Lost Honor (31 page)

She slept on the hammock in his cabin last night, but she would move it today. She had been on edge, jumping at every sound, expecting him to enter at any minute. She would not experience that nerve-wracking pressure again.

Finished swabbing the deck, she put the mop and pail away and climbed the rigging to help the men. She didn’t care if Morgan liked it or not. Let him try to stop her. After the way he cruelly used her, he didn’t deserve her respect.

Arianna spoke with the seamen. They replied with a smile. She pasted one on her lips, but her heart was breaking.

****

“Where do you think you are going with that hammock?” Morgan asked as he walked into his cabin as she hurried out.

“Not that it is any of your business—”

“Everything that happens on this ship,” his voice softened, “and to you, is my business.”

“Not after the way you treated me,” she spat.

He winced inside.

Blinking tears from her eyes, she stalked past him.

He felt like crying with her. He had made such a muddle of things. “Arianna, stop right there.”

She continued on. He expected it from her. He grabbed her shoulder in a firm but gentle grip. “You haven’t answered my question.”

She hesitated, probably deciding if he deserved one. “I am staying in the fos’c’le with the rest of the crew.”

Astonishment and immediate denial washed over him. “Oh no, you are not.”

“I am not sharing a room with you.”

He opened his mouth to tell her he would sleep elsewhere, but that would leave her unprotected, since there wasn’t a key. Only one solution presented itself. “You stay in the cabin at night, and I will use it during the day.” He could monitor the comings and goings of the men while he stood watch and leave Andrew in charge while he slept for a couple hours during the day.

She narrowed her eyes, debating the wisdom and truth.

“I don’t—” He shut his mouth with a snap. He was going to say, “I don’t lie,” but she wouldn’t believe him, even though he had never lied to her, had never promised her anything. He had just omitted a few facts. Very important facts. But his love for her and his feelings were true. They would never diminish.

Anger flashed in her eyes. She knew the point he had intended to make. “I think it best we have nothing to do with each other. No one from the crew will hurt me. They are my friends.”

His voice turned hard. “No, they may not, but I will if you don’t obey me.” Another falsehood. But it was for her own good. He would not allow her to be injured further—he had already done a good job of that—through a foolish, defiant act. She was too trusting.

And he had taken advantage of it. If only he could go back in time. But never to be with her, inside her, loving her, or experiencing the incredible sensations she inspired… “I have allowed you freedom on deck during the day. Have not interfered. And will continue to do so. But you will not gainsay me on this matter.”

She hesitated and then stalked past him into the cabin. He breathed a sigh of relief and then followed. It was an unwise move, but he couldn’t help himself.

Arianna dumped the hammock in the corner and then spun. Surprise swept across her face when she noticed him blocking the door. Determination and defiance replaced it. “What are you doing here?”

“It isn’t evening yet.”

“Then I will go.” She marched toward him and the door.

He refused to move.

“Get out of my way.” Her chest heaved. Whether in agitation, fear, or anger, he wasn’t sure.

“Arianna…” He stepped toward her, and she danced back. “Listen to me.”

She drew herself up. “I heard all I needed to. Now remove yourself from in front of the door.”

Morgan reached out to her. “Arianna, I love you.”

“No, you don’t. You never have.”

He moved closer. “I loved you from the first moment I saw you.”

Her face softened and then resumed its closed defiance. “You used me.”

“No, I loved you.” He would retreat to his previous way of life, battle long and hard to suffocate his emotions, but before he did, he needed to explain. To try to make amends. “When we were on the island I prayed we would never be rescued. That we could spend the rest of our lives there together.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Morgan, don’t. Let me go.” Pleading had entered her tone, but he couldn’t let her leave, yet.

“I don’t love Susan. She is Andrew’s sister, and we have always been neighbors. When my father left us, I vowed I would make the rest of my mother’s existence a happy one, no matter what it took. As she lay dying, her wish was for Susan and I to wed.” He took another step toward Arianna. “I didn’t want a wife. I didn’t have time for women, didn’t want them in my life until I met you. But I realized I would need to eventually marry.” He captured her soft blue eyes with his and impaled them with the truth of his feelings. “Susan was a friend. We got along well together, and it was my mother’s last request, so I agreed.” He enveloped one of her hands with his. “I am honor bound to carry through with my promise. But it is you I want.” He caressed her face with his fingers, and she closed her eyes. Tears slipped from beneath the lids.

She jerked away from him. “Did your mother also tell you to bed her before you married?”

“I was drunk. I don’t remember doing it.”

Arianna jumped back with a cry. “You ruined the woman and have no recollection of it. How could you treat her so?”

Now she was defending Susan? “I’m not proud of my actions, but it happened before I met you. Once I came to know you—”

“You seduced me.”

“Because I fell in love with you and you with me.”

Unable to help himself, he wrapped her in his tight embrace. Arianna fought for freedom until Morgan lowered his mouth and slid his lips across hers, enticing, persuading. With a cry, Arianna surrendered, sinking into his arms.

****

She had to stop, but Arianna didn’t want to. Morgan felt heavenly and his warm, smooth, firm lips moist and sensual. His body molded to hers, fiery and muscular. The resources she had pulled together to withstand his assault on her emotions quickly melted away, leaving her defenseless. Opening her mouth, he thrust inside, and she joined her tongue with his while her mind fought her heart for control.

His hand caressed her naked breast, and she almost swooned with pleasure. When had he unfastened the two buttons on her shirt?

This wasn’t right. She didn’t want to do this.

His taste and smell engaged her senses. Oh, but she did. It was the only place she wished to be. The air around them sizzled with released pent-up desire. Her insistent mind sliced through the need, the longing, the love. He didn’t really love her. If he did, he wouldn’t have treated her so. Gathering her willpower and sanity, she reluctantly shoved him away.

He grabbed for her.

She swung her arm back and slapped him across the face. Her eyes widened, and a gasp escaped as she realized what she had done.

Astonishment and anger carved his face as he stared at her. “I suppose I deserved that, but don’t
ever
do it again.”

“Then, don’t
ever
touch me again. I will not be a whore or play mistress to a married man.” The red imprint of her hand marked his face. It took all the courage she possessed to face him. She hadn’t meant to strike him, it just happened.

“You have made your position clear.” He turned and marched from the room.

She dropped onto the bed and buried her face in her hands.

Chapter Twenty-One

As Arianna stood at the railing, the city of Boston slid into view. She sagged with relief. This tension-filled trip was finally at an end. She hated to part from Morgan but to stay together was a worse fate. If temptation tested her much longer, she feared she might succumb to the longings of her heart.

“Do you have a place to stay once we dock?” Andrew asked as he came up beside her.

“No, but I’m sure I can find lodgings until I’m hired on a ship heading back to England.” This adventure had not started or ended as she envisioned. Her heart was no longer in it, but she had no choice or money except what she would earn as a seaman.

“Working on another ship is dangerous.”

She gripped the rail. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll give you money, so you can travel as a paying passenger.”

The wind blew strands of hair across her face. She flipped them back with her hand. “Thank you for the offer, but I can’t take money from you.”

“Then, think of it as a loan. You can pay me back once you reach England.” He shifted his feet. “If you like, I could go with you. A woman alone isn’t safe.”

Andrew was handsome, pleasant, and honorable, and if Morgan hadn’t captured her heart, Andrew might have stolen it. She smiled at him. “I am sure you have better things to do and a family to visit.”

“I like to see them but after a few days… I have a hankering to visit England again.”

Maybe he could take her mind off Morgan and disperse the despair that had settled over her in a gray cloud. The last week had seemed like a year. Her arms and legs had worked automatically with no real thought behind them. She struggled not to glance Morgan’s way when they were on deck at the same time, but her gaze drifted to him without realizing it. Not once did he look back.

He never really wanted her. After she slapped him—how could she have done that—he probably decided she was too much work. With his face and muscular build, she was sure plenty of women followed, flirted, and did much more with him. She was one among hundreds. Self-loathing filled her when she realized, like them, she had fallen into his trap.

Andrew cleared his throat. He still waited for an answer. Rising on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek. “I can’t stop you if you want to visit England but don’t leave all you have here on my account. You want to be around for your sister’s wedding.” She gripped the railing again and stared up at the sea gulls circling the boat. “I will be gone by then.”

Her heart wouldn’t survive seeing and possibly encountering the newly married couple.

He hesitated. “My sister would understand.”

“I wouldn’t if I were her. Stay for her sake as well as Morgan’s.”

Andrew pursed his lips. “I could care less what Morgan needs.”

“Don’t you think he deserves a second chance? He is trying to make things right.”

“How can you defend him after what he did to you?” His face reddened beneath his tan.

“Our situation and relationship is different than yours and his. He is your closest friend and will soon be your brother-in-law. He needs you. Forgive him.”

“I will consider your words.” He shifted his feet and looked down at his shoes. “Did he get you with child? If he did, I will marry you and raise the child as my own.”

She didn’t know. Her monthly flow hadn’t appeared, but she had never been regular. Refusing to allow him to sacrifice his life for her sake, she lied, her face hot with embarrassment. “No. I was lucky.”

He nodded sharply. “So, will you accept my loan?”

“I will have to think on it.”

****

Morgan spied Arianna kiss Andrew’s cheek, and a knife pierced his soul. He clenched his hands into fists as rage simmered below the surface. What he wouldn’t give to feel those lips on his skin, again. But what they had was over. He rubbed his cheek. She had made her feelings perfectly clear. His new life was about to begin.

Andrew strode to the quarterdeck, and a ball of grief settled in Morgan’s stomach. He missed his friend. As they sailed smoothly into the harbor, Andrew relayed Morgan’s orders, but Andrew didn’t speak to him unless it concerned the ship or crew.

Arianna scurried up into the shrouds to help the men reef the sails. He would not stop her. He had already taken too much from her. But his heart twisted in fear the entire time.

Once they were safely docked, Arianna disappeared below. Since Shark had stolen his cargo and he need not see to it, he soon followed. He found her in his cabin gathering her meager belongings. Her head jerked up as he entered. Emotions flooded him, but he forced them back.

“I’ll soon be out of your way. I wanted to collect my bag.” Her voice held an impersonal note.

He couldn’t allow her to traverse a strange city on her own. “There is no hurry.” Morgan strode to his desk and dropped into the chair behind it. He rolled a quill between his palms as ways to delay her ran through his mind, until one intrigued him.

She started toward the door.

“Arianna, where are you going?”

“To find a room for the night.”

He raised a brow. “Do you have money?”

She stood straight and tall. “Not yet. I’d like to have my earnings now.”

“Why would I pay you? You were a stowaway.”

She planted her palms on the mahogany desk. “Morgan, I worked hard for that money.”

He rose and sauntered toward the door. If she disagreed with his plan and tried to escape, he would stop her. He didn’t like what he was about to do, but she never listened to reason, and he had a responsibility toward her. “I never hired you.”