Living Again (42 page)

Emily and Rachel hugged Kayley, their touch and love the only thing that Kayley really needed.

She had finally convinced them to go to bed around 2am, but sleep had definitely not come for Kayley. She had laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling, thinking about all of the things that had happened with Ben, way back from the beginning. Her heart ached as she pictured his sexy blonde tousled hair, big blue eyes with the gold flecks in them, beautifully sculptured face, and of course- that body. The body that made her swoon—strong, muscular shoulders and arms, ripped abs, strong, sexy legs and bronzed skin. He was mouth-watering. And he tore her heart to shreds.

Her phone vibrated on the table in front of her, and immediately her heart started pulsing blood faster through her veins. Who else would text her at this time of morning? It was barely dawn. She didn’t know if she wanted to pull her phone closer to her or not. Did she want to hear from him? There were conflicting votes internally over that one. Her heart said yes, yes, yes, and her head said, no, he hurt you.

Closing her eyes, she reached out her hand and pulled the phone closer to her. Breathing out slowly, she knew that her hand was shaking, and her body was following closely behind. Having that phone in her hand and knowing that it was more than likely Ben gave her almost the same reaction she would’ve had if he was standing right in front of her. Finally willing herself to open her eyes, she hit the button on her phone to make her screen light up, and she saw his name flash across the screen. Her gut clenched, and her head and heart fought for what to do next. Open the text, or don’t open the text. After a few tense moments of war within herself, her finger shot out and hit the text app. Ben’s name and his words filled the screen, and she sucked in her breath. Looking at his name, his words was like a punch to the stomach. Hell, it was like a punch to the soul.

Tears filling her eyes as she read the words, she wanted to believe him. She did. She wanted nothing more than to text him back and beg him to come get her, to take her home, to make things right. But, even as her fingers hovered over the keys, she knew that she couldn’t allow that to happen. She wasn’t ready to move past what had happened—it was too raw, too wide open still.

Forcing herself to put her phone back on the table, she looked out at the water. She needed to go home and shower, put on her big girl panties and get ready for work. Standing up, her resolve intact, she got dressed quickly and left a note for her friends. She pulled away from the beach house, exhausted but with a new determination to be stronger than she had ever been before.

It was almost 5 o’clock. She had made it through the longest work day in history. The good news was, it was Friday. Though she didn’t often have to work Fridays, she had chosen to work today because Alex’s parents were coming this weekend and she wanted to take Monday off. Plus, now it would make for a nice reprieve from her obsessive thoughts about Ben to have them around.

Since she was closing up, she went to lock the front door when she saw a delivery boy standing there. Jumping, she almost screamed. She was here alone and he had just completely scared her.

“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” he said, holding the most enormous flower arrangement she had ever seen. “I have a delivery for a Kayley Carson? Looks like I just made it, too. My boss would’ve killed me if I didn’t get this here on time.”

Kayley heard what he was saying, but couldn’t respond, staring at the monstrosity that was this bouquet. She didn’t have to get the card to know who it was from. He sure wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Her heart rate accelerated as she took the bouquet and sat them on the counter, giving him a tip before he vanished just as quickly as he had shown up.

She was glad to be alone, because after stuffing away her feelings and emotions all day, she didn’t know how much more she could hold on. Thankfully, Rachel had been off today so she didn’t have to look at her sympathetic eyes all day, following her. No one had known that Kayley’s whole life was crashing around her.

Opening the card, she couldn’t stop herself from smiling at his words. Did she know he loved her? Absolutely. The question was—was it enough for her to look past all of this?

Kayley straightened up Alexis’ room, throwing her toys in her bins and picking up her stuffed animals. Alex’s parents were coming to visit Alexis, and they were arriving at any moment. It was also Thanksgiving week, so they were staying to spend it with Kayley and her family. They hadn’t seen Alexis in quite a while, and Kayley was glad for them to be there.

Moving to the guest room where they would stay, she remade the bed with fresh sheets and fluffed the pillows. Coming into this room was painful because it always reminded her of Ben. At the same time, every single thing reminded her of Ben. It had been two long, excruciating days since their emotional tryst at the beach house. As much as every single fiber of her body wanted to run to Ben and forget it all happened, she didn’t. She just wasn’t ready for that yet.

In that time, Ben had sent her flowers, love letters, playlists, and text messages, begging her to allow him to come over, to forgive him. In fact, he had just sent her a text message about an hour ago, after the text he had sent her yesterday had gone unanswered. This text had been a little more insistent, wanting her to let him come over and talk. She had nicely but firmly refused, continuing to tell him she wasn’t ready yet. She had to give it to him, he was persistent. She was pretty sure he knew, too, that every time he did something hopelessly romantic like that, it broke a piece of her resolve away.

The doorbell rang, and Alexis screamed, running for the door. “Mom-mom! Poppy! Open, Mommy, open!” As soon as Kayley opened the door, Alexis ran for them and they scooped her up, kissing and hugging her. They reached out and circled Kayley in their arms, and they hugged each other.

“It’s so great to see you, Kay,” Elizabeth gushed. “Beautiful as always.”

Allen Carson laughed. “Of course she’s beautiful, Liz. Our Alex knew what he was getting!”

“Come in, come in!” Kayley helped them with their suitcases, putting them in the guest room. “Are you hungry? I have stuff for sandwiches, or salad, or we can go out and get something.”

“Whatever you have here is good, sweetie,” Liz said.

Sitting down to a lunch spread, her former in-laws gushed over Alexis, who of course took it like the princess she was.

“I cannot get over how big she is,” Liz said, smiling at Alexis.

“She’s going to be two before we know it!” Kayley said incredulously. In just a few short months, it would be Alexis’ birthday again. She could hardly believe that much time had gone by.

“Can we take Alexis to the park? She was telling us about going on the slide?” Allen asked, ruffling Alexis’ hair.

“Mom-mom and Poppy take me to pawk! We go whee on swide!” Kayley laughed. That kid loved the park.

“I think someone needs a park at home for her birthday,” Kayley said, standing up to clear the lunch dishes. “I’m sure she would love for you to take her. Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, dear,” Liz answered. “Unless you want to, of course, but we would love to give you a break.”

Kayley smiled, grateful for time to relax and catch up on some things around here without Alexis around. She wrote down directions for them, and Alexis happily trotted after them, ready to boss them around at the park.

Ben ran through the park, grateful to have a day off. He just wasn’t on his game at work. Though he would never compromise care, he wasn’t finding joy in his job like usual. Every blonde haired woman was Kayley. Every sweet little girl was Alexis. He had been unable to get through to her. But he refused to stop trying. Until she told him to buzz off forever, he would continue to try to chip away at her.

Adjusting his ear buds, he played the playlist he had made for Kayley. None of them were running songs, but he didn’t care. He ran further and pushed himself farther than ever before, trying to run enough energy out of himself that he wouldn’t stay up all night thinking about her. Physically exhausted, he slowed down to a walk near the playground, downing his water. Removing his ear buds and tucking them in his pocket, he checked his phone. Nothing. Sending Kayley her daily reminder,
I love you
, he put his phone back in his pocket and hoped that this time, she would respond back that she was ready to try again. She had declined his text earlier, when he wanted to come over and talk, but at least she was responding now instead of ignoring him.

“
MY DADDY! MY DADDY! MY DADDY!
” Ben heard, and he swore he was dreaming. He hadn’t seen Alexis in what seemed like forever, thought it had only been a little over a week. It was killing him. He turned and he saw her, running for him, her little legs pumping as hard as they could. He looked around, but didn’t see Kayley or her mom. He did, however, see another older couple running after her, yelling her name.

Alexis reached him and flung herself at his legs. “Daddy, pick me up. Daddy.” She jumped up and down and he swung her up. She squealed in happiness, squeezing him tight with her little arms and laying her head on his shoulder.

“Alexis!” The woman looked terrified. “I-I’m so sorry, sir. I don’t know who she thinks-”

“We’re so sorry,” the man echoed.

“I’m Ben,” he introduced. “Kayley’s…” He didn’t know what to say he was now. “Boyfriend. And you are?”

A look of relief crossed over the couple’s faces. “My God. She just scared me to death. I thought she was running up to some stranger. You never can be too safe these days.”

Ben laughed, rubbing Alexis’ little head. “You scared…” he trailed off, realizing he still didn’t know who they were.

“Oh, we’re sorry,” the man said. “I’m Allen and this is Liz. We’re Alex’s parents. We’re here visiting from Georgia.”

Ben shook their hands, seeing now that they did in fact resemble Alex.

“She calls you… Daddy?” Liz asked, just realizing that’s what Alexis said.

Ben smiled, closing his eyes briefly as he relished the moment of having Alexis in his arms. “Yes, she does. I’m sorry, that probably bothers you. I’m not trying to replace him—”