Living Again
Authors: L.L. Collins
Copyright © LL Collins 2013
All Rights Reserved
Cover Design by Kari Ayasha at Cover to Cover Designs
Interior Design by Angela McLaurin, Fictional Formats
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Contact Author LL Collins
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@authorllcollins
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This book is dedicated to everyone who always believed in me, from the second I picked up a pencil and began writing at a very young age to the day I hit publish on my very first book.
I did it. I finally did it.
Tears streamed down her face, dripping on her modest black dress.
Get it together,
she scolded herself. The pastor read comforting words from the Bible as everyone listened intently. The only sound in the room was sniffling.
This couldn’t really be happening
, she thought.
He’s not gone. I’m not going to do this alone
. As if on cue, the baby inside her moved, reminding her that he or she was still there. She tried to look up, to listen to what was happening, but she couldn’t. If she looked up, she saw the urn that held her husband perched delicately on the altar. That was all he was reduced to now- ashes. How can someone so vibrant and full of life be in there? And if she looked up, the enormous picture that she had picked to sit in the front to remind everyone of who he had been stared at her, mocking her. It was all too real if she looked up. So she stared at her protruding belly, watching her son or daughter move inside her, oblivious to the fact that their lives had changed forever. While this symbol of their love was growing, there would be no more of their marriage. She was a widow now.
Three years ago, in this same church, Kayley Lynn Johnson became Mrs. Alexander Reed Carson. It had been the happiest day of both of their lives. Hundreds of people packed the beautiful church and reception, watching the love story that had been Kayley and Alex become a blissful, happy marriage. She remembered the butterflies in her stomach as the doors opened for her to walk down the aisle to marry her dream man. Not butterflies because she was nervous, but because it was finally here. The day she had always waited for, that she had anticipated since Alex proposed to her.
She was beaming as she walked towards Alex on her dad’s arm, looking at only him. She was vaguely aware of the people watching her float down the aisle in her strapless, beaded, champagne colored satin dress with the four foot train. She felt and looked like a princess. Her blonde hair was curled up and stacked on top of her head, with her long veil trailing down the back of her dress and to the floor. Alex’s response to seeing his bride-to-be was one that would stay with Kayley forever. Tears poured out of his eyes as his gaze followed her all the way to the front of the church. He was enthralled with her. As she neared his side, he reached his hand out for hers and whispered, “I have never been more in love with you. You’re the most beautiful woman in the entire world.” Kayley’s dad beamed, never prouder to share his daughter than with this wonderful man. Kayley kissed her dad and then walked with Alex up to the altar, where they would pledge forever to one another.
Forever
. If only she had known it would only be three years. Would she have still done it, if she knew? Would she have dared to love him so completely? Kayley knew the answer was yes. She had never known anyone like Alex. He was so smitten with her, and her with him, so much that their friends often joked about it. Of course, their relationship was much the same as others- there were arguments and disagreements. But Kayley and Alex revolved their lives around each other- they were truly best friends. When they had met in their junior year of college, their friends all placed bets on how long it would be until they got married. Kayley and Alex, however, were just friends. They didn’t do anything without the other. Everyone knew it was a matter of time before they realized they were soul mates. For Kayley and Alex, they finally came to that same conclusion after they graduated college and were faced with the thought that they wouldn’t live near each other anymore.
“Kayley?” a voice interrupted her daydream. It was her mom, sitting to her left with her hand in Kayley’s hand. She looked up at her, not containing the tears that continued to fall from her face. She had cried so much in the last three days, yet it never seemed to stop. “It’s time.”
Kayley’s heart started pounding. She had said she could do this, but she couldn’t even sit here in the service and listen, much less get in front of everyone. “I-I can’t, Mom. I can’t even breathe.” Her baby moved and stretched, and she put her hand protectively on her stomach. Her mom looked at her stomach and put her hand on top of hers.
“You can, honey. You can. You will regret it if you don’t. I know right now it seems like too much, but think of Alex, honey. And your baby. You can do it.”
The pastor was finishing up, and that meant that it was Kayley’s turn.
What was I thinking?
I can’t get up in front of all of our family and friends and talk about him. I can’t even sit here without crying
. But she knew her mom was right. Alex had been her whole life. She could never go through this entire thing without telling everyone, God included, how much this man meant to her.
Kayley took a deep breath and stood up. She smoothed out her dress and grabbed a handful of tissues. She used one to pat her eyes and face of the remnants of her tears. Immediately the church was silent as they watched Alex’s widow walk to the front of the church. Kayley, avoiding the urn with all that she had, stopped at the picture that was taken at their recent pregnancy photo shoot. Alex and Kayley were at the beach, staring deep into each other’s eyes—they weren’t looking at the camera. The love that they shared was obvious in their eyes. Alex’s hand was balanced protectively on Kayley’s protruding stomach, and her hand was on top of his. Their wedding bands shone in the sunlight, and Kayley’s hair blew behind her. It was not a posed shot- it was just a moment that the photographer captured that at the time they had no idea how important it would become.
Kayley remembered how much fun that they had that day, doing the shoot. Kayley had been fretting over the perfect outfit, did she look too fat, all the normal girl things. Alex had taken her in his arms, kissed her gently and said, “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, Kayley Carson. And you’re carrying our baby- which makes this the most special gift you could’ve given me. These pictures are going to be priceless, no matter what we wear.” Kayley had grinned. He was right, of course. They were so excited about the arrival of their child. They didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl because they wanted a surprise. Kayley was about 7 months at the time of the photos, just about a month ago.
Kayley forced herself to look away from the photo, and her eyes stopped on the urn behind it. She didn’t want to believe that it was possible. He was gone. Kayley stuffed down a sob at the thought of Alex being in there, no different than a dirt pile in the yard. She ran her fingers along the smooth porcelain, wondering how it was that instead of picking out baby names with Alex, she had to do this.
I’m only 26 years old
, she thought.
We should be having a baby shower, not a funeral. I shouldn’t be burying my husband
. She heard crying and sniffling from behind her, yet no one said a word. Everyone watched the widow coming to terms with her husband being gone.
Gone.