Liverpool Angels (26 page)

‘In lodgings in Stanhope Street. I’ve been discharged from the Navy but I’ve a small pension because I lost my arm. I manage.’

She hesitated. ‘Maybe occasionally but . . . but not for a while, Billy. ’

He supposed he should be grateful that she’d seen him at all after the way he’d treated her, but he was determined that even if it took years he would win her round. He wanted to come home, he wanted to get to know his son and the daughter he’d never met, and he’d realised that he was still fond of his wife.

When he’d gone, Maggie sat down at the table and picked up Alice’s letter. She’d never expected to see or hear from him again, but she’d agreed to let him visit her and now she wondered why. She’d have to write and tell both Eddie and Alice, and she didn’t know how they would take it.

She felt so confused and restless that she decided she would go and talk it over with Agnes, but when she entered her friend’s kitchen Bertie, Lucy and Jimmy were all in.

‘Agnes, luv, will you come over and have a cup of tea with me? I’ve . . . well, I’ve had a bit of a shock.’

‘Is it Eddie or the girls?’ Agnes asked, looking concerned.

‘No, I’ve had a letter from Alice and they’re all fine.’

Agnes nodded and they went back across the road, Agnes wondering just what on earth would upset Maggie, apart from worries about her family.

As Maggie made the tea she told her friend of Billy’s visit and of the troubled state of mind it had left her in. ‘God knows why I said he could visit again, Agnes,’ she finished.

Agnes drank her tea in silence, trying to digest this bolt from the blue. ‘And you think he has changed, Maggie?’ she at last asked. Maggie had been alone for so long and although financially she’d had few worries, her life hadn’t been easy.

‘Yes, I think he has. I think he finally grew up in the Navy. Learned the meaning of responsibility and self-discipline and duty, but in all that time he never tried to get in touch, Agnes, and I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever be able to understand.’

‘Do you think he does want to come back . . . home?’ Agnes asked tentatively. What would Maggie think of that? She knew only too well how hurt and humiliated her friend had been when he’d left.

‘I think he does, but . . .’ Maggie shook her head, feeling even more undecided.

‘Could you forgive and forget, Maggie?’

‘I might be able to forgive, Agnes, but I can never forget what he put me through or the way he’s ignored his children.’

Agnes nodded; that was understandable. Yet the future was so uncertain for everyone, she thought, no one knew what worries or heartache lay ahead and neither of them were young women any more – maybe Maggie might find Billy a comfort and support in the years ahead. ‘I can’t tell you what to do, Maggie. You know that I never really thought much of him when you married him and I know what you went through when he left, how hard it’s been for you all these years, but I suppose people can and do change, especially when they’ve been through such . . . experiences, but it’s a decision you alone must make. Just don’t cut off your nose to spite your face, luv. You might find that you’ve still got some . . . feelings for him.’

Maggie digested this in silence; she knew what Agnes was trying to tell her. ‘But . . . but the kids?’ she said, wondering if she could ever find it in her heart to take him back. He wasn’t the person she’d known; they’d have to get to know each other all over again and it might not work out. Legally, however, she was still married to him.

‘They’re adults, well at least Eddie is, and maybe they’d want to get to know him. You’d have to let them make up their own minds, Maggie,’ she advised.

Maggie said despairingly. ‘Oh, Agnes, luv. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t.’

Agnes reached across and took her hand. ‘Think long and hard about it, Maggie, before you come to a final decision. Life hasn’t been easy without him but you might come to think that the years ahead could possibly prove to be better for you all.’

Maggie smiled at her. She had a great deal to think about but now she at least felt as though she’d done the right thing in agreeing to let him visit her again. She’d just have to see how it all worked out.

As he walked home from work a few weeks later Bertie Mercer wasn’t surprised when he caught sight of Billy McEvoy getting off a tram, for Agnes had told him of Billy’s sudden return.

‘Never thought I’d see you again, Billy. How are you?’ he greeted him not unpleasantly for he’d also heard of his experiences at Jutland.

‘Never thought I’d see you either, Bertie. And I’m grand but a lot of water’s gone under the bridge since I last saw you.’

They had drawn level with the Albion pub on the corner and before either could comment further the door was thrown open and a figure was forcefully ejected with much abuse on the part of both the landlord and his unwelcome customer.

‘Jaysus!’ Billy uttered as the man, who was obviously more than worse the wear for drink, collapsed in a heap on the pavement.

‘That’s Fred Jackson – local drunk. You remember him; he lives in York Terrace. He’s regularly thrown out of the pubs around here these days,’ Bertie enlightened him.

Billy shook his head slowly as the man, still muttering curses, tried to get up but only managed to get on to all fours before collapsing again. ‘Begod but isn’t that a desperate sight? And there but for the grace of God goes meself, Bertie. ’

Bertie nodded. ‘I heard. So I can’t tempt you into having a pint with me – for old times’ sake?’

‘I’d have a pint of lemonade or something like that with you but the pair of us would probably be laughed and jeered out of the place. No, my drinking days are well and truly over now, Bertie. I’ve no intention of going down the same road as himself back there,’ Billy replied seriously.

‘Where are you going?’ Bertie asked, thinking that perhaps Maggie was right. Billy
had
changed. He’d certainly tell her about this encounter.

‘To see Maggie. I know she told me to leave it for a while but I just want to make sure she’s not getting into a state about me turning up again. I know it was a shock.’

‘It will certainly take some getting used to, Billy, on all their parts. Well, I wish you luck,’ Bertie replied as he crossed the road heading towards the corner shop.

Maggie was startled to see him again so soon. ‘Billy, I thought we agreed . . .’

‘We did and I’ve not come for a lengthy visit. I just wanted to make sure that you were, well . . . not . . .’ He shrugged, feeling a bit awkward.

‘Oh, come on in,’ she replied. ‘I’ve just made a pot of tea.’

‘No, really I didn’t expect . . .’

‘I’m not going to stand here arguing with you, Billy.’

He nodded and followed her down the lobby.

‘I’ve written to both Eddie and Alice,’ she informed him as he sat down.

‘That couldn’t have been easy, Maggie.’ He was watching her closely for any sign that she was upset.

‘It wasn’t but it was something I had to do,’ she answered, handing him a cup of tea. Her initial surprise was subsiding and she realised that she wasn’t annoyed that he’d called and that she felt more at ease with him this time.

‘It will come as a bit of a shock to them both, I don’t wonder,’ Billy mused aloud and wondered whether he should ask what she thought their response would be to the news. No, he couldn’t do that. After all, she was still getting over the shock herself.

‘God knows how they’ll take it. All I can do is wait until I hear from them,’ she supplied.

Billy drank his tea, wondering if Eddie and Alice would encourage or discourage her from having anything more to do with him. There was little he could do or say if they were dead set against him, he thought regretfully, although he hoped that with further visits, at least Maggie would learn to trust him.

T
o say Alice was stunned was an understatement. She reread the lines her mother had written to make sure she had fully understood. Then she handed the letter to Mae, who had been watching her cousin’s expression closely, a worried frown creasing her forehead.

‘Read that. I just can’t take it in. It’s . . . unbelievable!’

‘What’s wrong? Is it Jimmy?’ Mae asked, taking the letter from her.

‘No, it’s got nothing to do with Jimmy. Read it, Mae!’ she urged.

As Mae read, her eyes widened and she looked across at Alice with confusion evident in their blue depths. ‘I’m . . . stunned! He’s been gone for . . .’

‘Nineteen years! I never knew him, he was long gone by the time I was born.’

Mae sat down next to her and took her hand. It was news neither of them had ever expected to hear. ‘I was only a few weeks old myself, Alice. We . . . Aunty Maggie never thought he’d come back. We all learned to manage without him. She never even
mentioned
him.’

Alice replied, ‘But she says he’s changed. That he wants to visit her again and she’s agreed.’

Mae nodded. ‘Maybe she thought about him, Alice, even though she didn’t talk about him. Maybe she . . . well, maybe she is still fond of him.’

‘How can she be, Mae? How can you still have feelings for someone who walked out and left you the way he did?’

Mae shrugged. ‘I don’t know. We don’t know exactly how she feels about him or has felt over the years. How do
you
feel about it – apart from the shock?’

Alice considered this. She was astounded and confused. During the years when she’d been growing up she hadn’t really given him much thought; there had been no photographs of him and his name was never mentioned. She’d looked on her Uncle John as a surrogate father and she’d been almost as devastated as Mae had been when he’d been drowned – she still missed him. But because of him she’d never felt the lack of a father in her life. Now she was grown up and she’d matured so much in this last year. She was curious to know why he’d deserted her mam and herself and Eddie, for her mam would never talk about it. What had driven him to take such a drastic step? Mam said he’d changed so much, he was older and wiser now, he’d been a petty officer in the Navy and he’d fought and lost his arm at Jutland. ‘I . . . I think I’d like to meet him, Mae,’ she finally announced. ‘Maybe he can explain why he left us and why he’s never got in touch. I feel that maybe I can . . . try to understand more now. Because I know that one day I’m going to marry Jimmy and have a family of my own, I can try to understand Mam’s position. Look at things in a different light.’

Mae nodded. ‘One day we’ll both leave to be married, Alice, and I think it’s only right that Aunty Maggie thinks about her own future.’

‘She’s not had things easy, Mae. She’s worked hard and she must have been very lonely at times. Maybe it would be a good thing if she did take him back – she says she is still legally married to him.’

Mae smiled. ‘All that is not going to be simple to put into words in a letter, Alice.’

Alice grimaced. ‘I know, but I’ll have to try. She’ll be expecting a reply soon and she wants to know how I feel about it.’

‘Maybe it’s a good thing we’re going on leave next month. We’ll both get to meet him, if she hasn’t already sent him packing.’

Alice sighed. The fact that she might actually meet the father she had never even seen would be hard to come to terms with. Would she like him, let alone be able to accept him? She just didn’t know.

‘I take it she’s written to Eddie as well?’ Mae asked.

Alice replied, ‘She says she has.’

Mae reflected. ‘I wonder how he’s taken it? He might remember him, even if only vaguely. Maybe when you next go into town you’d better go and see him. After all, he’s got no chance of getting leave so it will be up to you to tell him how things are . . . progressing at home, if indeed they are.’

‘I think you’re right, Mae. I’d better go and see how he feels about all this. I’ll think about it all for another day or so before I write to Mam.’ She stuffed the letter into her pocket. ‘Now, we’d better get back to work or Sister might reconsider about us going on leave.’

She’d made three attempts to reply to her mam’s letter; the other two were now just crumpled balls of paper. She frowned as she reread what she’d finally decided to write.

Dear Mam,

This is the third time I’ve started to write this letter and I’ve decided to be brief and to the point. There’s no use me rambling on – that would just confuse us both. It was a shock, I can’t deny that, but I’ve thought long and hard about it and I’ve talked to Mae and Lizzie about it too and I’ve decided that it’s your decision. You are his wife, you are the only one who really knows how you feel about him, but I’ll support you whatever you decide to do. I’m not going to try to influence you one way or the other. Just don’t go getting yourself into a state about it. Write and let me know, that’s if you’ve made up your mind before I get home on leave,

Your loving daughter,

Alice

She tried to concentrate fully on her work but she found it difficult. Questions kept bubbling up in her mind, questions to which she had no answers. Why did he go? Why did he now want to come back into their lives? What did he look like? What would he think of her? Did either she or Eddie resemble him? How would she feel when she saw him? It was very strange to think that after all this time she would have a father in her life. Her overwhelming feeling was of curiosity but she reminded herself of her promise that whatever her mother decided to do, she would support her.

On her next afternoon off she walked purposefully to the yard where Eddie was stationed and sought out Sergeant Walker. ‘Sir, could I have some time to speak to my brother, please. It is important. We’ve had some very . . . unexpected news from home.’

‘Nothing bad I hope, miss,’ he said with concern. He’d noticed a change in the lad over the past few days. He’d become quieter as though totally absorbed in his own thoughts, his usual good humour seeming to have deserted him. It hadn’t affected his work so he’d not commented on it.

‘It depends on how you look at it, but no one has died or has been taken ill.’

He nodded. ‘You wait here, miss. I’ll go and find him: the yard is in a bit of a mess after those showers we had this morning.’

Alice waited, leaning against the edge of a stone water trough until at last she saw her brother heading towards her, his sleeves rolled up and a pitchfork still in his hand. Obviously he’d been engaged in mucking out.

‘I take it you got a letter from Mam too,’ he greeted her, and she could see by his expression that he was far from happy.

‘I did. This is the first opportunity I’ve had to come and see you. Quite a surprise, wasn’t it?’

Eddie frowned. ‘It was a bloody shock, Alice, that’s what it was! Him turning up bold as brass after all these years! He’s got some nerve. I’m surprised Mam gave him the time of day.’

‘I gather you don’t think Mam should even entertain the thought of seeing him again?’

‘No, I damned well don’t. He ran off, Alice, like a bloody thief in the night, leaving her with us and no means of supporting herself. What kind of a man does that?’

‘Don’t swear at me, Eddie,’ Alice said quietly.

‘Sorry, but I just can’t get over the cheek of him wanting to worm his way back, now that he’s lost his arm and his job.’

‘He did fight, Eddie, unlike a lot of men his age. He was Regular Navy.’

Eddie laughed bitterly. ‘Then he had no choice, did he, Alice? And why did he never attempt to get in touch? He never wanted to know anything about
us –
that’s why. He didn’t damned well care!’

‘I know it’s hard to understand, Eddie, but I think we should at least give him the chance to explain . . . all that.’

‘Try to fob us off with a load of lame excuses, you mean,’ Eddie sneered.

‘Mam’s made a decision to see him again. She’s not saying she’s welcoming him back with open arms but, Eddie, we have to respect her decision. She’s not getting any younger and we . . . well, we’ll both get married eventually and have our own lives. Is it fair of us to demand that she has nothing more to do with him?’

Eddie hadn’t thought of this, he’d been so incensed that all he’d thought about was the fact that Billy had deserted them and had wanted nothing to do with them – until now.

‘All he wants now that he’s getting old and he’s disabled and can’t work, Alice, is a comfortable home and an easy life. He probably knows Mam’s got a few bob. He’s still being a self-centred, selfish bastard.’

‘Don’t call him that, Eddie! Whatever else he is, he isn’t
that
!’ she snapped for it was the most demeaning and insulting term imaginable. Illegitimacy carried a terrible social stigma. ‘Well, I can see that you’ve made up your mind about it all but I think you’re wrong. We should at least give him a chance.’

‘Why? He doesn’t deserve it. He never gave us one!’ Eddie shot back furiously.

‘For Mam’s sake. If she decides to have him back, it’s
her
decision. We’re due leave next month, you know that, so I’ll be able to judge for myself just what kind of a man he is.’

‘Please your bloody self, Alice, but don’t expect me to welcome him back with open arms. Too many years, too much hurt and bitterness have been suffered for that.’ Eddie turned and stormed off.

Alice sighed. She hoped this wasn’t going to drive a wedge between them; surely they all had enough to contend with at present. The war was still being fought and they didn’t need another war to break out at home. She turned away and walked slowly out on to the road. Maybe Lizzie could talk some sense into him for they seemed to be quite close these days.

They were both quite apprehensive when in September they arrived back in Liverpool. Maggie was waiting at Lime Street and Alice was delighted to find that Jimmy had accompanied her.

‘Oh, look at you!’ she cried, hugging him. ‘You look great, you really do.’

Jimmy laughed. ‘And so do you, Alice. A bit tired but after that journey it’s only to be expected. And I’m getting around like a two-year-old now with my new leg.’

‘I should hope you are, you’ve had it for months now,’ Alice replied but her eyes were shining with pride. He looked so much better and he was far more cheerful too.

‘Right, let’s get home. Agnes is standing in for Jimmy in the shop but I know she’s got some shopping herself to do,’ Maggie informed them, guiding them towards the station exit.

No mention was made of Billy until they were home, the girls had unpacked and Maggie had made a cup of tea. Then Alice broached the subject.

‘So, Mam, have you seen anything of . . . him, my da?’ The word sounded so strange to her.

Maggie nodded as she poured the tea. ‘Yes, he’s called a few times and stayed a couple of hours.’ She sat down opposite the girls. ‘I . . . I haven’t heard a word from Eddie. I know he doesn’t write regularly but I thought . . .’

‘He’s not happy, Mam. Not happy at all.’ Alice stirred her tea slowly. ‘I went to see him and he doesn’t think you should encourage Billy. He feels very bitter towards him.’

Maggie had assumed this, given Eddie’s lengthy silence. ‘And you, Alice?’

‘You know how I feel, Mam. It took me hours to compose that letter, didn’t it, Mae?’

Mae nodded her agreement, remembering how Alice had struggled to articulate her thoughts and feelings.

‘It’s your life and your decision, Mam. Only you know exactly how you feel about him.’

Maggie sighed as she sipped her tea. Her emotions were still turbulent, but as he’d talked about the years he’d spent away, she had begun to realise that Billy had changed a great deal. He appeared to be far more serious, more reserved and considerate. There was little now of the brash, irresponsible young man everyone had said was a ‘waster’, interested only in enjoying himself. There was none of the blarney, although he still had a sense of humour. She was coming to the conclusion that she actually liked this man far more than she had the young Billy McEvoy. ‘We had a long talk, Alice, but I haven’t given him any indication of what I’m going to do because I haven’t made my mind up properly yet. Oh, he’s changed – even Agnes and Bertie think so – but so have I and a lot of time has passed and there are things I can’t forget. He did say he would like to meet you . . . both. That’s if you wished to see him, of course. He said he would understand if you didn’t.’

‘I’d like to meet him, Mam,’ Alice said quietly.

‘And so would I, Aunty Maggie,’ Mae added.

‘I thought you would. I said I’d get word to him so I’ll invite him for supper on Sunday evening. He looks as though he could do with a decent meal – the Lord alone knows what he eats in those lodgings of his,’ she added.

Alice smiled at this; so her mam was obviously thinking of his welfare. ‘Good, that will give me some time to spend with Jimmy first. Does Aunty Agnes know about him coming to visit?’

Maggie said, ‘Yes. She was the first to know. I went straight over as soon as he’d gone. You know Agnes and I have been friends for years, there’s no secrets between us.’