Living with Love (Lessons in Love) (9 page)

She knew that she needed to move on with her life, particularly her love life.

“I can’t believe a beauty like you hasn’t been snapped up!” Jeff would regularly comment whenever he asked Alex for an update about her love life.

There had been offers
. Some guys at the office had asked her out for drinks, so had a young guy she’d locked eyes with on her commute, but she always refused. Something was holding her back from meeting them, from going on dates. She thought it was Oscar but realized it wasn’t. It was the other man in her past, the one she kept trying to run from but couldn’t. It was Mark.

Whenever Alex thought of Mark she grew angry with herself. She was convinced that they had no future, despite what his letter may have said. He lived in Woodsdale, the town Alex had fought so hard to leave. What kind of future awaited them if they did rekindle their relationship? She was hardly going to give up her dream job in the city to return to her tiny hometown. And long distance rarely ever worked out.

Ashley was currently feeling the sting of a long-distance relationship. She spoke to Ricardo regularly, but she felt it wasn’t enough.

“I just want to hold him,” she’d sigh sadly to Alex during their nightly call. “I can see him, he’s right there on the screen
, but we can’t kiss or anything. It’s like a weird form of torture.”

“Isn’t he coming over soon?”

“Once he’s saved up enough money for air fare. He won’t let me pay for him, he’s too proud. I keep insisting that I’ll fly him over, but he won’t have it!”

“It’s noble that he wants to do it himself,” Alex complimented.

“Noble isn’t kissing me, noble isn’t holding me close.” Ashley pouted in dismay. Then she sighed and shook her head, smiling to herself. “He’s a good guy, Alex, I see that, one of the few. He wants to do things by his own efforts, and I totally respect that.”

Alex smiled, understanding how Ashley felt. Respect was such a key ingredient in any relationship. If you didn’t respect the one you were with, how could you ever stay with them long term?

“You met any cute guys in the city yet?” Ashley asked mischievously, deflecting the topic of conversation back onto her friend.

“Nope
.” Alex would shake her head and pretend to look disappointed.

“Alex, you’re ruining my fantasies about New York!” Ashley would declare, visibly dismayed. “I wanted to imagine you constantly running into handsome mystery men who want to take you on dates to swanky bars and new restaurants.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m always working.”

“You’re lame!” Ashley joked.

“I know.”

****

Continuing to walk towards work, Alex tried to distract her mind from Mark. She often tortured herself imagining what he was doing, or who he was seeing. Despite what his letter said, she imagined he had a girlfriend now, maybe something even more serious. It had been years since they’d last seen one another. As romantic a notion it was to believe that a flame still existed between them, the harsh reality was that if they met in person, the small flicker would instantly be quashed. It was the myth which held her to him, she consoled herself, the myth of what could have been, of the one that got away. Maybe if she actually saw him, she could finally break that spell and move on with her life.

She was planning to spend Christmas in Woodsdale with her
mom and Andy. She was determined to seek Mark out during that time. She needed the closure.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Jeff said as Alex dreamily entered the elevator, not even noticing that her boss was standing right beside her.

“They’re worth much more than that.” Alex smiled, taking a sip of her latte.

“You’re going to need that coffee
.” Jeff glanced at the cup she was holding. “It’s going to be a long day, I’m afraid.”

Jeff hadn’t been exaggerating. It was close to eight in the evening when Alex finally completed her final assignment of the day. Again, it was the end
-of-month surge and suddenly twice the workload of normal.

But since her mugging, Alex wasn’t expected to use the subway when she worked late. Instead, the company reimbursed her cab fare home. Small gestures like that made her feel appreciated by Goldstone. They didn’t take her for granted and went to great lengths to express that.

“It’s a good company to work for,” Alex told her mother. “There’s even talk of maybe getting a raise.”

There had been talks for weeks of Alex getting a raise
, and soon her probationary period would be up, and negotiations over her salary would be entered into, but she didn’t want to get her hopes up. If she could afford to live in a nicer part of the city, then she’d be happy enough.

“I’m glad they
’re looking after you,” Jackie said, but Alex couldn’t see her. Her mother couldn’t get her head around Skype despite both of her children giving her a tutorial, so instead she called the old-fashioned way.

“And are you okay, Mom?” Alex asked, concerned. She didn’t like to picture her mother alone in her trailer. It was such a sad scene to imagine.

“I’m fine, sweetheart. What matters to me is that you’re okay.”

“I’m fine, Mom
,” Alex said fondly. Her mother, now alone back in Woodsdale, had worked so hard to ensure a decent future for her children, and she’d had to give up so much in the process.

The beautiful family home they’d once lived in felt like a distant memory from another lifetime, as if it had been in a dream once, a dream that lingered long past the point of waking up.

“I’m very proud of you, Alexandra. Don’t forget that,” Jackie said softly into the phone. And she was. As she sat in her small trailer, talking to her daughter in New York City, Jackie Heron felt happy and at peace. For her, it had all been worth it. Working two jobs to make ends meet, never being home, being forced to live in a trailer and give up all her worldly goods, all that had come good because her children were doing well, and that was all that she cared about.

****

Alex signed off another call to her mother with a heavy heart. With the call concluded, she went and stood in the window of her apartment, looking at the street beyond.

When she was at college, she didn’t really get homesick. Having Ashley there with her kind of felt like being with family
, so Alex never felt alone or lonely. But in the city, it was different. Alex spent so much of her time working that she didn’t really get the opportunity to make friends, and most of her colleagues were older than her anyway, so they didn’t have much in common.

Alex missed being surrounded by familiar faces. She was even beginning to miss Woodsdale, the small hometown she’d been so eager to leave. Everything seemed so simple back there. The pace of life was slower
; there were fields and wide-open roads.

In New York, space was
at a premium, and everything felt crammed together. At first Alex didn’t mind, but now as she walked through the city, she’d look up and feel claustrophobic when she saw the steel giants of skyscrapers bearing down on her.

The air always smelt of car exhausts and fried food. Alex longed to inhale fresh, clean air. When she caught sight of her reflection, she noticed how pale and withdrawn she looked
, a product of existing mainly indoors. Even commuting to work, she was mostly indoors, doing the majority of her travelling beneath the city on the subway.

Absence seemed to have truly made her heart grow fonder as she
thought about parts of Woodsdale that she missed, even the loathed trailer park was now not without its charms. It was at least open and full of clean air.

Groaning, Alex moved and lay down on her bed, reaching for her iPad. She needed to take her mind off thoughts of home. She considered watching a film or television show
, but it was never the same without someone to share it with.

Living alone was taking its toll on Alex. She even started going to the office seven days a week just to avoid being alone for prolonged periods. But Jeff had noticed and called her into his office.

“You’ve been putting in a lot of hours lately,” he noted, nodding to himself.

“I’m just eager to get
the work done.” Alex smiled nervously across from him in the black leather chair she was sitting on.

“And that’s great
. I appreciate all the extra effort.” Jeff smiled back, but then the smile fell away slightly. “It’s just that here at Goldstone, we believe in a work life balance, and we try and uphold that as best we can. Since you’ve been working so much, you’ve earned yourself a week off.”

“But I don’t want a week off!” Alex protested, her eyes widening with fear.

“Look, I know the city can be a scary place when you’re alone,” Jeff said knowingly, his tone soft and kind. “But maybe use the time to make some new friends, go out to places and meet new people.”

Alex knew that Jeff was just looking out for her
, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him that the thought of going anywhere alone, like the cinema or a club, was utterly terrifying. She missed the constant support of having Ashley around. Or even Oscar or Mark. Despite living amongst millions of people, Alex had yet to meet anyone she felt that she really connected with.

“I’ll try
to meet some new people,” Alex lied.

“Good
.” Jeff smiled warmly at her.

Alex didn’t tell her mother that she had a week off work
. She knew there would be an expectation for her to return to Woodsdale, and she couldn’t afford it as she already had to save for the train fare to go back over Christmas, which was ridiculously expensive. It seemed that people got fleeced when they all inevitably wanted to return home for the holidays.

So with a week alone in the tiny apartment looming before her
, Alex felt despondent. She considered calling Ashley and begging her to come stay with her, but she knew that wasn’t fair. Ashley had her own career to deal with and was working hard to establish herself within the difficult arena that is politics.

With her eyes train
ed to the ceiling, Alex began to trace a crack that extended from one corner to the center of the room. She wondered what had caused it and who had been in the room when it happened. When she thought about who else might have slept in her bed, it usually freaked her out. She tried to console herself with thoughts that the previous occupant was someone just like her, starting out in the city and trying to make their way.

Alex was lost in thought when her phone started to ring, making her jump. She fumbled for it, still lying on her back
, and glanced briefly at the name flashing on the screen. When she registered it, she quickly sat bolt upright, not quite believing her eyes. The incoming call was from Oscar. Nervously Alex pressed the accept button and put the device to her ear.

“Hello?” she said uneasily, her voice sheepish.

“Alex, hey.” Oscar’s familiar voice came flooding through the speaker, though he sounded equally nervous.

“Oscar! How are you? I’ve texted you a few times but
hadn’t heard anything back! I was worried about you,” Alex admitted, her initial nerves relenting a little.

“I’m sorry
. I should have gotten back to you,” Oscar said, his voice regretful.

“Are you okay now? Are you well?”

“Well, I’m out of the hospital.” Oscar’s tone lightened, and she could imagine him smiling into his phone as he spoke. She missed his smile. Just one look from him used to have the power to make her weak at the knees.

“That’s good!” Alex declared with a bit too much enthusiasm.

“So yeah, I guess I’m better,” he added nonchalantly.

“I’m really pleased for you, Oscar.” And she was, she’d spent so many hours worrying about him, wishing he could recover.

“How about you? Did you have a nice summer?”

“Yeah,” Alex answered awkwardly, not comfortable with discussing the trip she’d taken at the expense of leaving Oscar alone in
the hospital to deal with his demons.

“Did you and Ashley enjoy Europe?” If Oscar was at all resentful about her trip
, he didn’t sound it. She could make out only genuine interest in his voice.

“Yeah.” She gave the same stock answer, unsure how to respond.

“You’re crazy talkative,” Oscar joked.

“Sorry, I’m just exhausted. I’ve been working a lot.” As if on cue
, Alex then let out a long, drawn-out yawn.

“At your fancy city job?”

“It’s not as fancy as you’d think.” 

“I bet it is.”

There was a pause in the conversation, and the sound of a screeching siren outside bled into the silence between them.

“So what are you doing now?” Alex asked brightly, trying to move the conversation forward.

“I’m back with my folks,” Oscar admitted sadly. “Back in Boston.”

“I bet they’re glad to have you home for a bit.”

“Yeah.” It was Oscar’s turn to sound vague.