Live to See Tomorrow (30 page)

“No, but I’ve done everything I can to assure that it won’t.” He paused. “Look, I’m going to be in constant contact with Blake throughout the extraction. I’ll be in a car a few blocks from the hospital when that ambulance pulls out of the garage. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be there to take charge. I’ll follow the ambulance to the airport and be there until Sen is on the plane and off the ground.”

“That will be a risk for you.” Erin frowned. “Kadmus won’t care a damn about Jack Sen if he finds out you’re anywhere near him.”

“Then hopefully he won’t. Though there’s a strong possibility that the hospital is being watched. What will be, will be. I’ll adapt.”

“How fatalistic,” Catherine said. “And stupid.”

“I’m sending Blake in to do the job. It may not be as clean as I’d like. I have to back him.” He added softly, “I’m touched you care.”

Heat.

Push it away.

“You didn’t worry that much when Erin was in trouble. You didn’t go near her. You were only concerned about your precious rules.”

“Catherine,” Erin said sharply. “I told you that—”

“Hush,” Cameron said gently. “I don’t need you to defend me.” He said to Catherine, “You’re right, but I’ve decided I have to change the rules. Kadmus has to be stopped no matter what anyone else thinks. But I have to make sure there are no hostages when I make a move. Jack Sen could be a hostage.”

Catherine was silent, studying him. He was telling the truth. At least, she thought he was being sincere. How did she know with all those mental tricks?

“You know,” he said. “And all the tricks are over. We’re so close now, I can’t stop being with you. But I won’t lie, and I won’t manipulate.”

She pulled her eyes away from him. “No, I don’t like hostage situations either, but I don’t like the idea of your running the risk.” She forced a smile. “You have a few unique talents. I might have use for you later.”

“I have every intention of letting you use me later. I’m leaving now. I should be back here by three, and we’ll start moving toward Kadmus.”

She stood up. “I’m going with you.” The words had come out of nowhere and caught her by surprise. “You may need backup yourself.”

“No.” He turned and moved toward the arched door. “Stay close to the house and don’t let—”

“Cameron?” Celia stood in the doorway with Luke beside her. Her eyes were wide with shock as she stared at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Just leaving.” He smiled at her. “It’s good to see you again, Celia. I take it that Hu Chang didn’t mention that I was involved in this problem he threw at you?”

“No. I prefer not to know details where Hu Chang is concerned. You’re … a surprise.”

More than a surprise, Catherine realized. She had never thought Celia would ever lose her composure, but she was coming very close.

“And so are you,” Cameron said. “More beautiful than the last time I saw you. And generous, as usual. Hu Chang couldn’t have chosen anyone better.” He turned to Luke. “I hear you’ve been busy. I got a very irritated report from Tashdon about you.”

Luke stiffened. “He said that you told him to hurt Catherine. You didn’t, did you?”

“No, but I told him to stop her. I didn’t want her hurt. It evidently didn’t translate well.”

Luke frowned. “She had the right to do what she wanted. I would have helped her.” His expression cleared. “But I’m glad you didn’t mean anyone to hurt her. I didn’t think you’d do that.”

“I’ve just been getting advice from Luke about my garden,” Celia said. “But it’s time to eat. We came in to get breakfast orders. I’m a magnificent cook. Won’t you change your mind and stay?”

He shook his head. “Thank you, I have things to do. Another time.”

Celia smiled brilliantly. “Anytime.”

Catherine inhaled sharply. That intimate smile could not be misinterpreted.

My God, they were lovers.

“No. You’re reading too much into—Dammit, I can’t get through to you. Your mind is all over the place.”

“Lovers.”

“Catherine, it’s not—”

“It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care.”

“Cameron has to go, Celia,” Catherine said. “Could I help you make breakfast? I’m sure I’m not as good as you, but I’ll play kitchen help.”

Cameron was silent a moment. “She’ll have to find someone else to help.” He smiled recklessly. “Have you forgotten, Catherine? You’ve just offered to be my backup. I’ve decided to take you up on it.” He went back, grasped her wrist, and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s go.”

She could see Luke staring at her with a puzzled expression. If she struggled or caused a scene, she didn’t know what his reaction would be. The last thing she wanted was for Luke to confront Cameron. “If that’s what you want.” She smiled at Luke. “We’ll be back in a couple hours. Why don’t you help Celia?”

He nodded. “I will.”

She glanced at Hu Chang. He was very still, his eyes narrowed on her. “You handle everything here, okay?”

“With my usual splendid efficiency and understanding.” His glance went to Cameron. “And you will do the same, I trust.”

“You can count on me trying my utmost to do that,” Cameron said.

The next moment, they were out of the room and in the hallway. She immediately pulled her wrist away. “That was unnecessary. Why did you do it?”

“Because if I’d left you for the next four hours to come to your own conclusions, you’d have developed a mind-set that I’d have had to use a diamond-tipped drill to get through.” He opened the front door. “It was easier to confront the problem now.”

“There is no problem.”

He led her to a dark blue Mercedes at the curb and opened the passenger door. “Not now that I have you where I can control it. We have a couple hours waiting at the hospital for Blake to do his job. I should be able to get through to you by then.”

“All you should be concentrating on is getting Jack Sen away from here.”

“And I would, if it weren’t for you, dammit.” He started the car. “But it’s not happening. So I’ll have to—”

“Adapt? Isn’t that what you said?”

“Multitask. Now be quiet and let me get to somewhere that I can talk to you.”

“Why do you have to go anywhere special? After all, you’re a double threat as far as communication is concerned.”

“Evidently I’m not communicating too well at the moment,” he said grimly. “We should be at the hospital in fifteen minutes. Just don’t start building your mental scenarios until we get there.”

“This is completely unreasonable. I have no interest in—”

“Fifteen minutes.”

It was closer to ten minutes when he pulled into a curbside parking space across the street from the hospital with a clear view of the garage exit. Not really clear, she thought. It had started to rain, and the large drops driving against the windshield would have made it hard to see the exit anyway. They were completely cocooned in the rain driving against the car.

He put the Mercedes in park and turned to face her. “Yes, Celia and I had sex several years ago,” he said curtly. “We were not lovers, the way you would define it. There’s no reason for you to go off the rails like this.”

“I agree. What you did with her or any other woman should mean absolutely nothing to me.” She unsnapped her seat belt. “I was just surprised. I suppose I shouldn’t have been since you obviously had her house code. It didn’t sink home when you walked into the dining room.”

“I’ve never used the code before. She gave it to me when I put her on her flight home from Bangkok.”

“Hu Chang said she’s almost fanatically cautious about giving that code out. You must have been special to her.”

“Special? No, more in the line of unfinished business.”

“I didn’t mean to pry.” She wasn’t looking at him. “You don’t owe me any—”

“Hush.” His hands were suddenly tightly grasping her shoulders. “I know I don’t owe you anything. I’m straightening this out purely for my own benefit. Something’s going on between us, and I won’t have it destroyed almost before it begins.”

“There’s nothing to straighten out.” She still wouldn’t look at him. “There’s a sexual attraction, of course, but that wouldn’t give me any right to resent anything you do now or have done in the past. We’re both mature adults who live their own lives. This brief encounter will lead nowhere and shouldn’t be perceived as—”

He muttered a curse, then she was in his arms, his mouth on hers, his tongue playing wildly, deeply, with her own.

Heat. Tingling between her thighs. Breasts taut, swelling.

Her mouth was opening wider as she made a sound of need deep in her throat.

Fight him. This is crazy. Crazy …

Her blouse was open and her bra unfastened …

“Catherine.” His hands were cupping her breasts, then rubbing, pulling at the nipples.

She lunged upward as she felt his teeth gnaw at her nipple.

Need.

His hands were squeezing, his mouth moving. “Beautiful … Give me more.”

She couldn’t help but give him more. Her breasts were swelling with response to that erotic stimulation, pushing against his lips, his tongue. She moved closer, lifting, offering. “That’s right,” he murmured. “Let me have them. Let me play…”

Not play, she thought hazily. Her whole body was on fire, and he was drawing a response with his mouth that was driving her crazy. But maybe it was play to him. Maybe he knew what he was doing to her and—

“No.” She jerked away from him, her eyes blazing. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What you want me to do.” He was breathing hard, his cheeks flushed, his eyes glittering. “What I want to do. Don’t give me that bullshit about being civilized, mature adults. What we’re feeling is purely barbaric, with nothing civilized about it.” He watched her tuck her breasts back into her bra and start to button her blouse. “I want to be inside you. If you’d let me, I’d pull you in the backseat right now. It’s raining so hard no one could see us. But I wouldn’t give a damn if they could see me over you, in you. I
need
you.”

And she needed him. She had never needed anyone like this before; the intensity was taking her breath, melting her. She shook her head. “I … give a damn.”

“I know. I can see it.” He moistened his lips as he gazed at the curve of her breast as she buttoned her blouse. “And that’s why I’m holding on.” He drew a deep breath. “Believe it or not, this isn’t my usual—” He stopped and started again. “I don’t know why you have this effect on me. It must be a punishment for past sins. It’s not happened before.” His lips twisted. “And I assure you I’m usually civilized and mature in my sexual encounters. I can’t allow myself to be anything else.”

“Because you’re the Guardian?” Her voice was shaking, and she steadied it. “And the Guardian has to behave with discretion and obey all the rules.”

“Not with you. I can’t do it with you.”

“This is going nowhere.” She looked away from him. “And it’s partly my fault. I behaved irrationally about Celia, and it sparked something that—”

“Oh, yes, it did. And I would have behaved just as irrationally under similar circumstances. Rationality doesn’t exist in the same ballpark as barbaric. That’s why I had to scoop you away until we could clarify.” He held up his hand as she opened her lips to speak. “And I know that you’re going to say again that it doesn’t matter. Be quiet, and listen to me. I have to tell you exactly how much it doesn’t matter. First, I’m very highly sexed.” He grimaced. “You might have guessed that fact. Because of my duties, sexual activity has to meet all the discipline requirements that guide the rest of my life. I can’t allow myself to have normal relations. So I arrange time with women who ask no questions and want no strings.”

“Prostitutes.”

“Of the highest caliber and discretion.” He added, “When Hu Chang asked me to help him with the monks at the monastery, it was necessary that I read him. Celia came up several times in his memory. She was intriguing.”

“I can imagine.”

“A few months later, when I needed a woman, I arranged for her to spend a week with me in Bangkok.”

“A week? From what I hear, that would have been an expensive week.”

He shrugged. “I have money. Do you think that I would have been hired as Guardian if there was any chance of my being bribed? The first thing the committee did was make sure that I had a billion or two.”

“Billion?”

“It was nothing to them, Catherine. It was nothing to me, either, except when I needed something.”

“Like a courtesan. Was she worth it?”

“She was probably the most skilled woman I’d ever had. I enjoyed her.”

“Then I’d say she was worth it.”

“Except that she had one fault I couldn’t accept. She wanted control of me. I couldn’t allow anyone sexual dominance. It would have been dangerous. She tried all the time she was with me, in a variety of delightful, intricate ways to overcome resistance. She even offered to stay another week with me.”

There were only two men I found I couldn’t control,
Celia had said.

Cameron was evidently one of them.

“Couldn’t you use a little of that mental manipulation to persuade her to stop?”

“No, she never knew I was capable of anything that wasn’t totally normal. I preferred it that way.”

“Why?”

“Normal isn’t bad. On occasion, it can be a relief.”

“And stop the prostitutes from talking about certain odd behavior?”

“That, too.”

She was silent. “You didn’t have to tell me this. It’s not my business.”

“It
is
your business. I told you, I haven’t felt like this before. I felt more for you when I had my mouth on you just now than I did for Celia when she was screwing me. That makes it dangerous as hell for me, and I have to come to terms with it. I don’t know what path we’re on, but I’m not going to let you go until we both find out.”

“It’s my choice, too.” She steadied her voice. “You’re this big mystery man, and I don’t even know if I like what you do or what you stand for. It’s all clouded. I don’t know you.”

He gazed at her. “Do you want to ask me questions? It’s dangerous. You’re an outsider and have not been sanctioned. I don’t believe I could ever hurt you.” He smiled crookedly. “But there are others who could step in and save me from myself if given the command.”