I straightened. “Are you suggesting we search for her?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“But she’s an Allure now.”

“How do you know? Did you see the change yourself?”

“She was already changing.” I saw the struggle in her eyes. I knew it was happening.

“We won’t know until we find her. Until then we’re not giving up.” Hailey tapped her foot.

“But what if she is changed?” I pictured an unfeeling Daisy. I shuddered.

“We find a way to change her back.”

“What if we can’t?” Not everything is possible, even when we want it more than anything.

“Then we worry about it then. If you love someone, you don’t give up so easily.”

“I wasn’t giving up.” I was waiting until something changed. I was out of ideas, and I didn’t know what else to do.

“Yes you were. You hadn’t shaved and were sitting around all day. How was that not giving up?”

“I was waiting for a great idea to come to me.”

“No.” Hailey shook her head. “You were giving up.”

“Fine. You have no clue how hard it was.” I’d relived the events in the palace over and over. I’d never forget the moment she was pulled away from me. “It broke me.”

“But you said she did it because she didn’t want you to give up your wings. That was a huge sacrifice.”

“Yes… but she wouldn’t believe me. She wouldn’t believe my love for her was stronger than my love for flight.”

Hailey put a hand on my shoulder in an uncharacteristic way. She wasn’t a touchy person. “Do you think her feelings for you are as strong?”

“Were.” I let out a slow, deep breath. “She’s an Allure now.”

“Fine. Were.”

“Yes.” I knew it, even though sometimes it was hard to believe someone like her could return my feelings.

“Feelings that strong can’t just go away, right? They do talk about the power of love.”

“Who’s ‘they’? People always say stuff like that, but who are we even talking about?”

“You know what I mean, Owen.” Hailey rolled her eyes.

“Fine. But if it was that easy, why wouldn’t every Allure turn back?” Who would ever willingly give up the ability to feel? Immortality and desirability weren’t worth that much.

“Maybe they don’t want to.” Hailey looked away.

“Do you doubt Daisy would?” I didn’t. Not for a second.

“You know her way better than I do, but she didn’t seem happy about what was happening to her, and she loved you.”

“We need to find Mayanne.” It was as though I was moving out of a fog. I had a plan, and I could do something.

“That witch Georgina is friends with?”

“Yes. She seemed to know more than she was telling us.”

“Fine. Get yourself dressed.” Hailey pointed to my room. “I’ll wait here.”

I looked down at my boxers. “I guess that could help.”

“Yes. At least you shaved.”

“Eventually you are going to get over that.”

“Maybe.”

“I assume we’re flying.” I hurried into my room.

“Did you want to spend the entire day in the car?”

“You were the one who drove all the way from New Orleans out here.” I hastily pulled on some pants and grabbed a t-shirt for later.

“I had the time and wanted the experience.”

“Ah, the experience.” I followed her outside.

“Life is all about the experiences.”

“Did you make up with Allie?” I transformed, feeling guilty as the strength surged through me. I shouldn’t have these wings. I’d wanted to give them up.

“We were never really fighting. I told you that.”

“I’ll ask again. Did you make up with her?”

“I’m going to be the godmother.” Hailey transformed, releasing her own set of black wings.

“Good for you, poor kid.”

She put a hand on her hips. “You’re the one who told me not to be scared.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not going to tease you.”

“I guess I should be glad you’re making fun of me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it means you’re back to being yourself. Your annoying self.” She took off, and I followed her up into the sky.

I laughed. It felt good to laugh. It had been far too long. I wasn’t sure if this plan would work, but at least I had something. At least I had a chance.

I
rolled
around in my sheets searching for a comfortable spot. No one had warned me about how hard sleeping was as an Allure. It wasn’t required. That was part of the problem. Your body didn’t need it, so you couldn’t fall into a deep sleep the way a human could. I was never overly tired, but sleep was one of the only escapes from the boredom and Roland.

We weren’t supposed to be able to feel emotion, but Roland still managed to annoy me. Or the Allure equivalent of annoyance, which pretty much felt like increased boredom. Any enjoyment I got from manipulation was wiped out.

The only reason I tried to sleep was because I still had dreams. They weren’t as vivid as they used to be, but they were of my past. They were of Owen. I knew they would eventually disappear, and I was holding on to them for the escape they provided.

I rolled over again. I had always been a stomach sleeper, but that didn’t work anymore. I settled on my back and closed my eyes. I thought back on my memories. They were all so gray. I remembered everything and everyone. The faces were there, but I could no longer remember how they made me feel.

I cleared my mind. At least that part was easy now. There was so little to worry about clearing.

“Wake up. Come back to me.”

My eyes flew open, and I found Owen standing there in the dark. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers as though he were getting ready to go to bed or had just woken up.

“I never left you. I never would.” Why would he even act like I could ever leave him? He made me feel whole in a way no one else ever had or ever would.

He smiled and his entire face lit up. “It is still you.”

“Of course it is.” I pushed off the blankets and crawled down the bed toward him. I reached out and put hand on his muscular chest. “And it’s still you.”

“It’s me.” He mirrored my movement, placing his hand over my chest.

“I’ve missed you.” I wasn’t sure why he had been gone so long. We were supposed to be spending every second together now.

“I missed you too.” He pulled off my t-shirt and tossed it away. He cupped my breasts with his hands. “Your body is so cold.”

“Your hands are so warm.”

“Is the rest of you this cold?” He asked with a mix of alarm and amusement.

“Want to find out?” I grinned, slipping off my underwear and tossing them off the bed to join my shirt.

“I will.” He slipped out of his boxers and pushed me back down against the bed. He ran his hands up and down my body. “You’re all cold. Every inch of you.”

“Then warm me up.”

“Aren’t you going to say please?”

“Please warm me up.” I gave my best puppy-dog eyes, even though I knew he’d do it no matter what I said.

“That’s better.”

His teasing was different than I remembered. Less sweet, more demanding. He pulled me up further on the bed and hovered above me. “What should I warm up first?”

“Any spot you want.”

“Any?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Any.” I smiled, loving the game he had started.

“Are your breasts warm enough now?” He cupped them again, squeezing each one.

“Getting there.”

“Maybe this would help,” He took one breast in his mouth.

I closed my eyes and soaked up the sensation. He released that breast and moved on to the other. He lifted his head up. “Warmer?”

“Uh huh.”

“Ok, let’s see.” He ran his hands down my body. “I guess your whole body is warming up.”

“You do have that effect on me.”

“I’m glad.” He anchored his hands on my hips and then let his mouth travel the same course as his hands.

I moaned and reached up and took him in my hands. “You don’t need warming up, but that won’t stop me.”

“I need you.” He moved up my body so his face was right above mine. “I always need you.”

“I need you too.”

He slipped a hand between my legs, and I opened up to him. “Please, Owen.”

“Well, if you ask nicely.” He removed his fingers and thrust into me. I leaned back against the bed and savored every second of the pleasure he gave me. His hands and lips moved all over my body as he continued to move inside of me.

“Owen,” I moaned his name. Needing more. Needing everything.

I woke up sweaty and out of breath.

“You were dreaming of him.”

I sat up with my heart beating a mile a minute. Roland was standing at the foot of my bed, right where Owen had been in my dream. “What are you doing in here?”

“I felt your pleasure.”

“You can’t. I’m not human.”

“Evidently there is still something there.” He sat down on the foot of my bed. He was wearing a pair of boxer briefs, which was an improvement on the way he usually dressed at night. Naked. I was surprised he’d bothered to put on anything at all.

“And you wanted to manipulate me?” I asked calmly. I didn’t care. The dream was over, and the numbness had set back in.

“No. I wanted you.”

“Okay, you can leave now.” I put an arm over my face. The dream had been good. I knew it had been, but why did it have to fade so fast?

“We could try. Just see what happens.” Roland’s voice came from closer this time.

“Why?” I kept my arm in place. I didn’t want to look at him.

“Because you want some exhilaration.”

“I had some in my dream.” That I remembered. I just wished I could remember how it had felt.

“I know… but now? What’s left of it?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” I sighed.

“Exactly.”

“Well, maybe not nothing.” I moved my arm. “I remember the warmth of his hands.“

“My hands are warm, Daisy.” Roland sat right next to me on the bed. “And they are right here. Eventually those dreams will fade away, and you won’t have them anymore.”

“Maybe not. Maybe I will be the exception.”

“Other than the warmth of his hands, what do you remember?”

“Why?” I propped a pillow up behind me.

“Because I’m curious how long you have.”

“I could have had a few more days with him, couldn’t I? We shouldn’t have rushed.” I closed my eyes again, willing the memories to return in color. To return with the feelings.

“And what good would that have done? You wouldn’t remember anymore, and it would have caused him further hurt.”

“It’s strange. He probably remembers and feels everything.”

“Of course he does. He’s human. Ok, not human. Pteron. But not Allure.”

“I’m sure he’ll meet someone new.”

“He will. That is the course of things. He may have met someone already. Someone who is comforting him.”

I pulled my knees up to my chest. “Do you think there are any humans up?”

A smile crept across Roland’s lips. “You want to manipulate?”

“I need to. I feel too numb.”

“There are other ways to deal with the numbness.” He ran his hand over the blanket between us.

“You really think that?”

“I know it.” His eyes heated.

“I’d rather manipulate. It sounds better right now.”

He let out a deep breath. “I’ll come with you. I could use a little something myself.”

“Where are we going to go?”

“There are usually bonfires down at the beach. I’m sure there will be plenty of people to manipulate tonight.”

“Ok. Give me two minutes.” I got off the bed and walked over to the closet.

“Are you sure you don’t need a shower?”

“I’m sweaty, aren’t I?” I ran my hand over the perspiration on my neck.

“You are.”

“Maybe I can go for a swim when we get back.” The cold water would be nice.

“Another morning swim?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Why not?”

“Because you like to torture me.”

“I don’t have the same problem. I don’t get it.”

“You should.” Roland looked out the dark window. “And you will.”

“Go get dressed.”

“We might have an easier time if I went looking like this.”

“Not the kind of time I want to have.” Desire was the one emotion I was avoiding.

“Do you have a preference?” He sat down again on the bed, letting me know he wasn’t ready to leave yet.

“Of what?” I released the dress I was about to pull from a hanger.

“Who you manipulate?”

“It only works on a few women.” I’d tried more than once.

“Wait, what?” Roland stood up. “Since when?”

“Since ever.” I laid down back on my spot on the bed. If we weren’t going anywhere I might as well get comfortable.

“Does Violet know?”

“No,” I admitted. “I have bigger problems.”

“Bigger problems aside from only being able to manipulate half the population?” Roland watched me. “That’s a pretty big problem.”

“Some women.”

“Okay, almost half?”

“Was Taylor able to manipulate all emotions?”

“Yes, although she had her preference. Like the rest of us.”

“But no one type was so strong that it blocked out the rest?”

“Not that I know of… what are you getting at?” He sat down beside me again.

“No matter what, desire takes over. It’s always about sex. “

“What did Violet say? She has to know.” Roland surprised me with his question.

“She thinks it will work itself out.”

“I also suggested you deal with your own desire. Remember that suggestion?” Violet appeared in the doorway, making me wonder how long she’d been listening.

“She had a sex dream.” Roland crossed his arms. “About
him
.”

Violet nodded. “This change is going too slow. Something’s wrong.”

I put my arms behind my head. “I’m not human. I don’t feel. I’m as numb as the rest of you.”

“The numbness is because you aren’t getting what you need from manipulation. You should feel good.”

“But how do you feel good if you don’t feel?” The lack of emotions was almost as confusing as emotions themselves.

“This kind of contentment is different. But you’ll like it. We just have to get you there.” Violet always tried to make things sound simple, but this time I wasn’t buying it.

“I’m not having sex with Roland to do it.”

“Why?” Roland asked simply. “You are attracted to me. It’s not as if you won’t enjoy the experience.”

“I have no desire to have it.”

“That’s a lie.” Hugh walked in. There was no privacy with the Allures, and I guess there didn’t need to be. None of us cared.

“No it isn’t.”

“We can tell. There’s no reason to hide it.” Violet laid down on the bed next to me.

“What’s with the resistance?” Hugh remained standing. “Trying to piss off Roland? I understand if that’s it.”

“I want to manipulate. Roland was supposed to go with me, but then we got sidetracked.”

“What’s the point of going when it’s only going to make things worse?” Violet touched my arm gently. “I know I suggested it earlier, but I’ve had time to think. I’m not certain we can handle this on our own.”

Hugh nodded. “We should call Louie.”

“Not a chance.” Roland jumped up in front of Hugh. “Not happening.”

“We all know why you’re holding him off.” Hugh smirked.

Roland glared at him. “It’s for her own good.”

“But she shouldn’t be suffering.” Violet nodded toward me.

Roland sighed. “If she’d just take a chance on me she’d be fine.”

“Wait.” I sat up. “Why doesn’t Roland want Louie to come? I thought you guys were buddy-buddy?”

“What do you think?” Hugh tilted his head to the side.

“Shut up.” Roland frowned.

“I don’t know why.” I sat up.

“Come on, Daisy. You’re smart.” Hugh stepped toward the bed.

I thought over their words. “Wait. Because Louie made Taylor, and I have her Essence so he might want me?”

“Exactly.”

“That’s not the only reason I don’t want to call him in.” Roland stood up.

“What are the other ones?” Hugh ran a hand through his dark brown hair. “This should be interesting.”

Roland took a deep breath before answering. “She’s not Taylor. She’s never going to be Taylor.”

“Wait.” The true meaning behind his words dawned on me. “You mean he might want to hurt me?”

“Once he realizes you aren’t her. That you aren’t acting like her in any way.”

“In any way, meaning the whole desire thing?”

Roland nodded. “Taylor wouldn’t resist him.”

“But he can’t really expect me to want to be with both of you, right? How does this work?”

“At different stages of your time you want one or the other,” Violet explained. “Right now I’m with the one I made, but I have also been with my maker.”

Roland met my eye. “So that’s always something to consider.”

“Meaning If I were with you, I wouldn’t have to fear Louie’s advances?”

“You don’t have to fear anything.” Violet seemed confused. “Or you shouldn’t. You don’t actually feel fear, do you?” She watched me carefully.

“No. It was a figure of speech.” But I did feel physically uncomfortable about Louie.

“Did you really want to manipulate?” Roland asked.

“Yes, unless anyone else has a better idea of what to do.” I needed to get out of that room.

“I think I can come up with something,” Hugh grinned.

“Uh oh.” I shook my head. “What did I just suggest?”