Little Disquietude (11 page)

"But I'm working with a four hundred year-old
text," Sophia said.

"Well, I'm inhabiting a thirteen year old
virgin, and my text is only a hundred and fifty years old. I'm not
sure we're making progress."

"Oh, great. I look forward to the opera,
then."

"Well, unless it's subtitled, we'll have no
idea how subjugated the girls are."

"Oh, I think we'll be able to tell."

Leah smiled. She pressed the phone against
her cheek. Warmth radiated through her chest. She'd only known
Sophia few weeks and already Sophia was her closest confidante
outside of Adam. She couldn't imagine what life was like before
meeting Sophia, and didn't want to think about going back to New
York, alone, and pretending this hadn't been a part of her
life.

She sighed.

"When should I pick you up? Sophia asked.
"The opera's at eight, it's at least a two and a half hour
drive."

"Will I survive two hours in a car with
you?"

"I suppose we'll find out," Sophia said. She
cackled into the phone, and then added, "I have no idea where to
hide a body, anyway."

"And I could take you," Leah said. Though she
doubted that was true. Sophia was almost certainly stronger, and
Leah had never been in a fight in her life. Whenever boys pulled
her hair in school, she curled up into a little ball and cried.

"Four, then?" Leah asked.

"We'll leave from the theater."

"What kind of car is it?"

"Oh. You'll find out."

* * *

The car was a ten year old Sebring, and Leah,
freshly showered and wearing slacks and a blouse with too many
black sequins on it that Adam had produced from his suitcase, gazed
at the car with trepidation. She said, "It's so...large."

"It's the safest thing on the road," Sophia
said. "Unless it breaks down."

Leah bit her lip.

"Can you change a tire?" Sophia asked.

Leah whimpered.

"It'll be fine. I think. I drove you home
from the airport, didn't I?"

"True." Leah got into the car. Before she
buckled her seatbelt, Sophia got into the driver's seat, and gave
her a shy smile.

"Are you wearing lipstick?" Leah asked.

"For a three hour drive? No way." Sophia
patted her purse.

Leah leaned across the gearshift and kissed
her. Sophia let out a muffled mmpf and kissed her back, reaching up
to touch her cheek. Leah's eyelids drift shut. Sophia's lips
brushed hers, making them tingle. She pressed harder. Sophia parted
her lips. Leah's tongue darted in and found the warmth of Sophia's
mouth. Sophia's tongue, strong and pointed, brushed against
hers.

Leah pulled back. Sophia smiled. Leah shifted
in her seat, balanced herself on her knee, and kissed Sophia again,
harder, forcing her tongue into Sophia's mouth. Sophia responded
immediately, and hungrily, sucking on her tongue, bringing them
even closer. Leah stroked Sophia's shoulder.

Sophia wore a dress, red and sheer, and her
arms were bare except for the thin strap that Leah brushed with her
palm. She trailed her fingers down Sophia's arm.

A horn honked behind them. Leah lifted her
chin. Adam, in the next car, glowered.

"Why isn't Ward leading?" Leah asked.

"Boys are dumb."

Leah fell back into her seat.

"Buckle up for safety," Sophia said, and she
turned the key in the ignition. Leah buckled her seatbelt.

Sophia dabbed at her lips. She glanced shyly
at Leah. Leah reached up to run her fingertips down Sophia's arm,
and the car swerved. Leah grabbed the handle above her window with
both hands.

"The interstate's coming up," Sophia said.
"Do you want to navigate?"

"West," Leah said weakly.

"It's a north-south highway."

"South."

Leah closed her eyes as the car pulled onto
the on-ramp. "Let me know when we get somewhere pretty." Her phone
buzzed. She reluctantly pulled it out and read a text message.
"Adam says you drive like his granny."

"If he's not good, I'm going to slam on my
brakes and turn his car's muffler into mush."

"Go ahead. It's just a rental."

Sophia giggled.

Leah rolled back against the headrest and
smiled. The thought of a two hour conversation with Sophia, who'd
been the quiet sort in the few weeks they'd been friends, excited
and terrified her. Energy buzzed between them in the car, making
Leah sweat, making her nervous, wanting to touch Sophia but
wondering if Sophia wanted to be touched by someone she hardly
knew. So she attempted to make Sophia talk about herself
instead.

On Leah's fifth, "Really?" they both lapsed
into silence, and trees and lights flew past the windows. Leah
turned away from the window and watched Sophia instead, captivated
by the curve of her neck, the slope of her nose, and the blush of
her cheeks when she caught Leah staring.

Sophia curled her lips over her teeth and bit
down.

Retreating now seemed the worst course of
action, but neither could Leah will herself to reach out and touch
Sophia. Rejection would make it a long night, and an even longer
drive back.

The radio was off; to turn it on would be an
admission that they had nothing to say to each other. Leah glanced
out the back window. Adam was still there. Ward was sitting next to
him, too close.

Leah waved.

Adam waved back.

Ward smirked.

Leah rolled her eyes. "Do you hate anyone in
your cast?"

Sophia shook her head. "They're all
nice."

Leah nodded.

"But the director makes me cry." Sophia said
it thoughtfully, as if imparting some bit of poetic information,
but rage churned in Leah's chest.

"He what?"

Sophia shrugged. "He wanted to direct Elaine.
They're friends. Old friends. Even longer than you and I have known
each other," she said, flashing Leah a smile.

"Unfathomable."

"So, yeah. He got me, and he picked me, which
means I'm better than everyone else he could have picked. I know
that. But I'm not Elaine, I guess."

"You moved me when I saw you on stage. Isn't
that enough?"

"But I want perfection--no, that's the wrong
word. Perfect understanding."

"Yeah," Leah said.

"But he just wants Elaine." Sophia's voice
caught on the last word, like tears were in her throat, blocking
her voice. Leah squeezed her wrist. Sophia shrugged and tried to
smile. She asked, "What about you?"

"I just want someone to realize how awesome I
am," Leah said.

"Yeah?"

"I know that sounds--awful. It does. But I
don't want them to talk about Poe's wife when they come to review
me. I want them to talk about how well I do it, how beautifully I
sing. Like, I guess that's terrible, but--I want my chance."

"To be better than everyone else?" Sophia
asked.

"Like you said. To be perfect. To be me."

"I get it," Sophia said.

"But really, I just sing. As I'm told. I
can't imagine how hard it is for Adam, wondering every day if he
actually sucks at writing music when he hears the songs coming out
of my mouth. Is it me who's going to fail? Or him? Or if we're both
perfect, is anyone actually going to care? It's the end of tech
rehearsals. I don't even care. "

"Remind me again why we're in this
business?"

"We're neurotics," Leah said.

"Oh, yeah. In that case, I guess it's our
parents' fault?"

Leah thought of her parents, and how much
they supported her, and how much she disappointed them, even with
her successes, even past age thirty, when they were still coming to
see her plays. She let her hand slide down Sophia's arm, and tugged
for her hand. Sophia squeezed her fingers.

The two cars parked side-by-side at the opera
house's parking deck. Sophia unbuckled her seatbelt. "So," she
said.

"So." Leah said. "Do you--"

Adam tapped on the glass. "Drinks, ladies?"
he asked.

Leah unbuckled her seatbelt.

"Wait," Sophia said, lifting up a finger to
stop Adam. He stepped back from the car. Sophia looked at Leah and
asked, "What were you going to say?"

Leah's cheeks burned. She forced herself to
meet Sophia's eyes, and asked, "Do you like me?"

Sophia bit her lip.

"It's okay, never mind," Leah said.

"No." Sophia put her hand on Leah's arm. "My
show's ending in a week, and I don't know where I'm going, and…"
She paused.

Leah swallowed.

"And I do. I think. I really like you,"
Sophia said.

Leah grinned.

"Who are you?" Sophia asked.

Leah laughed. She patted Sophia's hand.

Adam tapped the glass again.

"The opera awaits," Leah said. She got out of
the car. Adam offered her his arm. Sophia took Ward's. Leah felt
like she was playing dress-up. They all giggled together, and went
into the opera house.

Ward and Leah opted for orange juice while
Sophia and Adam split a flute of champagne.

"Five bucks, do they think I'm royalty?" Adam
said.

"You're a famous playwright, darling."

"Still." He took a sip and passed it to
Sophia.

"Do you not drink?" Sophia asked Leah.

"I don't drink before shows. Whether I'm in
them or otherwise. I fall asleep."

"Or forgets her lines," Adam said.

"I never forget my lines," Leah said.

"Oh yeah? Sing 'Oklahoma'" Adam said.

"Oh come on, I was twelve."

"You were sixteen."

Leah put her hand to her head.

Sophia cast a shy glance at Ward.

Ward said, "I'm Baptist. Aren't you?"

"Catholic."

He raised his orange juice to her. She
clinked it with the champagne glass.

"We could make mimosas," Adam said.

"After," Leah said.

Ward finished off his orange juice. He asked,
"How long are operas?"

"Long."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Long-ass," Leah said.

"I'm going to have to pee," Ward said.

"Look," Adam said, putting his arms around
Sophia and Leah. "Hillbillies. I know that some of you are from
around here, but we're at the opera, and we are in theater, so
could we please all be a little more stuck-up and pretentious? I'm
feeling a little uncomfortable."

"This is about
Poe
, isn't it?" Leah
asked.

Adam sipped his champagne.

Sophia said, "I really hope this version is
as good as the one I saw in Amsterdam last year."

Adam smiled. People turned their heads to
look at them.

"I hope so," Leah said. "But I predict it
will be conventional. Nothing will beat the all gay
La
Boheme
I saw, set in a gritty Americana street block."

Ward leaned in and whispered, "You're just
talking about
Rent
, aren't you?"

Leah grinned. "Maybe I am."

Ward said, "Let me tell you, do not mention
Angels in America
in this town."

Adam cringed.

Sophia frowned. "What do they have against
Mary Louise Parker in Charlotte?"

"The world may never understand," Ward
said.

"Oh, I hope you don't think we're like that,"
a man said, stepping closer to enter their conversation. His eyes
meaningfully looked over Ward, as he added, "Anyone's welcome to
enjoy the opera."

"Thank you," Ward said. He raised his
glass.

"It's our first opera," Leah said. "In
Charlotte."

"We're season ticket holders," the man
said.

Not to be outdone, Adam offered his hand and
said, "We're from New York."

"Don't tourists usually flow in the other
direction?" The man asked, smiling and shaking Adam's hand.

"We're producing a play. A musical, actually.
In Durham."

"A musical. Regional theater? Working the
kinks out?"

Adam nodded. "It's a bit safer. The New York
crowd can be... dangerous."

The man smiled. "The last time I was in New
York I saw, oh, what's the name...
Once Upon a Mattress
.
Delightful."

Adam nodded.

Ward choked on his drink.

The man patted Ward on the back and said, "I
save the serious theater for here. New York is for escaping. Hey,
didn't I see you in
Death of a Salesman
in Columbia last
year?"

Ward beamed. "Yes sir, you may have," he
said.

"Where's Columbia?" Leah asked Sophia.

Sophia bumped her.

The lights flashed and the man went back to
his wife.

Adam said, "I'm writing all that down."

Leah rolled her eyes. She followed Adam to
the entrance, walking side by side with Sophia, wondering whether
or not to take her arm, or her hand, or if that would be too
personal for a public space, or too personal, just in general. She
finally settled for brushing her hand against Sophia's back as they
descended the steps. Sophia arched her back. She looked over at
Leah, and looked like she might purr if they were in another
setting.

"Where are we sitting?" Ward asked. "In the
movies they always sit in the boxes."

"These are fourth row house seats," Adam
said.

"Do we need to sit that close at the opera?
They'll spit on us when they sing," Ward said.

"Good. You experience it. You spit on me all
day long," Leah said.

Ward frowned.

"They'll see me if I sleep. They'll get all
offended," Leah said.

"So don't sleep."

"But it's opera. I'm not sure what else to
do."

"Read the subtitles."

Leah perked. "Okay."

They crowded into their row, stepping on
people, apologizing, beginning to sweat already from the cramped
space. Sophia, then Leah, then Adam, then Ward.

"Are we sharing the arm rest?" Sophia
asked.

Leah shook her head. She reached into
Sophia's lap, took her hand, and brought it into her own lap,
linking their fingers together. Sophia scooted closer, putting her
cheek on Leah's shoulder.