Losing Lila (27 page)

‘I know.’ Suki pursed her lips. ‘We completely need him. Who else comes up with the plans?’

‘Demos?’ Nate answered, looking confused.

Suki frowned at him. ‘Yes, but he isn’t hot, Nate. We’ve talked about this.’

‘I didn’t mean it,’ I said quietly. I couldn’t believe Alex had actually taken me seriously. He had to know how much I needed him. ‘I need to fix this,’ I said, looking at Suki for a solution. She closed her eyes again, biting her top lip. Then her eyes popped open wide.

‘. . . Jack! You didn’t tell me about Jack . . .’ she gasped.

‘Jack what?’ Nate was bouncing on the bed.

Suki turned to him, beaming. ‘Jack is like us too. He can do magic with his body.’

Nate’s eyes lit up like candles. ‘He can? Wow!’ He jumped off the bed. ‘Let’s go see him.’

‘No. No, wait.’ I grabbed Suki’s arm as she was about to run after Nate. ‘What can I do? How do I fix this?’ I shook her by the shoulders.

Her eyes suddenly went round. ‘Hang on. You shoved him!’ she shouted. ‘I can’t believe you shoved him.’

‘She shoved him?’

I turned to glare at Nate.

‘Yes. And she’s always running off on him.’ Suki shook her head at me. ‘We’d treat him much better if he was ours—’

‘Suki!’ I yelled. ‘Please. Help me!’

She pressed her lips together and shut her eyes. ‘I’m not sure what you can say, Lila. But I do know you might want to start with sorry. And you might want to hurry because he’s already on the deck. He’s just saying bye to Jack. And—’

I didn’t wait to hear the rest of the sentence. I was already sprinting down the hallway. I jumped down the steps, pounded down the other hallway and into the main cabin. Demos and Harvey were standing just by the stairs talking with Alicia. They looked up sharply when I ran in.

‘Lila,’ Demos said in greeting.

‘Hi, hi,’ I said, rushing past them. I took the stairs two at a time. I had to stop Alex first.

I hit the deck and threw my leg over the side ready to climb down the ladder to the jetty. But then I paused. Alex was nowhere to be seen.

‘You going somewhere?’

I spun round. Alex was standing behind me on the deck. There was a bag by his foot. I took it in and then looked at his face. It was wary. But that was better than blank. It was better than cold. That’s when I noticed Jack skulking in the corner. He avoided my eye, nodded stonily at Alex and disappeared down the stairs. I stared after him then turned back to Alex, my hands shaking.

‘Suki said you were leaving.’

‘I’m not,’ he answered.

I breathed slowly out. ‘Then why the bag?’ I asked, pointing at it.

He winced a little. ‘I was about to leave. But Jack asked me to stay.’

Jack?
I looked up at Alex. Jack had asked him to stay? I didn’t understand. ‘There’s no other reason you’re staying?’ I asked, biting my bottom lip. I could give lessons in subtlety.

‘What other reason might that be?’

I looked up and felt momentarily dazed. Alex had taken a step forward and all I could take in was the arctic blue of his eyes, and his lips, half-parted, the ghost of a smile dancing at the edge of them.

‘Me?’ I half choked the word out.

He took another step forward. ‘I didn’t think you wanted me around anymore. I didn’t think that you needed me.’ His eyes sparked and my breath caught.

I grabbed for his hand, feeling the spark travel into me. ‘I didn’t mean what I said, Alex. Of course I need you. I can’t believe you don’t know that. I need you so much that when you’re not around me, it hurts. It actually hurts, physically. Here.’ I poked myself between the ribs, where I could feel my heart hammering. ‘I can only do this because of you. I’m only here because of you.’

He was shaking his head softly. ‘So, why did you tell me to leave?’

‘Because I heard you talking to Jack.’

The furrow between his eyes appeared. ‘You heard that?’

I nodded. ‘You didn’t argue with him when he told you to leave. And I thought you told him you didn’t love me. I thought that’s why he told you to go.’

He suddenly shook his head, turned away. After a second he looked back at me. ‘Lila, you fool, of course I told him I loved you. That’s
why
he told me to leave.’

‘Oh.’ I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. ‘You just were so cold with me. And the nurse’s outfit didn’t seem to make any kind of impression. Whatsoever. So I thought . . .’ I looked at the ground. ‘I thought you were only staying because you had promised me and then . . . when I asked you, you didn’t deny it.’

‘You didn’t give me a chance to,’ he said, shaking his head at me. He took a step nearer. ‘And believe me the nurse’s outfit made an impression.’ He took another step towards me, so he was just a few centimetres away. ‘A very big impression.’

I had to tilt my head up now to look him in the eye. He was smiling. My stomach ping-ponged. I was seriously glad I’d kept the nurse’s outfit – had stuffed it into one of the drawers – and not tossed it overboard.

‘So, you’re staying because of me?’ I stuttered.

‘Of course because of you.’ He put his hand under my chin. He was smiling a slow, easy smile now. I felt the shudder run from my knees up to my shoulders and exhaled. The boat rocked and I pushed myself up onto my tiptoes with the next wave and let my lips touch his.

For a few minutes we didn’t move. All I was aware of were Alex’s hands, one resting in the small of my back, pulling me against him, and the other holding my face gently. And his lips. I was aware of his lips. Like they held the answers to every bit of knowledge in the whole wide world and suddenly I wanted to be the oracle and know it all.

Eventually, we broke apart for air, both of us breathing hard, the air around us almost crackling. I peeled backwards in his arms so I could look up at him. His eyes were back to the way they were before. No more coldness, no more ice. The amber flecks were glowing. The frown line had vanished.

‘Alex,’ I said, ‘it’s not just me that needs you.’ I thought about Nate and Suki and smiled. ‘We can’t do this, any of this, without you.’

Alex narrowed his eyes suspiciously at me. ‘Have you been talking to a certain Japanese girl by any chance?’

‘Maybe,’ I said, scuffing the deck with my bare foot.

He shook his head with a grimace. ‘That girl . . .’

‘No, don’t be mad with her.’ I took his hand. He was frowning again. ‘Alex, hear me out. You can’t think we don’t need you. Jack’s an idiot. And you’re an idiot too if you think that. You did all this.’ I pointed to the boat. ‘You figured out the plan with Carlos and you’ve rescued me about a hundred times. And I don’t think we can rescue my mum without you. Who else is going to figure out how?’ I saw the worry and the tension wash across his face and tried to ignore it. ‘And I’m sorry I keep running off,’ I said, speaking so fast that I was breathless. ‘I swear to you that’s absolutely the last time.’ I took a deep breath, trying to slow down. ‘I should have thought about you and how it would make you feel, but I didn’t. I was self sh. But I had to go back for Jack. I had to.’

‘I understand,’ Alex interrupted. ‘I was just so scared that I was going to lose you. Do you realise how important you are to me? I had to watch you go – I couldn’t stop you – and I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. Do you have any idea what that feels like?’

I pressed my lips together. Yes, I knew what that was like. Once upon a time I’d thought I would have to leave Alex and that I’d never see him again. And it had been one of the worst feelings I’d ever experienced.

I nodded. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. Alex opened his mouth to speak and I shook my head to stop him.

‘Alex, just listen to me. I need you to understand. When I thought my mum was dead . . . her funeral . . . and the days after, I only got through it because of you, because you were right by my side taking care of me. And when my dad took me to London, the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning, and through every day at that sucky school, was the thought that one day I’d get to see you again. Just knowing that you were out there was enough. So, even before this, even before you actually started rescuing me from bad men with big guns, I needed you. I’ve been impulsive and crazy and taken chances my whole life because I’ve always known that you’ll be there when it goes wrong. Which it does. A lot. Remember the lake? The sledging incident? The tree in the backyard? And we haven’t even got onto almost being captured by the Unit in a Seven-Eleven or getting shot at in Joshua Tree. And every single one of those times you’ve rescued me. Every time you’re there. You’re like my safety net.’

He smiled, a little smile, but the sight of it made my breathing speed up. ‘I’ve always needed you. For my entire life,’ I said in a whisper, ‘and I’m always going to need you.’

His smile widened, his thumb stroked my jaw.

‘Oh, and also Suki and Nate feel the same.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you going to push me out of the way again if I argue with you?’

‘I’ll try not to.’ I grinned at him. ‘I’m so sorry. I’m working on the whole control thing.’

He smiled back and it was like a shot of pure adrenaline with maybe some helium thrown into the mix.

‘What did Jack say to you?’ I suddenly asked. ‘Why’d he ask you to come back? He sounded pretty mad earlier.’

‘Well, it wasn’t as eloquent as your speech.’ I pulled a face. ‘He said he’d reconsidered. Didn’t explain why.’

‘What’s with that?’

‘No idea. But he apologised.’

‘Jack apologised? Are you kidding?’ I tried to stop the choking laugh from erupting out of me.

Alex nodded, smiling. ‘Yeah. He apologised for the things he said. He’s still mad with me about not trusting Sara, but he asked me to come back.’

‘And us? Did he mention us?’

‘Yeah, he said it was OK by him.’

‘Are you joking?’ I pulled away to check if he was trying to be funny.

‘Nope. But he said it through gritted teeth and he warned me if I ever hurt you, he’d kill me.’

OK. That was progress
.

‘I can live with that,’ Alex said, looping his arms round my waist and pulling me close against him. ‘Besides, I think the only person doing the hurting is you. You’re getting strong.’

‘Yeah, you wouldn’t believe what I can do.’ I wanted to tell him all about the water, but Alex cut me off with a kiss, just a gentle, soft touch of his lips against mine.

Someone cleared their throat behind me. ‘Oh, excuse me.’

I threw myself backwards out of Alex’s arms, dancing across the deck. Alex took a few steps away from me too, clearing some distance, rearranging his T-shirt, running one hand through his hair.

‘Dad!’ I cried out. ‘Er . . .’

‘Sorry to . . . um, interrupt . . . I . . . um . . .’ My dad’s eyes were flitting all over the deck. He turned three hundred and sixty degrees as though looking for something. His glasses perhaps.

‘I just . . . I just wanted to talk to you, Lila, if that’s OK?’ My dad looked over his shoulder at Alex.

Alex took the hint. ‘I’ll go find the others.’ He ducked his head and disappeared down the stairs. I looked after him, feeling the smile lighting up my face. He was staying. He was mine. And my dad had just walked in on us.
Hmmm. Awkward
. I turned to face him, feeling the burn of the blood that had been in other parts of my body retrace a path to my face.

‘So, you and Alex, then . . . that’s, um . . .’

‘Yeah . . .’ I interrupted before he could finish the sentence.

‘OK, he’s a nice boy.’ I saw him stumble a little on the word
boy.
Alex clearly wasn’t a boy anymore. Was he going to say something about the age difference?

‘Has Jack said anything?’ my dad asked with a little edge of concern in his voice.

Oh yeah. Plenty.
‘He seems OK with it,’ I said.

My dad nodded. ‘Anyway, that’s not what I came to talk to you about.’

I waited. My dad took a deep breath. ‘Er, I don’t really know where to begin.’ He sat down with a heartfelt sigh and indicated the seat next to him. I sat and waited.

‘I’m sorry.’ I looked up at my dad.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that when I found out about your ability.’ I bit my lip in answer.

‘It was a shock. I didn’t suspect. I mean, I always thought it was a possibility seeing how it’s genetic, but I thought I would know. That you would tell me.’

I caught his eye and looked away.

‘Your mother . . .’ His voice broke. I looked up. He had his eyes closed. ‘I can’t believe she’s still alive. I just can’t . . .’

‘I know.’ I took his hand. We stayed like that for a good five minutes. The water was slapping the side of the boat and we were rocking gently against the wooden jetty where we’d moored.

‘I wish you could have told me,’ he said eventually.

‘I know. I wanted to, Dad, I really did, but we thought it would be better if we kept it from you. We were always going to tell you eventually. Alex thought it might help if you were on the inside. And Richard Stirling threatened me. If I told you, they would have hurt you and Jack.’

There was a loaded pause while we both considered what we’d escaped. There was no relief because the fact remained that we’d also left my mum behind.

‘Have you seen Demos yet? The others?’ I asked, my gut twisting painfully. There was still so much to figure out.

‘No.’ My dad’s face darkened.

‘He’s nice, Dad.’

His expression turned even darker. ‘I still don’t see why he needs to be involved.’

‘Dad, whatever you think of Demos, whatever went on between him and Mum, it was years ago and he’s on our side. He’s been fighting for her this whole time. Like you have. Like Jack has. We’re all trying to achieve the same thing – it makes sense we work together. Besides, you should see what he can do.’

‘I know what he can do. I had the pleasure of meeting him once.’

Oh. Demos hadn’t told me that part.

‘Are you coming? ’ I said, standing up.

He sighed and stood up. ‘I don’t think I have much choice.’

Suki and Nate were curled like kittens at Alex’s feet. No. More like Sphinxes I realised. Guarding him. Probably making sure I didn’t say anything else that might make him leave.