Lost Causes (21 page)

All the rooms had windows, but they didn’t reveal the world above us. They showed only rivers of lava running past. Sometimes it was thick and sluggish, and sometimes it flowed as easily as water. It all depended on the mood of the fire in the room and how much elemental blood they possessed. I had no idea what building material could possibly withstand that heat, but Josiah had built it. If Josiah needed to travel to a distant galaxy to obtain an indestructible glass, he’d have found a way.

The place wasn’t just hot. The surface of Venus might be a relaxing vacation spot compared to most of the compound. Lava marbled the floors, living crimson lines decorating each room. Luke and I felt comfortable. Sera moved through the halls at an easy jog. Everyone else wondered if it would be rude to lie on the ground and die of heat exposure for a bit.

At least Josiah hadn’t been the sort to avoid either technological advances or other elementals. The entire place was wired for electricity, which meant the guest quarters and meeting rooms were air-conditioned. When he was shown to his room, Simon headed straight for the shower to wash off the sweat he’d accumulated on the short walk to the guest wing.

Vivian went for the high-speed internet connection.

“Will you tell them we’re safe?” I said. “Miriam first.”

Our otter friend hadn’t joined us. Someone needed to stay in Tahoe, and she’d put the need to protect shifters ahead of her desire to kick some elemental ass. I knew that couldn’t have been easy for her.

“Oh, and tell her I can create an army of mini-mes now.”

Vivian looked horrified. It was probably the correct response.

The compound didn’t have enough guest suites for all the camp residents. The fires were moved to the family side, since they could handle the heat, and the stones were placed on the lowest basement level. The rest bunked four or five to a room while they made arrangements to return to their families—those who had families to which they could return. People they weren’t too ashamed to face.

Sera and I wandered into a small library filled with old leather books while the others settled in. The two of us needed to debrief.

“Have you spoken to her yet?” I asked, settling into a soft red armchair.

Sera made a face and perched on the edge of the desk. “I’m waiting to have something to say that doesn’t involve screaming.”

“That’s fair.”

“She left me, Aidan. She left me for that thing, and she didn’t say goodbye. Not even a fucking note.”

“That was awful. I don’t deny it.”

Sera spoke faster, spilling all the words she’d been holding in for days. “And the way she acted on the island? That was cruel. There’s no other word for it, and I don’t want to hear some crap about protection. She could have come and talked to me. Warned me like a goddamn grownup. Even when Mac arranged our hour together, she kept repeating that I didn’t belong on the island, then she walked away. Again.”

“Yeah, she screwed that up, too.”

Sera heard what I didn’t say. “But?”

“But you forgave me. You forgave me for everything.” I tried not to push too hard. With parents, we all had to find our own way.

“That’s cause you’re you. You’re my sister, and you always have been. I don’t even know who that woman is.” Her voice rose on the final sentence. She hopped off the desk and began wearing a hole in the carpet.

“You could ask her.”

“I won’t do it,” Sera insisted.

I leaned forward in the chair, bracing my elbows on my knees. “Yes, you will. Because even if she is a giant asshole, she’s your mother, and we both know that matters to you. You may never like her, but you won’t give up on her. It’s not your style.”

“Maybe. Someday. In the distant future. Damn it. I hate when you make sense.” Sera flung herself into the armchair next to mine.

“I always make sense. You struggle to understand.”

The corners of Sera’s mouth quirked, but the humor didn’t last long. “Is this really it, Ade? It’s over?”

I suspected I’d be answering that question a lot, and it would probably require many sane years before everyone believed it. “Yeah. I mean, the council’s still out there, and my mother’s in prison, but I’m okay. I really am. It may take a while for the effects of the drug to wear off, if they ever do, but I can live with that.”

“Good.” There was a suspicious wetness in her eyes.

I’d have given her hell if I wasn’t fighting the same ailment.

“You know, even with my magic dulled by the drug, I’m still a gazillion times stronger than you, right?”

“Just for that, I’m not sharing my inheritance with you. You weren’t in the will.”

I did what any big sister would do. I flipped her off.

“Blame the council,” Sera said. “They kept your secret so well no one knows you’re Josiah’s daughter. It would be too risky to give you anything now. Tell you what. It’ll be secretly half yours,” she told me. “But to keep the secret, I get the master suite. The yacht’s mine. I should have the private jet, just to be on the safe side. The Tahoe hotel, that’s definitely mine. You and Mac can bunk in the Airstream.”

Nothing sounded better.

Before I could go in search of him, Grams poked her head into the library. She beamed when she saw me. “I’ve been looking everywhere, dear. I break out of prison to rescue my own granddaughter and I don’t even get a hug?”

I remedied that quickly. “How did you know I needed rescuing?”

“It was a council facility run by council guards. Bored council guards who liked to talk.”

I raised my eyebrows, uncertain I wanted to learn the methods she’d used to get that information. “And they were so bored of their duties they let you go?”

“Psshh. It was barely a prison.” She waved off the idea of incarceration. “A locked door. Maybe two. And the guards were very handsome.” She arched her eyebrows.

I definitely didn’t want to know what methods she’d used.

“And my mother?”

Grams’ smile dropped. “That, my dear, will require more work, but she is being treated well, as was I. She broke the law, and she is receiving her punishment. To harm her in any way beyond her incarceration would only break a different law. In this case, Deborah’s strict adherence to rules works in our favor. We’ll free her. I’m certain of it. If you discovered a cure, I do believe anything is possible.”

“Why are you so sure I’m cured? Everyone else asks for confirmation.”

“It’s obvious to any fool with eyes.” Grams shook her head at the others’ blindness. “Have you ever gazed through a streaked window into a lovely garden? The flowers are beautiful, but they are dull and flawed when seen through the streaks. That was you, and I didn’t even realize it. It’s like you’ve been washed clean, and now I see you as you truly are. You bloom, my dear.”

Only Grams could compare me to a flower and get away with it. She got a second hug before she left.

One person had been noticeably absent since we arrived at the compound. “Where is Mac staying?”

Sera pointed in the general direction. “The last door on the right. It’s the room with the biggest bed, the thickest walls, and Barry White on the stereo.”

I didn’t offer even a token protest. “Thanks. I mean, not the Barry White, but the rest sounds pretty good.” I stood, stretching until my fingers brushed against the low ceiling.

“He’s not there,” Sera said. “He went to the solarium a while ago.”

She gave me directions I’d have no trouble following. This wasn’t my home, but I felt a kinship with its intricate maze of black and red corridors. The compound was the path I didn’t take, the life I didn’t get to live. Separate, but still part of me.

“Keep in mind there are security cameras up there.”

I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t planning on ravishing him immediately.”

When I tried to step past her, Sera blocked my way. “After you shower.” She wrinkled her nose in illustration.

I headed to my room, grumbling about interfering little sisters.

“Ade?” she called. “I’ll make sure the cameras are turned off.”

CHAPTER 22

S
era was right. I needed to rinse off not only the dirt, but the desperate days I’d spent under the cairn. I probably needed to wash off months of pain and fear, but that would take a while. For now, I started with a twenty-minute shower.

Someone had left fresh clothes on the bed. I unfolded a knee-length pale blue sundress covered in a white hibiscus pattern, the kind found in tourist shops across the islands. It wasn’t the sort of thing I’d buy for myself, but it beat walking naked through the compound. I combed the tangles from my hair until the blond waves lay smooth against my back.

I didn’t have the patience for anything else. As soon as I was dressed and presentable, I went in search of Mac. I kept a little dignity and didn’t run toward him. I walked very fast, however.

The solarium was on the top floor. It had been built for visitors who didn’t adapt well to the underground lifestyle, though the fires used it when they desired a break from their day-to-day life as crazy mole people. Tucked into an area tourists rarely visited, the room was cleverly designed to feel, as much as possible, like the outside world. Concealed vents fed in fresh air, and the floor was made of living grass and ferns atop rich soil. Discreet sprinklers kept them healthy and green. A few rocks of various sizes were scattered on the ground.

The best parts were the arching skylights that opened to the world above and the enormous windows that provided a view of the ocean. Both had covers set to automatically close if outside sensors picked up any movement, but at that moment they were wide open, revealing a choppy sea and a sunny sky beginning to darken with an approaching storm.

I wasn’t surprised to find Mac here, far from the darkness and oppressive heat. He sat on a flat rock, staring out at the ocean. I joined him without speaking, kicking off my sandals and curling my legs underneath me. The sun had warmed the stone’s surface. Any other day, sitting there would make me drowsy.

I was wide awake.

“Is it really over?” he asked, looking at the sea.

“So I’m prepared, how many times are you going to ask that?”

“Only once.” He turned then, his eyes fixed on my face. He was making sure that, whatever I said, it was the entire truth.

“It’s really over.”

I wasn’t prepared for the way his shoulders hunched, causing his huge body to seem almost small, or the way he covered his face with his hands, scrubbing so hard I thought he’d remove the top layer of skin.

“Is that a problem?”

His voice was muffled. “Of course not. Just give me a minute.”

I waited, uncertain. “Wasn’t this what you wanted?”

Mac’s arm shot out and wrapped around my shoulder. He drew me to him and buried his face in my chest, rubbing his newly-shaved cheeks against skin the sundress failed to cover. I couldn’t tell if he was scenting or marking me. When his shoulders shook and my neck grew damp from his tears, I knew it was neither. He sought comfort.

“Hey,” I wrapped my arms around him. “I’m here. Look at me.”

He kept his head down. “You only got worse.”

I played with his hair, tugging on the thick strands.

“I kept trying to prepare myself. To lose you. All I could think about was how fast you were changing. How little time we had. I was never jealous of Luke, you know. Not like you thought I was. I knew you didn’t want him. It was that he kept taking you away from me. Stealing the last time we’d ever have together, and I hated him for that.”

By now, he wasn’t the only one crying. “I didn’t know.”

Mac shook his head, the movement digging his chin into my collarbone. “I couldn’t tell you. None of us could. We had to keep believing so you would do the same. But each time we knocked you out…” He fought to regain control of his voice. “And now you’re telling me it’s over, and I’m not going to lose you, and I don’t know how to let go of a fear that’s lived inside me for so long.”

I gripped his head with both hands and tilted it to face me, then knit my fingers into his hair so he couldn’t look away. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” I forced him to see the truth of my words, and when that wasn’t enough, I leaned down to capture his mouth. As our lips met, he straightened, growing taller until I had to tilt my head to reach him. I leaned into him. Mac was warm and solid, and he wasn’t going anywhere, either.

He drew back and rested his chin on top of my head. His arms remained locked around me. “What about the water magic I hold? Eila said she couldn’t complete the fusion without it.”

Tentatively, I brushed the unfinished end. It was still there, a tiny bit of unattached fire, but it had no water to explode against. The most twisted, most self-destructive part of me was fascinated. It tried to visit that loose thread the same way one would probe the gap left behind by a missing tooth.

That side was no longer in control. Maybe I would always have some darkness. Maybe a killer did live within me, but I had lots of reasons to keep that bitch at bay. She would never win again.

“It’s okay,” I said at last. “It really is. But you know, it’s probably safer to keep your magic close. Just in case.”

Mac pressed his lips to my forehead, my nose, my cheeks. “That,” he said, “will not be a problem.”

I grinned like an idiot.

“We should head inside.” He didn’t sound like he believed it. “There’s a lot to talk about. We aren’t in the clear yet.” He stood and held out his hand.

I ignored it. “I don’t think you heard what I said.”

His brow furrowed. “Which part?”

“The part where I’m okay.”

“Believe me, I heard that.”

“The part where I’m in control.”

“Yeah.” He drew out the word, still not understanding.

“The part where it’s safe to lose control,” I nudged.

Mac glowered at me. “What are you talking about? You just told me you’d never do that. Why would you choose to give up control?” He stopped, swallowing. “Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.”

He inhaled sharply. “Tonight?”

“Absolutely.”

His expression was somewhere between a smile and raw lust. “Then let’s get these discussions over with.”

I didn’t move. “I meant tonight in
addition
to other times.”

He froze. “Here? Now?”

“You have an objection?”

He didn’t move. I began to fear he had other plans.

“I thought you’d need to settle in a bit,” Mac said.

This wasn’t going the way I’d imagined it. “Do you want to wait?” A year or two passed while I waited on his answer.

He shook his head, and I exhaled.

“I don’t want to wait, either. I’ve already waited more than long enough. I’ve probably been waiting since I first met you, Connor MacMahon. Even when I was scared of you, or scared of myself, or maybe just scared of what we’d be together, I wanted you. I wanted you from the day I saw you throwing furniture into the trees. I’m done waiting.”

That was all he needed to hear. Mac grabbed my wrist and tugged, pulling me to standing. Though the touch was gentle, it was also irresistible. I fell against him, my chest meeting his.

Our first kiss was almost sweet, just the tips of our tongues meeting. He drew back, resting his forehead against mine. Already, his breath was coming fast.

Mac’s hands roamed down my back and over my hips and thighs. When he hit the hem of my dress he paused. His fingers toyed with the fabric, as if unsure what to do with it. Before I could make a suggestion, he released it. My protest cut off when he cupped my ass and lifted me until my feet dangled inches above the ground.

He plastered my body to his, and I squirmed in an attempt to get even closer. The muscles of his chest contracted beneath me as he adjusted his grip, now holding my ass with one hand. He wound the other through my hair, tilting my head to kiss me again. His tongue swept inside and I returned the stroke in kind. All I knew was his body, his lips and tongue. We were pure heat and desire, giving and taking with every touch until the barriers between us slid away.

When he put me down and stepped back, I protested.

Mac managed a shaky smile. “I’m trying to go slow here, Aidan. We shouldn’t rush our first time.” He took off his t-shirt and my temperature shot up several degrees. Instead of throwing it to the side, he lay it carefully across a soft patch of grass. “We shouldn’t get stains on your dress.”

I made sure he was watching, then I grabbed the dress and pulled it over my head. I wore nothing underneath.

Mac stared. When he at last managed to speak, his voice was ragged. “You had other plans?” he asked.

“You and I are going to have a lot of firsts, Mac. There will be the first time we wake together and you slide between my legs before either of us has spoken a word. There will be the first time you take me from behind, your hands gripped tight on my hips. There will be the first time it’s rough, and the first time it’s gentle, and all the times in between. But this is the first time you’ll ever be inside me, and it won’t be slow. We’ve had months of foreplay. I want you to fill me, and I want it now.”

Mac exhaled once, hard, then ripped the button from his jeans in his hurry to undo them. The fabric slid over lean hips and that arrow of muscle pointing downward, then over muscled thighs and calves. I was only beginning to process the perfection of Mac with no clothes when he kicked them aside and strode to me.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me again. There was a lingering patch of sun, the one spot the clouds hadn’t yet claimed, and he carried me to it. I touched him wherever I could and ran my lips across his neck and shoulders. He tasted of salt and warmth, and I inhaled the scent that belonged to him alone.

Mac was gentle when he placed me on the ground, but there was nothing hesitant in his movements. He sat back on his heels and gazed at me. I was completely exposed, but I never felt vulnerable under his scrutiny. I felt adored.

I studied him in turn. His chest I knew well, though it affected me as much as it ever did. His bare thighs looked the way I imagined they would, though imagination was a poor substitute for reality. Knowing his legs would be muscled and tan wasn’t the same as tracing the line of his quadriceps with my eyes, or seeing the light dusting of dark hair that thinned as it approached the center of his body.

Mac ran his hands up both my legs from the ankles to the inner thighs. I groaned and undulated my hips, begging for more.

When his palms slid across my stomach to cup my breasts, I stopped him. I’d already told him what I needed, and this wasn’t it.

I urged his hand down, pressing his fingers to my center. He closed his eyes when he found me slick and ready, and the sound that emerged was as much animal as human.

Mac crawled up my body. The soft hair of his chest and thighs brushed against me, and my skin roared to life at the delicate touch.

He positioned himself between my legs, but still he held, unmoving. Mac demanded I meet his gaze, and I did the same to him. Everything we felt, everything we were, we laid bare to the other.

I slid my palms across Mac’s broad back, feeling each muscle flex beneath my palm. When I reached his buttocks, I gripped the tight flesh and pushed at the same moment I rose to meet him.

I gasped when my body accepted his for the first time, and he released a guttural groan as he seated himself fully inside me. He filled me, and I surrounded him, and when we moved, we did so together.

I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling him closer, and he slid his right arm beneath me, lifting me to him. The other arm he braced on the ground for support, but I tugged him toward me. I welcomed his weight. I needed every inch of my body to know his touch.

Our skin grew slick with sweat, and we slid against each other until I could barely tell where I ended and he began, and still I tried to pull him nearer. I didn’t think he could ever be close enough. I moved my legs, winding them around his, and embraced him as tightly as I could. I felt nothing but his skin, hot and damp and wanting.

His hips picked up speed and I rose to meet every thrust, abandoning a little more control with each movement. His face was only inches from mine, and I felt his breath on my cheek as it grew faster and more ragged. Mine was the same, but through my gasps I spoke words both unplanned and true. I begged for release and prayed it would never end and told him that he belonged inside me. He growled agreement, his gaze hot and possessive.

We didn’t look away from each other, not until the very end when I threw back my head, crying out. He roared above me, the sound both primal and pure.

Afterwards, we lay together, our skin covered in sweat, and we said the same thing with our words that we’d said with our bodies, and we kept speaking with one voice and then the other for the rest of the afternoon.