Lost Avalon: A Finding Nolan Novel (13 page)

“You’re serious.” She still didn’t believe me.

“Yeah.”

“All of them. Wait. What about Damaged? I always thought that was about your mother.” The expression on her face was enough for me to take a step back. Damaged could easily be taken the wrong way and I was likely to get punched a second time.

“Yes, Damaged, too.”

I’d been wrong. She didn’t get angry at all. Instead her hands clutched at my shirt as she pulled herself up to her tiptoes and kissed me hard on the lips.

Her breath was hot and soft against my mouth when she broke away. “Thank you. Thank you for seeing me. For really seeing me and never pretending not to.”

Chapter 11

            
 
After showering Blaise
with my tears and God knew what else, I hadn’t left him much choice but to change out of his soggy t-shirt and into something dryer and more comfortable. Of course I hadn’t quite been prepared for what I saw when he came strolling out of the bathroom and walked past the bed on his way to the minibar.

“Gonna grab a bottle of water. You want one?”

He was buck ass naked and my eyes traveled straight to his penis. They’d never done that before.

             
“Shit.” I dove head first into my pillow, giggling like a twelve year old. Blaise stopped and came back, looming over my head. “You know, a guy could get a complex from a reaction like that.”

             
“Oh please,” I mumbled into the pillow case. “Your dick has received more praise than most pieces at the Louvre.”

             
“Yeah, but not from you.” His voice dropped several octaves into a low growl. It sent a slew of sensations all through my body. I didn’t dare lift my head now.

             
“Water.” I held up my hand and pointed blindly toward the kitchen area. “Now!”

             
“Yes, ma’am.” He nipped at my ear before he went and I nearly lost it.

             
I stayed face down in my pillow until the rest of my body mellowed. Suddenly Blaise was making me feel like a fucking dog in heat, ready to back my vagina into his penis first chance I got. And that was NOT how I wanted things to
go
down
. Ugh, and why was it that every thought in my head now sounded like it came with a sexual undertone? I felt like I was running a ‘That’s what she said’ marathon in my mind.

             
When was the last time I’d had sex anyway? Three months? Four? No. Over six. Damn. And that had been with Lee. Which almost didn’t even count. Or at least it shouldn’t have. I didn’t tend to consider it a valid effort if I didn’t meet with the magic O at some point, and with Lee those meetings had always been noticeably absent for me. And it’s not like I’m the kind of girl who will fake it. I’ve never been one to give unwarranted praise. Lee just didn’t seem to have a problem with that.

             
“Still thinking about my penis?” Blaise handed me a bottle of water and then climbed back under the covers beside me.

             
“No. Actually I was thinking about Lee’s.” Mostly I just said it to see the face he’d make.

             
“That shit’s fucked up. Why are you talking to me about Lee’s dick?!”

             
“You asked.” I hid my grin behind the rim of my bottle and had a nice long sip. It was chilled perfectly and I was definitely in need of cooling down.

             
“Besides, I thought you said he was a bad lay, what exactly triggered those thoughts? Because I can assure you, my dick knows what the fuck it’s doing. I’ll prove it right now if you want.”

             
“I would hope it knows what it’s doing. It’s certainly had plenty of practice.”

             
Blaise ran his hands over his face, clearly frustrated. “Ava, we really need to work on your pillow talk.”

             
“We do?”

             
“Yes.” He held up his hand preparing to count down. “Rule number one. No discussing past penises. Rule number two. No discussing past pussies. It’s just bad form.”

             
I nearly choked on the water as I gulped it down to keep from spitting it in his face. Then, to make sure I wouldn’t spill, I set down my bottle on the bedside table. After that, there was nothing keeping my laughter at bay.

             
“Bad form? Really?”

             
“You’re not taking this seriously.”

             
I couldn’t even force a straight face. “Am I supposed to be?”

             
In one smooth motion Blaise had grabbed my waist and slid me down on the mattress before leaning over me, his body weighing down on mine in all the right places.

             
Then he grazed the tip of my nose with his lips as he moved down to my mouth, where he hovered, teasing me and staring me square in the eyes the entire time.

             
“Still don’t think this is serious?” His voice was so low it was barely above a whisper.

             
I couldn’t even answer. Just shook my head from side to side.

             
He lingered a moment longer and I could feel his heart beating in his chest, vibrating into mine, torturing me like drumroll building up to the big finale. Then finally his lips captured mine and I could feel myself get lost in him. I didn’t care. I wanted it. Wanted him. Wanted to be melted into him, him into me.

             
With only the thin cotton of my shorts separating us, I could feel him pressing against me. Taunting me. Blaise played dirty. Well, he wasn’t the only one.

             
I let my hand travel down his chest, my fingertips caressing his skin as they went until I reached my destination. I let the tips of my fingers explore him briefly, before taking him into my hand and closing it around him tightly. He moaned against my lips.

             
“Ava, don’t,” he whispered.

             
“Why not?” I started moving my hand back and forth, gently applying pressure every time I reached the tip.

             
“Because, I want you too much to do this right if you keep doing that. Shit,” he groaned loudly. The fact that he was coming undone by the touch of my hand was only turning me on more. I had no intentions of stopping.

             
“You’re acting like you’re only going to get one shot at this,” I murmured, the lobe of his ear between my teeth. I could feel his hot breath on my shoulder, growing more and more rapid as I moved my way down his neck with my mouth, kissing and licking every delicious part of him until I had worked my way back up on the other side.

             
“Would it help if I said, please?” I slid my tongue into his ear.

             
“Fuck, Ava, you’re killing me.” He was pressing his hips down into me harder, pinning my hand down in an effort to keep my advances at bay.

             
Using my free hand, I pushed onto his chest moving him off of me and placing him on his back. He didn’t say anything, just laid there and watched, curious to see what I would do next. 

             
I slid my leg across his hips and straddled him, pulling my tank top over my head, completely baring my chest for him.

             
“Still want to tell me no?”

“Alright, that’s it, Ava,” he growled. “Just remember, you asked for this.”

He came up to meet me, kissing me, devouring me with his lips, while his hands explored every last inch of me, working their way down until they reached my shorts. Then, holding me on top of him, he laid back down until he could shimmy my bottoms down my legs, before kicking them over the edge of the bed.

All the while, his kisses never stopped. One after the other, he took me further, deeper into him until I couldn’t take it any longer. Every part of me was pulling him to me, desperate to get closer and closer because suddenly I could never be close enough.

Feeling that same urgency, Blaise rolled us over and he was back on top of me. There was a moment. A pause. Our eyes met and for one second, the world stood still. Then, it exploded all around us. He was inside of me. Filling me up. It was like our bodies had been formed to fit each other perfectly as we moved together. Every part of him had a home in a part of me. And for the first time I understood what it meant when two people loved each other so insanely they became one.

***

              I was breaking my own rules for the second time already and this after making all my grand speeches of waiting and proving myself. If it hadn’t felt so damn amazing, I might have actually felt bad about it. But there was no feeling bad about this. Experiencing her this way. Who needed booze or pills when I had access to this all-consuming ecstasy? I could easily get addicted to her love. Maybe I already was.

             
“So this is spooning.” Her bare ass was tucked up against me. “I like it.”

             
“Mm-hmm.” She was still swirling in the aftermath of our first time together. It was nothing like how I’d imagined it. Any of the times I’d imagined it. And there had been plenty. Fantasies ranging from slow romantic lovemaking to passionate, spontaneous sexual combustion. Only thing I’d never counted on was her being the one making the moves on me. In the end, that had made it better than any of the scenarios I had envisioned.

             
I let my fingers graze across her soft skin, moving along the length of her arm, down her hips and thigh. She was spectacular. Every inch of her was total perfection in all of its completely imperfect ways. And I knew every detail. Every freckle. Every scar. I knew them all. Including the ones below the surface. I was desperately in love with every last bit of her. But I couldn’t say it. Not because I wasn’t ready. Because she wasn’t. I’d told her once already. I’d have to wait for her to say it, too. Then, after, I’d tell her. I’d tell her often. In a million different ways.

Chapter 12

Lying there in
Blaise’s arms I felt like my heart might explode in my chest. Being with him, that way, it had changed everything. There would be no going back now. And that scared the fucking shit out of me. This was Blaise after all. A ticking time bomb if there ever was one. What kind of an idiot would fall in love with him? And how stupid was I to do it knowing all that I knew about him?

But it was too late. My heart was his. Maybe it had always been his. Maybe I’d just never trusted him with it before. Maybe I’d been right not to.

“Ava.”

“Huh?” I could feel his face nestled in my hair close to my ear.

“Time to come out of your head,” he whispered.

I turned around to face him. “I’m scared.”

He gently kissed the tip of my nose. “I know.”

“You and me, we’re all kinds of fucked up. What if we end up hurting each other more?”

“We won’t.” He sounded so sure.

“Blaise…My heart’s been cracked and chipped away at so many times, some days I’m not even sure how much I’ve kept of it and how much I’ve left behind in pieces. It’s fragile and frankly, handing it to you feels a lot like inviting the bull into the china shop.”

There was something almost painful in his eyes. “Your heart will never be safer than it is with me, Ava.”

“How can you say that?” My voice was all croaky from the lump in my throat which was getting harder and harder to keep down.

“Because, I’m the only one who knows how to put the pieces back together.”

Tears erupting from the corners of my eyes, I squeezed them shut and fiercely pressed my lips to his. For all the times he’d said all the wrong things or been too fucked up to say anything at all, he certainly always came through when I needed him to most.

He held me tight for a long time, not saying anything, just keeping me steady against his chest where the rhythm of his heartbeat slowly found mine and brought it back down to a normal pace.

“You know it’s your fault I’m freaking out like this.”

He chuckled softly. “How’s that?”

“Because. You had to go and throw all this falling in love shit into the mix. What was I supposed to do? Not fall for you in return?”

“It was certainly an option.” He was talking into my cheek, leaving tender kisses behind as he spoke.

I shifted my head to meet his gaze. “No, it wasn’t.” I sniffed. “But it’s done. You’re stuck with me. Hope you’re happy now.”

“Are you?”

I closed my eyes and felt the smile slowly stretch from one side of my face to the other. “Yes.”

I fell asleep still enveloped in his arms and when I woke up the next morning we made love all over again, settling the matter of what to do with the last two days we had in Bora Bora. By the last morning, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever feel comfortable with the restraint of clothing ever again.