Little Disquietude (13 page)

Sophia pulled back from the hug to look into
Leah's face. Leah kissed her, gently, and when Sophia sighed
against her mouth she kissed her again, cupping her cheeks and
taking her fill until Sophia sucking on her lower lip became too
arousing a distraction.

"Really?" Sophia asked.

Leah kept kissing her, nuzzling the corner of
her mouth, exhaling against her eyebrows, rubbing noses with her,
until Sophia said, "Um. Uh."

"What?"

"Leah--Am I just some young ingénue to
you?"

"What?" It seemed to be the only word in
Leah's vocabulary; the whole night, the whole universe, condensed
into a confused blur. She waited for an answer.

Sophia attempted to answer, and said, "You're
Leah Fisher. You were in the paper before you came down."

Leah had framed the little blurb in the back
of the arts section and sent a copy to her mother. "Composer Adam
Grenald brings New York leading lady, Leah Fisher, to the Durham
Playhouse for the world premiere of his musical, Poe, based on the
works of Edgar Allen Poe. For ticket information..." She squinted
at Sophia and said, "You got a whole half-paragraph for
Macbeth
. So?"

"You didn't even have to perform to get into
the paper. Everyone couldn't wait to see you. And here you are,
beautiful and amazing and, hell, no one even thought you were
gay."

"I'm not--" Leah thought of Grace, and the
way Sophia made her feel, just by touching her arm, and how no man
had ever done that for her, no matter how many she took home from
parties, or the ensemble, or from the corner of 42nd St. and
Broadway. "I am," she said.

"If you just picked me for your little
regional fling," Sophia said, "You can pick someone else."

"No." Leah tried to gather her thoughts. "New
York is like that. That's why I left. I don't want to be like
that." She leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes.

Sophia's breathing, slow and even, was
audible, filling the space between them in the car.

Leah licked her lips and said, "This is the
weirdest night. Really?"

Sophia laughed.

Leah rolled her head toward Sophia and opened
her eyes. "I had no idea. I was too busy noticing you to see
anything else."

Sophia settled back against the window.

"Regional fling? Anyone I want?" Leah
asked.

Sophia nodded.

Leah brushed Sophia's hair, sliding her
fingers along the curls, scooting closer. "Even you?"

Sophia's blush deepened. Her chest was as
flushed as her face.

Leah fingered the strap of her dress. "I love
this dress."

"Why do you think I wore it?"

"For me?"

Sophia lifted her foot and rubbed it against
Leah's calf. "Yeah."

Leah knelt and braced her hands on either
side of Sophia, against the car door, and kissed her. Sophia kissed
her back, nipping at her lips. Leah leaned her weight to one side,
and slid her free hand over Sophia's shoulder, across the top of
her chest, and lower. Sophia murmured encouragement as Leah
fingered the top edge of her dress.

She pulled her mouth away from Sophia's to
kiss her neck and then her shoulder. Her arm gave way. She toppled
sideways, sticking out a foot to brace herself against the floor of
the car. Sophia laughed and grabbed her, hauling her back up, and
twisting around. They sat side by side. Leah wrapped her weakened
arm around Sophia.

"Hey," Leah said. "We really did fog up the
windows."

Sophia drew a heart in the window, and then
leaned into Leah. "I'm so tired," she said.

"Me, too."

Sophia laughed. She covered her face with
both hands.

Leah kissed her hair.

Sophia inhaled sharply.

"Let me get you something caffeinated, and
we'll go home."

Sophia patted her thigh, and asked, "Are you
sure you can go alone?"

"I'm brave," Leah said.

"Diet, then. Anything."

Leah touched a kiss to her lips, and then got
out of the car. Outside, the air was cool against her flushed skin.
She shivered.

She came back with soda to see Sophia had
moved to the driver's seat, and was smiling at her approach.
Waiting for her. She got in the car, and handed a soda to
Sophia.

"Two more hours," Sophia said. "What can keep
us awake for two more hours?"

"Showtunes."

"You start."

Leah closed her eyes, rested against the
headrest, and sang.

"Wake up," Sophia said.

Leah opened her eyes. "I wasn't asleep," she
said but her hoarse, sleep-filled voice betrayed her. She licked
her lips. "I was dreaming of--" How to describe the odd figures
dancing through her mind. British? Medieval? And yet, not--

"
Spamalot
, probably."

"God. Yes. Thank you." Leah rolled her head
to the side. Sophia had turned off the ignition and unbuckled her
seat belt. She reached over to Leah to unbuckle hers.

"Why was I dreaming of
Spamalot
?" Leah
asked.

"I was playing it in the car."

"Were you singing along?"

"Yes. Did you dream of me?"

"No."

Sophia looked disappointed.

"You probably didn't want to be in that
dream, anyway. I think David Hyde Pierce was naked. Wait."

"Wait?"

Leah clambered out of the car, nearly
strangling herself in the seat belt even though Sophia had
unclicked it. She walked around the car and opened the door for
Sophia.

"Thanks," Sophia said, as Leah pulled her
up.

"Purely self-interest," Leah said. She
wrapped her arms around Sophia and pushed her face into Sophia's
neck.

Sophia hugged her waist, and said, "Oh." They
stood together under the parking lot lights until Leah began to
sway, and her eyes drifted shut.

Sophia squeezed her harder.

Leah lifted her head and said, "Maybe I
should--"

"Come in."

"Yes." Leah felt her face grow warm. This
hesitation, this unknowing what was beyond the next kiss, or the
next week, fueled by exhaustion, made her uncertain of where to
touch Sophia, and what to expect. She asked, "What time is it?"

"Three in the morning."

"You seem perky."

"That's because your eyes are almost closed,"
Sophia said.

Leah dropped her arm to Sophia's waist and
guided her to the entrance.

Sophia let her into the same room she'd seen
before. There were more clothes hanging in the closet, and draped
on the dresser, and the suitcase had been put away in favor of
piles of clothes, papers, and various lotions on the second
bed.

"I wasn't expecting company," Sophia
said.

"Really?"

"Okay, I just didn't have time. Are you going
to leave because there's crap on the floor?"

"No," Leah said. She went to the bed and sat
on it. "But... I didn't bring anything to wear."

Sophia yawned, and then covered her mouth,
and blushed.

"I mean, to bed."

Sophia looked her over. Leah blushed under
the scrutiny, and found it arousing when Sophia's gaze lingered on
her lower regions.

"I'll lend you a shirt," Sophia said.

"Will it fit?"

"Everything I have will fit," Sophia said.
She gave Leah a wry grin.

Leah pulled off her shirt and draped it over
a chair. She waited for Sophia to toss her a T shirt that said
Michigan Summer Stock
before turning away and putting the
shirt around her neck. She unhooked her bra and then tossed it in
the general direction of the chair, and then put the shirt on. When
she turned around, Sophia had disappeared into the bathroom. The
water ran.

The air conditioner was on. Leah pulled down
the blankets on the bed. She couldn't remember how Sophia liked
them. Comforter off? On top of sheets or under? She asked, "What do
I do with the comforter?"

"The what?"

"The big blanket on top."

"Floor," Sophia called.

Leah shucked off her pants, folded them over
her shirt, and then slipped into the bed, under the sheet. She
asked, "Right side or left?"

"I really don't care," Sophia said. She came
back into the room, wearing a silk robe over what actually looked
like lingerie.

Leah rubbed her eyes. No, just a nightgown,
which stopped mid-thigh. She tilted her head and looked
questioningly at Sophia.

"I like to be comfortable," Sophia said.

"Really."

"You should try it. I feel rich beyond
measure."

Sophia hadn't taken a step toward the bed.
She looked at Leah, in her shirt, under her sheets.

"Come to bed," Leah said.

Sophia shook her head.

"I'm not going to attack you," Leah said.

Sophia smiled. "I know that. It's just--"

Leah pulled the sheets up to her chin.

"You look kind of ravishing," Sophia
finished. She settled onto the side of the bed. "Um, what time do
you need to be up?"

"I don't know what day it is."

"Friday--well, Saturday."

"I have rehearsal at eleven. Adam's a
sadist."

"He's brilliant."

"He's a brilliant sadist," Leah said. Her
eyes drifted closed. The lights went out. The mattress shifted, and
a weight settled onto her stomach. She groped for it and found
Sophia's hand. She was beginning to anticipate Sophia's touch, to
be turned on by the slightest brush of skin. Need tried to wake her
up. She opened her eyes.

Sophia was lying on her side, facing Leah,
and she seemed already almost asleep.

"Night, Sophie," Leah said.

Sophia's lips worked, but she didn't say
anything.

"You have a cute nose," Leah said.

Sophia's nose wrinkled.

Leah grinned, and closed her eyes, and held
Sophia's hand.

The alarm went off. Leah screamed, jolted
awake by the sound. Sophia rolled over and smacked the clock, and
the blaring sound silenced.

"What time is it?" Leah asked, panting.

"Nine," Sophia said.

"I've got to get home," Leah said.

Sophia nodded sleepily. She snuggled into her
pillow.

Leah had a raging headache, but she hoped the
adrenaline from being scared awake would get her back to the house
where she could shower. Six hours of sleep wasn't that bad.

"Sophie," she called.

Sophia rolled onto her back. Her eyes were
still closed.

Leah knelt over her on the bed." I don't know
when we'll get to see each other again."

"At work?" Sophia asked.

"I meant, for like a date."

Sophia smiled. Leah leaned down and kissed
her. Sophia kept her lips closed, still smiling, and when they
parted and Leah drew back, Sophia said, "Come back tonight,
then."

"After your show?"

Sophia took Leah's hand and brought it to her
breast, and pressed it there, against the silk. Leah kissed Sophia
again, and this time Sophia tilted her chin back and offered
herself to Leah, her tongue flicking against Leah's. Leah sighed
against her kiss.

The snooze alarm went off.

Leah yelped. She turned off the alarm and
climbed out of bed, and said, "I'm going, I'm going."

Sophia stretched. Leah made the mistake of
looking back when she got to the hotel door, to see Sophia lying in
bed, barely covered by the sheer gown, smiling invitingly at Leah.
Her hair splayed across the pillow and her bare legs had worked out
from under the sheets.

Leah's cell phone buzzed. She waved to Sophia
and went out into the hallway and closed the door. She sagged
against the wall. The phone was insistent.

"Where are you?" Adam asked when she flipped
it open.

"Sophie's," Leah said.

"Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Are you coming to work?" Adam asked. He
sounded pissy, and Leah tried not to giggle at him. Giddiness was
cruel to the non-giddy first thing in the morning.

"Absolutely," she said.

"Okay."

"See you in ten minutes at the house?" Leah
asked.

"I'll make pancakes."

"I love you."

"How nice."

* * *

"Again," Adam said. The piano started. The
artificial wind blew.

Leah began to sing, "Yearning heart I did
inherit--"

"I'm hungry," Ward said.

The stage hands, in the wings with the fan
where Adam couldn't see them, snickered. Leah smiled at them. They
waved. One mimed eating a hamburger.

"It's a penultimate dress rehearsal," Adam
said. "Get it?"

"And I have to pee," Ward said.

Adam sighed. "Take ten, then."

Ward bounded into the wings. Leah went to
follow.

"Not you, Leah. Once again, from the
top."

The piano started. Leah looked at the back of
the room, at the white light shining right into her eyes, a distant
sun burning, and sang, "Yearning heart I did inherit the withering
portion--"

"Stop," Adam said.

Leah's mouth closed. The piano stopped. The
violin player tapped his bow against the sheet music.

Adam leaned on the front of the stage, and
put his chin on his hands, propped up by his elbows.

"Was I not yearning enough?" Leah asked.

"You're yearning for the wrong thing. Where's
the despair of wanting the unattainable? Where's the Goth?"

"You said the Goth would be cliche for
Poe
, Adam."

"That doesn't mean go Disney."

Leah sighed. Without the artificial wind the
costume made her sweat. She wiped her brow. "I'm doing the best I
can," she said, and it sounded like whining, even to her ears.

"You're not focused."

"You mean my life isn't all about your
musical?"

"It should be," Adam said. "We open in three
days."

"I'll be ready."

"You should be ready now."

Leah's thoughts were far away, on Sophia,
even as she looked at Adam. It was like he could see Sophia
reflected in her irises, because he added, "I didn't bring you down
here to have some torrid affair."