Losing Myself in You (8 page)

Once dinner was over, Marcus waited until everyone left before heading back upstairs.  They wouldn’t be running through the forest as wolves tonight, as per tradition.  He was in no mood to lose himself through the forest, in the night, feeling the cold, crisp breeze run through his thick locks. And he highly doubted the majority of his clan would be too.

His feet were heavy with each step as he ascended the staircase, unsure how he felt about the woman currently occupying the
guestroom. The obvious emotion he felt was anger directed at her and the rude behavior she displayed, but something else inside of him could understand where why she was feeling this way. It wasn't as though she had agreed to any of this. Marcus had no idea one nip of the flesh would cause her to actually turn into one of them, and if the Elders didn't accept her or approve of her, she would have to endure the harsh transformation by herself. She would be a lone wolf, with no pack to answer to. Maybe in movies, especially Western films, it was cool to be by one's self; people saw it as tough and masculine, but in actual werewolf culture, being a lone wolf was nothing to be proud of. It just showed that no other pack would have her. And being in a pack truly defined a wolf. Without the necessary support system, she wouldn't survive much longer after she was released.

Marcus frowned at the thought, stopping in front of Bridgette's door and cocking his head so that his dark chestnut hair slightly littered his face.  The name suited her; he had read it on the nameplate that day he invaded her office. He didn't exactly want to marry her or anything, but he could certainly feel the biological effects from biting her. His basic instincts all revolved around her in some way. It didn't matter that he didn't particularly like her, but he wanted nothing more than to protect her, ensure she was getting enough food and water, had shelter, clothes, and most importantly, make love to her over and over and over again, not only to breed, but to experience the pleasure he knew only she could give him.

Bridgette, he knew, had to be feeling the same sort of emotions, but he assumed her stubbornness would rule it out, telling her that it wasn't really what she wanted. As if she had been drugged. But she wasn't. This was the greatest weakness werewolves saw in both humans and vampires; the lack of significance in their emotions. Even if she denied them now, she would clearly feel them soon when she changed.

The fact that she was a human made a big difference in how this would all play out. Purity was a rarity among packs nowadays, and the Sterling pack had prided
themselves as being one of the remaining few in the country. Normally, werewolves looked in their own packs before choosing a human, and it was crucial that the human give some sort of consent after being thoroughly informed of what their body was going to go through. Some humans weren't strong enough to survive, and many died. If Bridgette did survive, she would need someone to watch over her for 72 hours in order to nurse her back to health before building her strength. She would transform from one extreme (a human, with no concept of anything animal) to another (a literal werewolf). Her desires and cravings would be uncontrollable then, during her 3 day transformation, which was why it was necessary for someone to watch over her if she survived the initial turning point.

Because the tran
sformation was so unknown and had the potential to be so damaging, the importance of the Elders’ approval only increased. He could guarantee her care around the clock care from his pack –
her
pack - and he would be right there by her side. He
had
to be, knowing that it was he who transformed her.

However, her transformation
wasn't going to happen soon, and as a result, she would complain, fight, and do just about anything else in order to create conflict with him. Because of his pride, Marcus would do the same thing to her.

With a silent sigh, he turned and headed towards his room, trying to think of some way for them to get along, at least long enough so the Elders could give their consent. Once she was
guaranteed a place in their pack, she could fight with him as much as she wanted, and he would probably enjoy it.

---

Immediately after dinner had finished, Abigail headed upstairs to Bridgette's room. She wasn't exactly sure what she hoped to accomplish, but maybe if the human heard about Marcus from someone who knew him, maybe, just maybe, she would understand that Marcus wasn't as bad as he seemed. Yes, he wasn't exactly helping himself with how he had yelled at her and how he ordered her around, but Abigail knew that that was just Marcus's way of… Okay, there really was no excuse for it, but she knew that Marcus, in some way, cared about Bridgette, and if she could get Bridgette to realize that then…

She knocked on the door and after stating who it was, Bridgette called her in. Abigail realized
the human was just as stubborn as Marcus was; if it had been she who was forced to remain in here with no food, Abigail would probably agree to anything.

"I wanted to check on you," she explained
as she walked through the doorway, hoping the smile on her face was friendly and warm.

"Why does he keep me here?" Bridgette asked. She was currently standing over by the window, looking out of it until Abigail walked in. Though her position stayed the same, Bridgette's eyes were now locked on the young girl rather than the night sky. "I know we both don't like each other. I know he doesn't want this in the same way that I don't want this. Why can't he just let me go?"

"You can't just leave," Abigail told her gently. "I mean, whether you like it or not, you're one of us now."

"I don't
want
to be one of
you
," Bridgette snapped, and then, upon realizing what she had just said, sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't mean it the way it came out, it's just… It's just a lot to process right now." Her eyes returned to the night sky, her mind still constantly trying to find some way to escape.

"He's really not as bad as you think, you know," Abigail said, her voice holding a subtle glint of hesitancy in it. "I mean, he can be very intimidating, but he's really one of the best leaders this pack has ever seen."

"I'm not intimidated by him," Bridgette said, almost defensively, looking at Abigail once again. "I mean, I know that sounds weird and everything, but for some reason, he doesn't really scare me. I can't explain why."

"It's because of the bite," Abigail explained, her chin tilting up as if to point to the place on her neck. "The bite causes a lot of biological and emotional changes in you."

"So I don't even get to choose if I fall in love with him or not?" Bridgette asked in disbelief.

"The bite cannot cause someone to love you or not," Abigail explained with patience. "But it causes basic instincts to heighten. You may feel the need to
procreate with him –" Here, Bridgette blushed – "Or you may feel jealous if another woman wants him for herself even though you have no emotional connection with him whatsoever. I'm not sure how the whole thing works, especially not when it concerns humans, but…" Here she paused, cocking her head slightly to the side before smiling. "But I think that Marcus chose you for a reason, even though I am most definitely not aware of what that is."

"I miss my job," Bridgette murmured, her forehead resting on the cool surface of the window.
  She didn’t want to talk about Marcus and any feelings she had regarding the wolf.  She just wanted to return to her normal life, go back to work, be the independent young woman she was known to be.

"You worked at NDS, didn't you?" Abigail asked, sincerely interested in working at such a place.

Bridgette nodded. "And I was damn good at it," she said. "In fact, it was only coming here did I fail at something. I let myself get cornered and then even with an opportunity to escape, I got caught once again. And now here I am. Also, everyone I know probably hates me in some way…" She let her voice trail off, her thoughts suddenly emphasizing her statement.  She hadn’t really put much thought into how others would respond to her change, but know that the subject had been broached…  As much as she wanted to be sure of her colleagues and friends, she wasn’t.  Didn’t know how they’d treat her, once she did change...

"Why would they hate you?" Abigail questioned, pushing her brows together.

"Because of what I am," Bridgette murmured, though oddly enough, there was no detection of bitterness laced within her words. "Because of what I'm going to become."

"I don't understand," the red head
said, shaking her head. "If they are your friends, they should stick with you through your worst and your best. They wouldn't just abandon you if you changed into one of us, would they?"

Bridgette shrugged.
"I don't know," she said, her voice soft, unsure. "But even if they did, I have to get out of here. I can't stay, stuck in here, trapped like some kind of animal. I need my freedom. I have to escape."  She looked back out the window, into the seemingly endless forest.  It was getting dark, and shadows started to emerge.

Abigail sighed.  “
Maybe Marcus would be able to change your mind,” she said, her voice hopeful.  “You just have to give him a chance, Miss Barker.  Surely your pride isn’t more important than your life.”

Bridgette was staring up at the ceiling, lying flat on her bed with her han
ds behind her head. Her ice-blue eyes were heavy, but for some reason, she wasn't tired. Though she was still dressed in her pajamas from the day before, she had thrown a pair of silky black pants on top to keep her bare legs warm. The answer to her current dilemma wasn't scrawled up on the high ceiling, but she still searched, hoping she would get hit by a sudden bout of inspiration from somewhere. All the while, she tried to ignore what Abigail had told her a few hours ago. Speaking of which, what time was it anyways? She didn't know, and she wasn't sure she cared. One look outside told her it had to be around midnight, maybe even later.

But that didn't matter.

She needed to escape. But the question is, how?

Every time she tried to think on the matter, Abigail's voice would come back into
Bridgette's head, echoing throughout her thoughts.

"
But I think that Marcus chose you for a reason, even though I am most definitely not aware of it."
That's what Abigail had told her, and there was such conviction in the she-wolf's voice that it was hard for Bridgette to doubt her, except…

Except that it didn't make sense.

Why her? Out of every she-wolf and woman he could have, why would he knowingly bite her?

Bridgette suddenly closed her eyes, trying to think back to when she had to take
sociology classes at the Nocturnal Defense Society's Academy. "Okay Bridge," she murmured silently to herself, trying not to focus too hard. "Think, think, think…"

She remembered the
textbook she had to read, and she remembered the section specifically dedicated to werewolves, but even though she graduated a few years ago, so many things had changed. New knowledge of both the vampire and werewolf race was being discovered every day. In fact, she aided one of the discoveries; apparently a knick from an Alpha male was equal to a full-on transformation bite coming from a pack member.

But there
had
to be something she could recall concerning when a werewolf chose his mate.

"
A werewolf chooses a mate in three seconds upon which he sees his desire. There are times when phasing takes a while for a particular couple, and it could possibly take years to make that realization. However, biologically, mates can be chosen as quickly as three seconds. If such a thing does happen at such an increased rate, the chemical
transferred from the male to the female enhances the female's emotions, and as a result, the two are usually consumed in passion. It would be the equivalent of two humans indulging in a passionate relationship before they come to the conclusion that they love each other. However, love is an emotion that comes at an accelerated rate when it concerns werewolves. Love at first sight is quite literal for this culture, and though it can be impossible for humans to understand, the feeling should be respected…"

She almost laughed at the notion that Marcus Sterling could be in love with her. But then, what if he didn't know it? Could that mean that she didn't know she was in love with him?

Suddenly, Bridgette's head started to hurt, and as a result, she couldn't hear the distant howling. She reached up and gripped the side of her head gently with her palms, shaking her head as though to rid her mind of all the thoughts that were currently plaguing her.

Why her? Why was it that
she
had to endure all of this alone?

It wasn't fair.

Then Abigail's words came back to her.
"If they are your friends, they should stick with you through your worst and your best. They wouldn't just abandon you if you changed into one of us, would they?"

Maybe a good reason why Bridgette was so emotional was the fact that she couldn't answer that question. She liked to believe that no matter what, Clive and Kendall would stand by her side, even if she was going to transform into a werewolf. But she couldn't be sure, and that
was what upset her the most. She should be sure when it involved her friends' loyalty, but she wasn't.

She needed to get out of here. If she was going to have to deal with this by herself, she'd rather be a
lone than with a group of wolves she didn't even know. She couldn't do anything if she stayed upstairs, lying on the bed, waiting for an idea to miraculously pop into her mind. She had to be active and assertive.

Bridgette found herself slowly start to get motivated and she felt herself start to sit up
.  She turned her body so her legs were over the bed, dangling off the edge. She slid down until they hit the wooden floor, and then headed over to the wardrobe. After a few minutes of searching, she finally pulled out a pair of beige boots and a warm faux-leather jacket. Paired with the pajamas, her outfit looked ridiculous. She didn't even want to check herself out in the mirror, knowing her hair was probably a mess among other things.

Instead,
her focus shifted to the fact that if she could just make it to the door without alerting anyone, she could dash off, get into her car, and drive away before anyone could stop her. When she felt that she was ready, she opened the door, only to find Julianne, the wolf she had met a few days ago, poised and ready to knock.

"Oh,"
the wolf said, throwing Bridgette a dazzling smile before shifting her shoulder so her ebony colored locks slipped against her back. "Hi. I was just about to knock. I want to talk to you."

Bridgette narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. Before she could say anything, Julianne slipped inside the room and shut the door behind her. Bridgette's eyes widened at the act, her body tensing as if the wolf in front wanted to attack her.

Julianne recognized Bridgette's stance and rolled her eyes. "Calm down, silly," she chided, waving a dismissing hand. "I'm not here to fight you, if that's what you think. Like I said, I wanted to talk to you."

"What, exactly, do you want to talk to me about?" Bridgette asked in a low voice, though she really did try to keep the suspicion out of her voice.

Julianne smiled, though the dark grin did not quite reach her crystallized blue eyes. "I wanted to know if you want to get away from here," she murmured in a soft voice. "I can't say too much about it because wolves, especially Alpha males, have sharp hearing."

"Why would you help me escape?" Bridgette asked, still unsure but hopeful at the same time. She made sure her voice was as soft as Julianne's, wanting nothing more than to take the dark haired beauty up on her offer.

"I'm going to be honest, Bridgette," Julianne said. "I want Marcus for myself. I've loved him ever since I can remember, and, no offense, but I think it should be a pure wolf on his arm rather than one who will be turned. Since you're here, I may not get that chance. But I know you don't want to be here, so I figured maybe I could help you and you could help me." She suddenly raised her right hand and Bridgette noticed a ring of keys hanging on Julianne's index finger. "What do you say?"

Bridgette swallowed, trying to regain her determination, before she nodded once, choosing to stay silent. She reached out and took the keys from the she-wolf before sliding them i
n her jacket pocket.

Julianne smiled. "I thought so," she said before turning around and opening the door. "Now follow me and be sure you keep quiet."

Julianne led Bridgette down the stairs. If Bridgette was walking beside her, she might have noticed that Julianne's smile wasn't a smile at all, but rather a smirk. However, Bridgette was desperate, and this was the only line that the fates decided to throw at her, so she decided to take her chances.

Oddly enough, the house was quiet, as though it was deserted. Bridgette put no credence into it. She didn't particularly care where everyone was, just that she was getting out.

Julianne led her through the kitchen but stopped abruptly at a wooden door. "I can't go out," she hastily explained, taking a step behind Bridgette. "They'll know if I'm gone, but if you just…" She let her voice trail off as Bridgette twisted the knob and opened it.

Instead of freedom, there was a hungry pack of wolves. When they saw – when they
smelled
– Bridgette, they started growling and snapping their teeth, their eyes narrowing in the human's direction. She started to back up but Julianne prevented her from doing so. In fact, the she-wolf reached out and thrust Bridgette towards the pack of wolves before quickly shutting the door and locking it, laughing as she did so.