Live to See Tomorrow (31 page)

“Outsider? Bullshit. Do you think I’m afraid of all that hogwash?”

“No, I don’t think you’re afraid of anything, and I embrace that courage.” He paused. “But you have to tell me. You have to say the words.”

She stared at him. He would not have warned her if he hadn’t thought there was danger. Was she willing to say those words and run the risk?

Yes, for Erin’s sake.

And, yes, for her own sake, too.

“I do want to ask you questions. Will you tell me the truth?”

“Yes, but I may not answer everything if it’s something that would harm the committee or what they stand for.” He leaned back, and said softly, “Ask me, Catherine.”

“I want to know about you. Why did you want to become this mega security chief?”

“I didn’t. It wasn’t a question of choice. But when it came down to whether I’d let anyone else do it, I couldn’t turn it down. I was the right person. The committee knew it, and I knew it.”

“Because of the mental abilities?”

“That was a big part of it. There were only two other men in the world who even approached my abilities. One was CIA, and he wasn’t stable.” He nodded at Catherine. “Venable didn’t display his best stuff with that Italian girl when he brought you all to that mental-telepathy seminar. He had someone much better he’d hoped to bring along, but he couldn’t trust him not to freak with all of those agents bombarding him.” He added, “The other man was my brother, who would have been a decent choice.”

“Your brother?”

“Yes, Brad and I were discovered by a member of the committee in an orphanage in the Miami slums. We were being isolated and kept away from the other kids because the people who ran the place thought we had mental problems. You couldn’t blame them. Brad and I both had certain talents, but we didn’t know how to control them. We were confused and frustrated and had temper tantrums.” He grimaced. “Evidently, our parents didn’t know what to do with us either. They left us beside a road outside Boca Raton in the middle of the night.”

“If you were isolated, how did this committee member locate you?”

“The committee is always on the hunt for anyone with unusual talents. They regard psych talents the way they would a mathematical genius. They want the best of the best in their corner. They believe it’s the way to move people and society in the right direction. He’d heard stories and was looking for us. He took us out of the orphanage and put us with a young teacher, Nell Coledge, who had been trained to deal with kids like us. We lived with her for the next several years.”

“Was it better for you there?”

“Night and day. She taught us to handle being freaks and even accept it with humor. We both grew to love her.”

“Did she belong to this great committee?”

“No, she was just someone who believed in them. She was the one who tried to explain to us why being Guardian was so important. I couldn’t see it.”

“Could your brother?”

“Brad was much more idealistic than I’ll ever be. He actually wanted to be Guardian.”

“Then why isn’t he?”

“He didn’t get the chance. He was tortured and murdered when he was eighteen years old.”

Cameron’s tone was without expression. Yet Catherine could sense the pain.

“How?”

“He was kidnapped and taken to Iran. They’re building their own psych think tanks there. Brad and I were both on their radar, but he was easier to grab. I was older, and my training made me fairly formidable.”

“Why would they kill him?”

“The Iranians didn’t know how to handle what they had in Brad. They tried to force compliance. He wouldn’t do what they wanted, and they went too far. He bled to death before they could save him.”

“Dear God.”

“I wasn’t sure there was a God at that point. He was the person I loved most in the world. I couldn’t see why God would take him away.” He voice was suddenly bitter. “And then I realized that if that could happen to Brad, then there was something terribly wrong with the world as I knew it. I told the committee if they wanted me as Guardian, I’d do it.”

“I don’t understand all this Guardian business.”

“From what I’ve read in your mind since I got here, it seems you’ve already figured most of it out for yourself. I’m sent to take care of security problems, to keep anyone from knowing about the committee and what it’s trying to do. I also try to recruit those with talent of all kinds and descriptions who have the right moral character and mind-set and send them to the committee to train and incorporate into the organization.”

“And what is the committee trying to do?”

His lips turned up at the corners. “Are you afraid I’m going to say that they want to take over the world like something from a James Bond movie?”

“It occurred to me.”

“No, go back to what you read about the myth of Shambhala. What was the purpose of those who lived there?”

She thought about it. “Supposedly to live in peace and gather riches and knowledge. Because they knew that the world around them would grow worse as time went on and destroy itself. Then Shambhala would be there for those who still remained and came seeking the way to rebuild and live an enlightened life.” She gazed at him skeptically. “Are you telling me that this huge conglomerate capable of doing all the things that you say it can do would spend its time and resources on trying to save the world?”

“No, they don’t believe civilization as we know it can be saved. They just want a shot at building the next one.”

“Crazy.”

“If you say so.”

“What’s the name of this conglomerate?”

He shook his head.

“Then do you believe they’re really trying to do what they say, or are they working under the table for their own ends?”

“I wouldn’t be Guardian if I didn’t believe they’re doing what they think is right.”

“But you could be brainwashed. They had you and your brother from the time you were young and impressionable. And your brother’s death could have tipped the scales.”

“It’s a difficult task to brainwash anyone with a convoluted brain like mine.” He smiled. “If you think it’s crazy, you have to think I’m crazy, too.”

“It’s a cold world out there, and big business is even colder.”

“And what if the business was started decades and decades ago and created with that one underlying purpose?”

She shook her head. “I still can’t believe it.”

“I didn’t think you would. Questions over?”

“No, you say you also recruit. You were trying to recruit Erin, weren’t you?”

He nodded. “She was a perfect candidate. Intelligent, talented, strong, idealistic. The committee could have helped and used her in a hundred situations.”

“She wouldn’t like to be used.”

“Only with her consent and cooperation. Force is what the committee is battling against.”

“Except where you’re concerned.”

“But then I’m the Guardian,” he said simply.

“Which means that the gloves are off, and all the rules are your rules.”

“I told you that from the beginning.”

“I didn’t realize that you were out to remake the world as we know it.”

“After Brad died, I decided I didn’t like the world the way it was being run. Why not change it?” He was studying her expression. “You’re getting more upset. No one is targeting innocents, Catherine. There has to be a balance to keep the operation from crashing down. Sometimes that balance is very delicate, and I have to make decisions how to maintain it.”

“So you go out and kill someone.”

“Is it different from your having to take down one of the bad guys? Don’t you have to make judgments?”

“Yes. It’s just that you seem more … autocratic.”

“I am what I am. Are we finished?”

“No.” She added honestly, “But my mind is so messed up right now I need time to absorb.”

“Then by all means absorb.” He leaned back and gazed at her. “It’s a wonderful mind and not that messed up even now. It was the first thing that attracted me to you when I was searching for someone to go after Erin. Such a clean, beautiful mind with none of the static most people broadcast.” He smiled. “Of course, that particular attraction faded into the background in short order. Lust is a very domineering master. Perhaps someday I’ll be able to combine the two, but it may be a while.”

Lust.

Yes, it was with her now, again. She could feel a flush heat her cheeks. “Listen, Cameron. I’m not going to lie to you. It would be stupid to tell you that I don’t want you to—” She moistened her lips. “You can see I do, damn you. But I’m not going to do it.”

“I know. Not now. It’s not the time. Now that we’ve crossed the first barrier, I can wait. I just had to clear up the Celia hurdle.”

Good God, she was disappointed, she realized, shocked.

“Me, too,” he said thickly. “And don’t think I’m not going to have you as soon as I can justify doing it. I’ll be thinking of all the ways that we can try. Not that I haven’t been doing that already. Every time I have a moment to myself, you’re there.”

“I don’t have any moments to myself without your butting in,” she said tartly. “You said that you wouldn’t do that. It’s totally unfair, Cameron.”

“I’ll try to stay out as much as possible. It’s difficult when I feel so close to you.” He paused. “And I’m not sure if there’s a threat. I have very strong protective instincts. That was one of the reasons I was chosen as Guardian.”

“That’s not a good excuse for snooping,” she said dryly. “I don’t care if your instincts say go for it. I’m the one who should be able to block you from doing it.”

“I’ll try, Catherine. That’s all I can promise.”

She gazed at him with exasperation.

“I’ve learned to be disciplined, and usually it works,” he said quietly. “But I’m not disciplined with you. It all goes out the window.”

“Why?”

“It’s not only the sex. Though God knows that’s a gigantic part of it. I feel as if I’m turning a new page with you. I don’t know what I’ll find, but I know it’s going to be important to me. And sometimes what you make me feel blows that discipline to hell.” He reached out and touched her lower lip with his forefinger. “I know you don’t feel the same, but there are moments when you come close. I think that’s why I slip inside. I need to know that I’m not alone.”

Alone. She knew about loneliness. Her life had been nothing but loneliness before she met Hu Chang. How much worse must have been Cameron’s loneliness. He had been shut in isolation and rejection most of his childhood. Even after he had been put with the woman who had raised him, he must have come to realize how different he was from everyone else. That was loneliness in itself.

“Stop feeling sorry for me. I do just fine.” Then he smiled. “Or maybe I should tell you to go ahead. I don’t mind sympathy if it makes you melt like this. It could lead in all kinds of interesting directions.”

“No, it can’t. And you’re snooping again.” She slapped his hand away from her mouth. “And I’m not melting. You’re the last person I’d feel sorry for.” But she couldn’t resist asking, “Hu Chang once said that he thought that you were relieved when you were forced to not use all that mental firepower. Is that true?”

“He’s a wise man. It’s both relaxing and a little annoying. I get impatient.” He tilted his head. “You have the most beautifully shaped lips. I keep wanting to touch them. And your breasts are magnificent. My tongue still tingles from—”

“Cameron.”

He nodded. “I know, later.” He turned on the windshield wipers, and the interior of the car was flooded with daylight, destroying the cocoonlike intimacy. “We still have forty-five minutes before Blake should start the action.” He was gazing at the entrance of the hospital garage. His hands closed tightly on the steering wheel. “He’s probably in the hospital now seeing to the stretcher and getting it up to Jack Sen’s floor.”

Her gaze was narrowed on his face. “You’re on edge. You said you trust Blake.”

“I do. I just want to be there, doing it myself.” He grimaced. “That’s what I always want, but it’s against the rules. Only occasionally are the circumstances just right for me to be able to step in. I have to remain the invisible man.”

“Frustrating. It would drive me crazy.”

“You bet, intensely frustrating. But I’ve become accustomed to—” He stopped, and a reckless smile suddenly lit his face. “But why should I have to put up with it on this job? I’ve already broken the rules. Why not break a few more?” He opened the driver’s door and got out of the car. “Get in the driver’s seat. Come and pick me up when I run out of the garage.”

“What? You can’t interfere with a plan in motion. It would screw everything up.”

“I won’t interfere.” The rain was pouring down his face, and his dark hair was already wet. His expression was alive with vitality and that excitement. “I’ll just be there on the spot and get them out of the garage faster.”

“And not be the invisible man,” she said softly.

“Right. Will you wait here and pick me up? Will you be there for me?”

She didn’t want to sit here and wait. She wanted to go with him.

He shook his head. “Not this time. I need you to be on call outside the hospital. Will you do it?”

She made a face as she nodded resignedly. “I’ll be there for you.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” He smiled brilliantly as he turned and walked toward the garage. “I don’t know anyone who I’d rather have beside me, but this will have to do.”

“But you did it again,” she called after him. “Stop that snooping…”

He waved and disappeared into the garage.

The rain was falling harder again, closing out the sight of the garage entrance. She turned on the windshield wipers once more. She had to
see,
dammit.

She checked her watch. Forty minutes until the action started. Then it would probably escalate at warp speed. Cameron had said five minutes, if everything went well.

But she would be on the alert from this time forward. She had never trusted that every detail in an operation would necessarily go well. Cameron was brilliant, and his plan was probably just as brilliant, but there were usually slipups. She would watch and make sure that Cameron was not caught in one.

She had promised to be there for him.