Living With Regret (20 page)

“I don’t know what the future holds. All I know is that Chase appears to be my kryptonite and he claims he’s here to stay.” Lacey looks disappointed by my answer but it’s the truth and there’s no sense in hiding it.

“I hope for your sake that he’s changed but even if he hasn’t, I know you’re strong enough that you’ll be able to recover when he does the only thing he’s known for, which is breaking your heart.”

Her voice was gentle but her words were firm. No matter what has happened in the past, Lacey is convinced that Chase will always end up hurting me. Now I need to decide if she’s right because if she is, I don’t share the same confidence in my ability to recover a third time.

“When will you get to town?” My mother is always excited when she knows I’m taking off work and visiting for a few days. With Thanksgiving two days away, her excitement level is off the charts. “The company is closed tomorrow but I’m coming into the office to get a few things done then I’ll get on the road.”

“Um ...okay, sweetheart, just make sure you send me a text as you’re leaving the office so I’ll know when to expect you.”

“I will, Mom. Tell Dad I said hi and I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Love you.” With that, we both hang up. I’ve gone two days without seeing Chase, but he’s called and text me a few times and Don, the daytime doorman at my apartment, said he stopped by yesterday afternoon, but he was gone by the time I got home, but Chase never said anything to me about it.

Where Chase is concerned, I feel like I’m dealing with two separate people. The guy who makes my heart beat faster than anyone I’ve ever met, and the guy who’s able to break my heart at a moment’s notice. And while I’ve only seen the second guy two times in my life, he’s the one that’s had a lasting impression.

When I arrived at my apartment building later that evening, I find Chase sitting in a chair in the lobby, messing around on his phone. When he looks up and spots me, he instantly hops up with a charming smile on his face.

“Hey. I wasn’t sure when you’d be home so I thought I would wait around for a bit hoping to see you.”

He made it sound like he might have plans. “Did you have somewhere else to be?” I question in a voice weaker than I intended.

“Yes, in the morning, but I need to get a good night’s rest.”

His announcement catches me off guard and I want to ask more but I stop myself. “How long have you been waiting?”

His eyes go soft as he answers, “Not that long but for you I’d be willing to wait forever.” I start shaking my head in annoyance because he knows exactly what he’s doing when he says crap like that.

“Chase, seriously?” Even with my harsh tone, his beautiful smile never wavers.

“Are you going to invite me up to see your place?”

My whole body freezes at his request as an irrational fear of what could happen if I allow Chase into my home takes over. I’m not ready for us to do or be anything other than two people who occasionally talk and exchange texts.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I weakly say.

He looks confused by my comment, like he has no idea how easily my body could betray me if I was alone with him again. “Okay. I won’t push. What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”

I clear my throat. “I’m visiting my parents, how about you?”

He shrugs. “I don’t have any. Where did you say your parents live now?”

I stop myself from laughing. He’s fishing for information. His comment still strikes me as odd because I can’t believe his mother doesn’t have a huge holiday planned with his extended family since he doesn’t have to plan it around his NFL schedule.

“Your mom doesn’t have plans?”

He’s already shaking his head no as he starts to answer, “Nope. Her plans consist of filing for divorce, which leaves me on my own.” My eyes go wide from shock. Donna Adams wants a divorce?

“What?” I breathe out.

“Yeah, I guess my dad has finally pushed her too far. I was just as shocked as you but then when I stopped and thought about it, I don’t think my parents have ever really been happy. They stayed together because it was easier than being apart, but after how my dad’s been acting, she’s finally had enough.” He watches me closely for a second. “I have, too,” he adds.

The majority of our problems have stemmed from Steve Adams and the control he has over his family. I’ve always known this, but I am surprised that Chase and Donna have finally realized this for themselves.

“He’s your dad, Chase. I’m sure you’ll still see him.”

“No, I’m done.” His answer was quick and sharp as if he’s already come to terms with what this means for him.

“I’m sorry.” I don’t particularly like Steve but I love my father and I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life.

“That right there is why I’m fighting for you. My dad’s actions have cost you a lot—cost us a lot—still you feel sorry about me cutting him out of my life.”

“Um . . .” I mumble, not sure what I should say to his unexpected remark about fighting for me. “I don’t have to like your dad to feel bad for you. You’ve always respected him, looked up to him, and now . . .” I trail off with a shrug because I have a hard time believing he’s really done with him.

“I did respect him. I did look up to him, and by doing that, he cost me everything other than my mother that’s ever mattered to me, including my football career that he so desperately thinks he’s been protecting.”

“You’re done with football?” I softly ask. He looks sad but with a hint of pleasure as he answers me, “I’m done playing it, but it will always be a huge part of my life.” His answer feels cryptic, like there’s something more he’s not telling me.

“When did you say you’re leaving for your parents?” And he’s back to fishing. The sudden change in our topic has me smiling.

“I didn’t. I’m going to get some work done in my office in the morning then I’ll probably get on the road by mid-afternoon.”

He suddenly looks sad and I know I shouldn’t care but I’m a sucker, especially where he’s concerned. “Are you going to be spending Thanksgiving alone?”

He smiles. “Nah, don’t worry about me.” And I shouldn’t worry about him, but for whatever reason I do, and I think I always will.

“Oh, well, I was going to say if you’re going to be alone then maybe you could come to my parents’ house and have dinner with us.”

Chase perks up at my invitation. “Oh, I didn’t realize your parents lived that close to the city.” He gives me another beautiful smile that sends flutters to my stomach.

“They live about an hour and a half south of the city. I don’t know if you’re renting a car or—”

“I can. I will, I mean, if you’re sure it’s okay that I come.”

Honestly, I have no idea how my parents will react to seeing Chase, but the idea of leaving him all alone even in a city with millions on Thanksgiving will eat me up inside.

“Okay, I’ll text you their address.” Chase stares at me for a few seconds before giving me a sexy grin.

“I’m looking forward to it, beautiful.”

Oh good Lord, what did I just get myself into?

I couldn’t care less if I spend Thanksgiving alone or not. All that matters is that Ma and Jordan are happy. My mother I’m not too sure about, but I know I need to give her time to move forward with her life now that she’s leaving my dad. Jordan made me one happy man when she unexpectedly invited me to join her at her parents’ house. Since I joined the NFL, Thanksgiving and Christmas are two holidays I don’t typically get to participate in, but I’m looking forward to today and spending Thanksgiving with Jordan and her family. The address Jordan gave me is to a nice two-story house right on the water in a coastal town in Jersey. The size of the town reminds me a lot of Oak Cove, small but not too small.

I park my rental and walk up to the wraparound porch. Before I have the chance to knock on the door, Jordan’s father, Doug Taylor, steps outside with a stern look on his face. “Chase.”

I remember Doug and Janette Taylor being amazing parents. They supported and loved their daughter exactly the way I plan to do with my own children one day. After I left Oak Cove, I often wondered what they thought of me. By the looks of it, it isn’t good.

“Hello, sir,” I say, extending my hand for him to shake.

Doug gives it a long, hard look before he finally takes it and gives me a firm shake. Doug clears his throat. “I don’t know what your intentions are regarding my daughter, but if you ever hurt her again, I will hunt you down and show you how skilled I am with a gun.” I let go of his hand as my heart speeds up.

As I watch him closely, I realize he’s not joking. Doug is a retired military officer, which means he probably has more experience with a gun than anyone I know. And right now, by the way he’s looking at me, I know he meant every word.

“Next to my wife, my daughter is the strongest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I’m not about to stand by and watch you break her again.” His words send a pain through my body. All I ever wanted to do was help build Jordan up, but no matter my intentions, I seem to do the opposite.

“Mr. Taylor, I wish I had the power to change the past but I don’t. If I did, there are a lot of things I would do differently, starting with the night I broke up with Jordan. I don’t know if I have a shot in hell with her, but I promise you that if I do, I’ll be willing to stand in front of your gun without a fight if I hurt her again.”

I’m nervous to the point that my hands are trembling. I respect this man and I lost any respect he had for me when I single-handedly broke his daughter’s heart.

Doug sighs and his shoulders start to relax. I’m not positive but I think by admitting my failures and not trying to make excuses for them, I may have redeemed myself a little in Doug’s eyes.

“Come on in, my girls are in the kitchen.”
His girls
.

I love the pride Doug has when he talks about his family. That was something that stood out to me the first time I had dinner at their house. The four of us sat down, talked about our day, and I remember clearly wondering if all families were like that because mine certainly wasn’t.

When I walk inside, I look around and then I instantly freeze. This is why Jordan hated my house in Scottsdale. The Taylor’s don’t live in a house; they’ve made their house into a home. I have no idea how long they’ve lived here but it’s more of a home than my parents’ house in Oak Cove. Pictures are on the wall in no particular order, the furniture looks comfortable but doesn’t necessarily match, and there’s a blanket thrown over the side of a chair. This room is inviting and it definitely seems like someone uses it regularly.

I’m brought out of my trance when I hear the magical sound of Jordan’s laughter. When I look over at Doug again, waiting for him to take the lead, I see that his eyes are searching mine for something but I’m not sure what.

“This way.”

The two of us walk towards the back of the living room that’s connected to the dining room then we enter the kitchen where Jordan and her mother are still laughing. Jordan’s body goes solid and her laughter stops when she spots me.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t know you had made it to town yet.”

After her comment, her eyes wander to her father’s, and I can tell she’s questioning what he might have said or done already.

“Your dad spotted me pulling in. Thank you for allowing me to tag along today, Mrs. Taylor.”

Jordan’s mother greets me with soft, gentle eyes. “You’re more than welcome, Chase. Dinner will be ready soon. Can I fix you a drink?”

“No thank you.”

“Chase, Jordan informed us you might not be playing in the NFL anymore.” Jordan starts biting her lip as she looks over at her dad like she wasn’t expecting him to repeat what she told him.

“Yes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear my career playing football will be as long as most players, but I’m still fortunate enough to have years of playing under my belt.” I’m nervous and I’m positive they can tell.

“If you’re not playing football then what do you have planned for your future?” Doug fires back.

To an outsider, I’m sure it looks like the second my career is over I went running back to Jordan, but it’s actually the opposite. It’s because of Jordan I’m tossing in the towel before I fuck myself up past the point of having a future.