Long Way Home (21 page)

         She
shook her head.  “No, that’s OK.  My days of that kind of work are
over.”

         “Tessa...you’re
good at what you do.  You shouldn’t...”

         “Gib,
please, let’s not go there, all right?”

         “Are
you ready to head into town?” Mary asked, pulling them away from the subject.

         “Sure. 
Let’s go.”

         Tessa
grabbed the breakfast dishes from the table to rinse out in the sink and was
surprised when Gib lightly touched her hand.  She jumped and the mug she’d
been holding slipped from her fingers and shattered on the tile floor.

         “Oh,
Mama, I’m sorry,” she said, squatting down to pick up the pieces.

         “I’m
sorry, Tess, I shouldn’t have startled you,” Gib said, squatting down to help
her.

         “It’s
OK, both of you,” Mary said, approaching with a broom and dustpan.  “I’ve
got this.  You two just back away before you cut yourselves.”

         Gib
stood and then held a hand out to Tessa.  She stared at him a moment, then
took a deep breath and put her hand in his and allowed him to help her up.

         “Baby
steps, Tess,” he said, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.  “You’ll get
there.”

         “Why
don’t you meet us for lunch at Miss Nettie’s, Glen?” Mary suggested when she’d
finished the clean up.

         “I’ll
be with a recruit class at lunch but I can meet you there for dinner.”

         “Perfect. 
Five-thirty?”

         “I’ll
be there,” he confirmed.

         The
day at the shop was busy and pretty much old hat for Tessa.  She was
amazed at how easily she slipped right back into the swing of it all, like she
never even left.  She’d taken over all her mother’s special requests pile,
finding all the wild, off-the-wall and exotic things that various brides wanted
for their special day.

         “How
the heck does she think we will find a hundred bats to release at the end of
her ceremony?” Tessa cried.  “That isn’t even safe.”

         Mary
looked up from the bouquet she was making.  “Let me guess...Becca Radley?”

         “Yeah. 
Goth girl extraordinaire I’m guessing.  She’s just going to have to get
over wanting bats.  Does Simon still handle all your animal requests?”

         “Yes.”

         “I’ll
see if he can get ravens and I’ll convince her that those will be more Goth
than bats.”

         “Works
for me, but call him tomorrow.  It’s time to shut down and meet Glen at
Miss Nettie’s.”

         Tessa’s
eyes widened.  “Really? It’s five-thirty already?”

         “Time
flies,” Mary confirmed.

         “I
guess so...though I’m not really sure I’m ready to take on going to Miss
Nettie’s,” she admitted.

         “Honey...you
can’t avoid the town forever.”

         “I
know...but Miss Nettie’s on a Friday night...that’s a bit of a trial by fire,
don’t you think?”

         “Well,
maybe a little...but you may as well jump right in.”

         Tessa
hesitated before finally agreeing, “Yeah, sure, why not?” she said, her voice
dripping with sarcasm.

         Mary
gave her a hug.  “Come on.  Sink or swim time.”

         Tessa
followed her mother out and together they walked the two blocks from the shop
to Miss Nettie’s Restaurant.  She kept her eyes straight and avoided
looking at the end of the street where the Sheriff’s Office was.  Avoiding
Shane wasn’t practical in a town this size but she intended to put off seeing
him again for as long as possible.

         They
walked into Miss Nettie’s and before the door even shut behind them, a loud
squeal sounded and Tessa found herself wrapped in the warm, enthusiastic
embrace of Miss Nettie herself.  She braced herself and forced the feeling
of panic down to awkwardly return the embrace, but she kept her eyes locked on
her mother.

         “Tessa
Kelly, look at you!” Miss Nettie cried, cupping Tessa’s face in her
hands.  “You are just as beautiful as ever.  I can’t believe it’s
been ten years since you were last here.”

         “I’ve
been busy,” Tessa hedged.

         “I
know you have!  Our own G.I. Jane!  Come on, Glen is already seated,”
she told Mary.  She led them through the restaurant slowly, letting people
stop them along the way to greet Tessa.  By the time they made it to the
booth where Gib was waiting, Tessa was trembling and barely holding it
together.

         “You’re
doing great, kid,” Gib encouraged her when she sat down.

         “You
did wonderful, honey,” her mother agreed.

         Tessa
shakily lifted the glass of water in front of her and desperately wished it was
something stronger, but unfortunately, Miss Nettie didn’t serve alcohol. 
This was the first time she’d been around a large group of people without the
safety of the bar to shield her like she’d had on the beach...and this was
home; these were people that, for the most part, she’d known all her
life.  She really didn’t want to have a melt-down in front of them.

         “Deep
breaths, kid,” Gib encouraged, his gravelly Sam Elliott voice a soothing balm
to her.

         She
nodded then reached across the table and for the second time that day, took his
hand in hers, surprising all three of them.

         “I
love you, Gib,” she said, further adding to the evening’s surprises. 
“Thank you for being there for me, and for loving Mama.  You are the
father of my heart and you have been since I met you twelve years ago.  I
just...well, life’s too short for you not to know that.”

         He
gave her a smile and squeezed her hand.  “I love you, too, kid.”

         Tessa
smiled then pulled back and brushed her hand over the menu in front of
her.  “Why does she even bother giving us these?  She’s going to
bring us whatever it is she thinks we want anyway,” she said, in effort to
lighten the mood.

         Mary
wiped a tear from her cheek and smiled, too.  “You’re right, she will.”

         While
her mother and Gib exchanged talk of how their day went, Tessa settled back in
her seat and for the first time, glanced around the room at some of the faces
she’d known all her life.  She took note of the couples who had been
together even in high school and pondered over all those she’d grown up with
who now had miniature versions of themselves seated around them.

         It
was about mid-way through their meal when she felt the atmosphere of the room
change.  She couldn’t quite place what it was until the doors to Miss
Nettie’s private dining area at the rear of the room (which she was facing)
opened and a group of kids ran out and one adorable little dark haired girl
cried:
Uncle Shane!  Uncle Shane!

         Her
eyes shifted to her mother, whose expression confirmed that the little girl’s
uncle was indeed Shane McCanton, and he was currently walking toward the back
room.

         “Hey,
Kitty Kat,” she heard him say, and she heard the little girl squeal in delight.
Two seconds later, he was walking past their table, the little girl holding
tight to his neck, the other kids surrounding him.

         She
thought she’d be prepared to see him again but she wasn’t.  If he had
looked the same, maybe she could have dealt better, but the man who walked past
her wearing a blue button down shirt, faded jeans and scarred boots was just as
her mother had described him: a shell of his former self.  He had lost a
lot of weight...she’d guess fifty pounds at least.  His dark hair, which
he’d always worn in a neat, military-style razor cut, had grown out so that it
curled slightly, but gave him a softer more vulnerable appearance by calling to
attention how much his face had thinned.

         As
she watched, he approached the table where his family sat then he leaned down
to place a kiss to the lips of a pretty brunette who was looking up at him like
he was every movie star rolled into one.  He sat, settled the little girl in
his lap, and draped an arm over the back of the woman’s chair.  She knew
the woman had to be the librarian he was seeing, and she saw that this woman
was welcomed as part of his family in a way she never had been.  It hurt,
seeing him, and seeing him with someone else.  She thought she was
prepared but she’d been sorely mistaken.

         “I’ve
got to go,” she said low, her eyes still locked on Shane.

         “Honey,
I tried to tell you...”

         “It’s
OK, I just...I need to go.  Finish your dinner.  I’ll walk home.”

         “Tessa,”
Gib began but stopped at the look she gave him as she stood.

         “I”m
fine, Gib, just...let me walk.  I need it.”

         With
obvious reluctance, Gib nodded.  Tessa’s gaze shifted again to Shane who
had now noticed her and his face had gone ashen.  Their gazes held for a
moment, then she forced herself to turn her back on him and walk away. 
Several people called out to her; she ignored them all and kept walking. 
Her mind was blank but for one thought: she’d really and truly lost him.

         She
made it out to the gazebo at the town’s center before her feet just wouldn’t go
forward any more.  It felt like a fifty-pound weight was sitting on her
chest.  She desperately tried to suck air into her lungs but it was
difficult.

         “Tessa,”
her mother called cautiously, coming slowly to her.

         “Knew
this could happen,” she rasped, “Knew...knew it
was
happening, I
just...I didn’t expect it to hurt so much.”

         Mary
rubbed her hand in soothing circles over Tessa’s back.  “I know, baby.”

         “He
really is seeing someone else.  He’s moved on,” Tessa breathed.

         Gib
pulled up beside them and rolled the window down.

         “Your
chariot awaits, my ladies,” he called.

         Tessa
locked gazes with Gib and focused on him.  He had seen her safely through
the desert in Afghanistan, he’d come back and stayed with her when shrapnel
from an IED pierced her and killed two of their unit members, and as she’d
said, he was the father she never really had.  It was in that moment that
she realized that while Shane had been the rock of her youth, she wasn’t
totally without support.  The weight lifted from her chest, not
completely, but enough for her to be able to breathe again.

         She
stepped out of the gazebo and to Gib’s truck.  As she was getting in, she
caught sight of Shane standing across the street, hands stuffed in his pockets,
shoulders hunched.  It hurt, seeing him; seeing what she’d done to him,
but she knew at least now that, although it did hurt, she knew she could face
going on without him.

         Shane
finished the last of his paperwork for the day and shut his computer
down.  His family was meeting at Miss Nettie’s for dinner since his sister
Cordy was in town.  He hadn’t seen her in a few weeks so he should have
been looking forward to it, but instead, he’d been dreading it all day.

         Could
be because his mother was on a tear lately about him settling down.  Of
course, he knew why; it was because Tessa had come home.  Susie McCanton
didn’t know of his recent history with Tessa, but she knew of their past and
now that he’d begun seeing Wendy, she was determined to see them
together.  Shane liked Wendy well enough, but ever since Tessa had come
back to town, his budding relationship with Wendy stalled out.  He’d yet
to see Tessa but knew it was only a matter of time.

         He
left the office and walked over to Miss Nettie’s, greeting town folk as he
went.  A lot of guys wouldn’t have been able to transition from big city
investigator to small town sheriff but because he’d grown up here, he slipped
into the role with ease.  After all that had happened with the Naturalists,
he found that the simplicity of his small hometown suited him.

         “Hey,
Sheriff,” Holly, Miss Nettie’s hostess, greeted him when he walked in. 
“Miss Nettie set y’all up in the private dining room this time.  Just go
on back.”

         “Thanks,”
he said, doing just that.

         As
soon as he stepped into the main dining room, Cordy and Gracie’s kids came
running out of the private area toward him.

         “Uncle
Shane!  Uncle Shane!” Cordy’s youngest girl cried, beating the others to
him.

         He
scooped her up and tossed her high in the air, causing her to squeal in
excitement.

         “Hey,
Kitty Kat,” he said to her as he made his way to his family.

         “Well,
it’s about time,” his mother admonished lightly.

         “Sorry. 
Busy day...Hi,” he said to Wendy, leaning down to briefly kiss her.  Wendy
smiled up at him and placed her palm on his cheek in a light caress.  He
turned his head to kiss her palm then sat with his niece in his lap and draped
an arm over the back of Wendy’s chair.  He called out greetings to Cordy
and her husband and was turning his head to greet Miss Nettie when a movement
in the main dining room caught his eye.  He felt all the blood drain from
his face when he saw it was Tessa who had caught his attention by
standing.  She looked up and their gazes collided, then she turned her
back and walked out.

         “Uncle
Shane, too tight,” Kat protested and he realized his fingers had tightened on
her waist.

         “Sorry,
sugar, go on over to your mom, OK?  I gotta go check on something.”

         Kat
scurried off his lap and he stood, watching Mary and Gib leave.

         “Shane?”
Wendy asked, turning his attention, “what is it?”

         He
leaned down and kissed her cheek.  “I’ll be right back.”

         “Shane
Gabriel, where are you going?” his mother asked.

         “Be
back,” he tossed over his shoulder.  He made his way out of the restaurant
and saw Tessa stop by the gazebo, her mother not far behind her.  He
crossed to the other side of the street and stayed back a clip, not wanting
either woman to spot him.  He stuck to the shadows and got close enough to
hear Tessa’s strained voice say, “Knew it was happening, I just...I didn’t
expect it to hurt so much.”

         He
felt his gut flip.  Obviously, seeing him with Wendy upset her, but he
wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  Gib pulled up to take the women
home.  Shane stepped up onto the sidewalk and shoved his hands in his
pockets in frustration.  Tessa turned and looked across the street to once
again meet his gaze.  What he saw in her eyes then he knew would be etched
on his memory forever.  While at the restaurant, her eyes had been bright
with unshed tears, now they were tear-free and flat...dead...very
un-Tessa-like.

         He
stood for several moments after they drove away trying to collect his scattered
thoughts.  When he found himself hoping a call would come in so he
wouldn’t have to go back and face his family, he knew he had to get
moving.  Taking a deep breath, he turned...and found Wendy standing a few
feet away.  He hadn’t even heard her approach.

         “Hey,”
he greeted, stepping up to her.

         “That
was Tessa?” she asked softly.  He hadn’t told her the full story, but she
knew more than his family did about Tessa.

         He
glanced back in the direction Tessa disappeared off to, then again to
Wendy. 

         “Yeah,
that was her.”

         “She’s
beautiful.”

         “Wendy-”

         She
smiled softly but cut him off.  “It’s OK, you haven’t seen her in a long
time.  Does her being here change things with us?”

         He
took a deep breath, released it slowly.  “I don’t know,” he
admitted.  “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.”

         She
nodded.  “I understand...do you want to be with her again?”

         He
closed his eyes.  “Right now?  My heart can’t take another round with
her.”

         “But?”
she prompted.

         “But...when
she stood up back there and I saw her, it was like everything else in the world
disappeared.”

         “I
see,” she replied in a small voice.  “Even though she hurt you?”

         He
wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb.  “I’m not saying I want to
take her back.  I’m just saying that at some point, she and I will need to
talk.  If for no other reason than to just formally say good-bye.”

         More
tears fell down her cheeks.  “OK...then just know that I’ll be waiting for
you, on the other side, but I won’t wait forever.”  He nodded.  She
stood on her toes to kiss him then she walked away, leaving him again alone on
the street.

         He
rubbed the back of his neck.  What the heck was he doing?  One look
at Tessa and here he was, turning his life upside down for her...again. 
God, would he ever learn?  He watched Wendy walk safely to the library
where she was parked, then headed back to the restaurant.

         “That
was Tessa you followed out, wasn’t it?” Luke asked when Shane returned. 
He was sitting on a bench just outside the entrance.

         “Yes,
sir.”

         “And
Wendy just walked back to the library alone.”

         Shane
nodded, meeting his dad’s direct gaze.  “Yes, sir.”

         They
were quiet a minute, Luke staring down at his walking cane while Shane did his
best to just keep his mind calm.

          “You
have been broken ever since you returned.  Your mom and sisters have been
worried sick about you.  I didn’t tell them what I know.”

         “Appreciate
it,” he murmured. 

         “I
saw her when she stood up.  She’s changed a lot since I last saw
her.  Not a little girl anymore.  She looks haunted.  Like a lot
of the guys did coming home from ‘Nam.”

         “She
went through Hell, Dad.  The kind no woman ever should have to...and she
blames me for it.”

         “You
know that’s not true, Son.”

         “Maybe. 
Hell.  I don’t know.  We were engaged.  She threw me out and I
haven’t seen her again until tonight.”

         “Trauma
changes people...but bottom line?  She’s here now and from the look on her
face tonight, I don’t think she liked seeing you with Wendy.”

         Shane
actually chuckled.  “No, sir, I don’t think she did.  I hurt Wendy
tonight and I hated that...but I’ve got to deal with these feelings I have for
Tessa.”

         Luke
nodded.  “Your mother won’t be happy.  She really likes Wendy.”

         “And
she’s never liked Tessa, I know.  I’m not saying I’m gonna go running back
to her exactly.  Her shutting me out this last time just about killed me.”

         “I
know it did, Son.  It’s been hard to see you hurting and know there was
nothing I could do to help you.”

         “Am
I crazy, Dad?  To even think of starting anything with Tessa again? 
A relationship, a friendship, whatever?  She was brutally gang raped and
beaten within an inch of her life.  You saw her.  Do you think she’s
even capable of getting close to a man again?”

         “All
you can do is try.  One way or another, you need to resolve what’s between
you for either of you to be able to move forward in your lives.”

         That
Monday, Tessa found herself walking into Miss Nettie’s alone.  It was
three o’clock in the afternoon.  Her mother and Gib had gone into Sorghum
Mills to a matinee movie.  Things at the shop were slow, so she’d shut
down and decided after skipping lunch, to grab some of Miss Nettie’s pie at a
time she knew the diner wouldn’t be that crowded.

         She
walked in and wasn’t surprised in the least when Miss Nettie herself greeted
her with open arms.

         “Hello,
sweet girl,” Miss Nettie said, “I have missed you so much.”

         Tessa
smiled, returning the elderly woman’s embrace.  “I’ve missed you,
too.  Mama and Gib are at the movies so I thought I’d come by for some of
your World Famous pie.  I’ve missed it.”

         “Well,
you just come right over here and I will serve you up the best slice of
chocolate creme pie you’ve ever had.  I know that’s your favorite.”

         “Yes,
ma’am, it is,” she replied, following her over to the booth by the main window,
the same booth she always used to sit in when she came in for pie.  When
she sat down, though, her eyes were drawn down the street, to the Sheriff’s
office, where Shane’s truck was parked out front.

         “Here
you go, honey,” Miss Nettie said, then sat in the seat opposite her.  “So,
tell me, how was the Army?  Mary said you were in the Middle East and that
you’d been wounded at one point in the war.”

         Tessa
took her first bite of pie and closed her eyes, savoring it.  “Oh, my
gosh, Miss Nettie, this is so good,” she said.  Then, knowing she couldn’t
avoid the question, she took a deep breath.  “My convoy was ambushed in an
IED attack.  Shrapnel pierced my lower abdomen.  The medics got to me
immediately so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  I resigned my
commission after that and went to work for Gib at the FBI.  He’d been my
Commanding Officer for all but the last six months of my service.”

         “I
hadn’t realized you’d joined the FBI.”

         Tessa
raked her hand through her hair.  “Yes...there’s...quite a bit that’s
happened that very few know about.”

         “I
saw you leave and Shane follow you out Friday night.  Gracie told me that
he ended things with Wendy.”

         “Did
he?” she asked, her eyes again drawn toward the Sheriff’s office.

         “Honey,
why did you stay away all these years?  I thought you and Shane...well, I
thought you two were perfectly matched.”

         “We
were just kids.  His life moved him one way, and mine took me in another.”

         “You
were a good match.  When you two were together, there was joy in both your
faces.  Shane hasn’t had that look in a long time; and it’s been worse
since he’s been back here to stay.  Something happened to him,
Tessa.  He’s hollow.”

         A
tear rolled down Tessa’s cheek and Miss Nettie reached out to capture her hand.

         “I
hurt him,” she admitted softly.  “I sent him away.”

         “I
suspected as much.  You had found each other again?”

         Tessa
nodded.  “We were engaged...but, I’m not good for him, Miss Nettie. 
I’m a wreck.  He deserves so much better.”

         “Better
than you?  Better than the one who has always been meant for him?”

         “I’m
not...”

         “Honey,
I’ve been around much longer than you.  I’ve seen much more than you and
trust me when I say that I’ve never seen two people more right for each other
than you and my great-nephew.”

         “I
wish I could believe that.  I know he is the one for me, but I just don’t
think I am the one for him.  He may have been happy for a time when we
were together, but trust me, for the most part, I’ve caused him nothing but
grief.”

         Miss
Nettie squeezed her hand.  “No one said that life and love has to be
perfect.  There are going to be hard times and heartache on your
road.  That’s an inevitable part of life.  But the good times far outnumber
the bad, and if you look back at your history with Shane, the bad times were
just bumps in the road.  You have to have faith that the good will cancel
out the bad.  You have to believe that.”

         Tessa
sighed.  “That’s the problem.  I’ve lost the ability to believe
that.”