Look After You (8 page)

When I return, after washing my hands and arms thoroughly at the sink, I notice he’s sitting down in the rocking chair, his elbows resting against the top of his knees, gazing lovingly at our daughter. He smiles as I approach, bringing his hands up to my waist and drops me onto his lap in one smooth transition
. “Everything okay?” he asks, a hint of concern to his voice.

“Yep, it was just Caleb. I forgot to text him, what with all the excitement this afternoon.” Minus all of the drama it has been one of my favorite days to date. If it were possible to put your memories in a bottle, I would lock in today’s memories in a heartbeat, just so I could go back an
d watch it over and over again.

“Why didn’t he come in?”

“They can only let two people around each baby, hospital policy,” I explain. “He said he would catch up with you later.”

Returning our eyes back to our daughter, Sebastian seems lost in thought until he shakes his head with a bemused look on his face.
“We really need to come up with a name for her, we can’t keep calling our daughter, ‘her’ or ‘baby girl’ for the rest of her life.” Or Miss Stir Mix-a-Lot…Jesus, I really need to stop thinking about Ashton.

Inwardly, I have to slap myself for allowing myself to get carried away with my
thoughts as I return my attention back to Sebastian. “I know, but I don’t like any names. All the names suck.” I pull out my bottom lip in a frown.

Sebastian just rolls his eyes at me
. “Now you’re just being ridiculous, you must like some names?”

“Yeah, of course I like
some
names, but nothing sounds good enough for our daughter, have you any ideas? Please tell me you have ideas or we’re screwed.”

He chuckle
s as he plays with a strand of my hair. “I have thought of a few actually.”

“Okay, what did you come up with?” I ask with anxious excitement in m
y voice.

“How about Lily-Mai? A lily after your favorite flower, Mai after my mother; or Ava-Grace, after you and my grandmother...
” I stop listening as soon as I hear the name Lily-Mai. That is perfect. It’s beautiful, unique and as I glance over to my daughter it seems to fit her effortlessly.

“Wait, Lily-Mai, I love that, Lily-Mai,” I repeat, testing how it sounds on the tip of my tongue, and I can
’t hold back the sob that escapes when I realize this name is perfect.

“I love you so much, it
’s perfect, so perfect!” I smack a full-blown kiss against his lips through my falling tears. Happy tears. With a breathless sigh, I pull away, and I notice his eyes widen with humor.

“You actually love the name, I thought you
said all names suck?” he mocks.

“That was until you came up with Lily-Mai, it’s beautiful.”

He smiles his award winning smile before pressing yet another kiss against my mouth. “So, we’re going with Lily-Mai?” he whispers against my lips.

I nod enthusiastically as I press
a kiss against his lips. I pull away and smile affectionately between my fiancé and my daughter, my daughter who finally has a name. Lily-Mai. “Yes, we’re calling her Lily-Mai Gilbert.” My heart sinks into the bottom of my stomach as he shakes his head at me. If he thinks he’s changing it now he will have a fight on his hands, the name has taken another piece of my heart, and it is now set in stone. Well, in a metaphorical sense at least. I still need to get her birth registered.

“No, we are calling her Lily-Mai
Ava
Gilbert.”

Relief engulfs me as I launch my arms around his neck, pressing my body deeper into his
. “I love you,” I murmur into his neck, smiling happily against his skin.

“I love you too.”

My smile suddenly falters when I look up and see a distraught set of green eyes looking back me. Ashton is stood there motionless; hurt evident on his face as he looks between Sebastian and I.

My heart slams down into my stomach as I notice what he currently has clasped in his hand. I have no idea how he knew that was my favorite flower or that I literally just named my daughter after it just moments ago, but in his hand is a single cut pink and white Calla Lily. There is no mistaking it. I have no idea where he could have possibly gotten it from, here in the middle of a hospital, and I’m pretty certain flowers of any kind are prohibited in the NICU. Before I can react he suddenly turns and rushes away leaving me speechless and guilt-ridden.

Chapter 8

As much as I want to say I had a better nights sleep last night, with Sebastian lay beside me for the first time in months, I can’t, because I’d be lying. I spent the majority of the night tossing and turning, racked with internal guilt. I couldn’t get the image of Ashton’s distraught face out of my head. It was circling my mind on a loop all night long, and it didn’t sit well with me, yet I couldn’t figure out why. It makes no sense. I’ve only known the guy for two minutes. Why should I care that he saw me with my fiancé? He knew I had a fiancé, of course I might have forgotten to mention that he was coming home for two weeks but still, why did he look so hurt by it? Why did he look almost heartbroken?

To say that I’m confused would be the understatement of the year. I am so far-off being confused that I
’m pretty sure there isn’t a word in the English dictionary that describes how I am feeling right now. However, there is one word that has been circling my brain for the past fifteen hours and that word would be ‘tease’. Well…more specifically ‘dick tease’, and I can’t help feel that I may have led him on somehow. It would explain his reaction yesterday, but it was never my intention to lead him on…

“
Hey, you okay?” I’m abruptly brought back to the present with the sound of Sebastian’s voice. I look up to see him staring down at me, a bemused look on his face.

I clasp his hand tightly in mine, giving him a reassuring smile.
 “Yeah, I’m fine, sorry I was miles away.”

“
Come on,” he coaxes, pulling me in the direction of Lily in her NICU room.

Putting everything else to the side for a moment, I have to say I’m blissfully happy to be walking hand in hand with Sebastian, and I have to thank my lucky stars he’s here with me right now, and safe. Also knowing I have him all to myself for the next two weeks leaves me feeling somewhat giddy. That is until I remember the warzone he has to be subjected to for another four months when he returns and then I just feel violently
sick.

Once Sebastian and I have thoroughly cleaned our hands at the communal sinks, I round the corner and my heart comes to a stop. Ashton is doing his morning rounds, and he’s currently doing his vital checks on Lily.
With my hand clasped tightly in Sebastian’s, I approach with apprehension. Oblivious to my inner turmoil, Sebastian engages him in conversation. I stand back, and it suddenly feels as if my vocal chords have been ripped out of my throat. I’m muted on the spot.

“
How’s my daughter?”

I watch Ashton intently as he looks up from Lily
’s chart and over to Sebastian with a professional smile, subsequently avoiding all eye contact with me. I hate to admit it, but my heart takes a brutal hit as he ignores me.

“She had another successful night, there have been no problems at all. You must be Sebastian?”

Sebastian smirks knowingly down at me. I smile back uncomfortably, noticing in the corner of my eye the dubious look on Ashton’s face. “Yes, I am. Ava must have told the entire hospital about me. It’s good to know she didn’t forget about me while I was gone.” He chuckles while my gut churns inside out with unruly guilt. I purposely avoid looking at Ashton and focus solely on Lily.

“No chance of that.” Ashton gives a feigned laugh, my heart almost shattering into a million pieces at the underlying jealousy I can hear in his voice. I clench my eyes shut, feeling like the worst human being in the entire world. To make matters worse, Sebastian wraps his arms around me, bringing me closer to his chest, kissing the very top of my head. Usually I would embrace this kind of affection from Sebastian, but with Ashton only two feet away, I feel as if I’m flaunting my relationship in his face.

“So I hear you’ve been in Afghanistan, are you back for good?” Ashton asks Sebastian.

“
Unfortunately not, I’m only back for two weeks special leave, then I have to head back out there, but it’s only for four months, then I’ll be back for good. I need to focus on my family, you know?” I watch as Ashton gives Sebastian a subtle smile and I swear for just one moment I see a flash of resentment in his eyes but just as quickly as it appears, it disappears again as if it were just a figment of my own imagination.

“
Well it was nice to meet you. I’m Doctor Bailey; I’m one of your daughter’s neonatologists. If you have any questions I’m always around so, don’t hesitate to ask.” He holds his hand out to shake Sebastian’s hand, a genuine smile on his lips.

“
Thank you, likewise, Doctor Bailey.” Sebastian accepts his hand eagerly.

Nothing else is said, and Ashton goes back to Lily
’s chart. Sebastian watches over Lily, and I’m left to stifle through my thoughts of utter confusion, trying to pinpoint the moment my life turned upside down.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sebastian left the hospital earlier this afternoon. He said he had to go and run some errands. I have no idea what he needed to do, but the glint in his eye gave me the impression that it was something for me, so it’s just Lily-Mai and me at the moment. As I caress her tiny little hand, I smile at the memory of this morning when Sebastian held her against his chest, wrapped gently in his arms. It was the most precious image I had the liberty of witnessing and even thinking about it now gives me light goose bumps, especially in that one moment when a single tear rolled down his cheek as he gazed proudly down at her. It was perfect. They are two of the most important people in my life and seeing them both together, the similarities were uncanny. The same darkened hair, similar shaped fuller lips, chin, and nose. In fact, the similarities between them are so strong I had to question if she was even my daughter, I cannot see myself in her at all. They’re definitely two peas in a pod, that’s for sure.

As I continue to gaze at Lily-Mai, I feel the presence of Ashton beside me. I gulp nervously, letting go of my daughter’s hand, adjusting it back into a comfortable position before closing the
isolette door. I take a step back, slowly glancing in his direction. Immediately I feel the awkwardness radiating from him. His face is unresponsive, and the way he stands, with his body positioned as far away from me as possible, gives me the impression he wants to feel the distance. This saddens me.

“Hi,” I say, hoping to get some kind of reaction from him. He doesn’t so much as throw a cursory glance in my direction as he puts on a pair of latex gloves. The angry sound of the latex snapping against his hands causes me to flinch.

“Hi,” he says in a clipped tone, again expressionless. This side of him is a trait I didn’t realize he carried and I don’t like it. He opens the isolette door, and uses an alcohol swab to clean Lily’s heel.

“How are you?” I ask, hoping to entice him into at least having a conversation with me, but I have a feeling it
’s going to be a lost cause. My mouth feels dry, and my palms are sweating with nerves. It’s unpleasant.

“Good,” he snarls. I feel my heart sink in my stomach at his standoffish attitude. I take a huge gulp, trying to salvage some saliva to avoid choking on my own tongue. I watch as he opens up a pink disposable lancet from its packet. I have to look away
when he uses the lancet to puncture the skin of Lily-Mai’s heel and begins to collect the blood specimen, as it still makes me feel queasy. To ease my nausea the only thing I find myself doing is gazing at his beautiful face, and surprisingly it relaxes me and distracts me from freaking out.

“We came up with a name, by the way. Lily-Mai,” I say in the hope of improving the conversation, or lack of. I smile proudly before his less than enthusiastic reply wipes it off my face.

“Yep, I noticed.” He tilts his head to the pink elephant nametag that hangs loosely from her incubator. “That’s…um…that’s great, Ava. It’s a beautiful name.” He tries to smile, but it just develops into a grimace and the look of pain I can see inside his eyes slashes deeper at my heart.

“I just thought you’d like to know,” I say
with a vulnerable whisper. He doesn’t say anything to that, so I just stand there at a complete loss not knowing what else to say. Once he’s taken the blood specimen, he deposits the lancet in the nearby disposal container, and I hate how despondent he looks. I hate how the sparkle in his eyes has disappeared.

Minutes pass and the awkward silence becomes so unbearable that I have to ask the first question that pops into my head. A question I
’m pretty sure I already know the answer to. “Have I done something to upset you?” He suddenly freezes, his jaw clenching at the sound of my voice.

He’s silent for a moment and just when I think he isn
’t going to answer, his heated words startle me. “No, Ava.” He sighs exasperatingly. Avoiding me at all costs, he keeps his eyes down on Lily as he answers. “I’m...just busy.”

“
If I haven’t upset you then why won’t you even look at me?” My bottom lip trembles at his blatant disregard for me.

Eventually he glances into my direction and says,
“I’m fine, see?” but the evident pain I can see in his eyes isn’t that of a person who is fine, so I call him on his bullshit.

“
I can see you’re not fine Ashton. Can you just tell me what I’ve done wrong, please?” I have to take a few deep, calming breaths to help keep the tears at bay as they continuously threaten to spill over.

“
Ava, you haven’t done anything wrong.” As he goes to look away, he flinches as I rest my hand on his arm.

“
Is it because of yesterday, because if it is, I’m so-” I stumble backwards when he cuts me off, snatching his arm away from me with lightning speed, so fast that you would have thought my touch had physically stung him. I pale on the spot, feeling moisture begin to dampen in my eyes.

“
Don’t, okay? Just don’t.” His sad eyes plead giving me an intense glare that has my heart cracking under the pressure.

“
Ashton, I-” With a dark and haunted look, he hastily cuts me off with a whisper. “Just drop it, Ava, please, leave it alone and for the record, it’s Doctor Bailey,” he snaps, and I almost double over in excruciating pain, completely breathless at his words. What, I can’t even call him by his first name now?

“
I thought we were friends?” I question with a trembling breath.

“No, I’m your daughter’
s doctor. Now if you’ll excuse me I have things I need to be getting on with.” I watch dumbfounded as he turns back to my daughter. On a shaky inhale, I reach over to the rocking chair for my purse and hastily place the strap against my shoulder.

“I’ll be back soon, sweetheart,” I say to my daughter, pressing my fingertips against the incubator. Pushing my humiliated tears back, I turn to him one last time. Not one for letting people get the final word in, I whisper, “Look after my daughter,
doctor
.”

Wiping angrily at the tears that trail down my face, I walk away, not taking a second glance. If he wants to be an ass, then he can be my guest. Actually he’ll be doing me a favor. He was overwhelming, and he was beginning to confuse the hell out of me. At least now I won’t have any more distractions, and I can just concentrate on what’s important. My family. I don’t need Ashton. Sorry...Doctor Bailey.

~
~ ~ ~ ~

It’s pretty late when Sebastian and I arrive back at our apartment, and ever since he came back from his errand this afternoon, he’s had a goofy looking grin on his face. Like now, as we approach our front door, Sebastian’s smile just continues to grow, and I become more suspicious.

“You’ve got that goofy grin on your face again,” I state with a small smile of my own as we finally make a stop in front of the door.

“What do you mean?” He smirks, which makes me roll my eyes.

“The goofy grin you’ve been wearing all afternoon.” Placing my hands on my
hips, I squint my eyes, putting him under scrutiny. “What are you up to?”

“I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise, for me?” I question.

He nods as he takes something out from his jeans pocket. It happens to be a black silk blindfold.
“Yeah, but first I have to blind fold you or it will spoil the second surprise I have for you.”

Now I am intrigued. This day has just dramatically improved.
 “A second surprise?”

He chuckles at my bewildered response while moving to stand behind me. He doesn’t say a word as he places the black material over my eyes instantly blocking my sight, fastening the blindfold securely around my head. I feel the warmth of his body move in front of me, and he takes a hold of both my hands into his.

“Can you see anything?”

“Nope.”

I can hear the sound of the front door opening, then a gravity pull as Sebastian leads me over the threshold by our hands. My heart starts beating a little faster at the loss of my senses, and I can’t help but feel a small bout of panic beginning to consume me as he leads me through the apartment.

“Don’t let me walk into anything,” I say, and all I hear is his laugh as we come to a stop. I expect him to take the blindfold off, but he doesn’t, instead I feel the presence of his lips lingering against mine. Immediately he deepens the kiss and I relax into him, moving my hands up against the solid ripples of his chest, moaning at the incredible sensation his kiss brings to me. The darkened environment heightens my senses and makes everything seem much more erotic, causing nerve ending vibrations to jolt through my body at the anticipation of the unknown. I moan inwardly as I feel his lips pull apart from mine but that is quickly replaced with an audible moan as I feel his tingling breath hover over my ear.